trying my best to make out what the storybook fourteen is reading says so that you don't have to
last night after the subscriber special came out i spent an hour and a half trying to read and type out the contents of this book!!! i got most of it but there's still parts i couldn't read due to lighting esp towards the end so if anyone has been able to read those parts please let me know!!!!!!
A NEW SYMBOL
At the beginning of this story are two symbols: Addition and subtraction. For the longest time, that's the only thing numbers knew. I'm not exactly sure how the numeral species took so long to discover anything outside of those two symbols. Maybe they were content with what they had already— Maybe they were just stupid.
Anyway, back to the story at hand. Actually, no. We need to go a bit deeper here, I think. First graders learn about multiplication and division. How were they just unable to figure this out? It's really not that hard. I'm just being honest, here. Why should anyone be interested in this "tale" when it's predicated on such an unbelievable premise? An entire population of sentient, powerful beings and not a single one of them could come up with an array? They're literally numbers, for crying out loud! I just feel like they could've figured this out earlier, I guess.
Whatever, quick recap, the numbers only knew about addition and subtraction for a long while. They had a lot of fun adding into each other and all that. They really liked it.
Multiplication, which is really just doing addition multiple times in a row, (Think about it, four multiplied by three is just adding four together three times. Isn't that cool), was discovered shortly after. There were some problems with it, and there still are some problems with it. A lot of numbers don't really mess with multiplication anymore. Every single time they try to, something ends up going wrong. It's not fun! Addition is fun. Well, I find it quite boring, but they find it fun.
Division, however, stayed a mystery for the longest time. Which, it bears repeating, is absolutely unbelievable. Division is quite literally just opposite multiplication.
Remember when I said multiplication is just addition multiple times in a row? Well, division is just subtraction multiple times in a row. Again, shocking that it took them so long to figure this out. I can imagine the moment now.
A lot of the time, the stupid people among us tend to have the best ideas. A lot of great ideas are unsaid just because they sound stupid. Like, imagine being all smart and educated in the 1500's and suggesting the idea of electricity. Oh, wow, magic beams from the sky can power gigantic and complex machines! Get out of here, man. But that's actually how it works! So I don't really know what happened, but we can probably guess that someone stupid— 9 or 7— brought up the idea of "reverse multiplication." I'm not sure. Maybe those two weren't even alive. I'm not exactly sure why I was the one to pen this history into the annals of time. I really do not know a single thing about what actually happened.
Anyway, let's say all the numbers were just sitting around, having a lot of fun, and playing on the seesaw. 9 walks in after a visit to the local multiplication symbol. She has a weird thought in her head, and she confidently brings up the idea of division. She's laughed at and made to feel very, very dumb. Little did they all know, however, that the idea of division is very, very real. It had just been forgotten about. More on that later.
THE POWER
The division symbol is theorized(?) to be extremely powerful, giving [??] leftward [????] the power to split themselves into multiple parts. The amount of parts the leftward number splits into is equivalent to the value of the rightward number in the equation.
The graphic below displays the basic capabilities of the division symbol. 16, being four multiplied by four, can get divided by 4 into four fours. These fours are all 16, just split up in between four different bodies. They all act like 16 and share 16's colors. This is because these four 4's are 16. 16 has disappeared due to splitting themself into quarters. Ultimately, 16 is splitting themself up. Imagine if you were split into four identical bodies— that's what happened to 16. Only in the graphic, of course. 16 is kind of a scaredy-cat, so I don't think they would be keen to split themselves up like this. Which is frankly weird to me. I think of it the same way I think of people who chicken out of riding roller coasters. Like, you stand in line for an hour and a half and watch thousands of people [?????????? i CANNOT make this out sorry]. Not a single person there. When's the last time [?????????????]? It doesn't happen! So what is there to be scared of! Do you think you're [?????]? You're not. You'll survive. Roller coasters are fun. Why are you robbing yourself of the experience?
Sorry for that, this book wasn't really the place for it. I think I could just delete it, but, um, I really don't feel like it. I got commissioned to write like at least 200 pages of this thing, and I'm kind of already running out of ideas. You saw it yourself, a couple dozen pages ago I went into a 2 page lecture about the history of devilled eggs. I literally just copied that from Wikipedia. I'm starting to think I'm not being paid for my writing ability, but just because someone was too lazy to do what I'm doing right now. Insane! This thing should be like, a pamphlet at most.
Whatever, I should probably get back on the topic at hand. The division symbol is very powerful because it allows the number to split themselves up. This is beneficial for manual labor and especially [????i don't know what that word is fighting? tighting? tichtong? what!].
