KINK-SHAMERS UNITE

Welcome! Former kinkster, "lifestyler," and victim here to address the hypocrisy of pro-BDSM sex positivity and the dangers it entails from a firmly Radical Feminist point of view. Also critical of gender politics, magically untouchable "I said so" identities, staunchly anti-pornography and in great favor of killing all Johns. Content warning and potential trigger warning for obvious reasons. Please leave if you have trouble thinking critically or believe your orgasm is more important than the liberation of women. :) Have a great day.

[girl-supremacy-blog]

I do not understand how some people cannot grasp the fact that YES YOU CAN HURT PEOPLE WITH YOUR PERSONAL CHOICES. Like participating in bdsm CAN AND DOES forward the oppression of all women everywhere! It doesn’t matter if it’s all consensual because the center of bdsm says that women are supposed to be subservient and submissive! And it just reaffirms the misogynistic tendencies that are already ingrained your partners brains. And YES that does affect everyone, whether or not you choose to acknowledge it. So please stop trying to use bdsm as something feminist because /it’s noottttttt/

[kinksterbullshit]

What's your opinion on soft bdsm or kinky vanilla sex (such as light bondage and just pegging)

I guess there’s got to be a word for it, like maybe a fetish vs. a kink though they’ve become synonymous (if any follower has a better way to put this please feel free). Someone once said “Lick as many toes as you want or whatever.” That to me is more like a “vanilla” preference that may be unusual but not abusive - unless of course the individual who has the thing for feet makes his or her partner uncomfortable with constant urging to participate despite protestations. One of the main problems I have with “kink” or BDSM is the fact that though “safe, sane and consensual” is the “motto” there really is little respect for boundaries. The dialog becomes “But just try it,” “You’ll learn to like it,” or “you should want to make me happy!” That’s coercion, not consent. That all being said, if you like certain textures like feathers or leather, or some other non-abusive tendency that both partners are truly comfortable with, it really is entirely different.

Pegging? If that’s what you’re into and it’s not an act of violence, ok. It’s not like anal sex or dildos/vibrators are exclusive to the S&M community. Light bondage is a slippery slope. Velvet handcuffs or whatever? It still has the connotations of power dynamics that are the basis of how problematic BDSM is.

 - Sharon

[angelicdaze]

Kinksters can repeat their so-called mantra of “safe, sane, consensual” until they’re blue in the face but all I see on this website is a lack of respect for boundaries and people falling over themselves to defend poorly cloaked violence, racism, and pedophilia.

[fucknodoms]

Report user umbullio

He posts a lot of stuff advocating rape and racism. Reciepts will be tagged ‘ub reciepts’

[kinksterbullshit]

Definitely a NSFW blog - not safe for anyone really. Just send the e-mail, don't go to his blog. Block him too if you'd like.

[kinksterbullshit]

Any kinksters who don't get more replies/continued arguments probably think I'm backed into a corner and have nothing else to say. Well, partially. I have nothing more to say because you're boring and not worth my time.

[fucknodoms]

Please report user southwestdaddy

He insulted a 16yo girl after she stated she did not wish for her picture to be sexualized. He also reblogs toddlers comparing them to littles. Tw for his blog. Please add to this post if you have screen shots or other reciepts on this creep.

[thereisnoshamehere-blog]

you know. i don't think i recall anyone consenting to what's-their-face's attacks. doesn't that make them worse than the boogeymen they draw into our communities and safe spaces?

you’re so right - no one asked Antoine to come to their blogs - and here’s the hilarious part - Antoine claims to be so traumatized and triggered by BDSM but spend all her time TROLLING BDSM BLOGS for stuff to bitch about - i’m really beginning to wonder if she really likes it.

[survivorsofkinkunite-deactivate]

You’re disgusting.

[kinksterbullshit]

Apparently it’s trolling to call out abusive people and speak your truth.

[survivorsofkinkunite-deactivate]

They’re just really, really angry that I denounced this.

