A lot of things happened this year, and I’m only able to sit down and write about it now because life decided to keep me occupied the entire year.
I started the year with hopes of stepping outside my usual, mundane home and work life. In February, I was finally able to cross my Disneyland dream off my bucket list. It was so much more than I imagined. It was magical, and it healed the inner Disney kid in me. The fireworks made me feel that there is still magic in this world, no matter how hard life has been to us.
Then, in March, all at once, we lost the place we called home. The place where I grew up—the place I thought I could always return to, no matter where life took me, to find warmth and safety. I didn’t properly say goodbye. My heart still aches when I think about it. I still have regrets. I should have stayed there until I couldn't anymore. I miss the trees that sheltered us for years. I miss our little home, full of beautiful memories that we emptied out. I miss the gate I used to climb when I got locked out. I miss the sound of birds in the morning, and the barks and meows of our pets. Oh, how I miss our home. I can’t stop crying as I type this. It hit me hard this holiday season. The Christmas I’ve known all my life is so different now—no drunk uncles, no long lines for ampao giving, no dancing cousins, and no chaotic games. Home just isn’t the same anymore.
And just when I thought the worst had already happened, I almost lost my dad, and I lost my uncle, who I always turned to. My dad suffered a major stroke, and it was so hard to see him in that condition. Though he’s out of the hospital now and in the care of his other family, I can’t stop thinking about him. I know my siblings and I agreed on this arrangement, but growing up as a daddy’s girl, it’s breaking my heart. I want to take care of him, but I know I’m not capable. All I can do is pray for his safety. Then, my uncle—my Tito Edil—we lost him to a heart attack. I should have hugged him longer the last time I saw him. I can only hope he heard my thank-yous and “I love yous” in his final moments. He was our coolest uncle. I always turned to him when I was struggling with my mom. He’d cheer me up when I was stressed about work. I hope I made him happy every time I bought him drinks. I hope the pizza he requested from me last time filled him up. I hope he’s happy in heaven.
Life didn’t just hurt me this year; it wrecked me. But through all the pain and loss, God gave me the biggest and most unexpected blessing. He gave me my better half, my partner in this life. He gave me the person who became my rock and held my hand as I went through my hardest battles this year. He gave me the guy who made sure I ate on time during my last week at our former home, and helped me physically, mentally, and emotionally. The guy who stayed with me at the hospital when my dad was in the ICU and when I rushed to see our uncle. The guy who hugged me and kept assuring me that it would get better. The guy who made me feel loved and secure in every small and big way I can think of. The guy who always gives me flowers to celebrate me and us. The guy who always makes sure I get home safe. The guy who always makes sure I am happy above all. The guy who asked my mom and siblings for my hand in marriage. Yes, he proposed in the sweetest and most romantic way, and I said yes. I still can’t believe that a love like this exists, and that it has happened to me.
As the year closes, my heart is both broken and full. I’ve lost a lot, but I’ve also received more than I could have ever asked for. Yeah, 2024 was life unexpected.
