Autumn is here, folks, and your local Iowan is here to remind you of the basic principles of Corn Maze Safety:
Make sure you go with a partner! You don’t want to be alone and lost in the maze!
Take a map! You may want to try navigate on your own, but it’s best to keep a guide handy in case you lose your way!
Bring a water bottle with a sealed top! It will keep you hydrated, and the closed top will stop any water from spilling on the thirsty corn. Remember, thirsty corn is docile corn!
Wear long sleeves! Although dead leaves aren’t quite as sharp as green leaves, they can still cut you. And they will, if you give them the chance.
If a stalk does draw blood, spill some water from your bottle on the ground near its roots and move on. Hopefully, the water will quench its thirst long enough for you to escape.
Be careful what you eat before you go into the maze! Avoid cornstarch, corn syrup, and all corn products. The corn can smell itself in your blood.
Remember, scarecrows are there for YOUR protection. As long as the corn thinks you’re with others, it won’t make any sudden moves.
If you see a scarecrow wave, wave back. It gets lonely, and you will too if you’re not kind.
If you are alone in a cornfield, pretend you’re talking to a friend! The plants have ears, but no eyes, and they are easily fooled. Get out before they catch wise!
The breeze is lying to you; don’t listen to it. It cannot lead you home.
If you’re lost, look to the sun for directions, not the shadows. The shadows like to watch you struggle.
Never, ever walk off the provided paths! The paths are safe routes carefully created by the farmer. If you leave the path, you may never see it again.
Keep an eye on the time while wandering! You don’t want to be in a cornfield after dark. You really don’t.
In a pinch, many people try praying to the Harvest God for assistance. This is often a poor choice; you’re just as likely to be harvested as you are to be helped.
If you see a single green corn stalk among the brown, turn around. You don’t want to know how it keeps itself warm in the cold.
Remember, Corn Mazes can be fun autumnal activities if you’re careful! Just follow these simple rules and you’ll almost certainly make it home.
