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@kigendragon
Hello and Welcome!!
This will be a roleplay side blog for Lisa Pacifist, a character in Final Fantasy Unlimited. You can call me Sol. I'm not the best at introductions so forgive it being a little short and sweet at the moment.
I do have a carrd if anyone has any questions, and if there's any after that, feel free to ask, I don't mind answering if I have left anything unclear!! Hope people enjoy!!
image from @symphonicsoul
⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ There are too many people here and he can't keep track of all their faces. He's adjusted to Sugar Cube n' his family but there is that tall guy that's taller than Tree Guy and he doesn't really know what to make'a him. Fuery is here, so that's good because at least there's a familiar face and that Cid guy isn't too bad. Kinda crazy though. Reminds him of Win'.
He misses Al.
He knows he has to trust his brother and that he can't be running off wherever the hell he wants, when he wants in a place like this because if something preventable happens to him when he does find Al, his brother will have his head for being a fuckin' idiot.
So that leaves him here, trying to help Cid keep the kool-aid colored puffballs alive with all their complicated medical issues and how none of them seem to be able to go five fucking seconds without getting injured somehow.
There's a woman walking into the kitchens while he works on the next batch of simple syrup for IV bags since Creamsicle's dumbass is still in bed and he finds himself staring at her for a moment because for once there doesn't seem to be anything fuckin' weird about her. She seems normal for the most part.
"Hey." He sounds at her from across the room. "Weird question, but, you human?"
@kigendragon he's looking at you
She smiled briefly at him when she entered before deciding not to bother him. he seemed busy with something and she was trying to find something to eat herself. Granted, that was only after Miles had asked her if she had even had something to eat today, and then insisted she did, in fact, need to go eat something right now.
So she's searching for, honestly anything, when he asks if she's human.
First Sielu, and now this boy? Is it seriously not obvious that I'm human?
However, thinking about it for a moment, she supposes the need for clarification isn't that odd. Not for Wonderland. There are those that seem human but aren't, Kaze being a fairly decent example. He isn't human, but aside from the Magun and a few other, smaller things about him, he looks human. It wasn't really a stretch for this kid to think she could be something else, especially if he knew Kaze wasn't human either.
"Maybe somewhere else it would be, but I guess it's not that weird of a question here. But, yes, I am human. Are you?" She says, deciding she might as well ask him as well. He looks human, but, again, looks were deceiving. "My name is Lisa, by the way," she added.
She's gotten her bit of food together, nothing much, of course, but enough to satiate any hunger, and sat down. She still gave him plenty of space when she did, looking at what he was doing curiously.
@symphonicsoul || Aamunkoitto “I really think you’re blowing this out of proportion.”
She startles a bit at the unfamiliar voice, and she's frowning slightly when she turns to see an equally unfamiliar face, although he appears to be a Misterican if his brightly colored hair- very long hair at that- and horns are anything to go off of. His words have her confused however as she crosses her arms over chest, practically holding onto herself like she's bracing herself for something.
"I... I'm sorry, I don't think we've met, yet," she begins, because in all honesty she has no idea who he is or what he's referring to. She had thought she was alone and just mumbling to herself and pacing to work through her recent frustrations. Honestly she didn't think anyone would've heard her especially when she was just trying to clear her head and had tried to make sure she was alone to do so.
.·:¨༺ ✩★✩ ༻¨:·. "We haven't formally met but my bond is very upset and so is my Liege. My name is Aamunkoitto. If that's too much for you then Aamun is fine." He sounds with a sigh as he crosses his arms over his chest.
"You're Lisa, am I right? My bond, Valo, is extremely upset and I honestly haven't seen him this upset in a while. I'm not here to guilt you for it, I'm here to tell you that this isn't that deep. Pilvi explained his frustrations to me since Valo is sleeping and it sounds to me like you're going in circles, which honestly is typical of you Soil Souls."
He sighs his weight a little as one hand moves to his hip and he starts to speak with the other.
"Let me give you some advice. We don't speak in circles. We're very direct. Spirals make us dizzy and they throw our Mist all out of whack. If you can't be direct with someone of the Mist you're just going to piss them off. We say what we mean and we mean what we say. There are no hidden meanings. It's not that deep."
"Aamunkoitto... alright," she repeats, saying his name like she's making sure she'll get it right before using it again.
