don’t smile because it happened, cry because it’s over!
steve harrington x fem!reader
summary: after starting a relationship with Hawkins’ golden boy, you start to wonder why he hasn’t introduced you to his friends he speaks so highly about- or why he keeps ditching you for them.
warnings: major angst. fluff. smut. secret/ hidden relationship. PTSD. trauma. canon divergence. steves pov. steve begs and grovels.
I had been dating Steve Harrington for three months now. Three months, and I had heard about how funny Robin was, how intelligent Dustin was, and how amazing Nancy Wheeler was.
But I had never gotten to put faces to any of those names.
He told me it was because they were protective of him, he said they had been through a lot together.
yet he wouldn’t tell me what a lot was. he just left me guessing, like I could read his mind or something.
but I knew what went hand in hand with a lot - the scar that hung around his neck, the migraines that occurred after dark, the nightmares where he would wake up screaming.
I knew something, something terrible had happened to him. Happened to his friends. But I just wished he would let me in to see it. To try and help it.
But that’s the thing about boys like Steve Harrington. They carry that pain with them until they’ve shoved it down so far it has no where else to go.
and sometimes you just can’t wait around to be let in- you have to let those walls drive you out.
Besides that one flaw, his walls, the life he wouldn’t let me, the friends he wouldn’t introduce me to. He really was the perfect boyfriend.
He was attentive, caring, patient, and the most unselfish person I had ever met.
In more ways than one.
He would show up to my apartment with flowers. He would show up to my job with lunch. He was always willing to give and give, and he expected nothing in return.
he also once made my cum three times in one night and didn’t even ask me to return the favor.
He would stay the night at my apartment for weeks on end, hold me until the morning light reflected off the sheets, let me run my fingers along the scar on his neck
but he wouldn’t introduce me to any of his friends. He would act like they were infected with the plague every time I brought them up. Everytime it was some excuse, some prior arrrangment.
It made me start to wonder if there was somebody else waiting on him the way I was.
I even offered to have them over at my apartment one time, and he told me they were all busy.
I wondered if he was insecure of them. Maybe they were just super big assholes? But with the way he spoke so highly of them- I assumed not.
I also assumed they weren’t because of how many times he left me for them.
Date nights at Enzo’s- he was leaving because Robin needed a ride.
Movie nights spent at home- Dustin was having a panic attack and needed him.
One time we were even in the middle of having sex- and he pulled out because Nancy and Johnathon needed his help.
I just wanted my boyfriend to put me over his friends once. I wasn’t even asking for him to do it all the time- just once. Just so he would give me a reason to stay.
“Hello-O this is The Squawk, Robin speaking!” I heard in a sing-song voice on the other line. Robin. Like the Robin I had heard so much about- Steve’s best friend.
“Hi- hi Robin, is there- is there anyway you could put Steve on?”
“Oh! Oh yes I can! Can I ask who’s calling?”
“Yeah its- its y/n” I said, assuming she would connect the dots after I told her my name.
“Okie Dokie! I will get him ASAP for you!” She said quickly as the line transferred onto hold.
I was dumbfounded. He didn’t even tell her about us? Had he told any of them? We’ve been dating for the months- I mean no wonder he didn’t want me meeting them.
I felt stupid, I felt pathetic. I had told everybody in my life about Steve, about this great guy I had met. My friends, my family, my parents, they all knew who Steve was, and who he was to me.
And he couldn’t even be bothered to tell his best friend he was seeing me.
I was broken out of my train of thought when I heard the “hold” music end.
“Hey, hey y/n, it’s Steve- what, what do you need?” He said through the phone, sounding slightly out of breath.
“I- oh yeah, I was going to see if you wanted to come tonight?” I told him, trying to make the implication clear.
I figured there had to be some resonable explanation for him not telling Robin, or maybe he did and just like- forgot my name or something.
“Yeah- yeah I would love that, I would love that. I’ll see you tonight” he said as he quickly ended the call.
He sounded excited, like a dog who had just been asked if he wanted a treat. But I could t help but notice that he didn’t call me baby, it was stupid of me to read so much into it, but he always, always called me baby.
l hoped I was reading too much into it.
“So, was that your mystery girl?” Robin said to me as she wiggled her eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes at her.
