Recommended song to listen to while reading: Somewhere In Between - August Wilhemsson
Y/N’s POV
I sighed loudly, the only sound that came from me as I sat watching the clock tick away its’ time. I wasn’t sure why I kept watching time fly by--it’s been at least three hours since I first laid my eyes on it--because I already knew the end result of today. The room was softly lit by the scented candles on the table I sat at; With the scent of cherry blossoms in the air, it almost made me feel that I wasn’t completely alone at home. Almost but not quite.
My eyes shifted to the chair across from me, empty, and in front of it, a plate of meat and a bowl of naengmyun; I wasn’t the best at cooking but I’ve improved over the years that lead to this day. I softly grazed my finger on the food in front of me, the seeping cold spreading through my index finger- There was no point in waiting as the food was no longer warm enough to enjoy and looked displeasing. It was a shame really.
If he had arrived at the time he promised, it would’ve been an enjoyable night.
• • • • •
“Are you enjoying yourself, darling?”
There was a soft laughter that filled the room, matching the warm and loving atmosphere of the room. We smiled at each other, both of our ruby lips mirroring one another. Our hands have been intertwined with each other for the longest time but had yet to feel numb. As we stared at each other, there was a slight blush on my cheeks. Despite being with one of the most handsome men in the world, staring directly at him still made butterflies fluttering inside my stomach.
“I am, Y/N. Thank you so much for everything that you do for me. I know that I haven’t been around recently but trust-,” I interrupted him, knowing the exact direction where this speech was headed to.
“Jin, I’ve told you several times and I’ll tell you again. It’s not your fault. You’re an idol with a busy schedule but we’re still managing to make things work out.”
His smile stayed on his face, only becoming slightly wider to reveal the small food stain he had gotten from his naengmyun. He nodded, closing his eyes.
“Besides...Weren’t you the one who gave me this silver ring? Don’t you know what that means?” I softly spoke to him in the most reassuring voice that I could muster. “Yes. It means I’m getting married to the most beautiful girl in my life,” He said, reaching over and placing a fluttering kiss on my nose.”
• • • • •
I tried to smile, trying to reassure myself that everything was okay. I told myself the same thing over and over against for the past couple hours because it was the truth of what was happening right now.
“It’s not your fault, Y/N. It’s been like this for a while...It’s okay.”
Quietly as I could, I picked up the plates of set food on the table and walked to the kitchen, first the side where I sat and then the side where Jin was supposed to sit. I wasn’t as big as an eater as he was so it wasn’t a surprise when most of the dishes came from his side; I was a little pickier when it came to food. Using the silverware, still polished, I gently began to scrape off the bits of food that I had left from eating. Sure, I waited but there was only so much waiting I could do before my stomach couldn’t handle the hunger; I ate my own food, no matter how much guilt I could feel in my chest by eating without him.
I continued to scrape bit by bit until at a certain angle, the moonlight reflected off the shiny material of the knife right into my eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of sleep or the lack of fresh air but the light seemed bright than it was meant to be.
Bright enough for the plate in my hands to slip through and shatter on the tile floor.
• • • • •
“You know...I’ve always found you beautiful.”
“R-Really...?”
“Really. The moment that I laid my eyes on you, my heart almost felt like it was about to stop or go out of rhythm. Even if you were afraid of us-of me- at first, look at where we are now. I can’t believe that you get more beautiful every passing second.”
“I…”
“Hey, don’t close your eyes. It’ll make me feel that you’ve disappeared from my arms.”
• • • • •
“Ouch…”, I hissed out.
It was a bad idea to pick up the pieces barehanded but it was the only choice; We-I-had ran out of rubber gloves to safely pick them up. The blood that lightly oozed out from my finger had begun to run down the porcelain piece that I held; I swallowed slightly as I stared the drop of blood as if it was a drop of water sliding on the window as if it was raining and I was looking outside just to admire the view.
From the plate’s reflection, I saw the deep bags under my eyes and the loss of life in my eyes made the soft smile more twisted than happy. Somehow, I wasn’t terrified of the image that stood in front of me; It was me so shouldn’t I feel afraid? Why wasn’t I?
It felt so comfortable-
No, more familiar than comfortable. A feeling of deja vu quickly flashed through my head.
