This year was crap for me and I have just felt like shit, except for a couple of weeks ago when it was far worse and I felt like I was just done. I couldn't take my required math class in the spring so I had to take it in the summer, meaning that I would not be able to go to college in the fall. Then I got my first job at sears. A few weeks later my dad was sick and he couldn't move. We found out that he had prostate cancer and some tumors on his back. He did not improve and had some tumors removed. The doctor then told us that it's terminal and he is paralyzed. My family would go back and forth to this hospital in LA as me and my brother watched the kids. Then I quit my job to work seasonal at toys r us because I didn't like working at sears.A little later the family decided not to have my dad in a hospice and to have him brought home so he can pass on naturally. Now he is in a hospital bed in our living room and the medication has made him delusional. My relationship with my father isn't so great so I felt confused by all this. I still argue with him even though he's in the bed because he's still stubborn and acts like a dick. I would feel shitty when family members would say that I look like him the most since I don't like him and I hate seeing my damn face in the mirror because it reminds me of him. I don't remember that many good things about my father and we weren't that close. That's one of the reasons why I went back to therapy. Plus, my older sister left us to go with her boyfriend because she got in an argument with my mom. I tried asking out 2 people and was rejected. One of them thinks I'm a stalker so that's fucking great. I'm a coward for not asking in person the second time because I just wanted to be rejected over the phone due to my previous rejection. That caused a disaster and now a good amount of people at sears hate my fucking guts. It was my fault. That also fucked me up emotionally and made me feel like crap. That whole situation, work and everything else are reasons why I don't go out with friends as much as I used to. It's the reason why I haven't drawn in months, listened to any new music or tried any stand up. I just don't know who I am anymore and I'm not myself, just some dumbass who can't figure out what to do with his life. I haven't accomplished anything this past year. I have just lost interest in things I like. Sure, therapy is helping a bit but life just sucks right now. 12/31/2015