Thru these tears
Dear You,
Look at you.
Looking your reflection in the mirror.
Dull puffy eyes, pale skin, chapped lips, messy hair, dark circles around your eyes probably from lack of sleep, you've loose a little weight in the last few years not entirely because of cutting out all those unhealthy vices you had before but might be because of too much stress.
Yup, You definitely look like hell.
You're currently thinking what went wrong?
For these past years you’ve been perfecting looking fine to everyone, heck there were more than one occasions that you were even able to convinced yourself that you are okay. You were able to put up that facade that you were perfectly fine. Was able to automatically smile every time someone approached you or talk to you, was able to laugh when someone tried to joke around you. Giving your opinion and advices to others, listening to their stories and complains about their daily lives. It was almost perfect on how you interacted around other people. Almost the same as how a robot was programmed to act around others. You’ve made a robot version of your own self, being switched on automatically the moment your surrounded by other people and switched off the moment your alone. A robot that you’ve perfectly created to masked your current state of mind.
It's quite fascinating though, how the other people and the people claiming they know you and loved you really haven’t noticed it, you might have been one hell of an actress then. I mean other people really believe that you were perfectly fine, how some of your close peers think highly of you for being so strong yet just one look in your own eyes you’d see how hard you’ve been fighting your own demons. How hard you’ve been trying always to keep yourself afloat and refrain yourself from drowning from your own thoughts.
You weren’t actually always like these, there are days that you truly felt fine but there are also days when the hurricane inside you returns, the turmoil ignites and the commotion that you've been pushing to the back, becomes loud. The masked that you always put started to melt off, all the pinned up frustrations, the bottle that you've stored all your pain started to cracked. The insecurities, self doubt, rejections, abandonment and other negative emotions started to resurface. Its all starting to caught up with you. All of those negative things that you thought you’ve successfully dodge for in the last few years are starting to hunt you and slowly creeped up inside your body, mind, heart and soul.
And now, you felt that its all too much. To the point you’re body begins to feel too heavy to be carried around and your soul slowly turns itself into an endless pit of melancholy. Your knees started to tremble, the tears threatening to fall again from your dull eyes, all you want to do is to drop to the ground turn yourself into a ball trying hard to protect yourself from your own demons. This is when you turn grey. This is when you become silent externally yet internally you see yourself screaming but no one really heard you. It felts like however loud you tried to scream no voice would come out from your lips. You felt its too much. It exhausting. You've been silently fighting this battle for the last few years. And now you’re thinking you’ve reach your limit, doesn’t have any strength left to fight, all your weapon and armor are all damaged, broken. It's tiring, exhausting. Too much to move, too much its physically hard to breathe. You just want to stay on the ground curve yourself into a ball hoping, praying that it will passed through and youd be able to survive all of this.
I know you.
I know what your feeling right now.
I know what your thinking right now,
but please don’t.
Don’t give up on Love,
Don't give up on yourself,
and most importantly
Don't give up on Life...
Always,
Me.