Have I been in this same situation before? I brushed off the idea quickly. My main priority was to trash the broken pieces and to pack the uneaten food away. Taking extra caution, I picked up the remaining pieces from the floor-piling one on top of the other-and threw them away in the trash can. I felt relief hearing the porcelain ding when it came in contact with the metal bottom. It was relaxing…
All that remained was the food from the dinner table. While I was still here, I reached up to one of the closed cabinets, opened it, and grabbed 2 separate blue food containers of varying sizes: one small and one large. There were hardly used so they appeared a little dusty.
Nothing a little water can’t fix.
• • • • •
The sudden sound of water gently falling from the sky interrupted the silent moment between us. At the same time, we both turn around and were greeted with a window streaked with water in a matter of seconds. Without knowing, the two of them smiled.
“Jin, it’s raining!”He simply laughed at my excitement and agreed with a hum. A few seconds after, he rose up from his chair, pulling me along with him. I laughed, joyful that he knew what I wanted without even asking. I felt the blush creep up on my cheeks as we reached closer towards the door that led to our garden.
“Let’s enjoy the rain, Y/N!”
Moments after stepping out in the rain, Jin and I began to slow dance in the middle of the garden as the rain touched our close, joining us in our dance. There were blissful smiles on our faces as we looked into each other eyes…
As if nothing else mattered but the two of us.
• • • • •
Once the water washed off the layered dust on the containers, I wiped off any remaining water that glued itself to the container’s plastic with a paper towel. First, the small container was opened so that I could place the small bowl of noodles in it; It was slightly difficult with how thick the noodles were but I managed to tightly compact it so that all of it can fit in; Next came the pieces of meat, which ever so gently were placed inside the large container. Jin had always preferred his meat to be arranged in a certain way.
With the food packed in containers, I closed off both of them before opening the refrigerator to set them on the top shelf. They were placed right next to the unopened, uneaten food container of last night’s dinner. Sighing quietly, I closed the refrigerator.
In front of the freezer door was a medium-sized whiteboard stuck on by the magnet on the back. Yesterday’s note was still left untouched and unanswered. The couple, when first buying this accessory, had made an agreement to make a response to answer each other on the whiteboard notes if they ever came home late.
It read: “Jin, there’s food for you on the top shelf. Make sure to eat! - Love, Y/N,” with a smiley face and heart right next to my words. I repeated the same words just below yesterday’s message with the attached marker in its’ clasp.
It was time for bed.
Before bed, I liked to close the living room curtains before heading to the bedroom not too far from it. It was a good thing that the candles were still lit or otherwise, it would’ve been difficult for me to see.
Walking towards the windows, my arms were already up, ready to close the blinds as quickly as I could. A routine. Except for this time, it was different.
Outside the window was a perfect view of the neighborhood that was slightly dimmed by the streetlights. All of the other houses’ windows were dark with everyone most likely sleeping in their rooms; The cars were spacious from one another as they made a line down the door; There were some toys abandoned in front of the lawn of different houses, houses that I knew held kids that stayed up late, playing.
In front of our house was a hooded figure, dressed in all black, walking slowly through the neighborhood. What I saw that I found completely odd was that he was holding a black umbrella over themselves.
But it wasn’t raining…
• • • • •
“I love you…”
“I love you too..”
• • • • •
Perplexed, I watched the figure walk through my front pavement but just before he was out of my sight, he stopped. Turned around. And looked straight in my direction. Startled, I quickly closed the curtains, nearly having a heart attack. I just wanted to get this night over with...And the quickest way was to get to sleep right now. Desperate, I ran towards the bedroom only to stop dead in my tracks before I even reached the end of the bed. I almost forgot today.
Right on the nightstand was a small bottle of pills and a water bottle that was half empty from this morning. It made me nauseous to even think about taking those but it was for my health, for my better good.
Out of nowhere, the pang of loneliness became worse than it was earlier that night. Usually, he was there to help me calm down before I took them before the two of us went to bed together. Usually.
The house was empty of any human activity except for me. The moonlight from my window was the only thing that gave off a light in the room. I had no energy to even turn on the lamp. I sighed one last time, grabbing the pills and water.
Mustering whatever strength that I had left, my tiny hands opened both bottles. My fingers grabbed. A single pill that was quickly placed in my mouth and quickly swallowed by a rush of water down my throat.
Empty.
I decided to leave it open on the nightstand.
Time for bed…
• • • • •
Meanwhile…
Right outside their home, their bedroom, was Jin pressed against the wall, not wanting to be seen. There was an unbelievable amount of pain in his heart as he looked at his hands. They were shaking which made the singular object in his hand shake along.
