as of 2022, my activity took a steep decline which resulted in utter silence on my behalf. i can’t bring myself to deliberate over this obvious choice, so i’m announcing it here to get it over with while i’m still delirious.
i’m abandoning this account.
my interests are always changing and decreasing, and they’re vastly different from what they were last year. i’ve outgrown k-pop and don’t find pleasure in producing content related to it anymore. writing and editing for k-pop just isn’t fulfilling anymore. and i can’t envision myself going through the stress of posting simply to appease the masses either, which leads me to my final conclusion; i’m just leaving things as they are right now, and logging out of this account semi-permanently.
i say semi because i’ll come and check on it sometimes. maybe i’ll even come to a point in time where i’m comfortable deactivating, but lord knows i’m too sentimental right now to just delete almost two years of writing progress. not to mention the countless mutuals who i send my endless gratitude and thanks to, for encouraging my writing and editing and simply being people that helped me keep my interests for as long as i did. it was inevitable that i lost interest at some point.
thank you guys for my time here. you all inspired, influenced and shaped my understanding of what viewers value in stories, as well as offered positive feedback that boosted my ego despite its already massive size. as for my mutuals, thank you for being the sources of my interest on here. i’m not really good with the friendship junk but you all made this an enjoyable experience rather than something to look back on with a grimace. i’ve learned a lot about people and nerds from my reign as tumblr’s very own @/kireiwoo.
this quiet space will always have a lil place in my heart, as well as the people and lessons i’ve learned while on here. thank you all for bolstering my interests, i’ll never forget this.
sincerely, kiki the great <3
tl;dr | burnout + lack of interest (x 3am decisions) = abandonment of this account.
hi o.o uhhhh *puts hands on hips and strokes nonexistent beard* well ,,, what the fuck happened in 2021 ?? feels like i deleted everything from my memory but ykw it's okay <3 we're just gonna pretend most of it didn't exist anyway <3 so welcome to my end of 2021 celebration !!
below the cut is a list of my tumblr follow forevers, special messages for all my favorite fuckers, an end of year review, three (3) selfies, and a closing note for the year <3
tumblr follow forevers.
☾ - i love seeing you on my dash :D
♔ - you make really amazing content !!
♛ - ily more than words can describe—you got a little note at the end<3
bolded are mutuals !!
@cometoceantrenches - hi herbie :( it's always so fun talking to you and i love seeing you on my dash :( you always make me smile when we talk on discord and i loved talking abt movies with you !! it was so so so fun and i rlly hope we can talk more in the coming year <3
@fullsunfluff - hi buggie >:| ya bastard !! you've quickly become one of my closest online friends ever ??? ugh how when why where stop it !! stop !! you're like one of the funniest ppl i know and i always look forward to talking to you abt anything and everything :( we have the best yet the most awful taste in men but it's so fun talking to you abt marvel and other fandoms n movies :( i love watching you simp and wreck havoc ilysm :/
@gyukult - hi. i don't even know what to say to you at this point !!! it feels like i've known you for eons upon eons but uhhhh thank you :( for working with me :( we've been through so much these past few months but yeah i'm glad we just stuck through together :( we work rlly well together and i feel so undeniably happy and comfortable talking to you :( sometimes we disagree but yk that's what keeps our friendship fresh LMFAO you're a really cool person and someone i rlly respect foh realzies <3 we don't say it to each other often but ily
@itsapapisongo - CAN I JUST SAY YOU ARE LIKE THE COOLEST PERSON ON EARTH ?? YOU'VE GOT MJOLNIR AND CAP'S SHIELD I AM SO FUCKING JELLY OF YOU LWKJLSDJF also your fics are the fucking bomb !! i love talking to you about marvel and your discord gifs always make me cackle :( your doggo is also super adorable and i love talking abt movies and films with you, it's the absolute best :( happy new years, javi !!
