die for you in secret

@kehel-hadden

kehel // 24 // explorcorps jedi // there is love that doesn’t have a place to rest, but it would’ve buried you if it had settled on your shoulders.

34 posts

"When has the Order ever wanted us back?" He asked, smidge more bitterly than was really necessary. He knew to some extent that exploring was necessary to the growing and burgeoning galaxy, and he did enjoy it a lot, but... something about the way the Council treated them always rubbed Kehel the wrong way. Maybe it was because they did know what happened on the ships, that every ship was skirting the code. "But we should still plan on being here for a bit, just in case yeah? I lost my comm, so unless you have yours on you..." He said. It wasn't a lie, he did lose his comm and he was planning on being here for a bit.

-

she didn't know what to say to his comments about the order and them being a wanted crew. the jedi explorers were a very important part of the overall order -- she'd known that since she was a youngling. she didn't really understand where kehel's bitterness was coming from -- though that was likely just another thing that could be explained by something she didn't remember.

❝ i don't think we should dilly-dally. who knows what yoda would need from us next! ❞ their research never seemed to end.

she didn't know what to say to his comments about the order and them being a wanted crew. the jedi explorers were a very important part of the overall order -- she'd known that since she was a youngling. she didn't really understand where kehel's bitterness was coming from -- though that was likely just another thing that could be explained by something she didn't remember. ❝ i don't think we should dilly-dally. who knows what yoda would need from us next! ❞ their research never seemed to end.

"Do you have a comm, Mara?" He asked. He didn't know if you was prepared to break the whole thing of "being in the future again so soon, but he got the sneaking suspicion he was going to have to.

Stars, he couldn't imagine being in Maraczek's head right now. He was fairly certain he'd go insane in his own head.

"Most definitely, especially since I haven't figured out how to pay for this place yet. Still looking around for work in the meantime y'know?" Kehel said. Sure, Breena was gonna eventually get him introductions with the new Jedi Order, but that probably didn't pay. Not that he was being cynical about it at all...

-

❝ i don't think the order will want us gone for very long. once we get back in contact with the others, they'll send for us. ❞ she wasn't sure why they'd need to pay for the place for long, and the jedi always settled their debts thanks to their government connection -- so they wouldn't have to worry!

❝ i don't think the order will want us gone for very long. once we get back in contact with the others, they'll send for us. ❞ she wasn't sure why they'd need to pay for the place for long, and the jedi always settled their debts thanks to their government connection -- so they wouldn't have to worry!

"When has the Order ever wanted us back?" He asked, smidge more bitterly than was really necessary. He knew to some extent that exploring was necessary to the growing and burgeoning galaxy, and he did enjoy it a lot, but... something about the way the Council treated them always rubbed Kehel the wrong way. Maybe it was because they did know what happened on the ships, that every ship was skirting the code.

"But we should still plan on being here for a bit, just in case yeah? I lost my comm, so unless you have yours on you..." He said. It wasn't a lie, he did lose his comm and he was planning on being here for a bit.

Kehel nodded with a chuckle, "I hope so, I'm still learning, but I haven't managed to burn anything down yet!" He said with a smile thrown over his shoulder to Maraczek as he filled the pot up with water and reread the instructions just in case. He didn't have them memorized yet, but it was something he could learn at. He hoped.

-

she gave a little laugh-snort. ❝ well that's good! burning stuff down, definitely bad. ❞ she was guilty of doing that quite a bit, which was why she was essentially barred from the kitchen. she just... well... forgot! she'd leave stuff in the oven or on the stove for hours -- or until it met its fiery demise.

she gave a little laugh-snort. ❝ well that's good! burning stuff down, definitely bad. ❞ she was guilty of doing that quite a bit, which was why she was essentially barred from the kitchen. she just... well... forgot! she'd leave stuff in the oven or on the stove for hours -- or until it met its fiery demise.

"Most definitely, especially since I haven't figured out how to pay for this place yet. Still looking around for work in the meantime y'know?" Kehel said. Sure, Breena was gonna eventually get him introductions with the new Jedi Order, but that probably didn't pay. Not that he was being cynical about it at all...

