Inclusivity at Work: The Heart of Hard Conversations - Dare to Lead
In my first departure from coding topics here, I listened to an episode of Brené Brown’s Podcast “Dare to Lead”. This ep Brené with Aiko Bethea on Inclusivity at Work: The Heart of Hard Conversations can be found online or on Spotify
You can’t have diversity without inclusion. You can collect a bunch of folks from different backgrounds, but if they don’t feel like they have a place there or are made to feel othered, it isn’t inclusive.
Transactional vs transformative change
compliance vs feeling personal need to pursue change
Transactional only trying to change culture creates a lot of shaming and blaming and core numbers over actual togetherness
Putting pressures on people without them understanding why
Require connection and empathy
Changing culture is more than numbers, you have to make changes within the people who make up that culture for it to be truly transformative
Big barriers are seeing yourself or community differently
it’s not just that you aren’t “sucking it up”
There’s shame and grief that needs to be faced rather than putting on more armor
What are you learning about yourself
Have to challenge things about yourself that there’s no rewards or pats on the back for
Armor is not rewarded or required - you need vulnerability to search and move forward.
Expectation of talking about issues and wanting to hear folks’ experiences because it’s “urgent”.
It was already urgent for folks who have been impacted by this day to day well before George Floyd.
Who are we serving by doing this work and how
Recognizing the privilege of just now saying “we need to be talking about this” and the added impact for affected people now being expected to talk about these topics.
Are you doing DEI work to benefit marginalized folks or to tick boxes for your company?
Centering of white timing
Work should co-lead by marginalized groups
Action bias, pacing, are these benefiting impacted folks?
Conflict over different concerns, timing, urgency even if goals are shared
Taking diff responsibilities for diff horizons
Driven by discomfort & vulnerability. We feel these things and rush to solve even before the problem has been truly defined
Slow down. Listen. - As opposed to rushing for a solution and applying your sense of urgency as an act of privilege.
Getting to place of believing someone not automated when you have completely different lived experiences. When listening to folks stories, if you feel any hesitation, ask yourself:
“Why would I not believe this?”
“What does it mean about me that I didn’t see this?”
Transformative change requires introspection which takes time. Deep seated issues cannot be simply solved in a single action or set of prescribed actions.
When listening to experiences
Think about your power & privilege and how you can use it
Hold off on the instinct to immediately fix
Ask questions, really understand the problem and the pain behind it
Before trying to fix a situation yourself, involve the impacted person.
Ask “What does support look like for you in this situation?”, “How can I empower and support you to handle it yourself if you want to?”.
If they are already feeling hurt by others actions, empower them, don’t sweep off to fix something to your satisfaction without considering if it helps this person, is being done in a way that gives them power back, and if action on your part is wanted by the impacted person.
