I Know It’s Not My Fault, But It Still Sucks.
Dennis Whitaker X M!SantosSibling!Reader
Summary: After a traumatic morning that brings up old memories, your try not to let your past get in the way of work.
Content Warnings: Implied Parental Passing, Panic Attacks, lots and lots of angst.
Note: This part isn’t super Dennis Centric, I got a bit too deep into trying to develop a backstory for Y/N but I’ll try to make up for it in the next part. A lot more siblingisms between Y/N and Trinity in this part. This is part 4, find all the parts HERE
“You know, if we get ready fast enough we’ll have time to fool around.”
That made you shoot awake. Your boyfriend, Dennis Whitaker, was finally able to slip out from under you.
“C’mon, let’s get ready.” He said, pulling you up and dragging you to the bathroom.
“Do we have to? Can't we call off?” You yawn, wiping your face with your arm.
“You and I both know we need money. Plus if I actually take you up on your offer to move in I am definitely paying rent.”
“Oh. Oh! Right, yeah. Let’s get ready.”
“You’re an evil man, Dennis Whitaker.” You say, hands in your pockets as you walk next to your boyfriend.
“It’s not my fault you took forever to shower.” He replied.
“I- you could’ve just showered with me ya know.”
“You remember how long it took us in the shower last time?” He quickly retorted.
“Like I said, you’re an evil man.”
A comfortable moment of silence fell over the two of you.
“So, how are things with Trinity? You guys make up yet?” He broke the silence.
“You know she’s too stubborn to save her life. It’s not my fault her relationship was so toxic. I was just calling it how it is.” You mutter.
“C’mon, you guys have such a good friendship, for siblings at least. Better than what I have with my brothers at least.”
“I… I know. But she always pushes people away when they try to help her. Garcia is just… I don’t know. I can't look at her the same after hearing what she said about their relationship.”
“You mean about how she said it was just a sex thing?”
“YES! I mean, look I understand being Aromantic. The issue is she just… the look on Trinitys face when I told her. I haven’t seen that look on her face in a while. I just hope she’s okay.” You calmed yourself down at the thought of your sisters well-being.
Before another thought could escape the deafening sound of metal on metal rang behind you. The two of you turned back to see that a minivan had been T-boned, and the other car had almost smashed the entire front of the minivan off.
“Shit!” Dennis jumped at the noise.
The two of you ran towards the crash, checking the minivan first.
“Den, go check the other car!” You yelled.
As you assessed the situation in the minivan you noticed one kid in the far back seat and a woman sitting in the front seat, unconscious. The kid was alert, and screaming, so you quickly helped him out before trying to get the woman out. Her arm was almost crushed by the impact on the front door, there was almost zero chance she’d make it out of this. You can’t give up. You pushed against the door to get her arm unstuck, and with all your might you were able to move it a bit before unbuckling her seatbelt and pulling her out. Once you had her out of the car, you started cpr immediately, waiting for the ambulance to arrive.
“Dennis! I need some help over here!”
As you turned to look back you saw two things. You saw Dennis checking out the man who was in the car, he seemed unscathed, a bit of blood on his forehead and maybe a possible head injury, and you saw who you assumed was the woman’s child, standing there, fighting back tears as you tried to save his mom. It was gonna be a long fucking day.
“What the hell?” Robby exclaimed while watching you come in still doing compressions on the patient.
“Got a pulse back in the ambulance. Lost it. Can't stop.”
Blood stained your hands and sweat ran down your face. Your body felt like it was on fire, your arms felt weak, and you could barely feel your fingers anymore. The entire ER seemed quiet while you focused all your energy on this woman, on this mother.
“Step back, I’ll take over!” Robby said, seeing your exhaustion.
You can’t hear him. You’re too focused on trying your hardest, and it takes both Jesse and Donnie to pull you off so Robby could continue compressions.
“How long have you been doing compressions?” Robby asked.
“Th-thirty minutes.” You pant.
“Okay, let’s get her to trauma room one!” Robby ordered.
About four people come up and roll off the patient to the trauma room, and you slowly back up against the wall, trying to catch your breath. Why were you so out of breath? You could barely breathe, and you could feel your chest tightening. You dragged yourself over to one of the few unoccupied rooms that usually ended up filled by noon, and fell to your knees as your vision slowly blurred.