"Batuu, last planet before Wild Space." Kehel said as he started taking down ingredients for dinner. "You don't mind doing Mac and Cheese do you? It's better than hyperspace rations, but I'm still learning." He said, shaking the box as he glanced over his shoulder.

-

maraczek nodded. she doubted she'd remember and she'd have to ask a million more times, but kehel never seemed to mind when she needed a reminder, so she hoped that still was true. when he asked her if she minded what they ate, she perked.

❝ oh no, that's alright! it sounds yummy. ❞ mac and cheese... well she knew what cheese was, certainly, but mac and cheese... maybe it was a pasta thing. oh duh, of course it was.

maraczek nodded. she doubted she'd remember and she'd have to ask a million more times, but kehel never seemed to mind when she needed a reminder, so she hoped that still was true. when he asked her if she minded what they ate, she perked. ❝ oh no, that's alright! it sounds yummy. ❞ mac and cheese... well she knew what cheese was, certainly, but mac and cheese... maybe it was a pasta thing. oh duh, of course it was.

Kehel nodded with a chuckle, "I hope so, I'm still learning, but I haven't managed to burn anything down yet!" He said with a smile thrown over his shoulder to Maraczek as he filled the pot up with water and reread the instructions just in case. He didn't have them memorized yet, but it was something he could learn at.

He hoped.

Kehel sighed slightly to himself, it's okay, he could do this. He knew how. He'd deal with his own feelings about the whole thing later. "I don't think so," he said. "Probably just a case of leaving us at the rest stop, I'm sure we'll either get orders for further exploration, or that they're comin' to get us." He said. Don't tell her that everyone's dead again, that's what the holocron was for.

-

she hoped so -- she really didn't want to get in trouble again, nor did she want kehel to get in trouble for something that was probably her fault. she toyed with her necklace as she sat down at the kitchen table again, watching while kehel got out supplies for food.

though she was a little confused as to why he had an apartment and cat here if this was something that recently happened, but she opted to not say anything. it was all too confusing. ❝ what planet are we on? ❞

she hoped so -- she really didn't want to get in trouble again, nor did she want kehel to get in trouble for something that was probably her fault. she toyed with her necklace as she sat down at the kitchen table again, watching while kehel got out supplies for food. though she was a little confused as to why he had an apartment and cat here if this was something that recently happened, but she opted to not say anything. it was all too confusing. ❝ what planet are we on? ❞

"Batuu, last planet before Wild Space." Kehel said as he started taking down ingredients for dinner. "You don't mind doing Mac and Cheese do you? It's better than hyperspace rations, but I'm still learning." He said, shaking the box as he glanced over his shoulder.

Tyson Jost → STL @ MIN, May 4, 2022

Kehel sighed a little but chuckled. He never knew how short the gaps could be sometimes, tried to chart it once to no avail, "you've got a holocron on the table. C'mon, let's go make dinner." He said as he accepted Cat Mara back and settled her on the bed with a scratch to her cheeks. "I'm starving, and I haven't yet eaten today," he said.

-

maraczek followed, looking around as she did to try and start getting connected to her surroundings. it was so hard, feeling so separate from everyone and everything around her. she always felt like such a freak. she was.

❝ i hope we're not in trouble, ❞ she noted.

maraczek followed, looking around as she did to try and start getting connected to her surroundings. it was so hard, feeling so separate from everyone and everything around her. she always felt like such a freak. she was. ❝ i hope we're not in trouble, ❞ she noted.

Kehel sighed slightly to himself, it's okay, he could do this. He knew how. He'd deal with his own feelings about the whole thing later. "I don't think so," he said. "Probably just a case of leaving us at the rest stop, I'm sure we'll either get orders for further exploration, or that they're comin' to get us." He said. Don't tell her that everyone's dead again, that's what the holocron was for.

"Yeah!" He said with a beaming grin. "Stars, he used to get tangled up in the wires when you were working. We always had to move him around. Threatened to get him one of those baby carriers just to keep him out of the way." He said with a chuckle as he set Cat Mara back down with a scratch behind her ear. "Feeling better?" He asked with a slight head tilt.

