ØFWGK✞∆

Hi, i'm Kevin R. Bonifacio I'm an average, confused 15 year old with low self-esteem and thinks has no hope in this world. I write what's on my mind. I don't reblog any cars, hot chicks, or kids wearing clothing brands. If you don't like that, don't follow. thousand words unspoken. I'm single. kevomatic555 PGHS|NorCal|Dancer|2014|July24th|SAC| Full Filipino bro <3 Tumblr FAMBAM.

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DGA Awards Unveils List Of Presenters

Anna Kendrick to present at the 2014 DGA Awards on Saturday, January 25th!

I hope she gets her voice back before this weekend - looks like she’s going to be busy!

Thanks to the anon for the tip. ;)

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Anna Kendrick to present at the 2014 Breakthrough Prizes Awards

Science Channel has been named the official broadcast partner of the inaugural 2014 BREAKTHROUGH PRIZES, a one-of-a-kind global event which rewards and recognizes some of the greatest minds in the world.

The show will air on the Science Channel on Monday, January 27 at 9PM ET/PT!

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The Grammy’s are this Sunday, January 26th on CBS.

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TV Shows man

Being sick for so long gave me alot of time. Alot of time to myself, and maybe a little too much. Recently, i've been watching this show, "How I Met Your Mother." I've liked this show for awhile, but i've never gotten into it. So last week I was tired of being tired and coughing every minute, so why not cough every minute and enjoy a comedy? Come to realize, it was more than a comedy. It's cheesy to say, but after 7 seasons of this show it made me re-evaluate myself. I remember when I was a little Freshmen. I always thought love would solve everything. I was a straight hopeless romantic. Maybe I went a little overboard, ha. Biking 9 miles and ditching school to see a girl that you'll only see for maybe 5 minutes 50% of the time is a little much, but hey at least i was fighting for something. I remember I always fell in love. And i fought for something that I wanted so bad. Even if it wouldn't fall through in the end, I still got a great experience and learned something. i was this character named Ted. He would do crazy romantic things for people he thought was "the one". Always searching and finding someone who could lead him a step closer who was a perfect match for him. But then, he got his heartbroken a million times and kind of gave up the dream of finding.. Her. That's me! Well, i'm not an architech and drink at a bar everynight with my friends but sooner or later, you can only take so much failed relationships that you go with the flow of everyone else who are happy with someone. But, where i'm at in the show.. He realized something. He missed doing these crazy romantic things for these girls. It's what gave him a smile everyday, even if sometimes they wouldn't be together anymore, it sure gave him some hell of memories. I missed that. I missed having that feeling. The feeling of knowning that you could be the one for me, and having some physic powers to know that you might be thinking the same of me. Doing stupid crazy and cheesy things for each other, even if it meant getting in trouble. Holding hands and getting nervous at first, but after awhile.. It feels like home. It feels right. And right now? I'm not doing a damn thing about anything. I'm some sick, fat kid who is tired 24/7 because he feels like he has insomnia so he sleeps all day long. I dont fit in at my school, I dont talk to anyone anymore, I dont even go to church anymore. It's like i've been alienated by everyone. It's not their fault though. I've seperated from everyone. It's like I dont want anyone to see me anymore. Honestly, I just feel like a nobody. But no worries! I'll just put on that fake smile for everyone and make it seem like i'm fine because I haven't been for this past year and i've been miserable but you know what? That's fine. I'm tired of people worrying for me. I've had that alot during those stupid suicide attempts and cutting. I was so stupid for doing those things. Maybe i'm just too good at what I do. No one has been able to look through my mask. Everyone thinks i'm all happy and cheerful, the normal Kevin who says dirty jokes and does stupid things to make his friends laugh. But you know what, i'm not happy at all. And now on top of all my hidden sadness, my bestfriend is going through something rough and I cant even do anything for him because he doesn't want to tell me a damn thing about anything even though he should know that i'll always be there. But it's like he doesn't give a shit that for all these years we've seen each other at our worst, and that we said we would never try to hide anything.. And that we were going to be friends for awhile. But now, I don't know what's happening to my life. It's a confusing mess. I dont know what I want anymore. This is just more than a TV show now.

