a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
Where my 23 year olds at? Where are my fresh out of undergrad, just started a halfway decent job that you don’t plan to stay at forever folks? My in a relationship that you don’t know allows room for growth, prosperity and the ability to follow your dream of world travel folks? I want to hear it one time for my artist folks who have allowed the world to get in the way of their ability to create and blame the job, lack of time and resources for why you haven’t been creating. Throw your hands in the air if the future causes you so much anxiety and stress because of current feelings of uncertainty and questions of whether you are equipped with enough self efficacy to realize your dreams and create the life you see for yourself (as opposed to one created for you). I am currently the human embodiment of all of the above and I realize it now. Admitting it is the first step to healing and it is through writing this piece that I am working through the jungle that is my own brain which I hope lends itself to helping someone else.
It’s your first day on a new job. One of the many you applied for that you thought would never get back to you, but after months of waiting, this one did. It was listed with a salary figure, so you figured it was of the caliber of a new bachelor’s degree holder. The salary wasn’t too high, but it wasn’t too low either, so it’s perfect (this is what we feel we deserve at this point: not too much, but not too little). So you start on this job and your new boss (who’s been working there for 10+ years) gives you the run down of the place and tells you how the job you just landed pays beneath what you, the recent graduate, should be earning. Little does he know, it’s the most you have ever made in your life! You brush it off and get to work with your new coworkers who also have been there for 10+ years. These are men and women with families and it seems that the highlight of their lives is what meals they will prepare later, as food is always the topic of conversation. All of this to say, there isn’t much work going on and you sit watching VICE TV all day on youtube while planning your one year exit plan. You do not want to become one of them; an employee complacent with the security of a job that does not allow you to fully exercise your gifts and talents. This is a good sign. It’s a sign of non-stagnation. Not wanting to be stagnant, but to keep moving and pushing for more. You realize that this may not be the best place for you but that it is paying the bills for now and affording you some financial wiggle room to make some moves that will further your future. Keep at it for alittle while and make it work for you. The days of sitting on a job for decades are dead, keep on climbing and exploring.
Relationships; ahhhhhhh! We go up and down, and round and around in our heads as to whether this is where we need to be. Not for him, but for you. You know there are things that you want to do, places you want to go and you have questions as to whether that person is the one who can go along with you. You may need to go it alone. If not alone, find the one who you feel shares the same passion for life that you do and run the world together. Find someone who motivates you to keep pushing and to be your best self. If the relationship feels as though it’s holding you down and not allowing for growth, it’s not the right one. A romantic relationship shouldn’t make you feel like life is over now, it should be one of elevation and new heights.
Create, create, create. Please create. For all of our sake. With all of this craziness in the world we need to continue to birth beauty. Take the current situations of life to create something beautiful. For me this would be this piece of writing. It is allowing me to work through some things while hopefully touching someone else. That is the beauty of creation. The time is there also. It may be on the job (this is the case for me), or it may mean sacrificing some social activities in order to have a creative conversation with yourself (in whatever form that takes). You will feel better, realize some things, and again, help someone in the process.
On the topic of creation, I know the kind of life I want to create for myself. I do wonder at times if I am on track to achieve the life I dream of versus the traditional/standard life that the world says is safe and secure. Am I floating or carving my path? I am carving. I declare today that I am carving my path intentionally and diligently. I must be steadfast on achieving my goals, being open to the world and people, creating on a regular basis, not closing myself off, continuing to learn, exercising my body, loving and forming wholesome relationships that are prosperous. I do possess the ability to achieve the life that I want for myself (self affirmation).
I hope this was helpful. It was for me. I want this to be a self affirming text for everyone. I want to bring light and make folks feel good about things. And seeing how this period in life has been so tumultuous, I know that I am not the only one in need of a good word.
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