When he speaks again she nods, confirming he also got her name right as she listens, her expression falling a bit as he brings up Valo. He didn't really need to guilt her for it, she was doing that just fine on her own, so she was thankful that wasn't what he was trying to do, and she listened as he says she's going in circles. As he says it's 'typical' of Soil Souls.
It doesn't make much sense at first and she honestly just wants to tell him that she didn't intend to 'talk in circles.' But, she keeps quiet as he continues.
She thought she had been direct before, honest at the least. She hadn't meant to be indirect in any way and she's still trying to pinpoint when she was and when it went downhill, or more so how to avoid that happening again.
She nods as she takes in his words, fidgeting a bit with the ends of her hair. "Thank you, for the advice... I'll keep that in mind," she says, and she does mean it, even if the idea of being any more direct with anyone than she was is a mildly concerning idea to her. It feels like she'd just be running head-first, full-speed, into a brick wall at this rate. What she had said already had gone so spectacularly downhill that she just wanted to avoid it happening again. Being direct sounded like the opposite of doing that...
But, she still decided to keep what Aamunkoitto said in mind, just like she said she would. It would do her no good to not listen to him, after all, especially when he wasn't coming there to make her feel guilty or to scold her.
So she would be more direct with them from now on, as terrifying as that seemed the more she thought about it.
{{ Please reblog this if you’re a mun who’s open for angst plotting. Death, pain, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, illness, misery, fighting, screaming, tears, hate, disgust, trauma, graphic gore, etc; I’m in need of threads. Thank you. }}
((I have realized I've committed the crime of not introducing Zub, Lisa's tiger companion. I should amend that.)) She was originally just exploring outside of the Comodeen and the area around it to familiarize herself with their surroundings and get some fresh air in the process. But, suddenly, there was a faint sound, like some kind of small animal crying. She followed the noise out of curiosity, soon finding a small animal. His coat was dark, with light colored stripes, and a little tuft of a mane in the same color as his stripes. She frowned a bit, glancing around for the cub's mother. He looked like a variation of the tigers that were on Earth, and the last thing she wanted was for this cub's mother to return and find her near him. It was unlikely she would respond well to that, understandably so. However, there was no mother in sight, no sounds of her moving in the area, no signs of her closing in. Nothing. And this cub wasn't quiet, the poor thing was crying his lungs out for his mother, his fur standing on end at first as she looked at him and their eyes met.
She expected him to try and attack, which would be a feeble attempt at his size, even with the sharp teeth and she was sure very sharp claws. But, he simply wasn't very large and it wouldn't be much at all to keep him back from anything vital.
However, the poor thing seemed to lack any true survival instincts.
He wandered up on paws still too large for him, making him fumble as he cried out pitifully for a mother that it was, painfully obvious, wasn't coming. She stayed still, not wanting to scare him, or to upset anything by comforting him. And yet, that's exactly what his goal was. He nuzzled under her hand, crying- crying to her.
At the realization, she sighs, gently gathering him in her arms like a large baby.
"We need to find your mother, and I need to hope she isn't going to be too upset with me," she said softly to him, smiling as he seemed to calm down now that he was in her arms. "You are cute, but I'm sure your mama is very worried about you," she added, walking through the woods in hopes of finding the mother tiger, and silently praying to any god- or the universe, or whatever- that may be listening that the mother wasn't going to charge at her for having her cub.
However, she found no sign of the mother- or no sign she was alive. She found arrows and a blood trail, which led her to think the mother had been hunted- killed. Whoever had shot her either had no clue she had a cub, or didn't care. Lisa wasn't above hunting, but killing a mother and leaving her cub unable to fend for itself was just cruel, wasteful, and careless.
"I'm sorry... It looks like you're stuck with me. I'll take care of you... Zub. I'll call you Zub," she decided, playfully tugging on the big fang hanging from his mouth as he played with her hand, wrapping his large paws around her arm.
She carried him back, keeping the little cub close- not that he would leave her regardless. He was safe and sound right where he was.
((enjoy the sketches for Zub, he was made before the thing about Lisa being imprisoned, hence why her arms look different in the baby Zub sketches, but that IS her holding him as a cub in the sketches, and then the first drawing is him when he gets BIG))
Why DID you come back to Wonderland?
"I don't really have just one reason... There's... Several. Some might not be as good of reasons as others, but all are why I came back...." She's fidgeting with her hands, and then the ends of her hair.