A silver ring…
He had to bite his lips to stop himself from crying. It was his fault that things had turned out the way they did; It was his fault that they weren’t happy.
It was his fault, his fault...fault.
He had never thought that things would turn out this way; He had tried everything to prevent what he had feared the most and he had failed the one he truly loved with all his heart. He had seen the other possibilities of their lives; Seeing at how happy the couple grew, how their love continued to blossom--even with the occasional fights--but nothing was as bad as what he faced for real.
Y/N did not deserve this…
He knew what he had to do.
He just never thought that he would resort to it…
• • • • •
Namjoon. 11:00 AM. Monday.
For Jin:
Please think twice before you do the irreversible. Don’t you know that there is still hope for the two of you?
I don’t want to stop you two from achieving what you both truly want, what you two promised to each other. Isn’t that what you want? I promised you something years ago…
Is now the time to take action?
• • • • •
Taehyung. Sunday.
Y/N, did you know? I mean, about Jin.
“Huh?”Never mind. It’s nothing. Forget about it.
“...”
I can’t tell her. I promised her years ago that I would protect her from anything...Even if it means that I can’t protect myself from whatever is in the way.
Namjoon, what was your plan with our hyung? Did you see it too? These visions of horror and unbelievable pain or is it just me? Isn’t it raining somewhere else-a place where we can all be happy?
Where Y/N isn’t broken…?
"If we were meant to be, then why does it feel to be everything but that?"
-Y/N L/N
"Would you hate me if I told you what I kept away from you?"
- Kim Seokjin
• • • • •
Y/N L/N
June 22, Year 21
Do you ever seem to miss times where things were much simpler? If things were not as complicated as they are now, would you find yourself thinking about the past at all? There are nights where I find myself staring out the window, wondering about the impossible and the possible. Today was one of those days where I would sit still on the soft cushion of a shared bed, waiting for an arrival. Each time that I did, there would be an intense throbbing on my temple, but nothing I did would ever stop the pain. Usually, it would start within the first hour of the wait, but as I checked the time, now two hours of waiting, there was no sense of pain at all.
It was awkward to wait for a pain that would never arrive. Something didn't feel right. I should already be screaming at this time, grasping my head as the pain began to spread. Screaming as if my life depended on it. There was no piercing pain in my head as if an icicle had fallen right through it, but numbness, a cold and light numbness.
Somehow, this was more fearful than the pain I've felt previously. My body felt completely heavy, the sheets underneath me felt as though they were about to snap under my weight. The last thing that I felt was the tears beginning to slide down, which felt so much warmer than everything else.
And then, a sleep-like state overtook me before I realized what was happening.
T
• • • • •
Kim Seokjin
June 22, Year 19
Time is unpredictable. It's risky but it's all for the sake of perfection. Even then, perfection is like a house of cards; Stack the cards correctly and it'll turn into a masterpiece but one wrong mistake can cost you the game. It feels like a game but this is so much more than that.
I don't remember a time where time was not played with while making this house of cards. We had our joyful moments and I cherished them. It just felt that one threat was coming one after the other no matter what. Every line has gone out of place from their original plan. I can feel it; It's a slight change but a change nonetheless.
Feelings these changes really makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing if these changes are going towards a good cause.
But then I remembered what was most important to both of us.
We both wanted to be happy. For once, we just wanted to be at peace without hiding from everything.
So isn't this the right thing to do after all?
I
• • • • •
Kim Taehyung
September 10, Year 19
If there were signs in the beginning, then I must've missed them really easily. Was it out of obliviousness or because of these weird thoughts that played in my head? Not even the sight of the sea calms down the uneasiness in my stomach. This was the first time that this has ever happened and I panicked, not knowing what to do.
Flashes of blood, torn paper, painful cries, hospitalization played before my eyes almost an hour ago. I remember screaming to myself to make it stop, making myself look like a fool in the crowds of people. I mumbled an apology, quickly exited the plaza before things took a turn for the worst.
It was one of the most terrifying things that I had witnessed. I was so shaken up that my hands trembled with any movement that I made. I wished that my hyungs were not traveling separately for the holiday break; I wished that they had stayed at home or that I had gone along with one of them.
Something tells me that this was only the beginning. Something even more horrifying than what I had witnessed was coming. I don't know when but soon. The same pings in my head are playing again and before it changed, I took one last look at the glistening sea waves.
I hope you know what you're doing, Hyung.