-

she didn't really remember those stories, but she believed kehel when he talked about them. at his question, her brows furrowed. she didn't understand what he was referring to -- she thought she'd been pretty happy!

❝ i'm fine, why? ❞ she asked. she didn't think she had done anything concerning, had she?

she didn't really remember those stories, but she believed kehel when he talked about them. at his question, her brows furrowed. she didn't understand what he was referring to -- she thought she'd been pretty happy! ❝ i'm fine, why? ❞ she asked. she didn't think she had done anything concerning, had she?

Kehel sighed a little but chuckled. He never knew how short the gaps could be sometimes, tried to chart it once to no avail, "you've got a holocron on the table. C'mon, let's go make dinner." He said as he accepted Cat Mara back and settled her on the bed with a scratch to her cheeks.

"I'm starving, and I haven't yet eaten today," he said.

Mara raised her head and rubbed her cheek against Maraczek's hand. Kehel chuckled as she cooed over his cat. "I'm glad you like her, don't let her expression fool you, she's a big ole cuddle bug." He said, rocking her a little with a smile.

-

maraczek giggled. ❝ oho, i can tell. she's just a big ole floofster. makes me think of... ❞ her eyes squeezed shut as she tried with all her might to remember one of the pets they'd had on their travels. ❝ f...fin-fineas... fineas? ❞

maraczek giggled. ❝ oho, i can tell. she's just a big ole floofster. makes me think of... ❞ her eyes squeezed shut as she tried with all her might to remember one of the pets they'd had on their travels. ❝ f...fin-fineas... fineas? ❞

"Yeah!" He said with a beaming grin. "Stars, he used to get tangled up in the wires when you were working. We always had to move him around. Threatened to get him one of those baby carriers just to keep him out of the way." He said with a chuckle as he set Cat Mara back down with a scratch behind her ear.

"Feeling better?" He asked with a slight head tilt.

"I do, I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, or how easily I was going to make friends. So I adopted a cat. C'mon," he said gesturing down the hall and wandered into his bedroom where a massive, fluffy, calico cat was laying on his bed, basking in the sun light that was coming in through his bedroom. "This is Mara, or Cat Mara I guess," he said with a chuckle as he picked her up like a baby. She meowed a little in complaint. "Hush," he mumbled, giving her a little scritch and bringing her over.

-

she followed him and smiled at the cat, her hands clasped together up by her own cheek. ❝ stars... she's floofy! ❞ maraczek said, full of wonder. she loved the cat! ❝ hello, me-cat, aren't you a pretty thing? ❞ she greeted the ball of fur, reaching out to let her sniff her hand.

she followed him and smiled at the cat, her hands clasped together up by her own cheek. ❝ stars... she's floofy! ❞ maraczek said, full of wonder. she loved the cat! ❝ hello, me-cat, aren't you a pretty thing? ❞ she greeted the ball of fur, reaching out to let her sniff her hand.

Mara raised her head and rubbed her cheek against Maraczek's hand. Kehel chuckled as she cooed over his cat. "I'm glad you like her, don't let her expression fool you, she's a big ole cuddle bug." He said, rocking her a little with a smile.

Kehel signed a little and smiled, trying to keep a positive face on. "Wanna meet cat Mara?" he asked. He was really going to have to reconsider the name, but in his defense he chose it before he knew if anyone else was going to show up. "She might at least brighten this prepping to be shitty day," he added.

-

when he mentioned the cat, maraczek perked up a little. and as kehel kept talking, mara forgot what they had been discussing previously. it was completely gone. clean slate.

❝ you have a cat? also named mara? ❞ she questioned, curious. ❝ i do like cats, i think they're very soft. ❞

her brows furrowed as she felt the tears on her cheeks. what were those there for? she wiped them away quickly -- even glanced up to make sure there wasn't a leak or something in the ceiling.

when he mentioned the cat, maraczek perked up a little. and as kehel kept talking, mara forgot what they had been discussing previously. it was completely gone. clean slate. ❝ you have a cat? also named mara? ❞ she questioned, curious. ❝ i do like cats, i think they're very soft. ❞ her brows furrowed as she felt the tears on her cheeks. what were those there for? she wiped them away quickly -- even glanced up to make sure there wasn't a leak or something in the ceiling.