Some reasons may seem more selfish than others is what she means, but admitting that has only caused problems so far.
"I came to close the portal, for one. Or at least try to. I suppose I didn't really know if I could- but I opened it, so logic has it that I should be able to close it, right? And I did. I guess I could've done it from the other side of the portal, but that goes into another reason I came back. I came back to get away from Earth. To escape after I was charged with treason under my father's empire."
Her father raises another issue, one she would rather not be a problem at all, but the fact of the matter is that he is here, and he is already causing problems wherever he goes- as she expected.
"My father is also here, and with Chaos also still being a problem, my father will only make things worse, which is the last thing Wonderland and its people need. I want to stop him, but that does mean finding him and figuring out how to stop him."
She sighs heavily, before putting a smile on her face, trying to focus on the more positive reason for returning, what she wished more than anything could be the sole reason. "But I also came back for my friends, like Miles, and Cid... It's been good to see them again, to know they're okay. I missed them, more than I could probably explain..."
"The twins are here, too- I didn't know they would be here, but they are, and I care about them, it's just another reason to stay, to make sure they're safe- the best I can at least..."
Do you really think you'll ever have a home Lisa
The question has a more harsh feeling to it than she cares to admit- it cuts further than she wants to say it does. She wants to call the Comodeen home- she does- but is it? Cid says she's home. Her friend welcomed her home, and yet she knows of two others who think her a liability for being there.
Can she call this home if she's causing trouble just for returning? If her presence itself could bring them harm?
Or maybe Chaos would want her to think that way- Maybe those thoughts alone would make them correct, would make her a liability more than she already might be. She really can't be sure. And regardless, there's nowhere else to go. She can't return to Earth. This has to be home...
Because if it isn't home, then what is?
"Yes... I- Of course I do." She has to force her gaze from the ground, "I have a home."
She wishes her confidence wasn't forced- wishes it had truth to it- wishes it was real.
It isn't.
How close are you to Cid?
"I don't know if I would say he and I are very close... Although he is the first person I've told about what happened back on Earth. Or at least somewhat told about... that. So, maybe we are close? Closer than I am to most people here, except for maybe Miles..." She smiles a bit as she thinks about her previous conversation with Cid and opening up to him.
"Actually, Cid and Miles are probably some of the first people I could confidently call my friends."
"Cid is my friend."
@symphonicsoul || Aamunkoitto “I really think you’re blowing this out of proportion.”
She startles a bit at the unfamiliar voice, and she's frowning slightly when she turns to see an equally unfamiliar face, although he appears to be a Misterican if his brightly colored hair- very long hair at that- and horns are anything to go off of. His words have her confused however as she crosses her arms over chest, practically holding onto herself like she's bracing herself for something.
"I... I'm sorry, I don't think we've met, yet," she begins, because in all honesty she has no idea who he is or what he's referring to. She had thought she was alone and just mumbling to herself and pacing to work through her recent frustrations. Honestly she didn't think anyone would've heard her especially when she was just trying to clear her head and had tried to make sure she was alone to do so.
random misc dialogue … sentence starters
“No, you’re hurt.”
“Don’t touch me.”
“You stole my heart.”
“Oh, yeah? Make me.”
“Don’t talk back to me.”
“Oh, sure, you bet’cha.”
“You’re so broken inside.”
“You can’t go in there alone.”
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.”
“Don’t you have things to do?”
“If you fall, I’m going to laugh.”
“You’re such a dork. I love you.”
“Have you ever gone stargazing?”
“Like you would ever understand…”
“I just want to know what happened.”
“No, there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“You have the worst sense of humor.”
“Do you want to go on an adventure?”
“Did you ever find out why they did it?”
“I don’t need a hug. I need vengeance.”
“You have the best smile I’ve ever seen.”
“How long are you going to stand there?”
“You’re so painfully oblivious some days.”
“Do you need me to back you up on this?”
“You’re not royalty, stop acting like you are.”
“Did you lose your glasses/cane/mobility aid?”
“I just need to rant for a second, is that okay?”
“If you’re gonna be such a chicken, just leave.”
“You’re the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen.”
“Yup, I heard it as soon as I said it, just let it go.”
“I don’t have proof, but I need you to believe me.”
“When was the last time you actually felt happy?”
“Yeah, I’m weak. What’s wrong with being weak?”
“How have you survived on your own for so long?”
