hey. i haven’t been on here in a year now and frankly, i don’t actually know who’s still following me after all this time or if people can even see this account after the ban.
between the overwhelming amount of pedophiles, racists, transphobes, homophobic sex-shaming antis, and people harassing csa survivors on this site (and all of these, more specifically, observed in the hsrpc for years), i’ve had a lot to reflect on in since leaving last year.
i wish i could say i wholly forgive the people who have harassed me, my friends, and the several other people on this site undeserving of everything from invasive inquiries into past trauma to violent harassment campaigns over disagreements, but i do not have it in my heart at this time to forget all of the hate that runs so deeply in this community. i do not agree with the thought practice of “inherent moral purity” over people that you dislike. you do not have the right to call people slurs and send death threats to people because you believe you are “more morally pure,” regardless of the ways you try to justify to yourself that a person “deserves” it. a person does not deserve to have people tell them that they deserve to die, to be harassed into giving sensitive, traumatic details of their past, and they definitely do not deserve to be called countless racial slurs. not only is this a complete oxymoron of what being “moral” is, but it’s an incredibly harmful mindset that continues to perpetuate the same amount of violence against marginalized people.
i do not have it in me to forget these behaviors, however, i do hope that those of you that have treated others in this way find a better purpose outside of the internet that prominently effects your outlook on life and the way you treat yourself and others. i hope you one day find a life without hatred, a life that is more loving and kind, and that you are incredibly embarrassed by the way you have acted in the past.
i am sorry for you, but i am not sympathetic to your actions and behaviors.
my original want for this post was going to only say say “go fuck yourself” and log off. and it’s not that i don’t sincerely feel that statement — believe me, i have no problem telling any of the neopuritanical assholes on this site to fuck off — but more than that, i want to say fuck off and make yourself better. i don’t and haven’t had much care for sticking around to see whether or not anyone takes that advice. it has never been my responsibility to be civil in the face of harassment nor walk anyone through the baby steps of being an empathetic adult when they clearly have no interest in doing so — and given the amount of energy i’ve exhausted in the past trying to do both, i’ve found a lot more peace in allowing y’all to keep company with each other until you one day you — hopefully — decide to take the step towards empathy, compassion, and kindness.
and to all of the old friends, writing partners, and people that i haven’t gotten to talk to in a while; i miss y’all and i hope you’re living your best lives. i hope that you have moved beyond this site and have taken to writing somewhere more open and fun, and that your lives outside of the internet are for the most part positive and full of growth despite the state that the world is in. i love you guys, and thank you for all the years of good memories that i’ve been able to take with me.