Dennis walked in with the other driver, cops quickly behind.
“I said I’m fine!” The patient, still unidentified, yelled as he was wheeled in.
The EMTs had to strap him to the stretcher to stop him from trying to get off, and the obvious scent of booze is what got the police involved.
“Sir, you were just in a major car accident. We need to get you to the hospital!” Dennis explained, trying to keep him down.
“What are we lookin at Whitaker?” Dana said, walking over.
“Uh, irate driver in car accident, no visible injuries but speech is slurred, couldn't get stats in the field. We need something to calm him down.” Dennis explained.
“Right, take him over to the Isolation room.”
Dennis nodded and rolled the patient over to the room, tending to his minor wounds. He looked around, scanning the area for you, but he couldn’t see you.
Trinity walked into the emergency department, noticing the unusual early activity. She still had a few minutes before she had to clock in, so she looked for the closest empty room to rest before clocking in. Once she found a room, she turned on the lights and noticed something strange. It was you, hands covered in blood, one hand against your chest as the other arm is wrapped around you.
This was something she knew all too well. She ran out scanning the room for Dennis, and noticed him through the isolation room window. She quickly ran over, tossing her stuff onto a chair before leaping into action.
“Huckleberry, tap out, and get over to North 6.”
Dennis stepped back, a little irritated at Trinity's outburst, but went anyway. Once he arrived, he saw it. You, on the floor, breathing a bit slower now, but hand still clutching your chest. Both you and Trinity had told him about your recurring panic attacks, but he had never seen one this bad.
“Hey…” he said, kneeling at your side.
You slowly opened your eyes to see Dennis kneeling beside you, his hand reluctantly stretching out. Your breathing was calming, and the tightness in your chest had loosened up a bit.
“There you are.” He says, resting a hand on your shoulder.
“I’m sorry you had to see that.” You grumbled as you sat up, a feeling of shame washing over you.
“Don’t be. Are you feeling better?”
You shook your head, your eyes wandering as you tried to avoid eye contact.
“Do you… want to talk about it?”
“No- god no. I can't. I can't speak that energy into the universe right now.” You pushed yourself up on your knee and went to get cleaned up.
You didn’t notice Dennis watching you walk away, his own worry eating away at him. Once you got to the bathroom, you started to wash the blood off of your hands and arms. You tried not to, but you couldn’t help but look up at your face. Your large glasses magnified the unimaginable pain you held behind your stable facade. Your hair, a bit disheveled, falling out of place. You hadn’t cut your hair since then. Since the car accident. Since the funeral. Since the adoption. You sat and thought for a moment, knowing you couldn't feel sorry for yourself now. That kid couldn't be more than ten years old, much younger than you were when…
You jumped at the sudden voice, turning to see Dr. Jefferson, the psych attending.
“Need to wash my hands. If you don’t mind… oh. Sorry. Just noticed all the blood. Take your time.” He said.
“It’s not your own blood is it?”
“No- god no. I came in with a trauma and had to do cpr. It was…”
“Messy?” Caleb wheeled himself a bit closer, analyzing your face, “Do you usually stare in the mirror for 10 minutes after a messy trauma?”
“No. I don’t. I just. I don’t do well with car crashes.”
“Well. If you need to talk, come find me upstairs.”
“Right. Will do.” You finished cleaning off your hands and you retied your hair back. You splashed some water on your face, the stubble on your chin sticking down again, and headed for the door.
“I know. About your last residency.” Dr. Jefferson called out before you could open the door.
“And I know this case is similar to the last one you worked there. Gloria filled me in before she hired you. I can tell everyone in the emergency department really appreciates your presence, so don’t do anything stupid.” He warned.
“0.12 blood alcohol level. What a shame.”
“Still in critical condition, probably not gonna make it.”
You could barely focus on chatting while nurse Jesse and Donnie spoke about the case that had the entire ED on edge. If the chatter wasn’t what was distracting you, it was the memories. It was the rain making the road slick. It was the petty argument over grades. It was the drunk driver hitting the car at 80 miles an hour. It was the deafening silence that followed.
You snapped back to reality.
“Oh, uh. Dr. Robby. Sorry I was just-“
Robby shook his head, “Don’t worry kid. I know. Caleb gave me a heads up to keep an eye on you.”