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Embarrassment

Welp if i thought my reputation was not very good to start with, I certaintly fucked it up last night. Honestly, I dont blame anyone. Not my DB, not TF, not anyone. I blame myself. I let myself get way, way too far. Maybe I was just trying to forget. Forget all the dumb shit that's happening to me right now. I honestly was done and I just wanted to escape from everything. Well, I did for a night. I dont remember anything at all. It's completely embarrassing for your friends to help you everywhere you go and you have no control over anything. Now, i'm that guy. The guy who cant handle shit. That yakked hella hard and cant hang. I'm so dissappointed in myself that I didnt even want to look at the pictures of me. I let alot of people down last night. Including myself. I told myself that I will never yak, and that if I did imma quit partying. Well, looks like i'm not gunna party anymore. Just having a whiff of strong alcohol almost makes me want to throw up. Then again, I guess this is what happens. I have never been through this and I really doubt I want to do it again. All I remember is a part of the night when i was mingling with people, then everything turned black. Then there was just flashes of me puking, then it would fade and go back to me puking. I remember it being awful and painful. But in reality, i know i'm going to drink again, but I must remember to never go above my limit. I dont know why I didnt stop myself, I knew I was feeling a bit too off, but it's like I couldn't say no. I only wish I said no, because maybe that one last shot would have at least kept me conscious. But thankfully, nothing bad happened.. That is, in the aspect of any harm of my body. Though my ego is completely destroyed, i'm thankful that i'm alive and that i'm not breathing out of some tube in the hospital.

But yes, I must thank one individual. You know, we've always been good buddies and last night it really showed that you cared about me... And well, it was mainly your duty to take care of me. Ha. Nevertheless, thank you. For taking care of me and for being a true homie like you are. I'm sorry about your car by the way, i'll clean it when you're off work. So i'm going to assume monday correct? We chose a date, I think. But, i'm really thankful for what you've done.. Everything, you know? You're honestly my big inspiration. You helped out alot with my family, my morals, and my fate. I hope we stay homies for awhile, because you're like a brother to me. I know you'll always be there for me and I will be there for you. Sorry that you've been stressing so much, but just know you will have a bright future ahead of you and you shouldn't be stressing so much, this is your prime life. You should be more happy, we're young as fuck right now. Anyway, thanks alot again, for being my friend. It means alot man.

[kevinbonifacio-blog]

#Vent

Fuck, I feel like i'm not good enough for anybody anymore. I feel like there is always someone better than me that someone wants. I know i'm not the best, but fuck. I fall for people easy, I fell for you easy. And in the end, there was another dude that you like on the side? I know I wasn't suppose to fall for you, but I couldn't help myself. You even said it too. You even said that you liked me too. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know who to believe in anymore. I thought I could make something happen with you, besides sex. But, I was wrong. Oh jesus was I wrong. It was a mistake. It was all a mistake. Talking to you again. Trying to feel love again. Now, i'm just heartbroken again. Just some big asian dude with a broken fucking heart, and it's all because of you. Because you fucking lied to me. Because you backstabbed me. Because you.. you were someone I really wanted to fall for. But, that was a big mistake. We were a big mistake. I should have just turned away when you wanted to be that. I should have just said that we could just be friends, instead of that with benefits. I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready for those relationships. I want a real relationship. One were I can hug the person i'm interested in, cuddle with the person im interested in.. Love the person i'm interested in. I wanted to do all that with you, but who would have known that there was somebody on the side that you wanted to do all that stuff with. Not me. You liked him first, so why did you start liking me? Or, were you lying. Did you lie to me? Because I hate being lied to. I hate that I started liking you, and that all the efforts I had put into you have just gone to waste. You say he's an asshole.. i'm not an asshole. I'm not a douche.. So why him? Do you like the asshole type of guys? I guess we aren't compatible. i'm the squishy guys who get butthurt and really clingy. Now, I start to think that everything is and was my fault. You say that you "liked" him. Well, I didn't think that you still fucking like him. i thought you got over it already. i guess not. Why did you want to go into this relationship, knowning that you aren't over someone yet? Now, it's just going to be me getting over you. All of the sweet stuff you said to me, it meant nothing i guess. I guess you didn't really mean it. i hope that one thing you said was actually true, because i'm so confused and blinded by what you've done to me. As many times as I say, "Fuck you. We shouldn't have fucking met. Fucking go to him." I hope that you don't listen to me and stay. I'm stupid for wanting to stay with someone who likes someone else, that doesn't give ten shits about me. But, I can't help it. You did something to me. Maybe all that sweet talk really got to me. You try to give all your effort to him, hoping that he'd notice you. When I sit back, not knowning you are when I give all my effort to you. Isnt that an ironic cycle of things? I've been crying these past couple of days because it felt like something was wrong. I knew something was up. You kept giving me one word replies, not calling me babe like you used to, all this shit. It felt wrong. i felt like you wanted to forget me. Now i understand. I understand everything. I understand that you played me. Used me. Decieved me. How, in your right mind can you be so fucking cruel as to pull off these shenanigans for this long. how long were you going to keep the whole, "I like you." act until something about you and him actually set off. How long were you going to make me fucking cry until you finally ended us and start with your new fucking guy. 