"I do, I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, or how easily I was going to make friends. So I adopted a cat. C'mon," he said gesturing down the hall and wandered into his bedroom where a massive, fluffy, calico cat was laying on his bed, basking in the sun light that was coming in through his bedroom.

"This is Mara, or Cat Mara I guess," he said with a chuckle as he picked her up like a baby. She meowed a little in complaint. "Hush," he mumbled, giving her a little scritch and bringing her over.

He chuckled a little as he squeezed her a little tighter, "had to ask y'know," he said, "could've wanted to throw me to the dogs or tried to completely start over or..." or any of the other variety of reasons he could come up with now that the duo were no longer bound together by close proximity and an order that all but told them to fuck off. "I just... don't want you to feel that you're stuck with me." He said.

"And before you even think it, you're not a bother by trying to stick with me, you're my people."

-

she didn't understand that, but she wouldn't question him. she supposed people probably did that -- she didn't really have anything to compare to, so if kehel said it would happen with most others, then she would believe him. but maraczek wasn't like anybody else, so she probably wouldn't do the 'normal' thing.

she nodded a little and sniffed, trying to get herself under control again. despite him saying she's not a bother, she didn't want to be one anyway.

she didn't understand that, but she wouldn't question him. she supposed people probably did that -- she didn't really have anything to compare to, so if kehel said it would happen with most others, then she would believe him. but maraczek wasn't like anybody else, so she probably wouldn't do the 'normal' thing.

she nodded a little and sniffed, trying to get herself under control again. despite him saying she's not a bother, she didn't want to be one anyway.

Kehel signed a little and smiled, trying to keep a positive face on. "Wanna meet cat Mara?" he asked. He was really going to have to reconsider the name, but in his defense he chose it before he knew if anyone else was going to show up. "She might at least brighten this prepping to be shitty day," he added.

Kehel held onto her as tight as he could, rubbing her back and trying to physically ease her as much as he could, "but I'll be here, every day, every step of the way, helping where I can." He said. He wasn't going to up and leave her, not after information like this, not when they were all the other had of the way the world made sense to them.

"If... if you'll have me at least?" He didn't want to pressure her but... stars, she was all that made sense right at the moment. He could work with the gaps in her memory, that was easy. Okay, maybe not easy but comfortably routine that he could do it in his sleep. In fact he had, at least twice, if she'd woken up from a nightmare and forgotten who's bed she'd fallen asleep in.

-

maraczek just kept holding onto him, clinging tight to the one safe thing that she knew of. the galaxy had gone from a beautiful, fascinating place to one so dark and confusing, but kehel and the others were a spot of light within it that kept mara from completely losing herself. the jedi order might've thrown her there and, in a sense, thrown her away, but she needed it more than they could ever know.

❝ that's a silly question, ❞ she mumbled. he was all she had. and that wasn't half bad, considering how safe he made her feel. she wasn't upset about that arrangement in the slightest.

maraczek just kept holding onto him, clinging tight to the one safe thing that she knew of. the galaxy had gone from a beautiful, fascinating place to one so dark and confusing, but kehel and the others were a spot of light within it that kept mara from completely losing herself. the jedi order might've thrown her there and, in a sense, thrown her away, but she needed it more than they could ever know.

❝ that's a silly question, ❞ she mumbled. he was all she had. and that wasn't half bad, considering how safe he made her feel. she wasn't upset about that arrangement in the slightest.

He chuckled a little as he squeezed her a little tighter, "had to ask y'know," he said, "could've wanted to throw me to the dogs or tried to completely start over or..." or any of the other variety of reasons he could come up with now that the duo were no longer bound together by close proximity and an order that all but told them to fuck off. "I just... don't want you to feel that you're stuck with me." He said.

"And before you even think it, you're not a bother by trying to stick with me, you're my people."