[kinksterbullshit]

I'm pretty sure hundreds of people denounced it because it's fucking gross. The whole thing with BDSM though is the lack of boundaries and the confusion between "healing from trauma" and "reliving trauma all over again." If you have a stab wound, you don't stick something in the gash until it feels better; this concept of healing through revisited trauma is similarly disturbing and ineffective. 

I know this has been said so many times before, but it's really disgusting how kinksters preach "openmindedness" while being completely closed off to criticism. 

[thereisnoshamehere-blog]

you know. i don't think i recall anyone consenting to what's-their-face's attacks. doesn't that make them worse than the boogeymen they draw into our communities and safe spaces?

you’re so right - no one asked Antoine to come to their blogs - and here’s the hilarious part - Antoine claims to be so traumatized and triggered by BDSM but spend all her time TROLLING BDSM BLOGS for stuff to bitch about - i’m really beginning to wonder if she really likes it.

[survivorsofkinkunite-deactivate]

You’re disgusting.

[kinksterbullshit]

Apparently it's trolling to call out abusive people and speak your truth.

[thereisnoshamehere-blog]

"You are a bully and your friend is a sociopath. Actually I’m starting to think you’re a sociopath given how much you seem to enjoy making fun of a survivor of abuse." Antoine you’re not the only survivor in the universe Antoine - but you use your abuse as a bully pulpit to attack and harass people - i’m just letting you know that it won’t go ignored or unresponded to.  abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum - right? sound familiar? well neither does stalking or harassment - you light a fire don’t cry about the flames.

[survivorsofkinkunite-deactivate]

You are an abusive, projecting, gaslighting sociopath who uses everything I say to apply it to me but everybody sees the truth.

Plus you have no idea what “doesn’t happen in a vacuum” means.

What you don’t want to go ignored and unresponded to is that a survivor of abuse from your shitty rape-enabling community is speaking out — and that you can’t forgive, because you protect a sociopath, probably more than one, and I’m increasingly starting to believe you are one too as you’re having SO. MUCH. FUN!!!

And stop addressing me by my name you fucking creep.

[kinksterbullshit]

It's entirely not appropriate to be using actual names in this dialog. This is really just more evidence of how completely dismissive BDSM advocates are when it comes to boundaries. How are you being harassed, iamnotashameduniverse? You're just gleefully antagonizing someone you know can be easily triggered because the S in BDSM is probably the most significant and celebrated word in the acronym and "lifestyle." 

If you don't want to be "harrassed" by someone block and blacklist them  I don't know why that's hard? 

How are you being bullied?

OH right, gaslighting (on your part).

Why are you even bothering?

Oh, right, sadism.

[kinksterbullshit]

why do people say “i know plenty of subs & doms who are happy and in love!” as if that, i dunno, like saves the millions of women and children trafficked into sex slavery

just wondering

[misslilblue]

It’s almost like consenting adults have nothing to do with sex trafficking

[kinksterbullshit]

It’s almost like your comment has nothing to do with the original post.

[misslilblue]

Explain consenting adult d/s relationships and the relation to sex trafficking

[kinksterbullshit]

The demand for access to bodies for one thing. Also how about the fetishization of sexual slavery that is pretty much the entire basis of bdsm? How is that so difficult to see? How is "role playing" sexual enslavement not directly informed by actual sex trafficking and slavery? Explain.

[kinksterbullshit]

why do people say “i know plenty of subs & doms who are happy and in love!” as if that, i dunno, like saves the millions of women and children trafficked into sex slavery

just wondering

[misslilblue]

It’s almost like consenting adults have nothing to do with sex trafficking

[kinksterbullshit]

It's almost like your comment has nothing to do with the original post.

[survivorsofkinkunite-deactivate]

Two more things

Allow me to add in another anecdote, this one involves a local BDSM club that background screens all male members, has legitimate contact information for each male member… why? In case one of their members abuses someone, the police can be notified and the abuser identified. Why the background checks? Well, that’s to weed out sex offenders and violent offenders, people you would not want in your community. That helps ensure SAFE and Sane.

