Nerdy & Dirty

she/her | 30| lover of all things nerdy and cute

[cheekylittlepupp]

It's time to start living again~

[kikithepixie]

I just wanna take a second to appreciate how good Astarion is with words. Like he really wasn't lying when he says he knows how to manipulate people's emotions through "love". Like the best example isn't when he says "I would never hurt you, I love you. That's what you've been waiting to hear right?" No. For me its when you ask him, after his ascension, if he will compel you now that you're a spawn. And he replies:

"Why would I need to? You're going to be wonderfully obedient."

Hearing him say this the first time in game did make me immediately think: Oh wow he really isn't going to compel us? But then I had to do a double take because it sounded awfully sus. And I think my first reaction in believing he is answering "no" to the question of will he compel Tav is due to how he arranges his answer. Him saying "Why would I need to" first, especially as a question, implies that he doesn't see any reason to why he would compel Tav. So by saying that first he manipulates Tav, and by extension the player, to hyperfixate on the first part of his answer which he makes sound like he is struggling to find a reason why he would consider compelling Tav.

Like we hyperfixate on the first sentence that the other part of his answer doesn't even register: "You're going to be wonderfully obedient". Adding this to his answer now sets up a condition that must be met for his first sentence of not seeing a reason to compel Tav to be true. Tav must be obedient. So now his answer isn't "I don't see why I would need to compel you, so no I won't" it is "Obey me and I won't need to compel you". Which means the answer to the question is yes, Astarion will compel Tav.

Like UGH he's such a well written character! His differences are so beautiful! Like look at this shit (in what I use every now and then as his alternate titles to spawn and ascended cringe lord):

Astarion the Manipulative Seducer

Astarion the Sincere

The difference is so..... breathtaking IDK HE'S breathtaking 😭

screenshot credit to @dailyastarionpics they're literally the goat with taking so many beautiful screenshots of this man ❤

[kikithepixie]

New Ascended Astarion kiss has me in TEARZ 😭😭😭😭 bruh the discourse I’m about to witness is going to be glorious because I’m messy as hell and love drama. 😁 Larian knew exactly what to tweet to farm for engagement I’m fucking dying lmaoooo

But like the first thing I wanna say in relation to this new animation is to all the girlies who misinterpret the wisdom(?) check to read his thoughts when he turns Tav, yeah he definitely thinks the PC is beneath him. Like getting on your knees like a dog just for a KISS is crazy. Girl stand tf up! 😤😤😤

[kikithepixie]

Every time I go to YouTube and watch a video of Ascended Astarion being insufferable I make the mistake of scrolling down just a tiny bit and see that vampire bride head canon being passed as canon lol

Like I know absolutely nothing about DnD lore but BG3 seems to have a thing about making parallels in Act 3 and referencing things discussed in Acts 1 and 2 so I’m confused as HELL as to where this vampire bride/groom shit is coming from since it is never discussed not one time in this game lmao

I know people are saying it’s due to the way that Tav is turned or whatever but I say consider this: Tav’s turning is quite pleasurable is because of the tadpole. Y’all know the major plot point in the entire game? Yeah. Like OF COURSE Astarion isn’t gonna fucking attack Tav, drain them dry essentially killing them, and bury them in the fucking backyard leaving them to dig through 6 feet of dirt. Y’all know why? Because Tav has a TADPOLE in their brain that allows them to resist compulsion so once they become a spawn Astarion can’t do shit to stop them from mollywhopping his pasty ass once they pop up from out that grave.

Anyway I think it’s a cute headcanon and would love to read fanfics about it but canon? Yeah I don’t buy it.

[cheekylittlepupp]

Come with me my love, and live your final night.

[kikithepixie]

reading those Ascended Astarion fanfics Hellish Rebuke and A Gift, A Curse for the 7th time so far

Shoutout to Bludavey and El_Emit on Ao3 respectively because both of those fanfics are my bread and butter that get me my tragic A!Astarion fix and I lowkey be reading these at work while my coworkers think I'm actually doing my job

[kikithepixie]

I just want to say that I do understand the plight of some players regarding bg3's lack of body type diversity. Because, as much as I appreciate it, Astarion should NOT have abs like that.

