Dear No One

@kiernan-floros

Kiernan Floros, Seventeen, Gryffindor. If you have something to say about me just say it. Most chances are I wont care. Chaser to Gryffindor Quidditch team and artist.

2,752 posts

Kiernan placed a hand at her back, signalling for her to walk with him. Other soldiers were on the streets if Hogsmeade, so he pulled up his hood so they couldn’t see his red face. “I didn’t kill the guy at the bar.. I killed a doctor because he wouldn’t help my dad.. I know that doesn’t make it any better.. but what if being a soldier is like.. My redemption.. God.. I miss when things were okay.I miss you.. I miss not being some metal freak.. “He finally admitted.

Gwynevere started walking by his side, one hand clutched. What was he saying? She barely recognized him, even though a small part of her was trying to hold on to the last thing she saw of him before they separated. “Who are you trying to fool? Yourself? The people you’re working with? This isn’t about redemption. It’s not and it’s plain to see.”

By now both if them were utter messes. He brought her into his apartment, because outside, Kiernan wouldn't let himself show emotion. However inside his apartment was a different story. On almost every surface was art, emotions he purged when he was alone. But now he was with her. The first girl he'd ever fallen in love with. "It's not.. I.. I'm sorry, Gwen.. I'm sorry for everything.. for not listening to you and all my fucked up issues and letting you go.."

Kiernan’s hands shook from the sudden trauma of the wall and he had to tuck them under his arms to keep from shaking to much. “But I’m gonna scare you one day.. I scare me.. I killed a guy, like a normal guy with kids.. and I was at a bar and some guy bumped into me and I blacked out. You’re my friend and I dont want to end up hurting you. Not any more than I already have..”

She listened, and as always, she didn’t say anything at first. She fell silent, searching for something else to look at because looking at him was truly unbearable. Her chest was hurting but it had nothing to do with her illness. It was a lot worse. “Only thing about you that’s hurting me is knowing all of this, looking at you… You didn’t deserve any of this. You don’t deserve it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

Kiernan placed a hand at her back, signalling for her to walk with him. Other soldiers were on the streets if Hogsmeade, so he pulled up his hood so they couldn't see his red face. "I didn't kill the guy at the bar.. I killed a doctor because he wouldn't help my dad.. I know that doesn't make it any better.. but what if being a soldier is like.. My redemption.. God.. I miss when things were okay.I miss you.. I miss not being some metal freak.. "He finally admitted.

diggerstephensonrg-blog

“I’m on border patrol duty right now. This is where I’m s’posed to be.”

I’m out of uniform. I can be here if I want.

“First and foremost, we’re friends, and that doesn’t change. People do, friendships shift differently overtime, but they’re not… prescindible.” His hands were a lot more swollen than they were actually bleeding, but she let him take hers without any opposition. “Your choices are yours and I’m no one to judge you for them, Kiernan, you should know better. Know me better.”

Kiernan’s hands shook from the sudden trauma of the wall and he had to tuck them under his arms to keep from shaking to much. “But I’m gonna scare you one day.. I scare me.. I killed a guy, like a normal guy with kids.. and I was at a bar and some guy bumped into me and I blacked out. You’re my friend and I dont want to end up hurting you. Not any more than I already have..”

She clenched her teeth, staying close but not moving any closer to him. It had been his choice to do this, and that was exactly why they had parted ways. She couldn’t convince him otherwise and she couldn’t follow after him. She felt so much for him, and she wanted to be there, she wanted to make things better, the way she did when he was still in school and he had problems, but this was excessive and she didn’t know if her presence would make any good or not. “And hurting yourself is going to fix it? Any of it? You weren’t supposed to do any of this in the first place.” Sighing and swallowing, she extended her hand. “We need to fix your hands.”

For once, Kiernan was letting Gwen see him. Truly see him past his chilvarous exterior, and see his quivering self. Kiernan couldn’t be strong all the time, and after supporting his family over seas and drinking almost every night to drown out the taste of random women, this was simple and nice. He took her extended hand and stood with his head low, like a beaten dog willingly following the first sign of compassion. “You’re not gonna like the guy I am now..”

She felt a void at the pit of her stomach when he started punching the wall. She felt like stopping him but if there was something she knew, it was that it was best to let him get things out at his own pace after she managed to get him to talk. She stood there, waiting in silence, unafraid. It pained her so much to see him like this.

When the first fist dripped crimson in blood, and was raw from the brick wall, Kiernan switched and grunted until his puinched became slower. Kiernan was guilty of the man he had murdered, the innocent one, the man he’d taken from his family because he was angry at his own loss of a father. He had wrapped soldier’s bodies and collected their dog tags to send to their families and most of all he had failed as a man. Kiernan rested his forehead against the wall, and gripped the cross that hung from his neck. “I’m not a man..” he said quietly. More to himself than to her. “I’m just some angry kid.. scared shitless..”