As soon as he saw her pause the recording, Kehel came over to her to try and ease her. "I know, I know," he said softly, taking her hands and squeezing them, making it so if she needed to hug him, she could because stars above he would've wanted someone to hug him when he'd come back.

"I'm sorry I had to tell you this, I don't like only being the bearer of bad news." He said softly. "But you need the record. I know a place in town that might have some holocrons too, and so long as they don't have information on them, I can ask if you could have a crack at some of them." He added. Kehel wanted to solve problems, he always did. But he also wanted to help his people, one of his people. Maraczek was so close to him, one of the most important people in his life, and he wanted to help her.

-

she sobbed and shot into his arms, unable to keep herself from getting so emotional. she was always an easy cry, which made her a prime target to be made fun of, but this circumstance was probably excusable. at least she hoped so.

❝ it's going to be like this -- every day- ❞ she gasped, realizing the horror of it all. ❝ i'll have to relive this- every-every morning, i- ❞ this was the hell that she was forever linked to. because nothing stayed in her memory, she had to re-learn it all as if it were the first time, over and over. and it never stopped hurting, the wound was always fresh.

she sobbed and shot into his arms, unable to keep herself from getting so emotional. she was always an easy cry, which made her a prime target to be made fun of, but this circumstance was probably excusable. at least she hoped so.

❝ it's going to be like this -- every day- ❞ she gasped, realizing the horror of it all. ❝ i'll have to relive this- every-every morning, i- ❞ this was the hell that she was forever linked to. because nothing stayed in her memory, she had to re-learn it all as if it were the first time, over and over. and it never stopped hurting, the wound was always fresh.

Kehel held onto her as tight as he could, rubbing her back and trying to physically ease her as much as he could, "but I'll be here, every day, every step of the way, helping where I can." He said. He wasn't going to up and leave her, not after information like this, not when they were all the other had of the way the world made sense to them.

"If... if you'll have me at least?" He didn't want to pressure her but... stars, she was all that made sense right at the moment. He could work with the gaps in her memory, that was easy. Okay, maybe not easy but comfortably routine that he could do it in his sleep. In fact he had, at least twice, if she'd woken up from a nightmare and forgotten who's bed she'd fallen asleep in.

Kehel took a deep breath, he'd done a good number of holocron recordings for Maraczek in his time, so he settled his stance and began.

"Okay, Hi Mara, you're on Batuu. The last planet before you hit Wild Space. We... we got temporary displaced. It is a hundred years in our future. I died. I'm not certain yet what happened to you, but I'll update this recording once we figure it out. The Republic fell, an Empire rose, and then that fell, and another Republic rose before being plunged into a pseudo Cold War we find ourselves currently. When the Republic fell, the Jedi Order was taken out with it, they are slowly rebuilding again, but it's taking time. The current goal is find out what we want to do with our lives here." It came out in one fell swoop, the only way he could keep his voice steady. He took another deep breath as he waited for Maraczek's questions and reactions.

-

maraczek listened, her brows furrowing in concern at all of it. she weakly reached out and paused the recording. ❝ died... so that's... oh dear, maybe i did too... ❞ she looked up at him. ❝ that's why waking up hurt so bad... i thought maybe i was clumsy... ❞ she looked down in horror, her hands clutching at her torso. what happened to her?? what happened to kehel?? she wasn't going to remember any of this and maybe that was for the best!!

panicked tears burned in her eyes and she tried to take a deep breath. ❝ d-don't like it- i don't like it, i don't like it- ❞ // @kehel-hadden

maraczek listened, her brows furrowing in concern at all of it. she weakly reached out and paused the recording. ❝ died... so that's... oh dear, maybe i did too... ❞ she looked up at him. ❝ that's why waking up hurt so bad... i thought maybe i was clumsy... ❞ she looked down in horror, her hands clutching at her torso. what happened to her?? what happened to kehel?? she wasn't going to remember any of this and maybe that was for the best!!

panicked tears burned in her eyes and she tried to take a deep breath. ❝ d-don't like it- i don't like it, i don't like it- ❞

As soon as he saw her pause the recording, Kehel came over to her to try and ease her. "I know, I know," he said softly, taking her hands and squeezing them, making it so if she needed to hug him, she could because stars above he would've wanted someone to hug him when he'd come back.