“I really think you’re blowing this out of proportion.”
“I just want you to know I’m here… if you need me.”
“Look me in the eyes and say that again, I dare you.”
“I feel like I’d find more lively company in a cemetery.”
“Are you really sorry? Or just sorry you were caught?”
“You’re really not worth all this of this. You’re just not.”
“I know its dangerous… that’s why I brought you along.”
“How have you stayed so gentle through everything…?”
“Being a jerk isn’t the same as being strong, you know.”
“You’re a better person than you give yourself credit for.”
“Thanks for sticking with me. I know it hasn’t been easy.”
“I keep having the same nightmare. And it just won’t stop.”
“Are you actually living, or are you just fighting to survive?”
“Nothing wrong with admitting you need a hand sometimes.”
“Hey, if you need to bare your chest, I’m right here. I’ll listen.”
“I just want to eat pizza and pass out, is that too much to ask?”
“I needed you to know… you’re the most important part of my life.”
“Don’t tell me you’re being honest, because you’ve done nothing but lie.”
“Okay, maybe we all just need to step back and calm down for a minute.”
“I know its been a long time, and I’m sorry to show up out of the blue, but — “
“I just need to be wrapped up in a hug and squeezed back into my body, please.”
“I’m going to be here for you, no matter what. Come hell or high water, I’ve got your back.”
“I’m tired of being strong all the time. When is it my turn to break down and be told, ‘its okay, you did your best”?
She's listening to him carefully, even as she's leaned back with her head in her hand in frustration. She's frustrated with herself, frustrated that she just can't seem to get this right, and to the point he's explaining to her impact over intent. She doesn't know how to explain that she's trying without also sounding like she doesn't understand that or sounding like she isn't listening. She is. And she's kicking herself over the fact she doesn't know what the hell to say, or do.
What's the right thing? What's the wrong thing?
Does it even matter when I can't seem to get the damn words out right?
Stupid question- of course it matters, I just keep messing it up and knowing it matters doesn't make this easier.
She's no stranger to other languages herself but finds herself so lost on words all at once.
It was a special kind of frustration.
"I- I know.. I know that words aren't just words... And I know I've been fumbling over mine, and rambling, even... I just-" she sighs, closing her eyes as she leans forward, her other hand meeting her head as well as she rests her elbows on the table in front of her, her fingers entangled in her hair as she tries to find the right thing to say.
"I'm trying to get this right, Kumo... I don't want to be careless- and I know that doesn't matter because regardless, I was-but I'm trying not to be, honest," she says, finally, after taking a moment to even think of how to say it. She was trying to keep an even tone, but the cracks in her voice came through despite that, which also added to her frustration with herself...
And hell, maybe even that wasn't the right thing to say. It was the truth. She was trying. Really, she was.
But that felt ridiculous, too. Having to try so hard to just say how she felt and finding the right way to say it so it didn't get misunderstood. It should've been simple, really, it should've been. But dealing with herself and not some faux personality was a lot harder. And that felt like a stupid problem to have.
It felt pathetic, if she was honest with herself.
She's sighing again as she sits up a little straighter, finally opening her eyes to look down at her hands, which are now clasped in front of her, until she is absentmindedly fidgeting, tracing over the scars. "I'm trying, to not be careless with what I say- Which might be a little worse given I've still been fumbling so terribly... But I'm trying..." She glances up at him, hoping she hasn't made this worse. She feels like her heart is trying to burst right out of her chest with how nervous she is that she has. But she really, really hoped she hadn't managed to upset him further.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ There is a heavy sigh that leaves him as she speaks and he listens. He hears her. He hears "I'm trying" four times and consistent rounds of "I know I'm being reckless but -" and it's testing his patience if anything else.
It's testing his patience and he's reminded of why he told her to stay behind the last time they found Chaos all over again. It's a fast reminder of why he told it was too dangerous for her to come along and he's fairly positive now that she failed to understand him then the same way she's failing to understand him now.
"I know you're trying Lisa," he starts with a heaviness hanging on the air of his words. "- but trying isn't good enough in a place like Wonderland and you should know that by now. I understand having to explain this to people who just dropped in this world but I shouldn't have to explain it to you. Chaos doesn't care if you're trying. Chaos only cares that we're miserable."
His hands remind laced together as the pads of his fingers start to push pressure against the back of his hands and he resists the urge grind his teeth a little.