1. I was abused by a woman.

2. You fall under the fallacy that only “insane” people commit rape or abuse.

[kinksterbullshit]

I guess this renders the "what about female dommes??" question irrelevant. 

Way to go on the background screening, but do you think about why that may be necessary and how problematic that is on it's own? Like let's throw a parade for this one club that gives a back handed acknowledgement to the fact abusive men (and women obviously - so this caveat is useless in both directions, you watch out for men but disregard females can have abusive tendencies, which no anti BDSM activist has claimed - we just prioritize females because they are more likely submissive and victimized as a result) hide out in the communities.

What a joke. You want such praise for this club when they're actually just reaffirming everything BDSM critical bloggers have been saying all along.

[temporaryproblematicurl-deactiv]

You clearly don’t understand BDSM

Ancient Kinkshit Proverb (via survivorsofkinkunite)

[cunicular]

I just saw this on facebook, kinksters are fuckin sadists

'breath play' what a joke, its fucking CHOKING SOMEONE

[gaying-mantis]

oh my fucking god lil story time here i used to follow a lot of ~*~kinky~*~ blogs back in my libfem days and one of the big ones reblogged this and was like WHOA WHAT A USEFUL GRAPHIC EVERYONE TAKE NOTE!!!

she only had one negative thing to say about this, and that thing was “but why dont they show what needing air looks like on people with other skin tones”

fucking disgusting

end kink 2k14

[sleep--pea]

Guys ok, this could actually be really helpful, someone should make one for other skin tones, though, but a lot of people are actually really into this. It really isn’t cool to shame people’s preferences and kinks and what they do in bed. I personally am not a fan of rough play in bed, but I know A LOT of people who are; some who like to choke, others who like to be choked. At least people are trying to spread safe ideas when practicing this stuff.

[evilfeminist-deactivated2020042]

Maybe you shouldn’t strangle the person you are having sex with and need this chart. 

[spirit-boy-deactivated20180707]

Guys, it’s a fucking kink. This is a chart for both people who are doing this with consent. BOTH PARTIES GIVING CONSENT. Yeah, we need this shit in other skin tones, please, someone do it!! But don’t fucking shame someone for a kink. That’s disgusting. Some people like being choked, some like doing the choking. This kink is not in any way meant to be related to death. This is not about killing a person or whatever, it;’s a fucking kink and can give some pretty fucking awesome orgasms when both parties are doing this with consent.

[evilfeminist-deactivated2020042]

I think that it is more disgusting to strangle someone, calling it a kink doesn’t make this action any less sick. 

[gnatflix]

I love being choked. My ex sort of introduced me to it. Are you going to shame me?

[evilfeminist-deactivated2020042]

I’m sorry your ex did that, sounds like a sick person who needs some kind of help because strangling someone is not a healthy thing to do. You also sound like you need some kind of trauma therapy. This isn’t a slight on your character, but a realistic analysis. 

[mrasarescaredofwomen-blog]

The worst part of this post is the “don’t kink shame” comments. Looking at their comments objectively; they are claiming it is worse to challenge an abusive behavior - than to actually abuse the body of another person to the point where you have to be careful not to KILL them!!! And all because you might get some “pretty fucking awesome orgasms” out of the abuse. What the almighty fuck is WRONG with these people? OMFG.

I will proudly and LOUDLY kink-shame anybody who defends choking someone else because they think their personal ‘right’ to chase sexual pleasure- has greater priority over another person’s right to keep breathing. And kink-shaming is MY kink. So - no body can call me out for it!

[survivorsofkinkunite-deactivate]

masterskneelingmuse started following you

Unfollow me right now.

[masterskneelingmuse]

Make. Me. 

[survivorsofkinkunite-deactivate]

Kinksters caring about boundaries.

[kinksterbullshit]

Isn't that one of the most overused icons in the tumblr kink community? #kink terrorism is a perfect word for the harassment; these people don't give any fucks about personal boundaries in any way - which is why they absolutely cannot be trusted. Even with a safe word, what is to stop them with this kind of attitude?

