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hello vonnie
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Love Begins
š
I'd rather be in outer space šø
blake kathryn
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Game of Thrones Daily
titsay
Keni
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
oozey mess
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
Discoholic šŖ©
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@keeperofthekawaii
Whatās the use?Of going out! Of getting out of bed. Every time I step out of the door the city taxes me. Square feet of sunlight stolen before ever hitting the ground as the the buildings scrape the sky. My lungs hurt and I canāt tell what smoke is doing what damage anymore. Is it what I smoke or the toxicity of the fumes I inhale in traffic daily Just when everything seemed so promising. Letāsā¦
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Lay me down amongst the ashes that have been collecting my entire life as I smoke my youth away. Nothing makes sense anymore Nor do I care to make sense of it. If words are arbitrary then I give yours no meaning. The shallow pool of rain water no clearer than your intentions. Please Continue to tell me how much you dislike me Nothing more comforting then knowing how someone truly feelsā¦
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My insides are made of ash, my dear, as I wake up and smoke the day away. Our eyes meeting, locked only for a moment like the striking of a match. You kiss me and inhale, like the first drag of your favorite cigarette. Savory, sweet. But as you put your weight on top of me,I disintegrate as the ashes fall from form. Light as a feather floating down through the bed sheets, through the mattress,ā¦
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Meet me in Chicago whereĀ the summer nights are warmer than your smile. Find me in a fantasy that youāve held close for years. the city lights will guide you towards me. The bathtub jets making the bubbly hard to swallow. As the thunder and rain roll through the night, I lay here hollow. Lusting the city, lusting the girl, lusting the long weekend away from our realities. My long night drive,ā¦
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Iāve dug my grave a time too many. So many slots and not a clue which one to finally rest in. My arms are sore from shoveling the guilt behind me, my shoulders heavy with embarrassment. I cannot keep my head up long enough to notice that you no longer smile when you look at me. I can barely remember to eat. Can I have a goal that isnāt a final resting place? Not in this economy. Living in peaceā¦
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Sometimes I dream that you still bring me tea. You walk in with the gentlest steps and the warmest smile. But when I wake up thereās no mug on my bed side table. Sometimes I can still hear us arguing in the back of my mind as if I was hearing a skit on the TV from down the hall. One day you said that it seemed to be the only time I spent with you. Comfort. Calm. Clarity. Your arms, aā¦
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Mutilation
I often think of taking a knife and cutting my abdomen open. From hip to hip, just large enough for me to reach in and pull my ovaries out. Ex out my chest where my breasts used to be. I want to rid myself of anything sexual. Rid me of all sensuality. Scoop out my eyes balls out like ice cream and give the cone to the most eager child. How many licks to get to the center of my misery? Youā¦
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Everyday I approach an imaginary line that I must cross. It is a fence with a door and on the other side of the door there is every thing I want. The door is heavily guarded. Thereās dogs, both stray and trained to attack. I have a pass that lets me through this door. This pass is a small privilege I had to pay for. It allows me to come and go with only little harassment. Others are not so lucky.ā¦
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Have some candy for dinner.
After that argument youāve had
Maybe youāll learn something about being sweet.
Rot my teeth.
Maybe then I will stop talking.
To stop opening my mouth, to hide how ugly I am.
Whah an embarrassment, to have a mouth like mine.
ĀæNo te de vergĆ¼enza? My mother always asked.
An extra sharp tongue for deep cuts to your soul.
You have to beā¦
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Do I walk weird? Are the dark circles under my eyes that bad? Does my presence really damper your day? Pain : neck, lower back, shoulder. Am I breathing correctly? Maybe they wonāt know? (Itās pretty obvious) breakfast Can wait and lunch never happened so weāre smoking and going to sleep for dinner. Maybe later Iāll wake up for a cock and a little coffee. The chain of screaming is real. The tireā¦
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Working Class
I will never know the privilege of escape when I have been forced into survival mode. I have to work every day of my life. To build? To pay. Hard work proves strength and perseverance. Working hard makes it easy to ignore the pain. Theres no such thing as a safety net, a sharp enough blade will still finds its way through. Appreciation is a rarity. Weāre forgotten. The people who you need to moveā¦
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There is no void in which I can scream into that will response with the love and affection that my healing thinks it requires.
Thereās nothing holding me to this earth.
More often than not, all I want to do is forget that I exist.
I will never be fulfilling for someone. I will never be stimulating.
How can I when all my energy has been sucked away from all the trauma Iāve faced?
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Yelling and screaming only disturbs the neighbors, my roommates.
No one stops to think about how Iām affected by being yelled at.
āYouāre being hysterical.ā
āYouāre too manic.ā
All I know how to do is panic.
I wish I could give you back the time.
I wish we would have put forth more effort.
Why am I the asshole for having expectations?
Did I have this coming?
Whenā¦
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Questions I may have answers to
Questions I may have answersĀ to
How many times have you lied to me?
How many times have I lied to you?
How many times do I have to let you lie to my face?
How many times have I let you lie to avoid an argument?
How many times have you done it to āspareā me?
How many hurtful words need to be said?
How much shouting needs to be done?
How have I found myself here.
How many tears do I have to shed?
How many meals do I have to skip?
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You Mean Nothing
Looking into the mirror, I wonder how hard I need to stare to finally get stuck on the other side.
Wishing to disappear is the part that comes easy. Its the actual disappearing that takes some time.
My body will not decay fast enough.
In a hyper-sexual society
where you must hyper-sexualize yourself
for profit,
to survive,
I long for nothing more than for no one to ever look at me again.
Will iā¦
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Iād rather be alone
then I wouldnāt have to see the things that you keep from me
so poorly hidden in plain sight.
Iāve been taught to turn a blind eye, to look the other way.
Maybe if we act like it didnāt happen we can pretend like the other doesnāt know.
The lies waltzing around my face, into my ear canals, rushing their way through to my brain.
I canāt pretend to be it all. I can barely beā¦
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Smoked stained:
teeth
walls
lungs.
IĀ have burned holes in
clothes
mattresses
carpets
souls.
The noises that keep me up all night
alternate between
ghetto birds flapping their horrid steel wings
and
the grunts that come from sharing a bed with someone you no longer love.
A rabbit caught on the pike of a metal fence
who cares if it is a plush?
it is still laying there with itās dead eyes staringā¦
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