M
• • • • •
Kim Namjoon
September 12, Year 20
His powers are getting out of control. Is he the one who controls it or is it control him? He believes that he is doing this for the right purpose but doesn't realize what pain it's causing.
I can see what he can't. I know the venom is flowing through his veins; There are hidden effects for each time that he uses it, each more powerful than the last. Soon, the effects might take place and who knows what it will take to save him.
I am the only one who knows what he is doing but the others, they won't believe me. Not my family and not even her. Why can't they see through his skin? What else is he doing to stop this madness inside him?
There is only one way to end all of this.
There is only one way for everything to come to a stop.
But this is a choice that he has to make.
Once he does, I'll fix everything so nothing will ever happen again.
The moment that J-Hope heard the doorbell, he nearly fell out of his chair from his open studio. Sure, he was easily scared at times--mostly all the time--but he fell out of his chair from being so excited. It was here, it was finally here! He flew out of his chair in lightning speed, almost tripping when he got up and opened his front door.
There, in all of its’ glory, was the album he ordered from the website, safe and sound.
The Wings Album.
He could feel the excitement in his body and couldn’t help but jump around at the front entrance. Finally, his 10th order of Wings had finally arrived. Smiling to himself, he grabbed the package and took it inside to his room, closing the door behind him. He sighed happily, almost crushing the new album against his chest.
His 10th order of the same album...He felt bad for ordering so much but was doing this for one specific reason. He hoped that the other ARMYs forgive him for hoarding so much to himself. For heaven’s sake, he already had enough to complete two full copies, W I N G versions and all.
But he had to. He had yet to get the one item that he had been wanting. He just hoped that this album had it.
When he looked around his room, sitting on his bed, it was mostly empty except dressers, packing boxes, and piles and piles of notebooks that used for his own music. This didn’t include the one specific bookshelf that he bought for his K-Pop albums or it would’ve been K-Pop except for one reason; There seemed to be no other group but BTS.
BTS…
BTS...BTS...His ex-family...
Hoseok could feel the tears swell up in his eyes, his inner sadness getting the best of him once again. Whenever he thought about his members, he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sadness inside his heart. No…
He didn’t have the right to call them his members. How could he?
He had left the group years ago. He abandoned them just when they had bonded together deeply and formed their own family with each other. He left them and never returned even though things were looking promising for the soon-to-debut group but he didn’t know that.
He left them. All because of his insecurities, his worries, his doubts, and so many thoughts that he couldn’t handle. Thoughts that haunted him each time he tried to rest or daydream. Thoughts that he started to think about as he saw other groups that had trained less than they did and debuted much sooner than they have.
He had no right to call them his members, his hyungs.
Not Namjoon. Nor Jin. Nor Jimin. Nor Taehyung. Nor Jungkook. Not even Suga…
Suga...
Suga…
‘Oh, Suga...Yoongi-hyung…’
Thinking about Suga hurt him the most; He was the member that Hoseok felt close to. They spent so much time together, building their friendship whenever the group had time off from training. The two were almost inseparable during their years together.
And he had betrayed that friendship by leaving the group and not once tried to contact them again.
“No, Hobi...It’s okay. You made the choice...It’s all in the past now..”
Though he told himself that everything was one, a weight was still pressed against his body, his heart heavy as he laid down on the sheets of his bed. At least he had stopped himself from crying out loud again. The last time that he had cried, he nearly dehydrated himself after crying for an hour straight.
It was okay...It’s been years since he had made that decision. He has made it somewhere in the industry business with his own music alone. He was fine with that...
“Hobi, check this out!”
“Suga!?”
His eyes became wide open as he snapped right back up on a sitting position. His head shifted back and forth, wanting to find the one who called him. Suga...Suga...Suga!
But there was nobody in his room. Nobody but him…
It was just his imagination playing tricks on him, right?
It felt so real...Like he could feel Yoongi close to his body, his hand on his own hand as he pulled himself to whatever he wanted to show him.
But he was nowhere to be found.
It was just him. Jung Hoseok, on his bed, staring into one of the few places that helped him calm down. The one place where he had hoped that this Wings album would complete it.
His Yoongi Shrine.
Even as an ARMY and even if Yoongi did not know himself, he was still loyal to his closest friend. Min Yoongi, his best friend during training that he betrayed who became his bias out of the entire group. Min Yoongi, the one he cherished the most.
Yes, it was still incomplete but Jung Hoseok was still working on it.
It helped fill the hole in his heart that he felt from the room that he lived in all alone for years.
The room without BTS.
