King Keith Rool

Full name: Keith Rool Known Aliases: King K. Rool, Kaptain K. Rool, Baron K. Roolenstein, "Krusher" Roolginald Lisowski, Manfred K. Roolthofen, Pharaoh K. Roolesses the Great, and many more Age: 43 Height: 6ft 8in (203cm) Weight: 882lbs (400kg) First appearance: Donkey Kong Country - November 21, 1994 Voice claim: Benedict Campbell Current M!A: none

[kingkeithrool]

"So about that collection of Killer Instinct cabinets in Krazy Kremland..."

"Those are so we can play Killer Instinct, of course. It's a good game, made by a wonderful company... their name escapes me at the moment, but I seem to remember them being friends with Nintendo at that time."

[kingkeithrool]

@ujiidow

[kingkeithrool]

You've certainly changed your mind since this post! https://kingkeithrool.tumblr.com/post/182277654818/candy-was-considered-the-most-beautiful-and

"I have no recollection of that... maybe that's what started this whole mess, IDK? There was a whole buttload of drama between, all those Kongs I mentioned, and also @blusterthebenevolent and @funkycountry, @secondbananadiddy and @pinklovingchimp, with even @crankyreturns and @caramellakong getting dragged into the mix. 2019 was the year that @bananabraiined idiot, intentionally or not, along with his girlfriend 'Puffshroom' or whatever her name was, toppled all the existing DK role players like a house of cards. Then, he continued on like nothing ever happened... hmmm, I seem to have some unresolved issues with Donkey Kong.

Hey, @thecutestkong you wanna come over and have revenge 'snuggles'?"

[kingkeithrool]

The Simpless Wonder

Alright first of all, "Chickmagnet," if that is your real name; do you even know what a simp is? This online dictionary describes it as men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women, especially out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention or activity from them. Reread that post again. Those two women were going to be simping for me!

Also, that post is over 5 years old, and was resolved when @thecutestkong suggested the new URL @kongnextdoor which 'Stacy' ended up liking better anyway. So there never was an actual 'simping contest' at all... unfortunately. Candy and Tiny are two very attractive, very adult women, and I see no downsides possible. That @bananabraiined simpleton had even given his condolences on dating Candy... for whatever reason... I don't think he's a very good Donkey Kong role player, if I'm being honest. But that's beside the point, what matters is that we put the past, behind us.

Now, let us all hope I'm featured in the June direct, in the triumphant third installment of the 'Returns' series. Also hope that there is a third installment... come on Nintendo, it's been literally ten full years!

[kingkeithrool]

Hello, your majesty. I’m a huge fan of you and your work. I just had to ask, what are your thoughts on the Tiki Tak Tribe and the Snowmads invading Donkey Kong Island? Where were you when all that happened? And do you plan on paying DK a visit any time soon to get revenge?

"Ah, yes well, there's actually a fan project, called DKC: Return to Krocodile Isle that explains where I've been all this time, I don't want to spoil it. And it's not just like something at the end, it's explained during most of the song's runtime. And my preview trailer for the newest Smash Brothers was basically me 'paying DK a visit' although 'getting revenge' is more of this Sisyphean task where we beat each other up indefinitely.

Anyway, to answer your first question last, I though the Tiki Tak Tribe were a bunch of losers! It really hurt not being part of DK Returns, but then I wasn't even replaced with a decent enemy... or group of enemies. At least the Snowmads are... kind of imposing, I'll give them that. They're no Kremling Army, but they're at least better than those dreadful drum dorks!"

[kingkeithrool]

"Do you think you can take down the Territorial Rotbart that roams around Gaur Plain?"

"I don't know what that is... let me look it up on my phone.

I still don't know what it is. Some sort of... giant tailed Gorilla? I've beaten Rathalos before, this guy doesn't look so tough. Let's say yes."

[kingkeithrool]

"You know what, I'm just going to hibernate this account again for a few years, until something happens. Say a DK spin-off movie, featuring yours truly, played by Chris Evans. Here's a video of everything I've ever said in my life up to this point to tide you over until then, it will last two and a half hours."