“She’s not my mystery girl. She’s my girlfriend that I don’t want to drag into all this shit.” I said- gesturing around the set up we had for the next crawl.
“She shouldn’t- she doesn’t need to be involved in this. The less I bring her around- the less she figures out.”
“That sounds like a great plan.” Johnathon spit out sarcasticly.
“Why’s that, Byers?”
“Well, for starters, you’re blatantly lying to her. You’re lying to us too man. Just because you don’t want her to know about the upside down doesn’t mean we can’t meet her.” Jonathon told me.
“It would be nice to at least know her, Steve. I mean I didn’t even know her name.” Robin stated as she agreed with Johnathon.
“For what it’s worth Steve, I think you’re doing the right thing.” Nancy spoke out softly.
I raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed out before she continued.
“I mean, if I had somebody that I loved as much as you loved her, I would also want to keep them out of this. I couldn’t really control Jonathon’s involvement in this, but if I could have it my way? I would keep him as far away from it as possible.” She continued on, the love she had for Jonathon shining in her words.
“Just make sure it doesn’t drive a wedge between you two Steve.” She added on to her statement.
“Sure- that’s sweet and all- but I mean I practically know everything about this girl from how much Steve talks about her, but I didn’t even know her name up until five minutes ago.” Robin said, a playful smile illuminating her face.
“I’m just saying Steve-o, maybe there’s a way for us to know her without getting her involved with the other stuff.” Robin added on.
Of course I wanted them to know her. They would adore her, just like how I do. The way she sees the good in everyone, the way she always looks out for people she barely knows. She’s kind, she’s the kindest person I’ve ever met.
But I care more about her being safe than I do her knowing my friends.
But I just let myself indulge in the fantasy, just for a second. Her and Robin would love eachother, I would probaly have to fight Robin off for her attention. Dustin would probaly start to like her more than he likes me. Nancy would adore her, she would finally have somebody around that’s as smart as her.
I was being selfish, I knew I was. I was lying to her, pushing her away, because the last thing I wanted was for her to figure out the truth. But I was also holding onto her, because I just couldn’t bring myself to walk away.
I never meant for it to end up this way. I was never looking for anything serious- espically not when the world seemed to be ending every five minutes.
But she- she just walked in. Or more like got stuck. She was visiting a friend of hers over break, and she got stuck in the quarantine. She wasn’t even from Hawkins.
And she was also everything I could have ever wanted.
It started out casual. I knew I couldn’t get so emotionally attached- not when we were so busy trying to stop Vecna.
But I couldn’t walk away. I couldn’t bring myself to pull away. She was just, so amazing. The kind of person I could have only dreamt of- the kind of person I could have only prayed for, and I wasn’t even religious. Maybe God did play favorites.
“Yeah- yeah. Maybe. Someday.” I told them.
“Well- with how much you talk about her it feels like we already know her pretty well.” Robin said to me.
“Yeah- like how her favorite fruits are pomegranates but she can never find any since the quarantine which is why you’re always asking Murray to get you some.” Johnathon said, to add on to Robins point.
“Or that she has a white cat named snuggles, that you really don’t get along with.” Nancy added on.
“Or that she hates Halloween but loves New years.” Robin chimed in to the two.
“Okay! Okay! I get it, I get it, I’ll bring her around sometime.” I said, holding up my hands in mock surrender.
Robin squealed slightly and squeezed Nancy’s shoulders while Nancy smiled and Johnathon nodded his head in approval.
“I’m finally gonna get to met the girl who’s turned my best friend, and former player Steve Harrington, into a total love bug!” Robin said to me teasingly as she patted my shoulder.
Steve’s body was on top of me as he left a trail of hot messy kisses down my neck, sure to leave mark the next day.
“Missed you- missed you so, so goddamn much- thought, thought about you all day”
He pressed his hand against my lower stomach and moved his hand down to cup my clothed pussy.
“Thought about this pussy all day, all for me, all mine” he whispered lowly in my ear as he moved his hand back up to start unbuttoning my top.
He moved his lips back up to my collarbone and sucked gently before the unpleasant and grating sound of his phone started to ring.
With a groan, Steve pushed himself off the couch and walked over to the phone, his erection shown clearly in his pants.
“Yes, okay-okay- slow, slow down. I’ll be right over.” Steve said into the phone, worry lacing his every word.