Imagine how much you could get done in a day if there was a clone of you around. That's like, a basic sitcom plotline. It's relatable! The numbers, lucky as they are, get to live in a reality where this is possible. You need to lift a really heavy, wide object? Just divide yourself by two. Of course, you'd have to find 2 in order to divide yourself by them. That's really the only downside of the symbol. A lot of the smaller numbers don't like being "used" for division. They have their own lives! But yeah, division is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, powerful.
THE LOSS
Those who ruled the numeric realm at the time were not pleased with the existence of the division symbol. You know how people say when you're alone you're weak, and when you're united you stand. Well, yeah, extrapolate that concept into this. Do you think those who enjoy power over a population of powerful numbers like the idea of them splitting themselves into a million little equally-powerful pieces? No!
So those in power really did not like the division symbol at all. Like, they really, really did not like it. Like when you walk by a group in public and they start reciting jokes you swear you saw online six years ago to each other. Like, are you that unoriginal? You think you can impress your friends by stealing other people's jokes? They aren't even that good of jokes! It's just sad, honestly, just show them the joke on your phone, or something like that.
It just really grinds my gears, honestly. So I can really imagine how it feels to be whoever ruled the land of the numbers felt. I don't really think it was justified; in fact, it was kind of evil, honestly. But, like, if I happened to have dominion over those idiots? Yeah, I probably would want to get rid of the self-destruct button they randomly found and learned how to use. Especially if there are 2 other self destruct buttons out there for them to use. I say 2 because subtraction is kind of useless. Like... It doesn't really help anyone. Multiplication and addition are pretty cool though!
So, yeah, one night the numbers were having fun, partying, and just generally enjoying themselves— as numbers are known to do. They generally liked to hang out around the division symbol, actually. They really liked it! It was probably one of their favorite things in the world. Of course, everyone had their own personal favorite thing. 9's favorite thing was his sunglasses. His old ones, the real retro ones. They had a rainbow gradient instead of a desert gradient. Doesn't that sound cool? Meh. I don't need your approval anyway. Who cares. 8's favorite thing is when all of the other numbers are quiet. What a weirdo.
So the numbers partied all night. They sang songs and danced around. Blah blah blah. At the dead of night, the last number finally decided to go to bed. Numbers sleep, by the way. I don't think they really need to? I'll be honest I know almost nothing about those things. They're kind of useless? They're also annoying.
While they were asleep, however, the evil ruler of the realm took the division symbol and removed it from its place! It's a pretty heavy symbol, so I'm actually kind of amazed that a group of people were able to just pick it up like that. As you'll see later, 2 is also able to just pick it up on their own. Isn't that insane? Like, 2, let me know your workout regimen or something. I could use a tip or two. Haha, two, 2.
Ok, back on track for real, now. BFDI season 1 is the best season. Like, by a mile! It's just so whimsical and fun and awesome. My favorite episode is episode 6, The Power of Three. What's up with 3 anyway? Why aren't they in these things? We're all thinking it, right? This is meta, lol.
For real this time, let's get back on track. The numbers woke up the next morning to find their precious division symbol gone! All that remained was the discolored patch of grass that laid under the symbol for so many years.
The numbers were shocked and horrified by the division symbol being taken. 9 cried for like, three days straight, I think. It would've been cute if it wasn't so pathetic. Like, you're an adult, man. Either way, it was still a tragedy, though. The symbol meant a lot to these freaks! And now it was gone! The fun was over! They got over it quite quickly, though. Like, I'm not kidding, they all forgot about it the literal next day. It was like it never existed. Isn't that just crazy? These things are so weird, man. Like. Gosh. Just crazy.
Leading spots where experts think the division symbol might be hidden. It's not clear why they think these spots have the most potential. But they're the experts! So listen to 'em. Also, look, map! Go obsess over what the map means or something if that's what you're interested in. Go wild!
THE SEARCH
Why am I still writing this. How many pages are even left! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
The typography on those "blahs" is really ugly. So I'm going to stop using them to fill space. The numbers embarked on an epic search for the division symbol, but were a little too stupid to end up finding it. Who would've guessed! This is partly why I said they just forgot about it earlier. They tried searching for it, got lost, and instantly gave up! What losers! Can't commit to the simplest of tasks.
If I remember correctly, 7, the genius he is, started climbing a tree to get a good vantage point. The only [???????? the rest of the paragraph is like impossible to read]
[honestly this section and the next several paragraphs are so hard to read i can make out a few words and sentences but most of it is illegible for me it's not worth typing them out at this hour. pains me to do this but i must skip to the end...i did my best]
Last paragraph on this page, better make it count. Lalalalalalalala. Uhhh... Yeah I can't make this one count. There's really nothing to talk about with "The Search". There literally wasn't one. There's no way anyone is reading this far down. Whatever. Bye.
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