[kingkeithrool]

"This is what I think of everyone who responded with your 'Tears of the Kingdom' nonsense yesterday."

[kingkeithrool]

"Not me, but I am in it. When you read that last video was the 'spiritual successor' to the Curse of the Crystal Coconut, this is the video they were talking about. It's great, but it needs a lot more me! It's May 12th, 2023; what else are you gonna do all day besides browse tumblr?"

[kingkeithrool]

"Come one, come all, watch DKC: Return to Krocodile Isle, the greatest animated short of this or any other century! The greatest because, of course, of the very special guest star who *might* be considered a spoiler, but I'm in the thumbnail, so all bets are off. Who else was it going to be, am I right? They actually got the legendary Benedict Campbell to reprise his role as my voiceclaim, me. And Adrian Truss as General Klump, and Ron Rubin as Kaptain Skurvy, and... sadly Len Carlson/Krusha passed away in 2006, but the voice matching is "astronomical" as one YouTuber puts it. Also, Richard Yearwood reprises someone or other, it's not really all that important.

In April we had the best animated movie of all time, and now in May, we have the best animated short of all time. What will June bring?

Pride!"

[shesamonkey]

A quick design to Queen Krapp (King K. Rool’s wife), i’m based in queen of hearts alice in wonderland (1951), King Panther and the old portrait of Elizabeth Tudor.

- Gregg Mayles “What about a reptilian revelation from the #DKCArchives for #5? Some early Kremling thinking shows that #KRool could have been called ‘King Klinker’ and he might have had a partner named ‘Queen Krapp’. Not the best names I came up with! #WorldDonkeyKongDay #DKC25” https://twitter.com/Ghoulyboy/status/1197507861678624768

Donkey Kong Country 3: - Baron K. Roolenstein (King K. Rool) “NOOO! What have you done? My wife’s going to kill me! I used all of her best pots and pans to make him… And then you just cast him aside as if he were a stack of empty tins!” https://youtu.be/XgHo678iYpU?t=65 DA: https://www.deviantart.com/chucha616/art/Queen-Krapp-833411784

[kingkeithrool]

“Gregg Mayles is a weirdo... why would my wife have a different last name than me? Especially if it were a krappy name like that. I’d imagine she’d want to get married just to change it. No, my wife’s name is 'Queen Rool' although, she goes by her first name, usually... just FYI. I’ll have to buy her an outfit/costume like this, though. This looks classy.”

[fanghur]

Holy shit, everyone, I think I just stumbled across one of the biggest mysteries of Banjo-Kazooie that has never been asked, let alone answered. I mean, I know that I haven’t heard a peep from anywhere about this, 

So here’s the context: I heard about Banjo and Kazooie getting into Smash, and went all nostalgic, and was listening to music on Youtube. Ended up on all versions of Gruntilda’s Lair (uploaded by Nick Sevarg) and shows a cleaned up PAL version of the game’s box art (I grew up with the American version instead)

Look At Grunty’s hand

You looking?

You seeing anything… unexpected?

On her left hand, on the ring finger… is that…

A MOTHERFUCKING WEDDING RING?

Oh, sure, it could just be a ‘magic ring’ for magical powers

But that could just have been on a different finger if that were the case. The middle or pinky finger would have been fine without the romantic symbolism.

Could it be the lighting? Well, no, though the original boxart seems blurry enough that that could be the case, you can see green skin above and below on the same finger joint; it’s a solid, defined band of red

So, Everyone in the Banjo-Kazooie community, I call you to action, to theorizing and debate…

Who the fuck looked at Gruntilda the Witch, the old cauldron bottom, the wench with a stench, the rhyming abuser, the kidnapper of little girls, and said to themselves “I wanna put a ring on that”?

[kingkeithrool]

Well don’t go telling everybody! Some secrets weren’t meant to be shared! She never did kill me for using all her best pots and pans and leaving only her cauldron, but after that she went through... ‘a phase.’ You’d understand if you’d known her before.

[kingkeithrool]

I am the Morning and Evening Star; if I say, "day is night", it will be written! And I am gonna retroactively call this my “Pharaoh K. Roolesses the Great” costume, just because I can. So, put that in your bong and toke it.