He hurriedly ran to grab his keys, and threw on some sort of jacket, not even taking the time to explain what was so goddamn urgent.
“Steve, Steve- where, where are you going?” I asked him, instinctively reaching out for him.
“I’m so- I’m so sorry baby, Robin and Dustin really need- really need me right now.” Steve spoke out, rushing towards the door.
“Steve- Steve wait. Wait!” I said to him as I pushed myself off the coach and reached for his wrist.
“Do you want me to come with you? Maybe I can help- if it really is that urgent you’re gonna need all the help you can get”.
“No. No- I need you to stay here.” Steve spoke out to me, a firm tone telling me that was the final word.
“What- what could be so urgent that you need to leave now- but you don’t need my help?” I stated, exasperated by Steve’s lack of explanation.
“I just- I can’t, I can’t tell you that right now. I’m so sorry.” Steve told me, and I could tell he was truly sorry.
But I also knew that I was truly exhausted. Exhausted of always having to read his mind. Exhausted of never knowing what I was gonna get. Exhausted of always being an after thought to him.
“Are you kidding me, Steve? Are you actually being serious?” I said, stomping my foot in the ground like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
“I am so- I am so tired of this, Steve! You act like I’m some afterthought, and you will just abandon me for your friends in a goddamn millisecond.”
“I am so, so sorry baby.”
And then he ran out the door and slammed it behind him.
“You are hopeless, Steve! Truly hopeless.” Max told me, shaking her head in disappointment.
“What the hell was I supposed to do? Bring her with me? Tell her I was going to fight inter-dimensional monsters? In case you forgot max, I’m trying to keep her as far away from this shit as possible!” I told max.
“Okay, sure, I understand that. But still Steve, running out on her like that is truly a new low. Even for you.” Nancy stated, agreeing with Max.
“I know, I know. But, I mean god. I just, can’t I just be selfish? Can’t I just want to keep her as far away as possible from this?” I asked my friends, genuinely seeking their advice.
“I mean, I’ve never met anyone like her before. She’s so kind, so incredibly kind. And she’s the most giving person I’ve ever met- like she would give the clothes on her body to somebody else if they needed them.” I downed on, looking to my friends, reading their confused expressions.
“My point is- she doesn’t deserve this. Max, you were in a coma for months. Nancy, your whole family almost died a few nights ago. And I was tortured by a bunch of evil Russians. I don’t want her to have to go through anything like that. Not ever. She’s too good for that- too good for all of this.”
Nancy and Max nodded sympathetically at me. I knew they understood. If Nancy could have it her way, she would have never gotten Holly involved. And Max lost Billy because of his involvement.
“Well, then maybe you need to stop being selfish. You either need to tell her the truth, or let her go.” Max added on.
“It’s unfair to keep dragging her along like this, it would drive anyone insane.” Nancy said, agreeing with Max’s’ statement.
It felt like my lungs were caving in just at the mere mention of letting her go. Like somebody was squeezing my heart through my chest. Did it really have to be one or the other? Why couldn’t- why couldn’t things just kept going on the way they were?
“But- maybe you don’t need to tell her the whole truth. Maybe just, baby steps. Start with introducing her to us first.” Nancy said sympathetically.
“Yeah- with how much we’ve heard about her, I’d love to finally put a name to the face.” Max told me.
I nodded at them, finally starting to see the vision in my head. Maybe introducing her to them didn’t have to be this big scary commotion.
Maybe I was just scared of having to share her with them.
It was 2 in the morning when Steve came pounding on my apartment door.
I opened the door slowly, still barefoot and only wearing one of his shirts.
His eyes were puffy and had a red underlining. His hair was disheveled and messy- a strict contrast to the perfectly styled hair he always wore like a mask.
He was holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand, a collection of purple, yellow and pink all wrapped in brown paper.
“You can’t just get me flowers and expect all to be well again.”
“I know.”
“I’m still angry with you.”
“I know.”
“Just because I’m letting you come in doesn’t mean I forgive you.”
“I know.”
I opened the door wider for him and allowed him to follow me inside the apartment.
He set the flowers down on my kitchen counter before he came and stood in front of me. He reached out for me, and then carefully retreated his large hand back to his side, like one touch could send everything out of balance.