"I was handing you insight on why Opettaja Valo is so upset and the only thing I am handed in response is declarations of trying. Trying doesn't fix the problem. Understanding does and this is why he called you arrogant. Humans who can't see outside themselves. Humans who feel they are owed information and that they can demand it simply by being here.
I did not take kindly to being told that 'Whatever my issues were you would find out.' You are not owed that information and you barely know who I am. Cid knows me better than you do. I owe you nothing, but I again, attempt to extend you grace and I am given "trying" in response."
He's sighing with Mist rolling out his nose behind his mask as his lips tug down into a low frown.
"I told you to stay behind the last we saw each other and that it was too dangerous for you to come when Black Wind and I engaged with Chaos not because I think you're incapable but because your emotional negligence would get us all killed. Even if we can revive, you can't, and your inability to probably hold your emotions would only strap the battle with undue difficulty that would end in all of us getting injured or worse. I shouldn't have to explain these things to you Lisa. Our foe is too great and trying isn't good enough. I told you it was too dangerous because you're a liability. "
Jade narrows down as deep green irises become smaller as he speaks.
"So while I understand that you've come back here of your own volition because you think you can help and it's 'better' here, never fail to forget the rest of us aren't here by choice. We can't just try to survive or forget that Chaos exists.
My binds do not know of Chaos' existence and hell will hath no fury like my own if they find out by lips other than mine. You mistook my age because of my face, but you also mistake your place here. Don't make this more complicated than it needs to be. You know what Chaos is capable of, so you, of all people, I shouldn't have to tell to wake up and take this seriously. You can't just rush through Wonderland like a careless tourist like you did last time."
|| I put it in the tags but she had lots to get out here so uh- tw for the very long post- it's a lot.
She feels her frustration growing, and she's not sure if it's with herself or him, or maybe both? Definitely both by now, but most of it is because she really, really doesn't know what else to say or do here. What is she supposed to do?
She knows Chaos doesn't care. She knows they can't afford to have anything jeopardize, well, all of them. She is just now realizing he thought she was a liability and clearly still does- what a fun revelation. She told him she didn't actually think he owed her anything, information or otherwise, and she hadn't meant to sound that way before, that she would make sure to not imply that again because that isn't what she wants.
She also knows she's hardly come back there in the choice he's making it sound like. Like she thought it was going to be fine and easy and so much better. Like she doesn't know Chaos is there and causing- well, causing chaos.
She knows she can't revive like they can.
She clasps her shaking hands tightly as she focuses on trying to push down her frustration. The last thing she wants to do is for this to go any worse than it's already going and her own frustration boiling over won't help. She's tossing around in her head what she's supposed to say, or do now.
Part of her is tempted to just keep her mouth shut, but she can't do that because it would only seem like she isn't listening or is being childish despite just trying to keep her cool.
Part of her wants to just tell him she doesn't know what the hell the right answer is. She wants to, but she just doesn't.
He's saying her emotional negligence is going to get them killed as if she's just letting everything loose or tucking it away until she bursts when what she is trying to do is regulate but just as he said moments ago;
Trying isn't enough.
But what else can she do?
It was starting to feel like it was a mistake to come back with the way he is speaking, but her mind can only race with what else was she supposed to do? Stay on Earth, be hunted down for escaping prison, not closing the portal, which would only lead to more people passing through, and giving Igor just free rein between Wonderland and Earth?
Close the portal and trap herself there on Earth, just to inevitably be hunted down, most likely killed? Was it selfish and arrogant to want to avoid that?
She squeezes her own hand tightly.
He doesn't even know about that. That isn't what he means.
He's not meaning for any of this to sound as personal as it might seem and there is a part of her that wants to explain herself and then there's part of her telling her it will only sound like an excuse rather than an explanation.
Does it even matter what happened on Earth?
Probably not. It was one thing telling Cid but he also asked, Kumo hadn't. Probably wouldn't, and telling him just felt like making an excuse which was exactly what she was wanting to avoid.
It felt like her mind was racing and she still had yet to know what to say to him. How to explain anything without sounding like she was just giving him another stupid excuse. How to say she did understand everything he was pointing out to her and that reminding her wasn't changing anything. Staying silent wasn't much better but she honestly felt like she would make this worse if she opened her mouth to do more than let out a shaky breath as she tried to think.