The room without Yoongi.
Hoseok had come to terms with that, no matter how wide the hole in his heart was.
After some time of having this server and a few moments of planning, @l1ghtplayer and I, along with a couple of friends, are pleased to announce this!
That’s right! Our announcement is the beta launch of a A.R.M.Y. Discord! Allow me to answer some questions you might have in mind!
─── ∘ ♡๑*｡ ───
What is Discord?
Discord is a free website and app for people to freely chat and call with others globally or locally! Originally made for gamers, it has been heavily branched out by several and is now a huge online chat!
Why an A.R.M.Y. Server?
The people behind this mini project, including me, wanted another place for fans like us to reach others! Of course, this server won’t be exclusively ARMY but it was generally built around the concept of that. Think of it as Amino but an online server to mostly chat with others!
How long has this been in the works?
This has been in a process for at least a few months. Of course, it’s not fully finished yet but we wanted to share our current process and start to include people as well!
What does the server have?
Our server will include several channels that include a general chat for small talk, bias appreciations, introductions, fanfics, etc! We don’t have all of the features we would like to but if you suggest a channel for the server, most likely it will be added!
18+ Content?
I’m sorry but we will not tolerate this in our server. We want to keep this up to PG-13 as we won’t know the ages of our audience. It is highly likely that this will never be added due to several reasons unstated.
Can I talk about things other than BTS?
Of course you can! There is a whole channel dedicated to that called the general tab where you’ll freely be able to talk about things unrelated to be BTS!
Who are the members behind this?
There are a total of 5 members that were behind this mini project! Not including me, our server managers are a couple of friends named @l1ghtplayer , Allie, Nekomi, and @despairstolen (Some don’t use their real name for privacy reasons) so they, along with me, will manage everything behind the scenes!
How can I join?
Glad you asked! Unfortunately, as this is the beta version of our server, there will only be 5 slots available for joining. The team and I are very nervous about this so we decided to limit the number of people in for this run!
That’s not to say that we’ll keep it closed forever! For the majority of our team, it’ll be our first time fully managing a discord server, which is a little nerve-wracking. This post was to make a slight promo as we test out our server before it released to the rest of the community. We’ll most likely run more beta versions for testing our skills! Don’t be discouraged if you aren’t chosen for this run!
To join, please simply leave a comment on why you would like to join our server and a number will be assigned to you! Please do not forget your number as all numbers by the deadline will be, inputted in a random generator and pick our winners
Winners will be chosen by Monday 5 PM Pacific Time! The winners will then receive a DM from me and receive the discord link. If you don’t have a discord, please make one if you are chosen and I’ll help with making it!
If you have any other questions that weren’t answered, please leave them in the comment section, separate from your entry, and I will try to reply ASAP.
Good luck to all of you and future hopes of releasing this server fully!
๑ All Rights Administered by Bighit Entertainment. 가사 Watch in HD ^^ Comment, Don't forget Like and Subscribe ๑ INFO Artist: BTS V (뷔) Title: INTRO: Singular...
Singularity has now become my new favorite song and Taehyung has my love more than ever.
RM: I’m so conflicted between by idol and rapper identities that it’s tearing me apart, but I’m slowly coming to terms with my identity as a musical artist, so I’m gonna rap in a flow so intricate and sesquipedalian that y’all cant even pretend I’m not the best in the game, also I’ve read so many nihilistic philosophy books that I wanna DIE, but not before I’ve DRUNK my WEIGHT in LIQUOR and had a RAP BATTLE with GOD
Agust D: fuck all you fake rappers, fuck your moms, fuck high school, fuck the bourgeois, fuck depression, fuck social isolation, i cant trust nobody not even myself because im possessed by an evil rapping demon consumed by its lust for greed and fame, meet me in daegu for an ass kicking you fake fucks, i’ll kick your ass, i’ll kick his ass, I’LL KICK MY OWN ASS
Hope World: 🌺 ✨ 🌸 ✨ 🌺 WELCOME TO THE PARTY ZONE🌸 ✨ 🌺 ✨ 🌸It’s A Struggle To Maintain My Public Vs Personal Personas ✨ But I’m Still ✨ Like ✨ A Super Successful Idol ✨ So Life Is Pretty Sweet For Me Right Now ✨ I Love My Bros And My Fans ✨ I’ll Give The Haters My Free Flyer Points Since They Don’t Have Any! 🌺 ;) 🌺 🌈 follow ur dreams 🌈 i luv u 💖