@kireiwoo - anyways, on to the next person !! jk. i'm jk. ... jk. HELP KJWLKJSD hi kiki :( i think this officially marks our one year anniversary or wtv ;-; can't believe it's only been a year, i swear you've been bugging me for five years AT LEAST by now dude >:| ilysm okay ?? i love talking to you about philosophy, marvel/other movies, or just plain chaotic crackheadery :( you always make me laugh and i feel so comfortable around you and it's just so fun to talk abt anything and everything with you :( life sucks but life sucks a liddol less with you around :( happy new years kiwi, ya bastard <3
@kitsutaes - yas !! omg even tho we talk with long gaps in between, you're always in the back of my mind <3 you're just so sweet and fun to talk to and i always enjoy our liddol conversations :( like when we talk abt mbti or pets :( talking to you feels so ? nostalgic ? for some strange reason and ilysm for it :( happy new years bub <3
@koocycle - hello, ex wife. ily more than anything even tho i'm the one that initiated our divorce <3 you're legit the most beautiful person i've ever seen, both inside and out. i love joking around with you and whenever you talk i just wanna sit down and listen for years on end bcs :( i love hearing you talk whether it's your actual voice or through text i'm just so <3_<3 for you :( happy new years mon amour :(
@latetaektalk - LINH !!! resident sad bitch !! i will never forgive you for the number of chaos that you've iniated in gta (eg. cookies and cream, calling me daddy), but talking abt music with you makes up for it :( our conversations are perhaps one of my favs out of all these bitches in the list bcs i love discussing things with you !! you have really interesting opinions dude ! i love talking abt books, music, baking, philosophy, or literally anything with you :( it's just so fun and i cherish each and every interaction !! happy new years my dude !
@luvrsquest - ilysm ily ily ily ily imy ily ily imy :( that's it. send tweet <3 no but srsly you're my EVERYTHING :( the way i used to stay up until the late late late hours of the night just so i could talk to you :( timezones can kiss my ass bye and the way i spilled my whole life story to you through voice messages bye i can't x_x i love talking to you so sosoosososos much i love listening to you, you feel like an old friend that i've known for decades, ilysm :( happy new years baby :(
@minghaofilm - fel dude :( you're just so :( i love you so much :( you're the cutest thing please :( i love talking to you about anything and everything and whenever you come on i swear my face just goes :] oh it's fel <3 fel ma fee <3 when we all joke around i swear you make me cackle all the time omg :( the way you could murder someone and i'd just let it slide under my radar ... the POWER you hold over us istg e_e happy new years dude !!
@neo-shitty - toffee !! hi <3 although we don't talk much, i still look forward to discussing books with you :( it's so fun to watch you react to books and exchange opinions with you ! we also share a lot of fandoms so you're immediately like one of my favorite ppl ever KJLKJDFK and you also have amazing music taste so <33 i'm absolutely in love with your writing as well, you're an amazing writer and i love just discussing anything with you really !! happy new years toffee <3
@peachjaem00 - LOU :( THE LOVE OF MY LIFE :( MY LIGHT AND MY STARS :( can't believe we used to be married until i fucked it up :( YEAH THAT'S ON ME :( I KNOW :( anyways you're like. my favorite person ever :( i feel so comfortable around you to talk about literally anything and everything and !! you HAVE THE BEST MUSIC TASTE OUT OF EVERYBODY IN THIS LIST OKAY ??? OKAY. i love joking around with you too, you never fail to make me laugh omfg </3 i also love talking abt movies, books, and music with you it's just the most fun thing to discuss stuff with you :D also it's rlly fun to slander ppl with you LMFAOO happy new years mon chere <3
@starry-paris - you're probably ... the most saddest bastard i've ever met but ykw <3 ily for it <3 HOW ARE YOU SO FUNNY LIKE ?? ALL THE TIME ?? EXPLAIN. your writing is also delicious and your music taste is superior . SUPERIOR TO ALL !!! i love talking to you about marvel and music and ... being sad LMFAOO here's to another year paris :D
@subways-stuff - oh, subway. can you believe if you haven't joined my liddol movie club we wouldn't be here now ?? you're so fun to talk to abt :( literally everything :( like we can talk about fics, movies, books, shows, fandoms, music, marvel, men we unfortunately like, women we fortunately love, philosophy, generational traumas <3 etc etc etc HELP you're somehow both the indulger of chaos and 'i hate it here' coiner, and i love you either way <3 you're def my favorite gta member fuck the rest of them fools LMFAODJLKSFJ ilysm dude :( like genuinely feels like i've known you for eons and you're just the absolute best person ever :( ily ily ily happy new year dude !