So he settled for dropping to his knees instead. He settled onto his knees on the old wood floor, now making him eye level with my stomach. He reached out and set one of his hands in my hip, and the other one he gently slipped under my shit and slid it up my stomach.
Even when I was so, so angry with him- I still couldn’t deny how devastatingly beautiful he was.
He rested his head right above the area above my belly button- and I instinctively moved my hand to run it through his hair.
“I am- so, so incredibly sorry.” He spoke out as he kissed my stomach gently.
“I shouldn’t- I’m gonna try to be more open, it just, it just scares me so much angel.”
I didn’t know what to say. Here he was, on his knees apologizing, but actions do speak louder than words.
“Steve- I just, I can’t with the secrecy anymore. I can’t keep putting myself through it.”
“I know, I know baby.” Steve said as he kept gently kissing my stomach. He began moving his hands up and down my skirt- lightly pushing it up as he moved his hands up and down.
“Can I just- can I just please make it up to you baby?” He said, resting his chin on my stomach- looking up at me with this big glossy brown eyes.
I nodded twice before he was on me. He made quick work of pushing my skirt up and reaching one of his long fingers into the hem of my underwear and pulling it down until they hit the middle of my thighs.
One thing about Steve Harrington, he was most definitely great at eating pussy.
He moved his head to be right below my clit, and he immediately dove in like a man starved.
“You taste- so good, can never- ever get enough of you.” I think I heard him say.
But honestly, every thing just sounded like white noise when he got to work.
He quickly stood to his full height, just to bend down slightly and wrap my legs around his waist with ease and set me down on the marble of my kitchen counter.
“What- what are you doing-“
He grabbed me by the sides of my thighs and placed my legs on the tops of my shoulder and pulled me back towards his mouth.
He used the muscle of his tongue to move quickly around my clit, and bringing his lips up to it to suck on it gently.
“Oh god, oh Jesus, oh my god Steve.” I moaned out as I gripped onto the brown locks of his hair and pulled him closer.
“I know- I know angel, you’re doing so good- being so so good for me.”
He suddenly brought his mouth away from me and looked up to my eyes. He looked ruined. Starved, desperate.
“Do you forgive me baby, can you please just say you forgive me baby?”
“Yes- yes Steve I forgive you, just please- please keep going.”
That was all it took for him to move back towards my pussy and start using the wet muscle of his tongue again- like a man starved
“Your so- so beautiful angel. Too beautiful for me. Much too beautiful for me.” Steve said as he continued to suck gently on my clit.
“Steve- oh Steve.” I moaned out, feeling my release start to build quickly.
“That’s it, angel. Give it to me honey.” Steve said as he continued to suck harder on my clit.
“Oh- oh my god!” I practically screamed out as I rocked back and grinded on his face, trying to make the orgasm last on for as long as possible.
Steve gently pulled my underwear back up my legs with two of his long fingers and then gently pulled my skirt back down, looking impossibly smug.
He took my legs gently and set them back down on the edge of the marble counter - all while I was still struggling to catch my breath.
He ran a hair through his messy hair while he rested his arms on both sides of my legs and leaned in towards me, trapping me in his space.
“We good now?” He said, with a smug smirk lacing his face.
I jutted my lip out at him and turned my cheek to him.
“Oh cmon baby- just kiss me, just one kiss, just wanna taste you.” He said as his fingers started to creep up my sides and attempted to pull me closer to him.
I crossed my arms across my chest and kept my head turned away from him as he kept kissing around my face messily, trying to get to my lips.
I just kept moving my face away from his lips- playfully swatting at his chest in a lazy attempt to get him away. While he just let a cocky smile take over his face while he reached one of his hands to my lower back and pulled me closer to him.
“I just made you cum on my tongue and you wont even give me a kiss? Seems pretty unfair baby.” Steve said to me, poking his bottom lip to add to the show.
I finally turned my face so that I was looking at him now- and he still had that stupid smug expression on his face.
He leaned in closer, pouting his mouth out slightly for a kiss while I leaned away from him.
Steve got the hint and paused just centimeters away from my mouth.
“What? You still mad at me angel?” Steve said while he titled his head to the right.
“I don’t know. Give me a reason to kiss you Harrington.” I said while I smiled at him.
Steve let out a playful scoff before he leaned in closer and kissed my nose quickly.
