can we just take a moment to talk about how shitty kitās childhood actually was because i feel like no one ever talks about it, and itās obvious in so many scenes that johnny rook did nOt show this kid love...
first of all, he wasnāt even really allowed to leave the house.
āShadow Market nights were Kitās favorite.
They were the nights he was allowed to leave the houseā
āAfter that his father kept him at home, mostly, letting him teach himself out of old books. He played video games in the basement and went out rarely, during the day, or when the Shadow Market was on.ā
like ???? he wasnāt allowed to leave the house, and his dad made him stay at home and teach himself out of old books. johnny rook didnāt even teach him himself, he didnāt even give him a tutor, he just kept kit at home, and kit had to teach himself.
āHis father put an arm around him, a rare affectionate gesture.ā
meaning that he was never really shown affection...
and when magnus met johnny rook and their conversation went like this:
āKit. Heās a good boy. Growing like a sprout. Quick hands, very useful in my line of work.ā
āYou have your child picking pockets?ā
āSome of that. Some passing on trifles like keys. Some sleight of hand. All sorts. Heās multitalented.ā
āIsnāt he about ten years old?ā Magnus asked.
Johnny shrugged. āHeās very advanced.ā
if this is how his own father treated himābarely gave him any attention except for the fact that he was useful for his āline of workāāit would explain why kit was so sure that if he didnāt help ty in qoaad, ty would shut him out, and kit would lose him. because kit is used to getting the most attention when heās useful.
and can we please talk about this:
āHe had never had anyone but his father, and he was sure beyond any words that his father had never loved him like that.ā
āMy dad knew me, and he didnāt care. Donāt say he did. I know he didnāt. But he loved my mom, apparently, so it wasnāt that he couldnāt love anyone. It was that he couldnāt love me. Andāand theāandānobody else has, either.ā
āJem did know enough to see Johnny Rook must have done something truly wrong, if heād had all Kitās life to show him that he was loved and never convinced him.ā
kit spent fifteen years being raised by only his dad, and his dad was the only constant in his life (+ the shadow market but iām getting to that in a second) and his father never loved him. the one person kit had ever loved, aka his own father, never loved him back, and kit was fully aware of that fact.
and this part with the shadow market:
āYou cannot wash the taint from your blood. Iām telling you for the last time, boyāleave the Market. And donāt come back.ā
Kit backed up, looking around himāseeing, as if for the first time, the faces turned toward him, most blank and unfriendly, many avidly curious.ā
remember when he said that shadow market nights were his favorite because those were the nights he was allowed to leave the house? or how at ease he was in the prologue of lm, and how comfortable he was around the shadow market? this was probably the closest thing to a home kit has ever had, and when he tried to go back to it after losing his dad, he was shunned.
and you know how when a child has been neglected and no one has ever really been there for them, they stop crying at all because they know no one will be there for them anyway? do you think thatās how it was with kit for a long time, and thatās why he didnāt even cry when his dad died and why he thinks heās not able to āfeel properlyā?
āKit had never had siblings, never had a mother, had only had Johnny. His father. His father who had died, and he didnāt think heād ever looked the way Ty looked now, as if the possibility of something happening to Livvy was enough to break him inside.ā
āMaybe there was something wrong with him, Kit thought as he followed Alec into the hallway. Maybe he didnāt have the right kind of feelings. Heād never wondered that much about his mother, who she was: Wouldnāt someone who knew how to feel properly wonder that?ā
also later in this scene with alec when kit says:
āIām no one, though,ā he said, taking the box full of bandages. āWhy would he care what I think? I donāt matter. Iām nothing.ā
āI know that you and Tessa took me in because of Will. And IāmāIām grateful, I want toāI can be likeāā
kit thinking heās not good enough if heās ājust himself ā because he doesnāt think he matters, and him thinking that he has to be more like will for jem and tessa to want him...
and the rooftop scene of course:
āKit had never been a casual hugger, and no one had ever, that he could remember, come to him for comforting. He wasnāt a comforting sort of person. Heād always assumed that.ā
heād always assumed that ?????
in conclusion, someone needs to give kit herondale a hug and tell him that he is great just the way he is and that they love him
andulkaphoto
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
amandla
ellievsbear
gummygunk
gracieabrams