end of year review.
so !! we'll start by saying i've written a grand total of 212.2k this year o_o i'm also currently at 4.5k followers and that's so amazing and i love each and every one of you so much :( thank you for all the love and support it means the world to me :( i am currently following a little over 800 people and that is o.o a lot o.o my dashboard is constantly filling up bcs of yall so thank you for the wonderful content !!
2021 events calendar <3
made this uquiz - jan 7
posted cellmates ; chapter four - jan 22
posted frozen hearts, flaming arrows ; chapter one - jan 27
made @grandtheftassholes discord - feb 3
yeah i met my closest friends there and i'm so so so happy i brought together such an amazing group of ppl :(
posted of mages and swords - feb 27
perhaps my best long one-shot ?? i am absolutely in love with both this fic and the movie it's based on so :( it's my longest one shot fic and i'm so proud of this piece !! i'm so happy i wrote it
made @ficscafe with gyu - march 14
yeah that was o_o holy crap i can't believe how much the net grew omfg
posted bloody blue - march 31
posted the golden daggers - april 17
posted goldstorm and bug boy! - may 3
my :( baby :( my first marvel related fic ? oh my god this was what careened me into my spiderman obsession i hate it here ;-; i am awfully attached to goldstorm and i am NOT letting go anytime soon
posted ghostly moon, soulless sun - may 6
this happened - june 8
that was very fun yes
posted a kpop uquiz - june 21
people immediately harrassed me after this that was no bueno
posted to poison a vampire - july 8
posted cellmates ; chapter five - july 14
yeah i know that was a long wait i'm sorry ;-;
posted pearls and pastries - august 25
posted the lovers and the lost - august 30
i still can't believe i managed to write this fic like ... i physically can't remember sitting down to write this ?? but it turned out good so i am not complaining HELP
posted the magic of trust - sept 3
posted the devil's queen - sept 6
i am absolutely in love with this fic :( it's my first gg fic and i'm just so <33 with the trope
posted mint and minecraft - sept 15
posted whittled by stars - sept 19
posted supervillains and unicorn bags - sept 23
perhaps one of my favorite things i've written this year, i love this fic so much ;-;
posted florentis - sept 25
posted copped out - sept 29
posted sin to win - oct 1
posted duck curtains - oct 6
posted green sofa - oct 8
posted candlelit - oct 16
posted boxed in - oct 18
posted bambi eyes - oct 21
posted ballroom of ghosts - oct 28
posted galvano - nov 1
i'm sobbing ?? crying ??? this is my favorite thing i've written ever i'm so proud of this series i am so unhealthily attached to my characters and marvel and it was just so fun to write :( just so proud omg :(
started working on new peter parker fic - dec 31
yeah <3 masterninjacow writes for peter parker now let's not talk about it okay :/ sick of that nerd
three selfies of 2021 !!
closing note.