Like Astarion popping out from behind that tree with the 6 pack abs, defined deltoids and big ass chest and the veined up biceps and forearms is fucking crazy.... I was like.... wasn't he half starved and was only fed rats and bugs and shit? What the fuck did Cazador have them doing up in them kennels? Chest presses and lateral raises in between his victims? Was them rats' blood laced with protein powder? My god....

And don't get me started on Astarion's thick muscular thighs in them tight ass pants with the bulge all out...

Astarion: "There you are"

Me:

[cheekylittlepupp]

very normal about him

[kikithepixie]

I just want to say I don't know about any of the other Astarion stans but I for one absolutely adore that he was written so damn well that I can both love and absolutely hate his guts. Like I love characters that make me feel as many feelings as I can for them. And that includes the negative feelings like disgust and hatred tbh. If your character can't make me happy, sad, disgusted and angry then I don't want it.

[durgewyll]

WYLLVEMBER DAY 12: astarion

[dorindameddler]

I do love that in the epilogue when astarion is like “so it turns out killing people is actually fine as long as you’re doing it in the name of hero-ing” you can be like “yeah bro I tried to tell you that” and he’s like “yeah but I don’t listen to you when you talk”

[kikithepixie]

Wicked Whims-esque sex animations for BG3? I jumped on Nexus so quick! 🤭 I have no goddamn shame and I’m not about to sit here and pretend I do 💁‍♀️

[nywise]

[krembruleed]

astarion is cheating

[kikithepixie]

While lurking I just read the most disgusting take on Astarion in the main BG3 tag. And holy fuck is it actually disgusting. Like vile.

Like this person takes victim blaming to the extreme. To the point they call him a "spoiled brat" for wanting to be treated like a person and not like an object to be abused and tortured...y'know basic bodily autonomy? Yeah they think he's a spoiled brat for lashing out against Cazador for treating him worse than shit.

This person goes on to say Astarion knew exactly what he was signing up for when he "chose" to become a vampire spawn. (Mind you, he did not. He literally tells you he had no idea what he was signing up for and it isn't even shown in the canon that he did when he took Cazador's offer to avoid literally dying)

It's one thing to like the ascended ending and even to go as far as to make baseless claims about his ascension (ie. he is not manipulating Tav/Durge in the ascension ending, ect) but to go on and say that he deserves to be abused and tortured because he "signed up for it" to y'know.....avoid fucking death. Is sick and fucking sinister and reeks of: "I did not play Baldur's Gate 3, I only watched clips on Youtube and based my fucked up headcanons off of the limited dialogue choices shown in said videos". Because no way does anyone who genuinely interacted with Astarion's character in the game believe this shit. There is no fucking way these "extreme Ascended!Astarion" fans have actually played this goddamn game much less actually read and listened to his dialogue in the fucking game.

[dailyastarionpics]

A huge night full of well deserved awards and recognition for Larian Studios! Congratulations and thank you for creating such an incredible game!

[kikithepixie]

Okay but like my experience romancing Ascended Astarion really got me thinking of how terrified I am for my Tav. Like Astarion really for real won’t let her go. Not even if she doesn’t want to be with him anymore. And as awful as that is I also think about how he still won’t let her go even if he gets bored of their relationship and that literally makes me die inside for my Tav 😭

Like being stuck with someone who doesn’t even find you entertaining anymore is gut wrenching. Like Ascended Astarion is not only a pathetic insecure asshole but he’s also power hungry and I have 0 fucking doubts that he would lowkey be looking for more ways to obtain power and if that required another few thousand sacrifices then……welp... Like Tav really wanted the best for him and he really said “only the worst for you” as thanks 🥲

Like this makes me want to read all the tragic romance fanfics 😭