standing on my tallest tiptoes.

kennedy xun / child of nemesis

[kenxuns]

kaloxia​:

LOCATION && WITH WHOM : : FOREST W / ANYONE @nlupdates​

“Oh, I wouldn’t step right there if I were you,” he said. “Someone was walking their dog earlier and it took a shit in that spot.” He kicked his feet back and forth, smiling down at the other from the tree branch he was sitting on. “You should be happy that I told you! I wasn’t going to at first but decided to do the right thing for once.” 

“You were going to let me step in it cause you thought it would be funny,” Kennedy says plainly. There’s nothing wrong with that, they’re all for a good joke but they’re glad he decided to tell them regardless. “How do I thank you for your gracious act of kindness?” 

[kenxuns]

ncxicus​:

          it’s  nice  to  hear  kennedy  laugh.  she  knows  that  things  haven’t  been  the  same,  feels  like  she  might  be  slowly  losing  them  in  this  aftermath.  seeing  the  outcome  of  her  choices,  however,  serves  as  a  bitter  consolation  that  it  had  been  the  right  path ;  this  hurts  less  than  what  she  prevented  to  happen  would’ve  hurt.    ❛   it’s  cool,  just  like,  creepy  cool.  but  i  really  like  this  part  here.   ❜    motioning  with  circles  her  favorite  idea  from  the  sketch,  minjeong  wants  to  encourage  them  in  anything  they’re  doing,  so  she’s  trying  by  doing  what  she  thinks  is  going  to  give  just  that.    ❛   right,  i  guess  leaving  candies  around  wouldn’t  be  all  that  bad.  ghosts,  though ?  not  before  the  designated  date.   ❜    she  wants  to  keep  the  tone  light,  doesn’t  know  how  much  she  has  left  with  kennedy  until  they  rightfully  decide  to  leave  too,  she’s  cherishing  them  right  now.

“Creepy cool.” Kennedy nods as if trying to make sense of the two words together, they know that it isn’t how anyone else would describe them or their work but it’s fitting for Minjeong who knows them better than anyone else. They only wish that feeling could be reciprocated. The more that time passes the less they feel they know her. “Do you think ghosts actually exist? Seems kind of mundane for a world with, y’know, gods.” They whisper the last word as if it’s some sort of big secret, mainly they’re trying to get a laugh out of Minjeong. They know that they should probably be giving her the same treatment as they’re giving Nick but they can’t handle being at odds with both of them at the same time. If they have to live in delusion in order to continue having peace with Min then so be it, they’ll lose their mind. 

[kenxuns]

nickspencer​:

A dry laugh escapes him, despite it not wanting to. It’s not Kennedy’s fault, but their response tells him Minjeong still hadn’t explained what had happened between the two of them. Maybe it’s a mercy his ex friend had granted, saving him the embarrassment of just how terribly he’d fucked up and having Kennedy know it. But he doubts anything Minjeong has done since February would ever be for him. “I’m glad then, that you two are good,” he mutters, nodding once.

Nick’s focus snaps back to attention to Kennedy’s downturned face, obscured slightly though he’d do anything to read their eyes, and he isn’t able to stop the look of concern that flashes across his face and the instinctive step he takes in their direction. A hand almost reaches toward their arm, but he has enough control to stop it. “Ken, that’s not…” he starts, further guilt creasing the space between his brows. “No, no, of course not,” Nick finally gets out, finding the emotions this question elicits before he does the answers or their meanings or their repercussions. “I knew you first. Before this…” He thinks about that day in that cafe of some forgotten place in Massachusetts that only the two of them remember, of the way he can’t remember the last time he was that honest. “You knew me back then. You knew me, Kennedy.”

There’s no fully tricking Kennedy when it comes to emotions since that’s basically their whole ordeal but they don’t want to have to keep asking Nick to clarify for them. They don’t want to constantly have to be asking for explanations that they know realize are never going to come. The tears threaten to form at this singular thought but they know that crying right now would only cause him to feel bad for them and it would turn into something completely different. Kennedy doesn’t want Nick to offer them an explanation out of guilt or pity but because he genuinely thinks that they deserve to know. 

Somehow they’re still waiting for him to have some magical response that’s going to piece everything together and have it make sense. Something that’s going to tell them that Nick feels the same way but in the same breath that Minjeong and he can still be close. They desperately feel the need to be able to fix it all without knowing what exactly it is that they’re trying to fix. “Yeah, I knew you.” Past tense. Nothing of that feels as if it remains now and it’s his fault as much as it hurts to think. “Why doesn’t this still matter now? Why won’t you actually talk to me instead of going back and forth between Minjeong as if it’s a competition of which one of you is finally gonna speak up first?” 