Ultimately, she decides she needs to say something, although she doesn't look up from her own hands.
"I am taking this seriously. I have been taking this seriously." She's rubbing one palm with her thumb, trying to ease the aching she's fairly certain she caused a moment ago from her tight grip on herself. Her tone was a bit different, mostly because she was trying to push her nerves back and avoid her voice cracking. He didn't mean any of this personally, as far as she could tell, but it was hard not to take it that way, so she just tried not to react as if it was.
"I know I am not owed anything. I know I don't have some... place here... I know I cannot revive like you, or Kaze. I am painfully aware that my emotions got in the way the last time you all saw me, and I am determined to make sure it doesn't happen again.
I never came back thinking it was going to be easy, or necessarily a better situation overall. I'm not that stupid or naive. And I never wanted to be a liability. I have no intention of putting anyone here in danger more than they already are, or making things complicated."
It was hard to not be frustrated with the idea that he thought she was a liability. Kaze probably thought the same with how he also tried to make her stay back. Great.
Just fucking fantastic... Maybe I should've just stayed stuck on Earth.
Am I just putting them in danger by being here? Is that what he meant?
She leaned forward with her head in her hands, her fingers applying the slightest pressure, like she wanted to push the thoughts from her mind but they weren't budging.
"I don't want to be a liability, Kumo... I came back because it seemed like the best option at the time, especially to close the portal because keeping it open was definitely a bad idea. I know most everyone else here didn't choose to be here. I'm not taking this lightly and I haven't forgotten that by any means," she added, sighing. "If I really am that much of a liability, then maybe I shouldn't be here, but I don't know what else to do. Even if the portal was open, I couldn't risk going back. I... I couldn't stay there, Kumo... And maybe that is selfish but- I couldn't do it."
She felt selfish for wanting to stay no matter if she was a liability or not, but how could she feel any different after what her father had done? Her logic and her emotions were practically warring and it was starting to give her a headache.
She was tired. Both physically and emotionally and just tired of not knowing what the right thing to do was and feeling like she kept picking the wrong thing. But ultimately, she really couldn't go back. Whether the portal was open or not, if she had stayed or gone back, she would no doubt be caught again and they would make sure she didn't go anywhere a second time...
She watches Valo go, almost tiredly, watching their exchange as the two Mistericans speak their language. She watches as Valo leaves, leaning back in her chair as she fidgets with the ends of her hair, her gaze shifting away from his. "Don't-" She sighs, getting up, pushing the chair back in under the table.
"Don't apologize, you don't have anything to apologize for, and neither does he, I'm sorry I upset him," She told him, leaning her weight onto the back of the chair, closing her eyes as she took some deep breaths, feeling the need to calm herself down as well.
It's not like she was angry- she just didn't know what the hell to do.
'He's normally so patient.'
Leave it to me to screw that up somehow..
It was a hell of a lot easier to put on a smile and keep things short, leave less room for error. But that was tiring after the fact, and frustrating for other reasons.
It felt stupid and foolish to be so lost in genuine conversation, and worse she didn't really know how to fix it. It seemed like each apology she made irritated him more, or maybe her explanation, or maybe both, and then some.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ He's sighing and he doesn't know what else to do. She's leaned back in her chair and Opettaja Valo is beyond upset. He knows why. He knows how his bind is about words and really if anyone here knew, then no one knew better than he did. Opettaja Aamunkoitto might be his bond, but he was taught by the man and he's had his own sentence structure nitpicked relentlessly over and over again.
So his hands are folding on the table in front of him as he lets his sigh fall to it's surface, his Mist caught by his mask, as jade falls with it to focus on his hands instead of his companion.
"Opettaja Valo is going to nitpick every word that comes out of your mouth with scrutiny. If there is any one person here that you can't speak carelessly in front of it's Tähtien Valo. He's going to mentally tear apart every word you say at speeds I still can't process."
His posture deflates as he thinks about it and his eyes soften as if to think back to a time that was many many years ago.
"Opettaja Valo is a linguist by trade. It's his job to understand language and that means more than just our own. He speaks at least three at this point, but knowing him and the amount of time he's been in Wonderland, probably more. I speak at least six verbal languages without counting written and sign. If you add in sign, Opettaja speaks at least seven that I know of off the top of my head."
Air is pulled up through his nose and then let out again in another defeated sigh.
