with rue ( @redemptioninterludeâ )
And Rueâs fucking barely able to move, sheâs fucking floating, sheâs ON HER KNEES, waiting for that, sweet uplift to drown out the sounds and the nightmares of what Lucyâs doing in that next room, she canât breathe, only, she can in one sudden, horrible take. And itâs not like she can sleep anyways, not with Lucy going on like that out there, finally, stumbling to her feet and into the frame of her door, barely able to keep it together when it opens save a narrow eyed glare. âCan you keep it fucking down? I get that you canât when youâre fucking whoever the hell you picked up off the street, but holy fuck Lucy, itâs like, 4 in the morning.â â
fighting is something lucy has learned from her fathers, biological and adoptive. she couldnât seem to escape turmoil even when brought into new homes, new families. and all of the new, new, new - it never made a new lucy. so if thereâs one thing sheâs mastered through childhood, itâs the ability to pick a fight. it doesnât really matter what the fight is even about, at the end of the day, so long as it keeps going - thatâs how you get the reactions youâre really craving.
what is it youâre craving , lucy ?Â
if she were better about all of this, she would be craving a way out. but she wants a way back in, she wants to carve herself back into rueâs heart. she wishes she could be the kind of person who could just say iâm sorry, and they could kiss and make up and all this could be over with. back to the way things used to be. all better. but it wouldnât be all better, and she canât bring herself to say it.Â
itâs my fault and i still canât bring myself to say it.
first reaction achieved, rue has emerged from her room - and seeing her face is a small victory. they avoid one another most days now, it feels like itâs been ages since lucy could meet her eyes. when they look at each other, she hates her own heart for revving its fucked up little engine.
âwe... need to talk,â lucy says, prickling as she tries to narrow down what about because yes, they do need to talk - but theyâre not going to have the conversation they actually should be having right now. she locks onto the piled dishes in the sink, the disarray of the countertops - theyâre both contributors, and their shared depression has definitely made the apartment look a little... worse for wear lately.Â
âwe need to talk about the kitchen,â she says, more confidently now. âi mean seriously, are you just going to get high all day and leave me with everything a ruined mess, over and over again? you donât even talk to me anymore, i donât want to pick up after you like this...âÂ
itâs a sore spot, because honestly, it was a jab about rueâs substance use that got them into this mess - itâs what sheâs refusing to apologize for even though she knew she took it too far in the moment. itâs sure to burn worse now that sheâs bringing it up like this. she hates herself for using it again to poke and prod - but itâs too late, whatâs been said has been said.
âdo we need a chore wheel, like, are we children? i canât even find my big pasta pot for sauce night,â she goes on, motioning at the cabinet left ajar. âi donât want to have to divvy out all our belongings and draw a freakinâ line in the sand between us, if youâd just talk to me like a person i wouldnât have to yell at you to come say hi once in a while... but no, you just avoid me now, like you do everything.â
i wouldnât have to fuck any guys to get your attention, either, lucy thinks but doesnât say - because she knows that really would be going too far, edging into hate you territory and she is, deep down, already so afraid that sheâs made rue hate her and itâs too late for them to ever recover from this.