Robby cleared his throat, “Yeah. You don’t have to stick to the case if you do want to. I have McKay working on the other driver with Santos so I can bring Whitaker onto this case.”
“Oh, no that’s alright. I uh… I’d rather stick with it.”
Robby nodded, “Right then. We've got the grandmother here with the kid, the moms faciotomy seems to be working but I’m still a bit worried about that arm.”
“Do you think she’ll lose it?”
“I don’t think losing an arm is the worst that could happen right now.”
You knew what that meant. Once you and Dr Robby found the grandmother, who was sitting with the woman’s son in the room he was being checked over in, you stepped back a bit and let Robby take the lead. He explained how the mother had to be brought to the ICU, and that they were doing everything they could.
“If you don’t mind ma’am, could we step outside?”
Words you had heard before. Both as a doctor, and as a patient. As Robby stepped outside you lingered behind, looking back at the kid. You walked over and pulled up a chair.
“How’re you feeling champ?” you said, trying your best to connect with someone a third your age.
“Not good. Is my mommy gonna die? She told me I should stop calling her mommy, because I was getting too old. Don’t tell her I said that.”
You let out a pained chuckle, “Don’t worry. When moms say that they usually don’t mean it. We uh… we’re doing everything we can for your mom.”
“Please don’t let her die…” the kid fought back tears as he tried to stay strong, “I- when my daddy went away she had to work harder to take care of me. So I want her to be okay.”
“I… I promise I’ll do everything I can.”
You stepped into the upper floor office, it was much quieter than the emergency department, a bit nicer as well.
“It’s only been three hours, kid.” Dr. Jefferson said, not looking up from his desk.
You sat down on the chair adjacent to him, “Do you think someone could be cursed?”
Dr. Jefferson set his pen down, and took his reading glasses off, finally looking up to meet your gaze.
“I personally don’t believe anyone gifted enough to save lives could be cursed. If you were, you would’ve never made it as a doctor.”
“Fine, I guess. But… this is the second time…”
“You have a track record with drunk drivers, I know.” He slipped his glasses back on and grabbed a file that was already on his desk “Let’s see. West ridge memorial in… Indiana? Pretty far. Drunk driver struck and killed a family of 3.”
“Four. The mother… she was expecting.”
“Right. Seems you were in charge of the case. After about an hour of patient care it seems you flew off the handle and tried to assault the patient.”
You gripped your scrubs. It wasn’t something you were proud of, not in the slightest.
“Yeah. That’s what happened.”
“So, what's this got to do with curses?”
“Three times. Three times in my life I’ve had to watch a family be destroyed because of the actions of one person. One drunk idiot.”
“Today. At West Ridge. And twelve years ago.”
“You’re going to be a senior soon. You need to start taking this more seriously.”
You watched the cloudy skies roll by as your mom drove you back to school after a doctor's appointment.
“It was an 85, my overall grade didn’t change.”
“Your grade went down 1.7%. That 1.7% could be the difference between state school and Harvard.”
“What did Trinity get on the test?”
“When we were younger, me and her mom were also around the same age. I used to be top of the class. She was two places below me. Seems like my genes aren’t doing enough work. You’ll just have to spend your summer studying.”
No sixteen year old boy wanted to hear that.
“Y-you already knew I was planning on finally getting around to playing Dreamdrop Distance! And Tomodachi life comes out soon!”
“I sold all your video games. You’re not a kid anymore, Y/N. You need to start acting like it. We need to start thinking about university and-“
“What? You’re nearly seventeen and-“
“You sold ALL of my games?! Like, ALL of them?”
“Do you think university is cheap?”
“What the hell?! Have you even considered that maybe I didn’t want to go to college?! What if I wanted to do something else with my-“
“We are NOT having this conversation again.” Your mom snapped, turning to look at you, “no son of mine is gonna be a worthless bum. You’re going to make a name for yourself- so help me-“
The impact was quick, and it was hard. You could feel the car moving violently but you didn’t know what was happening, and by the time it stopped and you opened your eyes, you were hanging upside down. You could feel something warm on your forehead, warm and wet. Your whole body felt like jelly, and you looked around in a daze. You heard voices, and you heard your mom loudest of all.
“No, save my son first! No I don’t care! Save him!”