[kenxuns]

nickspencer​:

He wishes he could do what he wants. He wishes he could start with closing the distance between them or talking to Minjeong. He wishes that when he looked at Kennedy now he didn’t feel that pang of stinging guilt, followed by a creeping anxiety that ushered in senses that didn’t exist. The warmth of running bodies and fire. The sound of inhuman shrieks. The smell of blood. Nick stood still, staring hard at them before him. Alive. Breathing. But still hurt, and he has no idea where to even begin to explain. He has no idea what the right choice is or how to make it. He clings on the empty sound of their laughter.

“I just…” Nick starts, words failing, breath uneven as he tries to remember this is the reality he finds himself in, the one that stuck. “I guess I shouldn’t have gotten in the way. Of you two, of siblings,” he starts, honesty coloring his words, however somber or misdirected. “Whatever I was… It doesn’t matter quite as much, you know? You’re family, you’re… You’re talking, right? To her?” he asks timidly, wishing he could even say her name without feeling like he’s crossed another line.

It tears them up that he can just stay there and watch them, show no reaction or indication that he’s going to start explaining. That he’s going to suddenly apologize and reveal some big secret that’s going to make everything okay. Kennedy needs everything to be okay because otherwise, why did they make the decision to come here in the first place? “You didn’t.” They start, looking down at their shoes. The pale green sneakers now more of a brown-ish color from how much they wear them everywhere. Soon they’d have to get rid of them. Replaced. Is that what he was doing? They’d just run their course and he could find someone else now. “Minjeong and I are fine.” Which wasn’t exactly the truth but they were certainly doing better than either of them were with Nick. 

Kennedy’s unable to peel their eyes away from their sneakers, a question caught in their throat. They’re already aware that the moment they meet his gaze, they’re going to break. They’ve never been able to play it cool the way their sister and him seem to. Emotions are kind of their whole deal. “Nick...did you only ever like having me around because Min is my sister?” Which is a very roundabout way of asking what they actually want to ask. Because Minjeong is beautiful and she’s mysterious and cool and although they love each other wholeheartedly, she’s everything that Kennedy lacks.

[uglyseason]

bro when I say I am truly trying to have this energy !!!!

[kenxuns]

nickspencer​:

Every part of his body wants to reach out and pull them into him, like they’re an extension of his hand, his arm, his body. It’s felt oddly unnatural not being around the Nemesis siblings, and painfully obvious, like a ghost has been following him around the campus. But Kennedy’s absence stings in a way he wasn’t prepared for when he and Minjeong had exchanged their blows. Betraying his best friend in the same way she’d betrayed him had made him at least expect the worse— and that’s exactly what had happened— but he hadn’t been ready to miss the person who’s care had been the very reason he’d pulled at the thread Minjeong’s manipulation had left.

Their words hurt, but he hates that he knows they’re justified, and he can’t bring himself to tear his gaze away from them, caught in a trap by one of the only people who could make him do something he didn’t want to. “Do you want me to stay?” Nick asks quietly in response, afraid of the answer.

“You can do whatever you want, I guess.” It’s what he’s been doing lately, anyway, regardless of how Kennedy might feel. Neither of them will tell them anything still and it just makes them feel so stupid. With Minjeong, it’s different, she’s their sister. Whatever she’s hiding from them, they have to trust that there’s a valid reason and that nothing too big would ever come between the two. But they thought, for a single humiliating moment, that what Nick and they had was different. That it was more. Kennedy tries to shove that out of their mind now because clearly there’s no validity to whatever it is they’re feeling. Whatever they had sensed Nick was feeling. Now he was just covered in guilt. 

They look around as if daring anyone they know to suddenly be in view so they can retract their steps and leave. No one’s coming to save them. They have to have this talk. “I thought...” Kennedy laughs but the sound is empty. “I thought we were friends, Nick. I thought you, like, cared about me. Cared about Min.” They pause. “If you don’t really care about us then you could’ve at least not pretended, y’know. It was a dick move.” 

[kenxuns]

alreadyovcr​:

“Shoot!” She responds immediately, making sure to give Kennedy all of her attention. When they flip the notebook, Prim tilts her head, first to one side then the other. “Is this like an inkblot test? I think it looks like a really fluffy bunny that’s just slipped in a puddle of ink.”

“I dunno.” They shrug, blushing slightly. “I’m trying to be experimental.” As if that’s all the explanation she needed, though when it comes to art, Kennedy feels that’s fair. “Do you think it looks like a bunny? I was going for more of a narwhal. Guess I totally missed that mark.” 