i'm so ??? oh my god o_o oh wow this year is finally over holy shit ??? not to say that next year won't be hell bcs it definitely will be for me but !! we'll take it one step at a time ;-; thank you all for staying with me through these hard times and i owe you guys everything :( thank you sm :( 2021 might've been shitty but i discovered a lot abt myself this year and i'm so so so happy that i did :( thank you all again for everything :( here's to all the years to come :(
anyways onto the next person !! MAN STFU. i’m kidding……haha hi whosna :D you’d be correct, this marks our one year anniversary of on-again off-again stupidity<3 in my life, i’ve only met two people who suit me to a tee—you’re one of them. not to be mushy, but i think you’re my *throws up* i think you might be . my person eugh. gross. but bro, it’s a nice feeling having someone you can trust to be there and understand u, bc i have no hesitation whatsoever to come to you in times of stress or just boredom. you’re fun and we relate in a lot of aspects (#struggling_author_moment) :] thank you for being my friend n making 2021 the slightest bit bearable:( you’re one of my best friends n i love you lots! happy new years dawlin muah muah smooch.
i know i haven’t been on at all lately, but winter break is coming up so maybe i’ll be writing some more! i know you’ve all missed me so much. anywho, what with it being my birthday, that also means that christmas is coming pretty soon.
due to the fact that i don’t trust myself to return in the next week, i want to wish those of you who celebrate ol’ saint nick’s day a merry christmas! regardless of if you don’t commemorate the occasion, i hope that you all stay safe and healthy and prosperous. don’t forget to charge your phones & hydrate enough. stay warm my friends! joyous holidays and a happy new year to you all<3
“swing left, maybe you’ll actually hit something.” the teasingly suggestive voice of kim hongjoong purrs into your ear, throwing off your balance monumentally. you stumble to the dusty ground and groan petulantly, little clouds of dirt flying into the air as you reach your mud-encrusted, calloused fingers to unravel the stringy piece of cotton fibre from your eyes. the animated clunk of your wooden sword can be heard from metres away as you glare hazily up at the culprit of your failure, his cheeky grin unrestrained and goofy.
“how many times do i have to tell you?” you whine, jabbing your index finger in his direction, “speaking while brawling is technically cheating!” hongjoong scoffs with crossed arms, a goading smirk replacing the boyish charm. it’s provoking, and you can tell he’s waiting for some kind of physical ailment as he babyishly repeats your words, mocking you. you roll your eyes and simply dust off the navy blue fabric of your training outfit, standing and stretching your sore muscles. hongjoong didn’t know the meaning of a fair fight; he was the weaselly wonder who started bar-fights for the sake of stealing poker money. you never complained simply because he gave you a fair share of the coins. and because he was good at evading your scoldings with a few flustering, crude flirts. you prefer to scribble over that last segment, though.
hongjoong approached you at the starboard tavern earlier in search of an excitement that wasn’t stirring up a public disturbance. he proposed a duel accompanied by a sly wager; ‘best of three and the loser complies to the victor’s one burning wish’ he emphasized. the twist of the bet was that one patron had to use a blindfold, and you accepted cockily with the idealism that you’d win, confidence unparalleled while the man only waited with bated breath.
you lost, easily.
you knew hongjoong was swift, but being able to evade your harsh swings in every possible comprehensible direction was a feat you had to internally applaud him for. most people referred to you as ‘heavy-handed’, especially with the added force of a three-foot wooden sword. you were sure to give him a concussion and snub his capabilities with a dirty snarl, but he somehow won, knocking you to your knees twice with only a few daringly perverse comments and sly remarks. foul play, is what you’d call it. he nicknames it ‘playing smart’.
“what do you want for your prize, oh wise and noble hongjoong?” you snort rambunctiously, quite annoyed with his smug countenance. the blazing sun boiled down upon the lot of you, the secure leather belt strapped around your bodice beginning to formulate sweat below the fabric. you were sure you smelt horrid, melting below the unforgiving heat. you never meshed well with it, and something told you that hongjoong used that weakness to his advantage.
the man in question simply tapped his cheek, eyes lidded and mouth upturned as he howled with laughter once you recoiled. of all things, a kiss? maybe it was to deflate your ego. hongjoong was rather flirtatious; it’s how he left the bar with purpled hickeys lining his collar and a comfortable buzz from the various unpaid alcohol tabs. he knew how to twist things to play them out in his own favour, a rather selfish and ignorantly successful strategy. you’d never admit it aloud, but where hongjoong lacked in respectability, he regained in physical attraction, hence how things were so uncomplicated for him. he was repulsive behaviour wise; snooty and prideful with his flavoured rums and steel-knuckle punches.
