Mr. Mom

Kelton Tavarez 29 Single father of the world's two most angelic hellions Journalist on the good days Honorary 'Princess' (Only during tea parties)

[kelthedad]

Holly made a face at him. “I was a trouble student. I am now a trouble adult. Learn the difference.” She said, shaking a finger at him before picking up the wine bottle to refill his glass. “Are you saying I am? Harsh, but true.”

“Oh my god, why are all your jokes so terrible?” She asked, groaning as she rested her head in her free hand. There was a small smile on her lips though, mostly because she had missed them. “I’m as graceful as a fucking gazelle.”

He only snickered at the look she sent his way. “You’re just a trouble everything, how about that?” He offered, holding his glass out to her. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d drank like this, but it was nice to actually let go a little. “I know it’s true, I was married to you.”

“My jokes are amazing, and you know it.” He shifted on the couch, turning himself to lean against the arm and prop his legs up on Holly’s lap, purely for the fact that it would bother her. “Like a giraffe that’s just been born, learning to walk.”

[kelthedad]

“Maybe I’m special.”

“Oh, I’m sure you are.”

[kelthedad]

“If you’re not eating them I’ll have them.”

“You’re welcome to them.”

[kelthedad]

“Well if it’s pity food…” Olivia’s nose wrinkled for a second. She considered trying to pretend that she was too good for that. But her fridge was empty and her paycheck was a few days away. Before she could accept, the words registered. “Wait- pity for what?”

“I won’t judge you if you take it. It’s not pity directed at you, so it’s different.” He felt it was fair to point that out. He would take food offered to someone else in pity, that wasn’t the same. “Oh, for being a single father. Because apparently that is an ongoing tragedy.”

[kelthedad]

“What, about us being dead? No, not really. I don’t think so.” She didn’t like the reminder either, and was perfectly willing to ignore that he’d even brought it up. “To be fair, that was amazing. His face was hilarious.” Holly said with a laugh. “You’re all asshole, and you know it.”

“Say something funny and I’ll give you a real laugh.” She retorted, sticking her tongue out at him. “Don’t spill my wine, this isn’t my couch.”

“Noo.” She knew what he was talking about, but he wasn’t going to push it. He didn’t really want to talk about that either. He wanted to pretend that it wasn’t even real. “You’re a trouble student.” Kel told her. He brought his glass back up to his lips only to find that there was nothing but a small sip floating around the bottom. “Least I’m not a bitch.”

“Okay, do you want to hear a paper joke? Never mind, it’s tearable.” He chuckled at his own joke, setting his empty glass to the side. “Maybe you should be more graceful.”

[kelthedad]

“Maybe I’ll get magic parent powers.”

“Yeah, that’s really not a thing. Sorry.”

[kelthedad]

“Oh, I would kill for free food,” Olivia chuckled, letting out a soft groan. “I haven’t had a home cooked meal in a week.” It had been frozen foods and delivered pizza for the last few days for her. 

“Well, you’re welcome to a couple of them, if you like. Money might be tight around here, but I still have some pride left, and it prevents me from feeding my children pity food.”

[kelthedad]

“Ew, casseroles” she said and cringed. “I would love to see you do it though. It would be one hell of a sight”

“Yeah, they’re pretty terrible. I don’t knot who invented them.” His eyes rolled. “I doubt it will happen.”

[kelthedad]

“Why are they giving you casseroles?” Haven asked and tilted her head to the side a little. “I’m sure whatever the reason is, they’re just trying to be nice.”

“They’re giving me casseroles because they think I’m incapable of cooking for myself or my daughters.”

[kelthedad]

“Woah,” Skylar held up her hands and furrowed her brow. “Who would say that? First of all, I commend you for being a single father and for doing all of that for your children. Whomever says otherwise can go… well, you know. — Either way, I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”

“You would be surprised at the number of people that say it, even if it is a little more subtle.”He rolled his eyes as he explained. “I’m not doing anything that spectacular, I’m just being a halfway decent parent. But I’ll end the rant there.”

[kelthedad]

“A gift I was not born with, sadly. If I ever have kids, hopefully they’ll just go straight to talking perfectly.”

“It probably won’t happen. Fair warning.”

[kelthedad]

With a dish of homemade casserole in her hand, she attempts to creep the other way before being seen. 

“You know I already heard you walking past.”

[kelthedad]

“And more power to you. I’m okay with them when they get older and less breakable. I just generally can’t understand what the little ones are saying.”

“Understanding their language is a gift.”

[kelthedad]

“Nah, I don’t mind spending time with the little shits. They’re just little shits and I’m not great with kids.”

“Yeah, I stand by that kids are the most vicious creatures on the planet. I somehow just was born with the mothering gene that most men lack. Or have assumed out of them.”

[kelthedad]

“I may have to kidnap you whenever I get stuck on babysitting duty. Hey, to each his own. Andy shoves his off on basically anyone who offers.”

“Or you could just drop them off at the house. Occasionally. Not all the time. I do already have a lot on my plate.”

[kelthedad]

“Like I said, they take after my brother. Too dumb to know when to be scared. And don’t take me for an example, Ma’s actually pretty good with kids. I was just a test run.”

“All I know is the back of my van is still clean, and I didn’t have to yell excessively, so I’ll count it as a win. But I really don’t take people’s word. My sister watches my kids, and that’s about it.”

[kelthedad]

“He’s not totally right. He also said we’d probably be dead or something by now. He was kind of an asshole. Why didn’t we report him?” She questioned, taking a sip of wine before he refilled it. “Well, I don’t know why. You’re pretty white.” She teased, hiding her smile behind her glass.

“Ha. Ha.” She deadpanned with a roll of her eyes. She stretched out her legs to rest on the coffee table, wondering why it was she felt more relaxed with Kel than with anyone else, or even alone.

“Well, he was right about that part.” He had to frown a little at that, hating the reminder. It still cut, even after so long of being separated. “Because we thought it would be a better idea to toilet paper his house. Because we were dumb kids and probably should be dead or something by now.” He chuckled and took another drink. “I’m only half white, and that half is all asshole.”

“That’s not a real laugh.” He reached over with his foot to nudge her at her leg repeatedly, somehow falling back into the routine that had been their relationship before it all fell to pieces.