Gwen stared at him a little longer before sighing, her blue yes fixed on him. You know I don’t believe you, Kiernan Floros. What was she even supposed to say? She was in no place to tell him what to do but him, acting like that… “I believe the first part. The ‘good’ I don’t believe and I wish you would tell me the truth instead of standing there all strong and thick when I’ve let you seen me at my worst.”

Kiernan didn’t even know what to say to Gwen. Yes, he’d seen her at her lowest but Kiernan never let anyone ever see him when he was weak. His smile faltered and he raised both of his hands to rub the back of his head. He paced back and forth, swaying on his heels and rubbing his face. “I’m.. I’m not good.. Gwen..” he sighed. Kiernan was feeling inner turmoil, he felt his barriers falling and it upset him, triggering his temper. Kiernan moved away from her, and punched the brick wall in front of him a few times with all his force

“That’s the plan.” She nodded at his question. “And yeah, hopefully it’s the last. Unless this guy in here…” She pointed at her chest. “Says otherwise. He’s been behaving a lot, lately. But sometimes it’ll fuck up.” Looking at him, rather intently too, she couldn’t help but to ask something very important. At least to her it was. “Are you okay?”

Kiernan was far from okay. Loud noises triggered panic attacks, he’d lost good people in raids and he had a temper that would often snap at unsuspecting people. And most of all he missed his family and his island. He scratched his arm. “Ah.. well, they put you out there for battle, you see some shit. They bring you back and forget they fucked you up.. But I’m good, you know me. Always fighting.” he chuckled.

diggerstephensonrg-blog

“You’re close enough. Come on, just put it out, the thing smells like shit.”

There’s no one out here to smell it but you. So you can just go back to your school.

diggerstephensonrg-blog

“Well, I would, but none of the others are smokin’, so I can’t ask them to put their cigarette out while on school grounds.’

“Well that’s to bad, seeing as how I’m not on school grounds.” He pointed to the school gate a few feet away from him.

“I’m fine now. Thank you. You don’t have t’keep doing that, surely you know.” She added, still breathing a little heavily but each time with a little more ease. “It’s going just as good as school can go when you don’t really care about it in the least. At least it sounds that you’re as busy as we thought you’d be.”

Kiernan looked up, then the same tight feeling in his chest occured the same night he picked her up for the valentines day dance. Damn her eyes. “Yeah.. I was in battle for a while so they decided to put me here for now. You thinking about leaving the house after graduation? Last year, right?”

“I’d laugh if I wasn’t feeling so short of breath.” He was still doing what she made him promise he’d do, that did nothing to improve the awful feeling in her chest, but at the same time she was thankful. In a way. It didn’t matter so much now, as they were technically no longer together. Leaning against a near wall and placing her hand there as she paced her breathing, Gwen sighed. “How is that thing going?”

Kiernan chose to still keep his head down until she either allowed him to, or he heard her heavy pants melt. “It’s going.” he shrugged. “Stand in one spot, salute my officers. Escort women and children at night. Go home and drink a beer. What about you?”

I just got off duty. Ask another soldier or auror.

She had been in that same position for a few minutes, and she only stood straight after recognizing his voice. “If I remember well, you used to like my legs. Or so I think. I don’t know, you never told me. I’m fine. The usual.”

Kiernan knew she didn’t like when he asked if she was okay, and even looked down at his shoes because he remembered her request not to look at her. “I told you I liked you. That goes for your legs as well, unless theyre not yours in which case I should probably apprehend you.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m simply out of shape.”

I know you are. You’ve got skinny legs. But.. it’s my job to ask “Can I be of any assistance, Ma’am?” because I have to ensure the saftey of the citizens and stuff.

#I thought of going to bed and then I was like NAAAH

semperhqads-blog

She wondered then, feeling his fingers tracing her scars in such a delicate manner, if that had been the reason why she sought after Rodolphus’s touch after his cousin walked away. The gentleness, the softness, it was unbearable and it only worsened the knot in her throat. She didn’t dare to look at him, until his hand was on her knee. She clenched her teeth and held everything back as she had been now for a while. “I’m very conscious of what comes out of my mouth.” She sighed, pulling her dress up back into place, just a little. “I’m… sorry I threw the book at you. And I’m sorry I punched you. I’m done with people laughing at me.”

Kiernan slowly stood. He had a way of standing, as if he was a servant before a queen, and did this for everyone. He was queit for a second, then simply gestured toward the shower. “You should bathe first. I only get enough hot waer for one hot bath a night. I’ll go after you.”

riley-macallister-deactivated20

And who is this commanding officer? Though I enjoy the compliment like any girl would, I really don’t need help going anywhere, but where I want to be and that wouldn’t be the Slytherin common room, I might add. Rules are made to be broke, sweetie.

My Leuitenant, miss. Why are you out so late at night when Hogwarts has a curfew?

Dear No One @kiernan-floros - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag