« written in blood »
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[Goku Black × F!Reader]
[act 1. death's door] [act 2. spiraling] [act 3. between a truth and a lie] [act 4. the people we leave] [act 5. between two liars]
[word count - 4.3k]
[synopsis - Goku doesn't seem to realize the effect he's had on you, but you don't realize the effect you're having on him either. And while you're all too aware of him, intent on ignoring your feelings for as long as you can, Goku doesn't seem to understand you or the feeling you cause within him. What he does understand is that he wants you at his side, and nothing will come in between him and his goal]
[tags - small mentions of death, reader has anxiety and probably ptsd, romance and fluffy feelings, reader can fix him]
[notes - I'm so rusty at writing romance even though I've been doing it for almost 10 years ugh]
[semi-proofread]
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Between Two Liars
Ever since your talk with Goku, he hadn’t been quite the same.
He hadn’t gone back to the abrasive man you had originally been introduced to, but he was more shut off than before. Before, Goku was willing to at the very least try to hold a conversation with you. But now, you were lucky to get more than a few words out of him at all.
You worried that you had pushed it, that your question about his family was way out of line. You didn’t know him, you couldn’t say you were friends, so why did you think you had the right to ask about something so personal? You made many attempts to bring it up, to apologize, but you hardly got three words in before he found some excuse to leave. And when it came time to treat your wound, he asked that you give him silence to allow him to focus.
It had now been almost two days of this now, your fifth day with Goku slowly coming to a close. More and more with each day, you could feel the wound on your side improving, slowly but surely. Goku had worked his wonders on you, and it would only be a matter of time now before you were back to the hum drum day to day, and you would part ways with him. The thought almost made you sad to have to say goodbye to him.
The book in your lap laid long forgotten, staring out the window, soaking in the warm summer breeze. As much as you enjoyed getting so much time off from work, you couldn’t deny that being stuck in your bed was beginning to drive you a bit stir crazy. With how quickly you were improving, you could now walk around your own apartment without too much fear of falling, but Goku didn’t like for you to push it. So, in bed you remained, trapped. It would have been a really good day to go out, too.
But you couldn’t stand laying in bed all of the time like this, you could feel your muscles begin to ache from lack of usage. Against Goku’s wishes, you slowly pushed yourself out of bed, careful not to twist your body too much for fear of another accident. The floor beneath your feet was cold, creaking as you made your way into the living room. Passing by the sofa, you spared it a glance, wondering if Goku had slept alright. You hadn’t given it much thought till now, but it couldn’t possibly have been comfortable sleeping on a sofa so many nights in a row. And even though he had done a miraculous job cleaning it, you still couldn’t forget the blood that had soaked it. Perhaps it would be best to consider replacing it, even if he did remove any visible traces of blood.
Faint noises in the kitchen caught your attention, turning away from the sofa as you looked for your caretaker. Even now, almost a week since the incident, it felt strange having someone else in your apartment. Aside from Aleina, you’d never had anyone over. Not even your parents came to visit, and certainly no partners. Maybe if you did have a partner, your parents would visit, if only to bug you about grandchildren, and moving into a proper house. As if you could afford that.
Turning the corner to the kitchen, you finally spotted the elusive man living with you. He was such a strange person, with the strange clothes he wore, and his refined manner and way of speaking. He almost looked like an entirely different person when he was acting so... domestic.
“Goku?”
The sound of your voice pulled him from his focus, slowly stirring a pot of spaghetti sauce. He looked up to you with wide eyes, and you weren’t quite sure if that was a look of surprise over seeing you up, or if he felt like he had been caught red-handed. Setting the stirring spoon down and wiping his hands clean, he turned to you with furrowed brows, giving you a look of disappointment or even mild annoyance. “What are you doing up? Did I not tell you to stay in bed?”
“You did, but...” You glanced around the kitchen as you walked in, taking it all in. It certainly wasn’t what you remembered. Within five days, he not only managed to clean your kitchen top to bottom, but you could’ve sworn some of your equipment and dishes had been moved around. It looked like he had made the kitchen his own domain, but you couldn’t really complain, you didn’t use it much anyway. And perhaps it was better like this. Looking around with furrowed brows, you made your way to the fridge, curious to see what he had restocked. Opening both doors, you were taken aback by the surplus amount of groceries, almost piling right out of the fridge. Staring in bewilderment, you looked up at him as he approached you by your side. “You know I can’t eat all of this, right?”
“It’s not just for you. Despite what you may think, I require far more energy and nutrients than the average person,” Goku spoke, crossing his arms. It was left unsaid, but his reasoning for that was because of how much energy was required to heal you at a slow pace, a side effect of this body. If he healed you too fast, not only would it compromise his identity, but it would use up too much energy, something he couldn’t risk. Not while he was being hunted down. He had to conserve his energy, and lay low, which meant making sure this body’s health didn’t fall behind. But that wasn’t something for you to know, so he leaned further into your line of sight, closing the fridge. “You didn’t answer my question. Why are you up?”
“I can only handle so much laying around. I can walk now, I’m doing better, and I’ll be careful. Plus...” your voice fell quiet, eyes drifting down to the floor. This was the most you had spoken since that day. You couldn’t let this opportunity slip away. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Is it important?” Goku asked, squinting his eyes at you.
“It is.” You answered right away, trying to keep your resolve firm. He stared for a moment longer, before letting out a hum of agreement.
“Fine. What is it?” He asked. A smile tugged at your lips, following him as he returned to the stove, turning off the flame.
“Well, um...” you paused, your voice sitting hesitant on your tongue. Even though you had wanted to speak to him about it, to try and amend things, actually talking about it felt like a daunting task now. Though he had mellowed somewhat and dropped the off-putting attitude, he still felt unapproachable at times, downright intimidating. “I wanted to talk about the other day.”
Goku furrowed his brows at this, looking down at you with a mild scowl. “You’ll have to be more specific than that.”
Scratch that; he still hadn’t quite mellowed out. Letting out a huff, you crossed your arms. “I mean that day we were... talking about our families. I wanted to apologize.”
You weren’t quite sure what you were expecting. Maybe guarded, quick to anger, or completely shut down. Goku was impossible to predict, but you thought you might have had an understanding of his personality at this point. But you certainly weren’t expecting the look of surprise, his eyes going wide as he stared down at you.
“Why?” He asked, his body stiff, fists squeezed tight. Avoiding his wide gaze that burned into your eyes, you looked down to the pot of abandoned spaghetti sauce. He did so much for you, the least you could do was apologize for overstepping your bounds.
“I shouldn’t have asked such a personal question when we’re not that close. I wasn’t really thinking at the time and didn’t consider that it could be a sensitive topic,” you hesitated, looking to the floor beneath your feet, to his pristine white boots that somehow never got stained. Apologizing was never easy for you. “My point is that, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was only trying to get to know you better, so you might feel more comfortable living with a stranger, but I only made it worse. I’m sorry.”
“There’s... no need,” Goku spoke, and as you looked up, you realized that he too had turned his gaze away, staring at your cabinets with wide eyes. “I’m simply just... unused to this. There aren’t many who know so much about me. But it isn’t something to apologize for, it is natural to feel curious about the one caring for you.”
“So, you’re... not uncomfortable, right?” You asked, Goku’s eyes finally moving back down to yours, making contact once again. Even eye contact with him felt difficult at times. It was almost overwhelming.
“I am not, no. But...” Goku paused, and a long pause at that. He held your gaze, his brows furrowed, as if lost in thought, debating with some unseen entity. But finally, he let out a long sigh, closing his eyes. “Thank you for your concern.”
That was a pleasant surprise, a grin pulling your lips up. “Of course. You’re my guest, I have to make sure you’re comfortable and happy here, even if I am incapacitated.”
You laughed, but then you remembered a thought you had before, switching the subject. “Oh, I almost forgot, I wanted to talk to you about something else.”
Goku hummed, and though you failed to notice it, his gaze lingered on you, on your eyes as they jumped all over the place with each thought that passed through your mind. He noticed each fidget of your body, each little nervous smile you made, still somewhat shy around him.
“I can’t imagine sleeping on my couch every night is very comfortable, and since I’m able to move and walk around more, I thought it would be a good idea to help you find a better sleeping situation. If you’d like, you could get a hotel room, I can pay for it, it’s the least I can do for everything you’ve done. You’ve helped me so much, the least I can do is help you with this.” You spoke, giving him a smile. Though you couldn’t be on your feet for too long, you were at the very least able to walk to and from your bathroom at night if need be, and Goku would be here during the day, so you didn’t see any point to him putting himself in the uncomfortable position of crashing on your couch anymore. You were more than willing to pay for his hotel room, and he’d start getting proper rest, something you were sure he missed.
“Excuse me?” Goku tilted his head in confusion, before furrowing his brows. “Are you suggesting I stay somewhere else?”
“Yeah! You’ve been helping me so much, but you need rest too, I could help you find a nice hotel if you need help, I—”
“No.” Goku crossed his arms, giving you a soft glare. “I am not going anywhere.”
“Huh?” You looked up at him in confusion. “You really don’t need to worry about me, I’ll be okay by myself at night, it’s not like I’d be doing much walking anyway—”
“No.”
Once again, he had cut you off. Now you were getting a little annoyed. He wouldn’t even consider the idea. It wasn’t that you wanted him out of your apartment; you actually didn’t mind him staying. It was simply the fact that you wanted to pay him back, that you were technically still indebted to him, that you wanted to do something nice for him.
“Goku, if it's the cost, I’m willing to cover it, just listen to me—”
“You don’t seem to understand,” Goku stopped you, stepping closer, into your personal space. “My answer is no. I am not leaving.”
“I’m trying to do something nice for you! Not to mention, you still haven’t told me how to pay you back yet, you said I’m indebted to you! Well, this is me trying to pay you back. I don’t understand why you’re being like this, I just—”
Goku raised his voice suddenly, saying your name in a stern tone. “I do not want to leave you by yourself. I left you alone for five minutes before, and you completely reopened your wound. Who’s to say what would happen if I were gone overnight and you pushed yourself too hard, trying to do something you’re not ready to do? I wouldn’t find you for hours. If I am to care for you, I will do it until I am certain you do not need me anymore.”
You stared up at Goku in shock. He was so much more caring than you had initially expected. Not to mention...
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say my name.”
Goku’s eyes went wide, before letting out a small huff, turning away. “Forget all that nonsense about me leaving. I was never uncomfortable, and you needn’t worry yourself. Return to your bed, I will have your dinner ready in a moment.”
He shooed you away, making you smile. He was certainly... a character, alright. Goku was so much different from the man in your expectations, but it wasn’t bad at all. You actually were beginning to enjoy it. He was... fun, in his own way.
Finally giving in and listening to him, you turned and left. When the kitchen fell silent, and he remained alone, Goku looked down to the palm of his hand, staring. A nauseous feeling twisted deep within him, like his body was revolting against him. His lips curved and moved to the sound of your name, mumbling it to himself, to hear the sound of it once more.
Flexing his fingers, Goku let out a frustrated huff as he ran his fingers through his bangs, bringing himself back to reality. You were far too distracting for your own good.
Two plates of food in hand, Goku made his way through the quiet little apartment, making his way toward your bedroom, where he expected you to be. But instead, he found you sitting comfortably on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, giving him a large grin.
“I thought since I’m able to sit up properly now, I should start eating in my living room again,” you spoke, pretending not to notice the slight annoyance written across his face. Goku let out a sigh, handing you your plate, before sitting down on the other side of the couch, making sure to leave a lengthy amount of space between the two.
Deciding that this was your apartment that you paid for and could use it however you pleased, you turned on the tv, setting it to some random hospital soap opera, keeping the volume low for Goku. You just couldn’t stand to sit in silence, even if it wasn’t that awkward. And besides, you haven’t gotten to just shut your brain off and watch tv in days; you deserved this.
Staring at the tv though, you found it hard to focus on the screen, their voices muffled in your mind. Instead, your attention was drawn to the man on the other side of the couch, watching him from the corner of your eye as he took slow bites of his food, his brow twitching in irritation every so often as he watched the show. Maybe picking a hospital drama wasn’t the best idea when living with a doctor.
Clearing your throat, you turned towards Goku, scooting closer to him ever so slightly. “I’d been meaning to tell you, you’re insanely good at cooking, I’ve never had food this good before.”
“It’s nothing special,” Goku mumbled, looking down at his own plate. When he had acquired this form, it came with a few needs he hadn’t quite been familiar with before, the need for food being one of them. To keep it in peak shape, he had to meet his daily nutritional needs, which meant learning how to cook such food in a short time. It wasn’t hard for someone like him.
“No, really. If you ever have to quit being a doctor, you could totally be a chef at some fancy restaurant,” you said, giving him a smile. “At least that way I could support your work without having to get hurt.”
You chuckled at your own joke, but your breath nearly escaped you as Goku’s lips curled into the smallest smile of his own, his eyes meeting yours as he spoke. “I will take it into consideration then.”
For a moment, you couldn’t seem to drag your gaze away, staring into his eyes, watching his lips move as he spoke. Something in your chest throbbed, squeezing tightly, as if it held your lungs in its tight grip, threatening to suffocate you. And once you had realized you were staring longer than was considered friendly, you averted your gaze, your hand moving to cover your lips, for reasons you couldn’t gather.
“A-Anyway, I saw you weren’t too interested in this show, I didn’t really think too much about it when I put it on, but it makes sense you wouldn’t like it, it’s probably not too realistic,” you were rambling now, reaching for the remote, ignoring the heat spreading across your cheeks. And though you were right that he wasn’t a fan, it wasn’t for the reason you were thinking, simply that he didn’t care for the drama. “Why don’t you pick something? We can watch it together.”
Goku hummed, before accepting. You scooted closer, sitting beside him and controlling the remote for him, as you had quickly discovered that he had no idea how to control it. You were starting to believe that maybe he really did come from somewhere out in the sticks, because who didn’t know how to use a tv remote?
You weren’t sure what to expect in the beginning, but it certainly wasn’t a horror movie. You weren’t the biggest fan of the genre before, but it only worsened after your attack. The screams echoing through your living room were ear-grating, but Goku seemed much too absorbed into the movie for you to ask to change it.
The woman in the movie, hunted by demons, had burst into flames, her body burning to nothing but a crisp, her deafening screams making you wince. Staring at her body, you were reminded of the other attack, the one you had seen on the news. Their body had been similarly burnt, as if they just went up in flames. There had been no other signs of a fire anywhere but on their body.
“I wonder if they ever found who killed that person the night of my attack...” you wondered aloud, and once the words left your lips you realized how tense you were, your voice struggling to get out. Goku looked down at you, furrowing your brows.
“You don’t need to worry about that, they won’t bother you ever again,” Goku said. The wording certainly sounded strange, as if he had taken care of them himself. But at the same time, it made something within you flutter to life.
“We can’t be sure about that, wh-what if they come looking for me? What if they try to kill me, just to do th-that to my body too? Surely they noticed my body disappearing. Plus, if they had been caught, wouldn’t the authorities have found out about my attack by now? Nobody has come looking for me, something isn’t right, I—”
The sound of your name cut you off, your eyes widening. You had been rambling, your eyes watering as your heart thumped wildly in your chest. Looking up to Goku, you weren’t sure anymore if the flutter in your heart was from anxiety, from the way he called your name and looked at you, or both.
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” Goku spoke. He turned his body to face you, and it was then you began to notice how close you were, how his form towered over yours, how if you leaned any closer, you would be curled up to his side. The heat in your cheeks returned, your heart fluttering wildly in your chest. “I promise that so long as I am here, no one will ever bother you again. So don’t worry yourself.”
You knew his intention was only to calm you down, but you couldn’t focus on anything but the sound of his voice, the way it made your body feel like fireworks. You couldn’t see anything but the shape of his lips, wishing they would give you more attention. You wished he would pay you more mind, so that you might hear his sweet voice all the time, relishing in the way it made your stomach burst with butterflies. More than anything, you wished he’d cup your cheeks in his large hands, leaning in as his eyes flutter closed, pressing his sweet lips into—
The sound of your name snapped you out of your stupor, looking up to Goku with wide eyes. “Are you feeling unwell? Your face is quite red.”
