h
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@killafcrnia-blog
I almost had a panic attack, I swear. I have to film a bunch of stuff tomorrow and I couldnât find my camera for a good hour or so. I forgot where I had left it and of course, it ended up being in the most obvious place. I feel so stupid.
Donât feel bad. Itâs like when youâre spinning around in your room looking for your glasses and theyâre on top of your head. :/
Had quite the eventful night but this morning seems like itâs shaping up to be a good one, donât you guys think? Fridays are my favorite too so I might be a little bit biased hereâŠ
Nah, youâre not biased. Youâre right. Fridays are the best.
One of my favorite things to drink is lemonade. Which makes me wonder if itâs a bad idea to drink it.
Lemonade is amazing. Iâm not just saying that âcause itâs now permanently associated with Beyonce, either. Or âcause itâs my catâs name. Something about drinking lemonade just seems summery, tbh.Â
My stupid ass motherfuckinâ boss who I hate with a goddamn passion, is who.
You describing your boss like that isnât making me wanna kill them any less. What happened?Â
Send my muse an anonymous love letter!
Watch them try to guess who itâs from.
First day back at work and Iâm already contemplating leaving again.
Who ruined your day, and am I allowed to fight them?
I really need something new to watch. But I just canât settle on something TO watch. Anyone have any suggestions?
Thereâs SO many options, tbh. I guess itâs just a matter of settling on something. What kinda stuff do you normally watch?
Intuition | River & Devin.
river-ef:
It was a constant run around in circles with the pair of them. This looming sense of doubt holding them back from their ultimate goal, which clearly was to be something more than just friends. Whether theyâd soon be able to overcome that doubt would all be down to time, and essentially whether or not River would be able to change and at the very most give up the life heâs currently living â something he wouldnât dare drag anyone into, especially Devin.
As the male reached the pink haired beauties sofa, he casually plopped himself down; tapping at his knee as an invitation for the tanned female to sit herself down upon it. âIâm sorryâŠitâs just, shit, you know?â The elder man mused; a small hitch in his breath the indicator that he wasnât telling the whole truth. Obviously struggling to lie to herâŠespecially in person. âLook, DevinâŠthat? None of that had anything to do with you or anything you had done, trust me when I tell you the last thing I ever want to do is avoid you. Far from thatâŠâ he paused, his true feelings daring to creep up and make themselves present in this conversation. âI want to protect you more than youâll ever know; and last week? I was in absolutely no state to do thatâŠIâveâŠâ he paused again, looking down at his own feet in somewhat shame. Should he tell her? Could he lie anymore? Just lay the cards on the table and stop tip toeing around her? What if she wouldnât speak to him again? These were all questions that stopped him from doing this in the past, but he couldnât continue living such a lie in front of her any longer. âIâve not been totally honest with you, DevinâŠâ
People who were just friends didnât act the way that Devin did with River, and she knew that. There was some stupid adage that said men and women couldnât be friends without some other undertones, but Devin had enough male friends to know that wasnât true. She knew what friendship felt like, and that wasnât all this was. In the beginning, sure, but they were miles past that now and there was no way to turn back. There had been times where Devin thought that if River felt the same way, surely heâd have said something by now, right? Then she usually reminded herself that he was probably feeling the same trepidation that she was, and that it wasnât out of the realm of possibility that his inner monologue sounded a lot like hers right now. The truth was that they had a great thing going right now. A connection like the one she had with River only came along once in a lifetime. Nobody sane would mess that up. She would continue to cherish it, because so long as she couldnât bring herself to act on anything, this was where theyâd be.
Devin took note of what seemed to be apprehension, maybe a little bit of...well, she didnât know what other feelings were bubbling up to the surface for River right now. She couldnât quite put her finger on it, but clearly something had him feeling some kind of way right now. It made her feel bad to think that the handsome man sheâd grown so attached to clearly had something weighing on him so heavily. Best case scenario, at least sheâd be able to help and ease his mind, right? Devin sat on Riverâs knee, leaning into him and resting her head on his shoulder. âYou donât have to apologize,â she remarked. âI know that none of it had anything to do with me. You didnât do anything to me. Thereâs nothinâ to be sorry for.â The change of tone in Riverâs voice was audible, almost startling. She needed to make eye contact with him now. The dancerâs brow furrowed a bit, giving away how confused she was. âRiv, I know youâd never let anything happen to me, but...what do you feel like you gotta protect me from?â Devin hooked a manicured thumb and index finger around Riverâs jaw, prompting him to look at her. âI didnât wanna pry, okay? I didnât. I know if somewthing was really wrong, then youâd tell me, but I wanna help you. Whatever it is, you donât have to deal with it by yourself.â She swallowed roughly and exhaled a shaky breath. âI...I need for you to tell me what the fuck is going on.â
Intuition | River & Devin.
It was definitely somewhat part of their routine to see each other, not because they needed to, but merely because they wanted to. The relationship between them was certainly unlike anything anyone else has with either of them, and everyone was well aware of that. As a matter of fact, the people around them probably knew more about the depth of their relationship than they two would lead themselves on to believe. River knew the reason he held back his more âromanticâ feelings for Devin and wondered if she reciprocated said feelings; and if so, why she held them back. These were thoughts he pondered daily and hoped he would find the answer to one day.
Refusing to remove his arms from around her, he simply stood himself up tall, keeping both arms tightly clasped around her waist, slowly dropping to her hips as she gave him her typical 'Devin once overâ of his frame â trying to find the reason for said distance lately, which made him smirk coyly, knowing exactly what she was up to. âExhausted?â The male questioned, raising his eyebrows, slowly shaking his head just before he headed towards the living area. âI meanâŠyeah, I guess you could say that.â The male agreed; a small shrug accompanying his answer. âItâs a lot; working two jobs and all, y'know? Yet still making pennies.â The elder male joked lightly, a small chuckle following suit.