“what? scared you’ll taint your poor little lips with my ‘infections’?” hongjoong gurgles, using air quotations to accentuate the absurdity of the claim. you pointedly inhale at his insinuation, mustering up the courage to broach this situation with poise and conviction. he wanted you to kiss his cheek; you weren’t so vindictive and vain to deny him his promised winnings, though you know you could explicitly revoke consent and he would voluntarily back off. it’s not because you secretly wondered how soft his skin was for how contrastingly sharp-tongued he was. it wasn’t because some smidgeon of you felt attraction to his rowdy and careless nature. no, you hated hongjoong and his self-righteous squalor.
so why were you anticipating his conceited feedback as you leant in to place a delicate kiss on his cheek? why were you actually complying when you could’ve swallowed your ego and walked away with ruffled feathers? you knew you weren’t a pushover, sacrificing your purity to satisfy his non-verbal request. you closed your eyes dumbly, simply choosing to block out the repercussive shouts echoing to back away.
while you honestly expected hongjoong to pull some kind of prank or twisted trick on you, possibly to make fun of your clenched fists and repressed expression, or that you were actually willing to go through with the hinted demand, you never thought you’d feel plush but chapped lips against your own. your eyes shot open to be greeted with the sight of hongjoong’s fluttering lids, closed as he pressed his rough lips against your own. it was awkwardly quiet, save for the sound of scuffed dirt shifting every time you anxiously tilted backwards. you weren’t an expert in the field of physical affection, but you could tell that hongjoong wanted more as he attempted to pry your stiff lips open with his own.
you tripped backwards in shock and would’ve almost fell flat onto your back if it wasn’t for his meticulous hands clawing onto the sleeves of your shirt. his eyes held a raucous gleam and he puckered his lips again as you squealed and struggled to back away. you’d never thought of hongjoong like that. he was always that greasy and smooth-talking expert thief who liked fighting despite his lesser stature and little intimidation.
at least this confirms your idea of hongjoong; twisting the circumstances so it meets his needs. you found that you didn’t mind however, pressing two sweaty fingers against your lips as he stared at you curiously. you smiled subconsciously, a small turn of your lips that made his own insides light with renowned determination. leaning down to grab onto your wooden sword, you hummed as you stared up at him, tracing your fingertips against the length of the sword with an ungodly simper upon your lips.
“best of five. whoever wins gets to demand whatever they want!” hongjoong grinned at your request; he knew what he’d be asking for.
they’re different for everyone; nuanced and pure, sometimes possessive and confusing. generally, there are a few recognizable traits that people share in a conglomerate of harrowingly differentiating forms; that gently aching thump of a rapid heartbeat, the once annoying squawks of irritating birds turning mellifluous and cherished in the charred dawn, or even skin prickling with heat, particularly on an unnoticeably freckled countenance. jung wooyoung remembers his first love like a meadow of marigolds.
she had the sweetest smile and the softest eyes, with silken skin and frazzled hair tousled by the playful wind. her voice was mild, perfect and laced with an intoxicating slur that beckoned him like strawberries and cream. she smelt like blueberry muffins and shaved vanilla, glasses idly perched on the bridge of her nose crookedly. she enjoyed lazing at the beach with airy shirts coloured variously, and sifting her fingers through smoothened sea-glass and sedimentary pebbles along the shoreline.
wooyoung and her had a special spot by the bay. nestled between oakwood and birch trees laid an undisturbed alcove; a small opening leading to a brief dock. lily pads and rose-coloured flowers entangled around the perimeter of the dock, wet moss and algae absentmindedly creeping up the corroded posts in each corner. the water grazing the horizon sparkled with the pearlescent sun’s rays, and wooyoung usually brought her there for picnics or as a means of fruitful escape.