By the time you woke up in the hospital earlier, Trinity and her parents were there, both her parents were taken out by the doctors while you and Trinity sat alone in the room. You didn’t know it then, but your mom was already gone.
“I see…” Dr. Jefferson responded as you told him your story.
“Any questions?” You asked jokingly, your thumb rubbing against the scars on your fingers as a self soothing coping mechanism.
“A few, for starters I thought you and Dr. Santos were related? The way you described the conversation with your mom made it seem like you weren’t.”
“We are, we just didn’t know back then. We had always been close since we were kids, same with our parents. After… the accident, and after my mom passed, her parents adopted me. We got into the same college, and we had to do an assignment or something having to deal with DNA. That’s how we found out we were half siblings, paternally. It caused her parents to split, and… well that can be a story for another time.”
“I see. That explains it. So it was a drunk driver who hit you and your mom?”
“Yeah. He lived, but he’s in prison now. My memory is a bit fuzzier about everything that happened but i specifically remember the police officer that questioned me after mentioning DUI. That’s why I hate drunk drivers.”
“Right, okay, last question. Why did you come see me?”
“You came to me asking about being cursed. I’ve never seen you so shaken up over a case before. I’ve been keeping tabs on you, as per Gloria’s request.” Dr. Jefferson looked at you sternly, “So, I’ll ask again. Why did you come to see me?”
You sighed, “I… I guess I wanted to get over this. Like, now. I want to be at the top of my game today, but I… I can’t help but feel like I’m just bringing bad energy to the case. And I really want that woman to walk out of here with her kid.”
“So, stay off the case. It’s obvious your trauma is holding you back from doing your best as a doctor. That’s what we do when we have conflict of interest. We step back and let someone else handle it.”
“That’s easy for you to say.”
He let out a groan, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Trust me. It’s not. There’s someone I want nothing more than to help. But I can’t, because I have a conflict of interest. So I can’t have him in my chair, I can’t help him get better. So I do everything I can do to support him from afar. Let someone else handle it, not only for the patient, but for you.”
You pause for a moment, really considering his words.
“In any case, Dr, L/N, technically I was supposed to have you in for mandatory sessions anyways, but I’ve been postponing it. How about we meet once a week, around the same time? I can speak to Dr. Robinovich to make sure it won’t interfere with your schedule.”
“Yeah. That uh… that works for me.”
“Great. And like I said. Step back, let someone else handle it.”
“Will do, Dr. Jefferson.”
“Just call me Caleb, at least during sessions. I won’t hold you any longer, there’s lives to save.”
You sat at your desk, charting on the few elderly patients you had left from the morning rush. ‘Light load’ was how Robby described it, after you asked to be off the case of the mother.
You looked up to see Dennis leaning over the counter.
“I uh… do you want an update?”
“No, I’ve gotta get through the day first. I don’t want to hear anything.”
“Well… Trinity is worried about you. And so am I.”
He looked hurt at the notion, before dropping his hands in defeat, “Look I- I can’t not worry. You know that. I just-“
“Leave it alone- Whitaker.”
You were too busy shutting him out to see his heart break on his face, before he steps back, “You and Trinity really are alike, more than you know.”
You sighed as he walked off, and took your glasses off, resting your head in your hands.
“No time for that kiddo, incoming trauma, head out to the ambulance bay.”
A groan escaped your body as you got up and walked over to the doors, and stepped out into the cool early spring air. As you stepped out, Trinity walked up behind you. The two of you sat in awkward silence for a second before she finally looked over to you.
“You doin any better?” She asked.
“Did you and Huckleberry have a fight or something?”
“What makes you think that.” You ask sarcastically.
“Sarcasm isn’t a good look on you. Anyways he looked pretty upset when I walked past him to get here. He cares about you a lot, Y/N.”
“Really? Giving me relationship advice after you screamed at me to stay out of yours not even 24 hours ago?”
“Okay fair. But it’s different. You… you seem really happy with Dennis.”
“And you seem miserable with Yolanda.”
She let out a weak chuckle, “Yeah, we were barely together to begin with.”
“Wanna debrief about it later? Let’s try and line up our breaks today.”
“Yeah. And I’m sorry… about yesterday.”
“Don’t be. You’re my sister, we’re supposed to argue.”