Looking back now, Devin didnât know when things had changed. She couldnât pinpoint exactly when she knew things had changed, but she knew now that there was no going back. She didnât want things to go back to how they had been. River wasnât just her best friend anymore. He was an integral part of her life. She wanted them to be more than friends, but she wasnât sure at all how to go about getting that to happen. And what if River wasnât on the same page? What if sheâd been reading him wrong this whole time? It annoyed her that she couldnât just out and say it. She could be blunt and brutally honest with anyone else in the world, but with him...it was different, for some reason.
âI just had to ask,â the younger woman admitted, a laugh accompanying what sheâd said. Devin shrugged. âIt sucked having you seem sort of distant these last few days, but I knew there had to be a reason. Youâd never like...avoid me or anything on purpose.â She stared down at her feet for a second before wringing her fingers together. âI was honestly worried that something was really wrong. I dunno if that sounds silly or not. I think not knowing got to me a little bit. You sounded like something was bothering you last time we talked, so I wasnât sure what to think.â Devin inhaled sharply, probably trying to choose her next words carefully; she felt like she was babbling now. âIâm just glad I can see that youâre okay with my own two eyes, Riv.â
Some dude at the physical therapist office. How sad, he really thought Iâd agree with him and feel bad about myself.
Fuck that guy. People just swear they can give their irrelevant opinions whenever they want.
Intuition | River & Devin.
river-ef:
Protective was definitely one thing River was when it came to Devin. The slightly older males lifestyle wasnât something she was aware of, nor did he want her aware of it; hence his very obvious distance from her as of late. The male clearly got into a bit of bother of which he couldnât disabuse due to the fact his body was the canvas of evidence to what happened to him. Avoiding her was something he had to do, albeit it hurt him to no end for the sheer fact he missed her so much when he couldnât see her. So now came the time he felt somewhat better, his outward bruises had faded and scratches had patched themselves up, to the point he could actually arrange to see the woman he referred to as his best friend.
Dressed casually in a pair of jeans, boots and tight fitting black âvâ neck, the male made his way up to the pink haired beauties apartment. A tight fist knocking stiffly at the door as he awaited her answer, which didnât take too long. A large smile couldnât be contained from his facial features as he laid eyes on the younger, petite female â dimples indenting his tanned cheeks as he playfully ran towards her, slightly bent down as he charged in her direction, grabbing her waist with two strong arms as he pulled her in for a warm squeeze. âYouâre just as I remember!â The male mused playfully.
Seeing River was largely routine for Devin. Itâd become something sheâd gotten used to and didnât have any intentions of giving up. That was a part of why sheâd been so antsy the last week or so. Not seeing him made her feel like something wasnât right, like her whole equilibrium was thrown off. Still, paramount to that was the matter of not knowing if he was okay. That feeling was even worse. Him being here was a bigger relief to her than he knew.
Devin bounded over to her front door and flung it open, a bright grin illuminating her face when she laid eyes on River standing in the doorway. He surged forward, and she was soon swept up into a tight hug. Devin all too happily returned the squeeze, throwing her arms around Riverâs shoulders. She scoffed playfully once he set her down, remarking that she hadnât changed. âI can say the same about you,â she remarked, poking River in the side. She gave him a once-over, tilting her head to the side slightly. âWell...for the most part.â The dancer went to close the door before turning to face River again. âSomething about you is just giving off these vibes to me. Like youâre exhausted.â If that was what it was, that was a relief to Devin. That was something normal, something that could be explained with no trouble at all. âThe gym and that side gig with Jax must keep you busy now, huh?â It would make sense to her. Something about River seemed...tired. Something was weighing him down, she could see it.
Intuition | River & Devin.
@river-ef
Where River was concerned, Devin spent a lot of time striking a precarious balance. When she worried about him, it wasnât because she didnât know how tough he was or because she didnât think he could handle himself. Sometimes, she thought it had more to do with her than it did with him. If anyone knew how fast life could come at you, it was her. People could be here one day and gone the next. That wasnât to say she anticipated anything happening to River, per se, but her past had greatly influenced how she acted toward those she cared about. Maybe she overstepped. Maybe she was overbearing. But the world could be a harsh place, and one of the things she felt she was good at was being there for people when it counted. River was probably chief among them, even if a certain air hung over him lately. She got the feeling there was something he wasnât telling her. Maybe her intuituition was off? In any case, she wouldnât pry. Making sure he was okay and just spending time with him was more important than her potentially having this hunch.
Devin hadnât been home long, having just walked in the door ten minutes or so ago from rehearsal. She flung her duffel bag just inside the door to her bedroom and changed clothes, fishing through the cabinets for a snack or something when the doorbell rang. She knew who it was. Sheâd said an offer was on the table, after all.Â
I need a good cuddle if thatâs on offer? đ
That offer is preeeeetty much always on the table.
I meanâŠyouâre kinda cute all the time, so the emotions doesnât really matter. đ
What yaâ been up to? Sorta miss yaâ nâ shit.
Stop it. And the emotions do matter, if theyâre yours.
Nothing remarkable. Hoping you were okay, mostly. Wondering if you needed anything.
Please do continue doing that thoughâŠI find it thoroughly entertaining.
Tan River >
Any other, tbh.
Iâm sure you do. I remember you saying something about me being cute when Iâm mad. Or worried. Or both. Probably both.
Any River >
But I might be biased, so ignore me.
âYou look like a man!â
First of all, I look like an Amazonian goddess, so jot that down. Second of all, donât be all pissy with me because youâre jealous that I have more muscles than you have brain cells.
Who do I have to kill?