"I'm sorry I had to tell you this, I don't like only being the bearer of bad news." He said softly. "But you need the record. I know a place in town that might have some holocrons too, and so long as they don't have information on them, I can ask if you could have a crack at some of them." He added. Kehel wanted to solve problems, he always did. But he also wanted to help his people, one of his people. Maraczek was so close to him, one of the most important people in his life, and he wanted to help her.

He watched her pick up pieces, thoroughly used to this, as they walked to his small apartment. He unlocked the door and let her in and checked in on Cat Mara, a giant fluff ball of a cat who was currently lounging on his bed. That was probably a safe place for her to be for now.

"Do you have everything or are you still short a few pieces?" He asked, sure he was stalling, shut up. How the hell else was he supposed to try and wrangle a diplomatic way to explain that they were several hundred years in the future with none of their crew and a rebuilding Jedi Order and a fanatical government? It was a lot to take in let alone try to explain!

-

❝ ummm, i think it's alright, ❞ she said, looking through her pieces. it would wind up a funky shape, but she didn't really care. it would work, and that's all that mattered to her.

when they arrived, she moved to the kitchen table and sat down, laying the pieces out in front of her. she shut her eyes and took a deep breath, then after a few moments of meditation, the pieces fused together in the form of a holocron. when it was done, she opened it and nodded towards kehel, ready to receive the information.

❝ ummm, i think it's alright, ❞ she said, looking through her pieces. it would wind up a funky shape, but she didn't really care. it would work, and that's all that mattered to her.

when they arrived, she moved to the kitchen table and sat down, laying the pieces out in front of her. she shut her eyes and took a deep breath, then after a few moments of meditation, the pieces fused together in the form of a holocron. when it was done, she opened it and nodded towards kehel, ready to receive the information.

Kehel took a deep breath, he'd done a good number of holocron recordings for Maraczek in his time, so he settled his stance and began.

"Okay, Hi Mara, you're on Batuu. The last planet before you hit Wild Space. We... we got temporary displaced. It is a hundred years in our future. I died. I'm not certain yet what happened to you, but I'll update this recording once we figure it out. The Republic fell, an Empire rose, and then that fell, and another Republic rose before being plunged into a pseudo Cold War we find ourselves currently. When the Republic fell, the Jedi Order was taken out with it, they are slowly rebuilding again, but it's taking time. The current goal is find out what we want to do with our lives here." It came out in one fell swoop, the only way he could keep his voice steady. He took another deep breath as he waited for Maraczek's questions and reactions.

Oh.

Oh no.

He didn't want to do this. He really didn't want to do this. He didn't want to have to break it to her. She only got bad news from him! Okay, maybe not only bad news, but mostly! He took a deep breath and took her hands.

"C'mon, lemme take you to where I'm crashing and I'll explain everything. It's gonna be a lot, okay Mars?" He said softly.

-

she nodded a little. ❝ oh- okay, sure, ❞ she replied. she wasn't sure what he was talking about, but she figured it would be fine. while they walked, maraczek occasionally leaned down and picked up shards of glass or bits of metal so she could craft a new holocron to keep this new information -- she wouldn't remember any of it otherwise.

she nodded a little. ❝ oh- okay, sure, ❞ she replied. she wasn't sure what he was talking about, but she figured it would be fine. while they walked, maraczek occasionally leaned down and picked up shards of glass or bits of metal so she could craft a new holocron to keep this new information -- she wouldn't remember any of it otherwise.

He watched her pick up pieces, thoroughly used to this, as they walked to his small apartment. He unlocked the door and let her in and checked in on Cat Mara, a giant fluff ball of a cat who was currently lounging on his bed. That was probably a safe place for her to be for now.

"Do you have everything or are you still short a few pieces?" He asked, sure he was stalling, shut up. How the hell else was he supposed to try and wrangle a diplomatic way to explain that they were several hundred years in the future with none of their crew and a rebuilding Jedi Order and a fanatical government? It was a lot to take in let alone try to explain!

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