[wayneradiotv]

[newleafisabelle]

“For the love of God, Montresor!”

((Obligatory check the source you idiots disclaimer))

[kingkeithrool]

“Yes, for the love of God!” Keith mocked, as he continued sealing up Isabel at the totally cromulent Joe Biden rally he was attending.

[spaghettibastard]

I’ve had this idea for a while and had to indulge

FEED US / Twitter

[kneegrow-chan]

We are number 1!

[kingkeithrool]

“@king-bowser-koopa-senior, let’s you, me, and @actually-ridley start a band. Though I should be a guitarist so I can also sing. Seeing as how I have the best singing voice. Maybe we could get @askganon in on base.”

[kingkeithrool]

Who’s the Better King?

@king-bowser-koopa-senior

I’m a much better king than you’ll ever be. I’m pretty sure you treat your subjects like shit. Didn’t you intentionally lock up one of them just because he was bigger than you or something like that? And if it wasn’t for Smash, you’d be absent from any games nearly as long as the Bear and Bird were.

((I wonder what you must have gone through to apologize for being in character. No sane role player would expect anything less, right?))

“First of all, that was no mere ‘subject’ that was my own dear ‘little’ brother K. Lumsy. He was fifth or sixth in line, I forget… it’s not important. However, he was not imprisoned for ‘being bigger’ as you put it, he was a trader to the crown! He refused to smash up Donkey Kong’s Island after the miserable monkeys sunk my island. He had a very light sentence, he was only to remain in that cage until he promised to cooperate.

Instead he joined those murderous Kongs and is and enemy of the Kingdom, but that’s none of your business.

*clears throat* Anyways, kings are supposed to treat their subjects like shit! Kings command respect! A true king is someone you’re afraid to betray, what kind of king are you?”

[king-bowser-koopa-senior]

(It wasn’t anything to drastic, just accidentally insulted someone by using the wrong words)

Alright, I can understand where you’re coming from now. I’ve dealt with a trio of traitors in my past, so I feel your frustration about that. Although I have to slightly disagree on that last part. Yes, we should be respected and our followers should obey us dutifully. But mistreating your subjects is a surefire way to make them hate you. Even tough love is okay, there’s no need to be all lovey-dovey or sappy, just make sure to instill a sense of comradery.

[kingkeithrool]

K. Rool: “KLUMP!”

Klump: “You called, Kuh-rool, suh?”

K. Rool put on his boxing glove and lands a forward smash right on the Kremling’s head. “That’s tough love!” he smiled contently.

Klump: “Oh, thank you, suh, mister Kuh-rool, suh, glad I could be of as--”

K. Rool: “Oh shut up!”

Klump: “Shutting up, suh!” he saluted.

K. Rool sat back and tented his fingers, but what’s this ‘com-rod-dairy’ thing? I’m assuming it has something to do with comrades, companions, friends? What do you suggest, that I go Karting and play Tennis and Golf and whatever with all my subjects?”

[kingkeithrool]

Who’s the Better King?

@king-bowser-koopa-senior

I’m a much better king than you’ll ever be. I’m pretty sure you treat your subjects like shit. Didn’t you intentionally lock up one of them just because he was bigger than you or something like that? And if it wasn’t for Smash, you’d be absent from any games nearly as long as the Bear and Bird were.

((I wonder what you must have gone through to apologize for being in character. No sane role player would expect anything less, right?))

“First of all, that was no mere ‘subject’ that was my own dear ‘little’ brother K. Lumsy. He was fifth or sixth in line, I forget... it’s not important. However, he was not imprisoned for ‘being bigger’ as you put it, he was a trader to the crown! He refused to smash up Donkey Kong’s Island after the miserable monkeys sunk my island. He had a very light sentence, he was only to remain in that cage until he promised to cooperate.

Instead he joined those murderous Kongs and is and enemy of the Kingdom, but that’s none of your business.

*clears throat* Anyways, kings are supposed to treat their subjects like shit! Kings command respect! A true king is someone you’re afraid to betray, what kind of king are you?”