"That being said, he dissects language and that means words, text, body, sign, and tone. All of it. It's his job, to hear the unsaid. It's his job to understand what is being communicated even when it's not communicated clearly. He grew up in active war time and was one of the few people who spoke the enemy tongue with expert accuracy.
He doesn't take kindly to people who fumble their words, and no offense, that's all you've been doing. His mind is taking apart language at all times, every second of the day, to every single person he exchanges an interaction with. He's been doing it to me since I was five. I was just a small child and he still was extremely strict with how I spoke.
In turn, that means when I hear someone fumble their words carelessly, I also tend to get a little upset. I just am not quite so forward about it. Opettaja is right in what he's said. Impact trumps intent. That's why he got so angry. Words are not just words, Lisa. They carry weight and power and they can impact whoever they're directed at or about."
He's fixing his posture only for the prince to roll his shoulders back so he can sit upright properly again, hands remaining neatly folded in front of him before he starts again.
"Words can divide kingdoms, or topple armies. They can wage wars or end them. Words have the power to save lives or take them away. Words can crush souls or help them find salvation. You can't just throw them around like they carry no weight because the person you're throwing them at will feel every blow even if you don't know you're causing harm at all. That's what he meant by Impact over Intent."
She's listening to him carefully, even as she's leaned back with her head in her hand in frustration. She's frustrated with herself, frustrated that she just can't seem to get this right, and to the point he's explaining to her impact over intent. She doesn't know how to explain that she's trying without also sounding like she doesn't understand that or sounding like she isn't listening. She is. And she's kicking herself over the fact she doesn't know what the hell to say, or do.
What's the right thing? What's the wrong thing?
Does it even matter when I can't seem to get the damn words out right?
Stupid question- of course it matters, I just keep messing it up and knowing it matters doesn't make this easier.
She's no stranger to other languages herself but finds herself so lost on words all at once.
It was a special kind of frustration.
"I- I know.. I know that words aren't just words... And I know I've been fumbling over mine, and rambling, even... I just-" she sighs, closing her eyes as she leans forward, her other hand meeting her head as well as she rests her elbows on the table in front of her, her fingers entangled in her hair as she tries to find the right thing to say.
"I'm trying to get this right, Kumo... I don't want to be careless- and I know that doesn't matter because regardless, I was-but I'm trying not to be, honest," she says, finally, after taking a moment to even think of how to say it. She was trying to keep an even tone, but the cracks in her voice came through despite that, which also added to her frustration with herself...
And hell, maybe even that wasn't the right thing to say. It was the truth. She was trying. Really, she was.
But that felt ridiculous, too. Having to try so hard to just say how she felt and finding the right way to say it so it didn't get misunderstood. It should've been simple, really, it should've been. But dealing with herself and not some faux personality was a lot harder. And that felt like a stupid problem to have.
It felt pathetic, if she was honest with herself.
She's sighing again as she sits up a little straighter, finally opening her eyes to look down at her hands, which are now clasped in front of her, until she is absentmindedly fidgeting, tracing over the scars. "I'm trying, to not be careless with what I say- Which might be a little worse given I've still been fumbling so terribly... But I'm trying..." She glances up at him, hoping she hasn't made this worse. She feels like her heart is trying to burst right out of her chest with how nervous she is that she has. But she really, really hoped she hadn't managed to upset him further.
♪: three songs that remind me of my muse
|| I'm so glad you asked this you have no idea-
|| Afraid of Quiet by Lydia the Bard (a damn good song)- One of the very first lines is "Promise I'm fine when I'm not-" which is VERY Lisa core to be honest, and the song itself talks about anxiety. the line "Why can't I just calm down? Stop the sound?" is also true to her. She doesn't really know how to deal with her emotions in the present time and is learning how, which is also frustrating and kinda feeds into that anxiety as well.
|| Headlock by Imogen Heap- At first, this one was just vibes, however, the "Got your heart in a headlock" is pretty fitting for her too, because she kind of has in the sense of not letting herself BE herself. She also wants to give her all to those around her, but is, much to her dismay, a little afraid to, but she still strongly desires connection with others. "You know you're better than this" gives VERY much so the scene where she unlocks the Kigen Dragon in the Ocean Puzzle. "You've been walking, You've been hiding. You look half dead half the time-" also kind makes me think of her return to Wonderland (particularly Cid and others noticing the scars she now has, which definitely weren't there before.)
