How to Live Off Client Holiday Gift Baskets Until the End of the Year: A Story of Survival
It’s the end of the year, times are crazy, stress is high. Your office is empty and so is your stomach…. and, unfortunately, so is your bank account.
Suddenly, like a woven, wicker Jesus, your savior appears. A gift basket from a vendor/ client. There’s plastic wrap, there’s stuffing, but what lies inside? What could it be? My friend, the answer to those questions is the key to your not-so-broke-ness.Let me guide you to the Promise Land.
Realize tis NOT the season to watch thy waist. Tis the season to snack. So, please, throw that "Is it gluten-free?" attitude right out the window with your dignity.
Always jump on the baskets that have some nutritional value. Last year's lame basket of apples is your this year's source of crucial fiber. Trust me, after eating nothing but Summer Sausage, you’ll beg for some way to reclaim a sliver of health-conscious integrity. You run, RUN, to that Edible Arrangement.
Never be above a fruit cake. Or any food for that matter. When the food supply starts wearing down, times are going to get tough. You have to be willing to settle for sustenance over flavor.
Check every fridge, even behind the fridge. HR loves hiding snacks for the holidays- but tell NO ONE of you findings.
Hone your inner chipmunk- horde snack food. The Honey Mustard Pretzels and Peppermint Bark and Whole Wheat Crackers (any crunchy, chip-thing for that matter) are always gone FIRST! Find the plastic baggies and save a couple handfuls for down the road. Stay strong Anakin, do not tap into your supply just yet. Remember Rule 2- go for the salad.
Get Creative. A cracker is blah by itself, but slather some “spredable cheese” on that dude and slice up that one apple no one is eating and voila- fancy and delish.
Take advantage of the fact that no one is in the office. You’re going to be glad no one was around to see you break open the 5-pound brick of crumb cake and shove it into your gullet.
Chocolates are for after lunch only- don’t throw up at work doofus.
With the exception of the Edible Arrangement situation, never be the first to rush the basket. Always wait till things are opened so as to not draw attention to yourself while you take HEAPING handfuls of the asian snack mix.
Never eat the summer sausage. It’s just not worth it. Ignore rule 3- I don’t even know you but I know you are better than the summer sausage.
Above all, keep the end goal in mind. The New Year is around the corner and you’re going to start it with all the money you saved- all $20.
izzy806
ellievsbear
andulkaphoto
amandla
gamechangershow