the last occasion they spent time at their humble, blissfully ignorant getaway, she was wearing a mushroom necklace and mint-leaf hued sandals. he remembers her goofy laughter while they sipped convenience store banana milk and munched on handmade sandwiches. they weren’t gourmet, and wooyoung remembers being freshly introduced to the world of cooking, but they sufficed. the food had a sentimentality attached to it that urged them to devour it anyways.
he remembers times like that, pure and innocent like the crystal waters below them. but he also unwillingly recalls the bountiful arguments; moments where their disagreements turned sour or misunderstandings arose suspicion that led to frivolous octave matches. he remembers the feeling of cold tears on his warm cheeks; the contrast stark and alarming as his scratchy voice pleaded for a resolve, even though he knew he was wrong and that forgiveness was a fever dream. he remembers wrapping his arms around her and promising that he would be better; admitting to his faults in a desperate hope that things would smoothen over and they’d return to their normalcy that was the dock behind the foliage.
but they didn’t.
the separation was painful; comparable to stitches torn apart and sharp decay at the heartstrings. it was strange how the physical feeling of immature heartbreak was a thing. snot bubbled down to wooyoung’s lips and his eyes ran with rivers of tears; he couldn’t accept it. he felt like the world was crumbling. wooyoung would’ve gone lengths for her; down to the rumbling, pressurized depths of the ocean and light-years across an unbelievably bleak and dark universe. but the cosmos would shine with a luminescent illusion simply because he knew he would be returning to her, no matter what. this felt like floating in a pool of watery darkness, down to the impending trenches filled with gory, disembodied dreams and lost aspiration. she didn’t have to leave for it to hurt as badly as it did.
wooyoung eventually picked himself back up. he came to realize that life wasn’t as dim and resolutely dreary as he pictured it to be. he accepted that he wasn’t being dramatic, he was being realistic. unintentional pain isn’t ever something someone can purposefully dramatize, he thought. downtrodden, in the mud, even hitting rock-bottom; the only thing you can do is get up or give up; and he was tired of fantasizing about the latter. months passed and though he knew years of of a reciprocated relationship wouldn’t seep from his mind like steeped earl grey, he understood that it would take time and effort.
he understood that the pain of first loves were apart of growing up, whether he wanted to or not. he understood that the chirping outside would feel agonizing, the thumping would be a reminder that his heart wasn’t specifically beating for someone anymore, and every aspect of his life would seem to revolve around her, but he knew that eventually those feelings of bittersweet melancholia would gradually fade away. he learned that sometimes things have to be hard to get better. sometimes lonesomeness is a lesson disguised by a lust for company, no matter how toxic or tainted it may be.
today, wooyoung sits by himself at the dock. he stares out into a sunset of burnt oranges, crimson, and honeyed magenta, recognizing that he doesn’t need another half to complete his mismatched but beautiful semi-circle. he knows that he’ll fall in love again, and that’ll it’ll hurt, but from that suffering he also learnt that life doesn’t have to be wildly traumatic to have it’s hard moments. he found that living doesn’t have to revolve around finding love in a lost alcove by the bay. a large portion of growing up means to find, to hurt, to heal, and to reminisce. and sure, sometimes he gets that gargling pit of nostalgia buzzing deep in his gut, or that momentary haze of remembrance that stuns him into silence, but he knows that it’s fleeting; monotone but temporary.
first loves are a peculiar phenomenon; they can be achingly painful or addictively sugary, and sometimes they end in more strife than intended. they feel like dancing on clouds of cotton candy, the disgustingly gloomy world suddenly painted with colours you didn’t know existed. heartache is expected, as well as tears of grief and frustration, but it’s part of growing up. because sometimes, growing up means experiencing the brunt of pain before you can enjoy the tangible delicacies of happiness. wooyoung knows that now.
and he’ll sob and mourn from the residual loss, but he’ll always remember her, his first love, like a meadow of marigolds; as a flower he held, and one that wilted, but one he’ll never forget. first loves are such a peculiar thing, no?
𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑 — these projects were created with the intention of conceptual entertainment and are nothing further than fan-based crafts.
⑅ ˚₊ JOONGIE!
11:17pm / 5:44pm / 3:46pm
⑅ ˚₊ HWABLES!
1:28am / 7:15am
⑅ ˚₊ YUYU!
9:02pm / 3:39pm
⑅ ˚₊ YEOYEO!
8:27pm / 4:01pm
⑅ ˚₊ SANNIE!
3:24pm / 10:56pm
⑅ ˚₊ MINGO!
8:34am / 12:47am
⑅ ˚₊ YOUNGIE!
6:57pm / 7:29pm
# ˓ ˚ red, blue, my yellow!
→ in which your teasing florist of a friend struggles with picking between two paint colours, and feeling gracious, you decide to assist him while also exposing yourself.
warnings fluff, crack(?), 2.0k+
⑅ ˚₊ JJONG!
2:49pm / 12:37am
˚‧⁺(͘๑̊/﹏\)⁺‧˚ MISC THINGIES!
atz second anniversary // a brief note // theatre // dreamland // …
plagiarizing, translating, & redistribution will not be tolerated and that being said, please let me know if any of my works are offensive or have been reposted, thank you!
“have you ever been surfing before?” you shake your head dumbly at the attractively muscular surf instructor’s question, drool accumulating under your tongue as he pushes his silky, dampened blonde hair back with the help of his veiny hand for the nth time today. your eyes are trained solely on the way his multicoloured wetsuit clings to the curve of his waist, a towel sinched attentively on the dip of his hip as he leans from one foot to another restlessly. choi jongho, you recall his name is; an awfully teasing and unbelievably strong surf instructor, but a damned good one at that. you’d seen him countless times before, teaching from children to relatively elder people the art of surfing—but you’d never personally interacted.
“well, i’ll have to show you the basics then, y/n.” your name sounded heavenly rolling off his tongue, and in spite of the awkward atmosphere, you smile for a split second before returning to your awestruck phase. he seemed pleased with his ability to render you silent with just a few words, his domineering prance to the countless lined surfboards making you meekly cower behind him. he hands you pink and yellow hibiscus-designed board, winking before retrieving his own one, and it feels like your soul has been practically revitalized from its cavern of hopeless romantic despair.
one thing that drastically separates him from the other lanky surfers is the buffed mass built on his body; his biceps are sculpted perfectly and abs poking through the thinness of his black wetsuit, and he stands tall as he waits for you to girlishly stumble over, cheeks burning and eyes dizzy from both the summer heat and his own blazing warmth. you offer a blanched smile, raising a hand to tenderly wipe the sweat drenching your forehead before attentively listening to his brisk instructions. his voice is endearingly high, like a grotesque rendition of a part-time schoolboy, but the smoothness of his curt instructive procedures calms the rapid beating of your heart; just listening to how he drones about his past experience and what to look out for.
it’s only when he stops speaking, gazing at you awkwardly that you realize you’d zoned out for the practical majority of his speech. something about how sea turtles were bizarrely frequent was the last sentence you’d coherently understood, but there was no remembrance to the actual information he supplied; and not wanting to make a fool out of yourself, you stiffly nod, pretending as if this prelude to your impending embarrassment was nonexistent.
and similarly to how you’d predicted, you ended up flunking and snubbing yourself vastly when attempting to surf. the ten-minute educational video about surfing you’d priorly researched was the basis of your attempts, and solid try after try, you failed in succeeding. noticing your perpetual struggle, jongho approaches you with a flurry of adorable bounces in his step; and whether it be the clustered shine from the water or the sheer determination bubbling in him, you could tell he was eager to help.
“you’re holding the board wrong—are you alright?” you gulp at his question, not physically responding but squeaking at his abrupt presence, “the preface of my entire instructional was about how to properly handle a board.” he chuckles as you pale considerably.