“Uh—” You inhaled too sharply, almost choking on your own spit. “N-No! I’m okay, I was just surprised, haha! I’m glad you care that much! But y-y'know, I should head to bed, it’s getting late.”
You flew out of the blanket so fast it was still falling when you jumped to your feet. Giving Goku one last large, nervous grin, you quickly turned and made your way to your bedroom. “G’night, Goku, see you tomorrow!”
The door to your bedroom slammed shut, hiding within the safety of your room. Leaning against the door, you drank in heavy gulps of air, like your lungs had been starved for oxygen. Your face burned, hot to the touch, running your hands down your cheeks. What was wrong with you? Was this Stockholm Syndrome? It couldn’t be, you weren’t being held captive, you could leave at any time. Then what was the syndrome for falling for your hero? Sure, Goku did save your life, but did it really qualify to make him your hero? And even worse, why on Earth would you fall for—
Oh. You had already admitted to falling for him to yourself without even realizing. Great. You were completely and thoroughly fucked.
Sitting alone in the dark, the movie having ended and rolling credits, Goku stared at your now closed door, where you had retreated for night. Perhaps he had said something wrong, with the way you had been acting. His chest ached, as if something important had been taken, and he was left empty, hollow. He already missed your presence, your smile, your laugh. You were so... pleasant to be around, he didn’t want to be around anyone else. But the shifting of the moonlight beyond the balcony door beckoned him, forcing him to stand.
“It took her long enough,” the man outside grumbled, crossing his arms as Goku Black crossed the threshold onto the balcony. “I can’t take this anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Black asked, already growing irritated by his partner.
“These things drive me mad. There’s never any peace and quiet to be found. They’re all violent selfish pigs with no capability of deeper thoughts,” Zamasu shivered in disgust, holding himself tightly. “Please tell me your pet is almost healed, my patience wears thinner with each day. I don’t know how much more I can tolerate of these things.”
Black sneered, fists balling up tightly. But he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He should have agreed with him, that these humans were thoughtless heathens, that you were nothing more than a pet to him, an experiment. But instead, his first instinct had been to teach Zamasu not to speak that way about you. You weren’t a pet, a pet didn’t have the capability to challenge his opinions with nothing more than being yourself. You were anything but thoughtless.
“Have patience, Zamasu. It couldn’t kill you to just lie low for a while and relax. It’s not as though I’m forcing you to watch over the humans at all times, you’re doing that of your own accord.” Black spoke, turning to look up at the moon. He hadn’t realized how accustomed to this world he had grown until Zamasu had begun to complain. Not once had those thoughts passed his mind within the last few days.
“You quite literally are forcing me! We wouldn’t be here conducting this nonsensical experiment if it weren’t for you! The original plan was for you to test that body out on this version of the Earth, and tie up our loose ends here. But you decided you wanted to linger on this planet longer, putting us at risk of being caught! You do understand that we are actively being hunted by a God of Destruction, right?” Zamasu turned his irritation onto Black, glaring at him, before a thought, a realization hit him. “Wait. Don’t tell me. You haven’t become soft for that thing, have you?”
“Excuse me?” Black glared at him, though the thought didn’t anger him nearly as much as it should have. He stepped closer into Zamasu’s space, grabbing him by his coat, Zamasu’s eyes widening. “You would do well to remember your place and stay in your lane. You’ve only made it this far thanks to me. You were a coward who could never take a single step towards our goals. You will follow me, and do as I say. You don’t have any room to criticize me.”
“Have you completely forgotten that we are the same person?” Zamasu hissed, meeting Black’s glare with one of his own. “If you did it, so could I.”
“And that’s exactly what separates us,” Black spoke, finally shoving Zamasu back, the Kai stumbling. “I started this. I will finish it.”
But whether or not that would be with his counterpart had yet to be seen. And something within his chest tugged tightly, feeling as though he were trying to lie to himself. But if he couldn’t be honest with himself, who could he be honest with?
ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ -xcherricutie