|| And, lastly, I'm Just a Girl by Florence + the Machine (their cover of the song)- This just- holy hell is this song Lisa?? Lyrically, any version works, but Lisa also just screams Florence + the Machine vibes, honestly all three of these could've been Florence + the Machine songs, but regardless, this song is very her. It feels like if she could've told her dad off properly for everything he's done, the fact she's been treated the way she has by him partially for being a girl, and now a young woman. the line "My apologies- What I've become is so burdensome-" feels very much so like her powers growing and evolving from what they were originally, from what even she thought to be the limits. and the line "living in captivity" and "Your rule of thumb makes me worrisome" is a bit more on the nose considering her father (Tzar of Russia, literally the ruler) did, in fact, imprison her. She was literally in captivity at some point, under his order. And still would be if he had his way.
★: a wish my muse has
|| True connection. Lisa wants nothing more than to make real connections and to have family and friends- real family and friends, and to be understood. She wants to have people she can turn to, and people she can be there for, and people she can be herself around. She loves so much, and she just wants a little bit of that, too, even if it feels like something selfish for her to want (it's not)
♉: is my muse prone to jealousy?
|| No, not really. Not in the sense most people talk about it??? Like, for example, if she likes someone, she isn't going to be jealous from them talking to someone else especially when she has no context, or if they aren't together. Or if she IS in a relationship, the other two just talking won't bother her, not unless her partner was actively trying to do so, but that would be less jealousy and more frustration for her partner doing that.
|| Now she IS jealous of others in a different way. As is evident in some other posts on this block (looking at you, thread with Valo and Kumo), she struggles heavily with genuine conversation. She's still trying to figure HERSELF out now that she actually has a real chance to, and is jealous of how others can be so sure of themselves and how they communicate when she feels like she's just kind of stumbling through... well, everything. She's so used to putting up a wall or putting up a front, a fake personality, or blending in for a C2 mission, that her own personality got pushed aside a lot of the time.
|| She wishes she could have the confidence others around her have, and to not feel like she needs to construct some persona in order to have a conversation. She had the issue in the series of putting on a fake smile, one that others noticed and pointed out, and Miles specifically points out when this finally becomes a genuine smile and laugh. She is basically learning to be herself when most people, she feels, are already capable of it and easily, and she's frustrated she isn't when she feels like she should be.
☃: does my muse like the holidays?
|| She often pretends to because usually people around her enjoy them, but ultimately, no, she doesn't really enjoy them or celebrate many holidays. She has celebrated certain Mongolian holidays when her mother was alive, but once her mother passed and she was sent off with her father, she has somewhat lost touch with said holidays, as he wouldn't allow her to celebrate them there in Russia, and eventually she stopped trying to, especially since she would be trying to celebrate it alone.
|| Being back in the Comodeen, she might enjoy it more with people to actually celebrate with, but she's not likely to bring it up to anyone to do so. In short- she probably WOULD enjoy holidays more if she had had someone to actually celebrate with as she grew up. She really doesn't even celebrate her own birthday at this point though. She will absolutely still celebrate with others though, and she would keep up with other's birthdays, she just isn't going out of her way to celebrate anything of her own.
Headcanon meme! Send me a symbol and I'll tell you...
☺: three things that make my muse happy
☻: three things that make my muse sad
✝: any religious beliefs my muse has
☎ : my muse’s ringtone
♫: three of my muse’s favorite songs
♪: three songs that remind me of my muse
★: a wish my muse has
☑: something my muse has accomplished that they’re proud of
☢: something my muse is afraid of
☂: what my muse does on a rainy day
→: is my muse any good with directions?
☮: is my muse a happy person?
웃: three people that are important to my muse
☃: does my muse like the holidays?
☯: is my muse more idealistic or cynical?
▲: my muse’s happiest memory
✄: is my muse creative?
⌘: was my muse good in school?
✿: is my muse an outdoors person?
♈: the most daring thing your muse has ever done
♉: is my muse prone to jealousy?
♊: is my muse smart?
♋: is my muse emotional?
♌: three things my muse is enthusiastic about
♍: is my muse shy?
♎: is my muse vain or cocky?
♏: something my muse obsesses over
♐: is my muse blunt or do they beat around the bush?
♑: is my muse an optimist or a pessimist?
♒: is my muse emotional or more detached?
♓: my muse’s biggest secret