“Well.. y’know there’s this nice restaurant called Enzo’s on the other side of town- and I was thinking, if you weren’t too busy, you would go with me? Tomorrow night? I’ll pick you up at 8?” Steve asked me, seeming more like a plan than a question.
“Now that’s a reason to kiss you.” I said as I gently laced my fingers in the collar of his shirt and brought him to my lips.
Steve had made good on his promise- he was over at my apartment at 8 o’clock - sharp.
I didn’t know the dress code for Enzo’s- but I knew I would rather be overdressed than underdressed. So, I slipped on a navy dress with a a tight bust but a flowy end, and was just short enough to be considered slightly scandalous.
I opened the door to my apartment and was meet with the face of a dumbfounded Steve Harrington- holding another bouquet. This one was an arrangement of white and blue flowers, wrapped in the same brown paper.
Steve’s jaw went slack. His eyes widened and his head leaned back, the whites of his irises on full display. His grip on the flowers loosened- and they threatened to hit the ground.
I reached out and grabbed them from his hand as I cocked an eyebrow at him.
“Steve- the last pair of flowers isn’t even dead yet.” I said- while I walked into my apartment and reached to grab a vase for the new pair of flowers.
As I reached into the cabinets to grab a vase for the flowers, I felt Steve’s arm wrap around my waist.
He locked his arms over each other as he wrapped his arms around his waist- preventing me from leaving his space.
“You truly are, the most beautiful woman I have ever met.” Steve said reverently, kissing my neck gently.
“Steve..” I said as I dipped my head down to hide the blush infiltrating my cheeks.
“I’m being serious, honey. You could have any person you wanted, I don’t even know why your with me. Seriously, I don’t.” Steve said, trying to play it off as a joke, but I could hear the insecurity hiding in his words.
“Well- I don’t want anybody else, I want you.” I said softly, turning around to kiss his cheek quickly before I grabbed his bicep and let him lead us to his Beamer in the parking lot of my apartment complex.
Once we arrived at Enzos, I was suddenly grateful for the dress I was wearing. It was clearly the nicest restaurant Hawkins had to offer.
Steve had gotten a booth in the back of the restaurant, mainly just so he could touch me whiteout the worry of judging eyes.
He had one arm wrapped around my shoulders, and the other sitting on my thigh that he had pulled over one of his legs.
He was rambling on about some problem- how the military was too involved in the quarantine, while I just ran my fingers through his hair, trying to listen intently to his problem.
And in that moment, I couldn’t ever remember what I was angry with him about.
But that didn’t last long.
Two boys suddenly sat on the other end of the booth from us. One of them was tall and lanky with dark hair, while the other one was shorter and stockier with tall hair.
“Steve- steve I know, I know we said we wouldn’t bother you tonight, but- but we really need you.” The one with tall hair said, attempting to catch his breath.
“Something, something went really- really wrong at the crawl tonight. We need you to drive us to my house.” The lanky one with black hair said.
“Please Steve, we need you. Dustin needs you.” The stockier one said.
Steve pulled his hands off my body and paused slightly before he immediately grabbed his keys and began walking out of the restaurant.
“Let’s go.” He said to the two boys, as if I was made out of thin air.
“Steve, Steve wait!” I said to Steve as I grabbed onto his forearm.
Steve looked down at me with a guilty expression on his face- as if he had just remembered I was there.
“Go. Take my keys and start the car” Steve said to the two boys as he threw his keys to them. The two boys nodded at him before they rushed out to his car.
“Baby- i am so, so sorry. But my friends need me.” Steve said as he took a step towards me and cradled my face.
“Steve, Steve are you being serious?” I said to him while he quickly leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
He began to walk out of the restaurant and then I knew. I knew I couldn’t do this anymore.
I couldn’t keep waiting for him to make up his mind. I couldn’t keep waiting for him to let me in all the way. I couldn’t with the secrets, the lying, never letting me all the way in.
Steve was halfway across the restaurant when I told him.
“Steve, if you walk out that door, this relationship is over.”
Steve’s whole body seemed to freeze. He turned his head behind his shoulder, only turning partly.
“I am so- so sorry angel.”
And then he left.
He walked out the door and started his car and began to drive off.
Leaving me alone, stranded, and newly single.
notes: EEEK I am so happy with this!! I hope you guys loved it just as much as I did. Trust me, part two will be happier!!