“i know it’s nerve-wracking; there’s so many circumstances in which this could end up negatively but y’know what, i believe in you! just keep trying!” his encouragement strikes a cord in you, making you feel unprecedented guilt for genuinely not paying your full respect to his teachings. receiving empathy was the last thing you deserved right now and you intended on informing him of your misleading mistakes. as he raves on more about how to hold the board, you clear your throat; his cheeks darken a tint and you wonder if he feels dismayed for bombarding you with loads of questionably useful statistics. clearly, he has a lot of knowledge and little space to exude it.
“i—um... sorry, this is probably extremely unprofessional, but i kind of zoned out earlier on account of...” you mumble the continuation shortly, squeezing the fabric of your swim gear impulsively. the action is shy enough to alert him that whatever you said might’ve been sensitive or out of anxiety, and although jongho hates to force you out of your comfort zone, his curiosity is insatiable.
“on account of what?” he echoes, a perplexed brow raising. his confusion makes you flustered as you recognize that you have to repeat the rather petulant phrasing you’d used earlier; but this was an invitation for honesty, and you’d use it wisely. “on account of my... uh—i guess you could say it’s a crush?—on you.” flabbergasted in silence, you frivolously panic over his lack of response—lack of movement; hell, he’d practically frozen, appearance glacial and destitute of emotion. perhaps you’d gotten a tad too zealous, using this opportunity too freely without conscience of filtering your words. maybe he was creeped out? of course, he’d only prospectively met you an hour ago, exchanging handshakes with the promise of professionalism and pledges to do your best.
although jongho would never confess or admit to it, he’s noticed you quite a few times as well. the consistency in your cutely obvious stares arose some sort of blushy lustre on his countenance, and he oftentimes found himself victim to stuttering whenever he felt that same admirable gaze boring interestedly into the back of his head. he’d taken notice to how you scheduled your time at the beach specifically to his shifts, and contrary to popular opinion, whereas people would find this dedication obsessive or unlawfully desperate, he found some sort of zeal in your commitment. that perhaps you didn’t just view him as some temporary piece of eye-candy to come and go, only to find purpose in staring at a random other beefy hunk. perhaps it was because he was deprived of his own romanticism, but he’d developed a slight crush on you as well. and while he had his suspicions of your feelings, there were lingering inklings of doubt shovelled somewhere in his brain—hearing this confession just made everything so... bright.
colours popped and the water was suddenly warm; the skies were perfect and the clouds appearing fluffy as wool. jongho felt a spark of electricity surge through him followed by a dull buzzing that lit his lower stomach. his face was vacant of emotion but the energy bulldozing through him was comparable to lightening. the water swished against your surf board, creating a satisfying sound effect as you gradually felt the anticipation eat away until you were left disappointed. but before you could squabble away, jongho had already wrapped his hand around your wrist, securing the grip with a gentle, complacent squeeze.
“you’re right—this is probably one of the most unprofessional things in the book, but... i, me—i kind of have a... tiny crush on you too.” he looked away after the exposition, teeth impulsively biting his lip even though you’d already confirmed your own feelings. your heart stuttered momentarily and in a fit of joy, you’d tackled jongho straight into the pearlescent water, eyes pure with happiness and smile contagious.
choi jongho is a part-time surf instructor; he works mondays to fridays and generously shows up for work on volunteered, non-paid shifts simply because he loves his job. he enjoys recanting stories of past bizarre experiences and he loves the ocean above all—however, he wouldn’t mind bending a few expectations and rules simply to appease his infatuation, and although it was completely unprofessional, maybe he could teach you how to surf outside of work? or catch dinner by the bay? maybe even watch those darned sea turtles toddle up to the shore to greet the locals, but whenever and whatever it was, he knew he would have a partner in crime now—and you knew that you’d have a talkative yet awkward sweetheart to lug around with you; perhaps, things really did work out in the end.