Where the fuck is Daniel.

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I don't even go on this shit anymore.

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So two nights ago, I cut myself. There's alot of scars on my wrist. It's been awhile since i've done something like that before. I don't know what got into me. Maybe it was from all the screaming of failure and disappointment in my ear. I feel like a huge failure to everyone, including my parents and my peers. Even they said I was a "worthless piece of shit" quoted from them. I feel like I hear everyone laughing at me. People think i'm stupid. I know, the choices I make and the way I act in class or at school makes people think that i'm just a waste of life. Maybe I am. I missed back then. When I felt like I was proud of something. Of myself. I could put a smile on, but myself without anyone else trying to make me smile. I felt independent. I felt like I was my own person. I felt like, for once in my fifteen years of living on Earth, that I was happy. I was happy with myself, the friends I had, the choices I made, and everything else that revolved and involved me. But now, I don't know what happened. I feel like I have no purpose. I said this to myself, many times. And people have corrected me, many times. The feeling of a sharp knife piercing and ripping your skin felt better than endless tears running down my face, my chest aching, my morals destroyed. I lost all hope. Hope for myself. I feel like I have made God upset. That i've failed him, and me. Religious or not, I wish God to save me. Save me from bleeding wrists and bleeding fists. Rivers from my pupil and the feeling of hopelessness.

I wish for you to save this troubled, hopeless, damaged kid. 

[kevinbonifacio-blog]

Let me just say one thing.

I tried my best, so that gives you no right to blame everything on me. I know, I made some mistakes in our relationship. But i'm only human! I know i'm not perfect, but hell... I gave you all I got.. and honestly, you're too ignorant to take into consideration of that.

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I manage to stay sane in this insane world.

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Hi. You're a stupid fucking whore and you lied to me about you having a boyfriend. I thought we were bestfriends, but I guess not. You lied to me, again. What kind of bestfriend are you if you keep on telling me that you don't have someone, then out of nowhere you decide to unfriend me, ignore my texts, and all this shit. That's shady as fuck. I know we're exs and all, but I just want you to be honest with me. I can't believe we're even friends. Maybe I forgot how many times you fucked me over in that relationship. Maybe because you know that i'll take you back, even though you fuck me over everytime we become friends again. You're just un-fucking-believable. Fuck you and your new boyfriend, whore.

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Words get twisted.

What goes in my mind:

"Fuck you for leaving me. Fuck you for forgetting about me so easily. I bet you didn't even love me. I gave you all my heart, and now you just want to give up like this? I can't believe you. You're so ungrateful. You hurt me, and you don't even give a shit."

What comes out my mouth:

"... I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I hope you find somebody better."

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The thing I hate going through the most.

Jealousy.

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The part of my life when I realize something.

You weren't all that. You aren't the person i'd spend the rest of my life with. You aren't the person that would keep the promises that you made to me. You aren't the most amazing and spectacular thing in my life. You, are just a mistake.

A mistake on my part, for investing everything on you.

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"Nobody cares about me."

No, you're just being too ignorant to notice all the people that actually do care about you.

[kevinbonifacio-blog]

Falling for you was a big mistake.

I gave up my time, effort, and heart for you. & what do you do? You throw it all away, like it was nothing. & you expect me to just shrug it off and forget you. Well, I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't just forget about you that quickly. One day, I meant everything to you. Then the next day, i'm just another leaf in the tree. I tried figuring out what I did wrong, but I couldn't think of anything. Then, I thought that it was all my fault. But really, it was your fault. I did the best I could to make you happy. I gave up everything, and you decided to leave. That's your fault, not mine.

Then I realized that we were a big mistake.