[kenxuns]

ncxicus​:

          takes  her  a  second  to  react,  didn’t  expect  a  question.    ❛   of  course,  show  me  that.   ❜    drawing  is  something  minjeong’s  learned  they  had  in  common,  and  she  admires  that  they  can  do  it  in  a  public  area,  unlike  her  who  keeps  it  mostly  hidden.  so  she  didn’t  want  to  disturb  kennedy  when  she’s  joined  the  free  space  next  to  them,  had  paperwork  to  keep  herself  occupied  with,  anyway.    ❛   that  looks  like  one  of  those  super  creepy  games  you  play,  babe.  is  that  .  .  guts  there ?   ❜    she  leans  closer  to  look  at  this  with  better  attention,  but  she  can’t  say  she  enjoys  her  decision.    ❛   a  bit  early  for  halloween,  should  i  be  concerned  by  that.   ❜

They’re always excited when they’re around her. Coming here they weren’t sure what they were going to find but it turned out to be wonderful if only because of Minjeong. She was wonderful. “Here.” Kennedy turns the sketchbook over so that she can get a better view. At her response, they let out a soft laugh. She knows them too well for them to make something up even if they wanted to. “I dunno, I think it’s kinda cool.” What Kennedy would like to say is that they are having an awful time ever since the two people they care about most on this earth decided to have some sort of fallout. Though they believe that would only put pressure on her that she doesn’t need. “It’s never too early for Halloween, that’s absurd.” Just last year the three of them were discussing matching costumes, they should’ve cherished that more. 

[draumas]

CHASE SUI WONDERS 2022, ph. Luisa Opalesky for High Snobiety

[kenxuns]

@nickspencer​

They know that he has been avoiding them. There’s no other way to go around it and perhaps if things had gone differently, Kennedy would have tried to reach out more to him regardless. Begging for more of his attention when it was clear that he wasn’t in the space to give it to them. Mostly they just missed their friend. It had seemed like a sign from the universe when they ran into him here of all places but as time went on it seemed to be the opposite of a miracle. 

Just as seemingly coincidental, they locked eyes with him sitting outside one of the campus buildings. Maybe it couldn’t be avoided any longer. Maybe it shouldn’t have been avoided at all. “If I get too close are you gonna run away?” Their words are purely sarcastic but even then they feel bad for speaking to him that way. 

[kenxuns]

@nlupdates​

“Can I ask you a question?” Kennedy had been too busy staring at the drawing in front of them to actually notice who was sitting with them in the communal space. They desperately needed something to focus on what felt like at all times now otherwise they’d find themselves thinking too much. A dangerous thing. “What does this look like to you?” As they ask the question, they hold up the small notebook for the other person to see. 

[draumas]

CHASE SUI WONDERS 2022, for Vogue Magazine

[kenxuns]

givenstaken​:

💌🧸  𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏 !  ♡꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱ — @nlupdates​

              𝒐𝒏  𝒂  𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒓  𝒅𝒂𝒚  he’d  definitely  take  the  buy  one  get  one  free  ,  but  he  wasn’t  going  back  to  his  building  in  a  while  ,  and  didn’t  want  the  extra  strawberry  milk  to  go  to  waste  .  “  hey  ,  sorry  to  bother  you  but  i  just  got  an  extra  ,  and  it  would  be  a  shame  to  waste  such  a  precious  drink  .  do  you  want  it  ?  ”

“It’s pink so I’ll take it.” Kennedy instinctively reaches out for the drink. They do enjoy strawberry milk, though, and they appreciate the gesture. “Do you not enjoy it enough to drink both of them?” Which is the only think that comes to mind other than being able to tell that it’s genuinely just a kind gesture. 

[kenxuns]

sxmonsays​:

“Of course!” He loved taking pictures, especially for other people. “It’s a great outfit by the way, want one on your phone too or just on your film camera?” 

“On my phone, too, if you’re offering.” The last thing they wanted was to take too much of his time because they knew everyone here probably had people they’d rather be spending their time with. “Uh, just let me know when you’re ready...I’m not the best at posing.” 

[kenxuns]

@solarstcrms​

“I’m sorry to interrupt, I’m sure you’ve gotta go meet up with your friends or your date but I just wanted to tell you you look absolutely stunning.” Kennedy only hopes that they’re not making the other uncomfortable but they do also strongly feel the need to let her know before they leave the party. 

[kenxuns]

@solarstcrms​

“Is there someone sitting here?” Kennedy stands with their hands held together behind their back, they haven’t even managed to buy a mask since they only planned very last minute to actually show up. They sway from side to side, waiting for his response since he seems to have found the only place in the whole party that holds at least a little bit of privacy still and the thing they most wanted at the moment a some semblance of being alone.

[kenxuns]

@sxmonsays​

“Do you think you could do me a quick favor? I really like this outfit I picked out for tonight and I’d like to commemorate it on my film camera, would you mind taking my picture?” They didn’t meant to single him out to ask but he was the person closest to them that seemed to not be dashing off to meet someone else or desperate to get on the dance floor. Not yet at least but Kennedy was hoping they were just not taking too much of his time.