Robby and Javadi stepped outside just in time for the ambulance to show up. As the four of you rush over to the patient, you turn and notice out of the corner of your eye. Whitaker talking to the Grandma of the accident patient. You were trying so hard to focus on the man yelping in agony right in front of you but you couldn’t help but notice as the elderly woman followed Dennis towards the family room.
Robby’s booming voice brought you back to reality as the new weight of warm plastic hit your chest. It was an arm. In a bag. You snapped back completely and ran after the rest of the group bringing the patient in. You were trying your best to keep up with the pace of care, the patient being attended to by Robby and Trinity and you and Javadi checking over and maintaining the arm.
“Is it true you came in today doing CPR on top of a patient?” Javadi asked.
You shot back to reality fully this time, remembering that you’re here to help people.
“Yeah. I did. There was an accident on my way in today and I stepped in to help out.” You said, flushing out the open end of the wound.
Robby cut her off, “Unsafe. For starters.”
“I think it’s badass.” Trinity said, checking over the other end of the wound.
With the arm prepped, and the X-ray done, you and Trinity were now working on preserving the remainder of the arm that was still attached to the patient.
“Heard we had an idiot on a train line in here.” Dr. Garcia said, walking in like it was any old day.
“Yeah. Clean slice through the left arm.” Robby explained.
“Park shout be down to check out the arm soon. Should be an easy replantation.”
If your disdain for Dr. Garcia wasn’t already showing on your face the mention of Dr. Park definitely made your brow furrow.
“Is there something wrong with that?” Garcia asked, turning her attention to you.
“No. Just didn’t want to have to deal with Satan incarnate today.” You muttered.
“Excuse me? What is it with you emergency department residents and having no decorum?” She scoffs, walking away.
Robby gives Trinity a look, but Trinity returns it with a look that tells him it would just be better to stay out of it.
“Jesus Trin I know you’re a simp but her? Really?” You mumbled between bites of a sandwich.
“I… I ended things with her. For good. It got uh… messy.” She finally said.
Your eyebrows shot up, “Oh, shit… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize I was only able to do it after you laid it all out for me last night.”
“Does that mean Dennis can sleep in your apartment tonight?”
“Trouble in gay paradise?”
You shook your head, “I think… I just need to be alone tonight.”
“What's got you all mopey? Is this about… earlier?”
“I uh… yeah. Another drunk driver with a mom and kid involved. I just-“
She cut you off, “I understand, Y/N. I’ll take Huckleberry for the night.”
“I’m gonna go step outside for a bit. For some air.” You say as you crumple up the baggie your sandwich was in and toss it in the garbage.
As you stepped outside you heard a sound oh too familiar.
“I COULD USE SOME HANDS IN HERE!!”
You quickly shoved your phone into your pocket and ran towards the room. It was a room you had been in once that day already. As you opened the door and ran behind the curtain you saw the same mother you had came in today attempting to save, only now Dennis was the one doing compressions. Before your trauma could hold you back, you sprang into action, trying to get her heartbeat back. She had to live. For her son, she had to.
The world looked so small from where you were. You heard the door behind you open but didn’t turn.
“Thought I’d find Robby up here.” The familiar voice called out to you.
“Robby’s still waiting for the rest of day shift to leave.” You glanced back to see the night shift attending, Dr. Abbott walking up behind you, “You’ve probably got another hour before he’s up here.”
Abbot chuckles, before leaning up against the railing next to you.
“What are you doing up here kid.”
“I haven’t been a kid for a very long while, Dr. Abbott.”
“Call me Jack, up here. I heard you guys had a pretty tough loss earlier.”
“You know it’s not your fault right?”
“So why are you up here?”
“I know it’s not my fault. It still sucks that another kid has to go home without a parent.”
“That kid has support systems to fall back on. And so do you. Dr. Whitaker has been asking around if anyone has seen you.”
You let out a sigh, retreating from the railing and heading back towards the door back downstairs. As you stepped off on the ground floor you saw Trinity and Dennis talking in the hallway.
“Hey.” you waved awkwardly at the two of them.
“Sup bifocals. Still wanna spend the night alone?” Trinity asked teasingly.
“We were gonna get takeout and watch shitty old Romcoms.” Dennis said.
“Yeah, yeah I’ll join you.”