[kinksterbullshit]

I feel so sorry for you. You still have dreams about it. It’s still inside of you, and I think you know it.

How in the damn world would that fucker know that after delicately-interconnected just explained how she got away from submission when she found it unhealthy for herself?

It's really disgusting how ingrained the bdsm stuff is with people who practice it. THAT is who I feel sorry for - delusional people who talk down to those of us who have had experiences we did not like as though we are denying our truth. 

No, she is telling her truth - I am telling my truth and you fucking twerps are telling us to shut up.

Nope, not shutting up. Never.

xo Sharon

[temporaryproblematicurl-deactiv]

(TW: rape, death, abuse) This is really personal which is why I'm making it anon but I used to be really sadistic (fantasized about torturing/raping/killing women), but instead of being like "lol that's just my kink" I GOT HELP. And guess what? I have no interest in fantasizing about that kind of stuff. So if someone REALLY wanted to stop being into BDSM, it's not easy but it's possible. You're not born wanting to abuse people, even if it's ~consensual~ abuse.

Good on you, anon. I used to be deep in the closet and I liked being submissive to men. When I realised how much internalised misogyny I was displaying I started to correct myself and I also no longer get turned on by rape or torture. It’s disturbing to write this and remember that I ever did. Those people make me sick to my stomach.

[shithappens-frustration-life]

Oh… oh my god… I can’t even be mad at you anymore..

You threw your kink away

You are a natural submissive, but you trained yourself out of it.

I feel so sorry for you. You still have dreams about it. It’s still inside of you, and I think you know it.

I will tell you right now that there is no such thing as consensual abuse.

Pain and abuse are two different things.

And not all BDSM even has to do with pain.

I want so bad to teach you how amazing it is to end a session in tears and have the best sleep of your life

but I know that I would be wasting my time.

I’m submissive as well, and I just… I literally cannot be mad at you anymore.

I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been to repress that side of you and keep it hidden.

I hope you realize the truth soon.

[deletethisaccountaaa-deactivate]

submission is not natural. it is forced upon us at an early age, especially through gender roles. submission is something that exists to construct a hierarchy. it starts when you are an infant. your parents must establish order via discipline. for many years, children do not understand the relationship between themselves and the outside world and are naturally absorbed in their own world. thus, through enculturation, children learn the nature of relationships, the first being that of child-parent. we learn and internalize roles throughout our lives and none of them come out of nowhere.

submission is something that women become very familiar with. we internalize messages that we should be quiet, people pleasing, polite and subordinate, just to name a few. internalizing these messages allows for a power dynamic that we are groomed into enjoying. this allows for the hierarchy to be maintained and for power to remain in the hands of those who have taken it by force—those that have inflicted sexual, emotional, verbal and physical violence.

you are living in a fantasy world where your submission is romanticized in order for you to continue submitting. at least see it realistically: you are sexualizing and getting off to a dynamic that is utilized outside of your sexual activities to subjugate and abuse women. your dynamic is not innocent and harmless in nature. we don’t just pull shit out of the air; our thoughts and behaviors are always traceable to a source. D/s did not suddenly appear and D/s does not exist in a vacuum. your desire for submission didn’t randomly happen.

the “teaching” part is just gross, honestly. not everybody has to like what you like and you are actually perpetrating the cycle by wanting to have other women be submissive like you. why do you need to “teach” someone to like it if it’s ~natural~? you can train your body and mind to accept and believe most anything. do you not see something wrong here?

delicately-interconnected already discovered her truth. it’s disgusting that you think YOU know what ~the truth~ is, you, a stranger on the internet that thinks she knows everything because she’s a sub. seriously, how dare you? as if there’s some deep dark truth that she’s not aware of, but you are, because you’re just oh so special for being a submissive. that you think you know better than DI, when she has obviously critically examined BDSM and her intimate relationships far more than you have. 

[lesbianwarfare-deactivated20190]

‘how amazing it is to end a session in tears’ 

jesus fuckign christ.