𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕖𝕝 𝕔𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕒

joey joe and the funky bunch. also known as joe, djo, jezzy, king of hair. actor by day, musician at night. disclaimer; not the real joe yo!

[keeryhqs]

“see this is precisely why you need me as a friend, keery. i love to cook for my mates, it’s my love language. oh are you proposing dog swap? wait is that a reality show because if it isn’t…it totally should be. way more entertaining than the misogynistic wife swap. that being said i’m way too attached to billie, i don’t think i’d be able to go through with it. oh no, i love the show! i’ve just been so busy that i can’t commit to a proper binge. well we should get high.”

oh c’mon, alright maybe next time i’ll let you take the control of this whole eating thing, just as long as it’s healthy, can’t get a dad bod if i ain’t a dad at the ripe age of 30 now. oh god, not wife swap, that brings back memories when i was sick at school and would come home with nothing to watch, my dogs would probably love you more than me so. it’s cool, i have like...5 shows i need to catch up on...never get the chance too lately. ha, maybe later tonight when i’ve finished this show.

[keeryhqs]

you call it couch potato, i just call it lazy. you know if you wanted someone to cook for you then all you had to do was ask. i’m always ready and willing to cook for my A-1 since day-1. hello joe— i’m joe, and let me say what a shame that you aren’t high.

hey...hey guess what? fuck you. but i’ll only do it if you’re in nothing but an apron, just bros being bros and all. hey, it’s still early in the day, give it time.

[keeryhqs]

“well if you ever want me to cook for you, i can easily be persuaded with a bottle of wine. and perhaps i can change your entire outlook with cooking…for me it’s therapeutic. but i get you on the couch potato thing. last weekend, i just stayed in and cuddled with my dogs while watching your show actually. i’m an awful fan, i’m only on season 2. i keep getting into shows and then i’ll forget where i’ve left off and get overwhelmed and not try again. hi joe, i already know you and it’s totally okay if you ARE high.”

oh man, i just wasted all that money on pre cooked meals when i could of just bought a bottle of wine and gotten the whole show? damn, i feel ripped off. my dogs judge me when i lay on the couch with them so...we can swap. ha, it’s all good, i know it’s not exactly everyones cup of tea, can’t win them all. maybe if i am high, i’d be a lot more out of it believe me.

[margoterobbies]

JOE KEERY The Tonight Show (19/07/2022)

[keeryhqs]

Since I’m starting a whole new life moving, I decided to start a whole new exercise and diet regime by getting these meals already made for me, bonus thing is, I don’t have to cook. Then, I paid someone to actually unpack for me so...I’m the literal definition of a couch potato at this point. I feel like the older I get, the more glued to the couch I am...right now? I’m watching some reality show about hospitals and I have no idea what is going on. Hi I’m Joe and I promise I’m not high. @mountmeadow​

[keeryhqs]

The worst part of moving out is not moving itself - it’s probably deciding where you’re going to put all your stuff. If you’re anything like me, you know that even if you find the right place to put your furniture and belongings, you might want to rearrange it in the near future. There might be no actual reason for it - it’s just this sudden urge to change things up at home. I’m Natalie, by the way, and please tell me I’m not the only one who does this. You can lie to me, it’s alright. While we’re at it, I could use some recommendations since I’m new in town. Tell me about your long list of favorite things to do here - I’m all ears. / @mountmeadow​ 

I hate moving simply because I don’t like to do anything, packing, unpacking, all of it, like no thanks, if I didn’t move like 50 times for work then I’d be more upset, but you do what you gotta do. Thank god I paid my sister to help me move, otherwise I’d be getting nothing done and my place would be empty. I just moved here, so when you know - let me know, nice to meet ya Natalie, I’m Joe.

[indiemovies]

JOE KEERY Live With Kelly and Ryan, 2022

[keeryhqs]

has anyone seen the beautiful photos nasa just released of all the distant galaxies and planets surrounding us? when i tell you i shed a tear when i seen them was an understatement. i’ve always had such a huge love for space and planets and things, but actually seeing it up close and being able to experience that from here was just— a dream come true. what’s something that’s excited you recently? / @glorystarters​

Ahh you and space, nothings changed huh? Maybe next time for your birthday we get you a telescope or some shit like that.

[keeryhqs]

“people are STILL fucking talking about my tits and the dress i wore. seriously? what’s so terrifying? i knew it would cause a stir but some men need to get a fucking life instead of obsessing over how small my tits are.”

@glorystarters·

wait...like on the internet or something? people talk about that kinda stuff on the internet? maybe this is why i gave up on social media. fuck those guys.

[keeryhqs]

“okay, i know this might sound ridiculous, given how long i’ve been in this business, but i will never get used to seeing my face on a billboard. last night, i was out with my brother, and we strolled past a building that had my marc jacobs advertisement sprawled across the back of it. it was, like, the most unnerving thing ever, y’know?” @glorystarters​

could be worse, could be an advertisement for an infection, sometimes when i do commercials for things i read the fine print because ain’t no way do i wanna be a poster boy for genital herpies or something like that. 

[aanakin]

Always the babysitter. Always the goddamn babysitter!

[keeryhqs]

i’m currently on hiatus but i’d love to talk some plots for when i come back to boost my muse for my loves! i have maude and joe, so like this and i’ll dm you asap ! 💓💓

[mack-will]

Joe Keery and Maya Hawke Break Down the Vecna House Fight

[keeryhqs]

i’m currently on hiatus but i’d love to talk some plots for when i come back to boost my muse for my loves! i have maude and joe, so like this and i’ll dm you asap ! 💓💓

[keeryhqs]

your secret will die with me, lover. just know if she ever pisses me off i will use this moment against her. of course, of course. no one else i could imagine together than the two of you.

Oh god, don’t drag me down if she annoys you dude, gotta keep that secret between us, the loyalty! remember it. Ah well I’m flattered, she’s pretty cool huh?

[keeryhqs]

if you would like a f2f thread with joe or maude from the wedding, like this! 

[keeryhqs]

Nat’s head rested against Joe’s shoulder, letting him lead the while they were dancing. She trusted him to not bump into anyone else, while they were here on the dancefloor. She chuckled when she heard his words and nodded softly. “Yeah, I am. But it was already so much better that I didn’t feel as much pressure tonight as I would have felt if we hadn’t eloped.” she explained, pulling back slightly, so that she could look up at Joe. 

He smiled down at her, holding onto her hand as his hand was firm against the small of her back. “Look at us, look at us go, a spontaneous decision turned out to work out the way we wanted to huh? We’re already nailing this marriage thing.” He looked down at her with a smirk, kissing the top of her head.