[milfsisyphus]

easier for the owner of LED headlights to pass through the eye of a needle than to enter the kingdom of heaven.

[assaultmystic-archive]

im like if a girl was {undefined variable}. im like if a girl was [fragment missing]. im like if a girl was (editor’s note: the author’s invocation of the word “girl” in this context is idiosyncratic, perhaps metaphorical) im like if a girl was im like if a girl draft deleted! im like if a girl You have reached your free article limit! Subscribe now to continue reading. im like if a girl was [THREAD LOCKED] im like if a girl (ENDING EXPLAINED!) im like if a girl Unusual activity detected, please highlight all the pictures of bicycles. im like if a girl I don’t respond to prompts that could be deemed offensive, and so I am unable to carry out the request. im-like-if-a-girldeactivated03092023. im like if a girl we are unable to take your call at the minute. im like if a girl isn’t registered under that name. im like if a girl could give you her date of birth. im like if a girl oh yes we have you under […]. im like if a girl LOST CONNECTION

[paulfrankjuliusthemonkey]

The microbes inside me are pleased by my yogurt offering. I live another day.

[normal-horoscopes]

Its weird for me to think that dolphins existed at the same time as queens and knights and shit like that. I feel like dolphins were invented in the 80s by crystal shops to sell porcelain statues to divorced women

[mlmshowerthoughts]

why do they call it extra virgin olive oil when it fucks so extremely

[pyropotter]

You are angry about something. “Clam down,” I text you. You assume I have made a typo, but in fact I am holding a small soldier clam in my hands. He died so young. War is hell

[solonelytrying2beyours-deactiva]

lord forgive me but I may have to make a nonessential purchase

[medievalthymes]

the mitochondria is the girlboss of the cell

[cowboy]

The audacity of calling it family dollar when they sell shit for $7... they need to family pass away

[lostcryptids]

the problem with horror now is there is no men in little tank tops and booty shorts

[noroithecurse2005-deactivated20]

sex scenes in movies are bad because the moving image is inherently evil. simple as.

[lezzysel]

unplugging your phone from the charger is like picking a fruit.

[theocseason4]

I think it's sad when pretty people die 😔

You’re an empath

[creepish]

God gives his silliest battles to his funniest clowns

[narratorstragedy]

i think i’m going to become an unreliable narrator. if you see me obscuring the full truth or saying things that directly contradict each other, don’t worry about it.

[suenyito]

never forget what green onion has done for you.. for all of us

[onlyonekenobi]

the two genders are “i no longer wish to be perceived” and “i have to be the most fuckable person at the grocery store”