hi. i'm nasol. 20, taurus, caratinyzeni.đđââË this blog is a dumping ground for all of my writing and brainfarts i've accumulated over the past 7 yrs of being into kpop.
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all u need 2 know about me if u even care is that i love wooyoung and san and rabbits and i love genshin and SEOULââŽïžËïœĄâ âčâ...
đ bff!jaemin x f!reader x bff!jeno (including: nct's haechan and jisung!)đ warnings: THIS IS ALL FICTIONAL AND IS IN NO WAY A DEPICTION OF JENO LEE OR NA JAEMIN AS REAL PEOPLE!!! afab reader, a lot of swear words!, polyamory is a grey area in this fic but it is not meant to be a main part of the storyline (however it is evidently clear that they both have feelings for reader), mature themes i.e insults, people r called stupid and cheeky monkeys and fat fuckers but not in a mean way, yheard!!! rich, spoilt borderline asshole jeno at times, reader is y/n but referred to as rabbit, EVERYONE IS SELFISH, NOT PROOFREAD AND I CBA TO COUNT THE WORDS, idk i just don't think this is traditionally romantic... but that's okay bc if you do not like it then do not read it! 18+ fic with all of the mature themes but i am not responsible for the content you choose to consume.
đsummary: jaemin is your best friend. five years ago, jeno found his way into your duo and somehow everything fit perfectly together. you're not fifteen anymore, and your ability to tolerate silverspoon!jeno is dwindling away, and fast. jaemin's getting a lover and everyone says too much and your head hurts and you explode. the three of you once claimed to hold unconditional love for one another, but who's bluff do you undeniably call in the end?
final words: this is a story i created with my brain that i had roaming around in my notes since i was a youngin... nanabanana doesn't even know who ai is, yheard? AND ALSO i apologise if some stuff makes no sense... if we think about this on a technical since it's all fictional, it doesn't necessarily matter that much. dedicated to my ever lasting unattainable love, levi! đ«§ happy reading <3
ACT I
á¶» đ đ° .á AVG AGE â 14-15
to you, jeno was just a boy with midnight black hair who youâd had a pea-sized crush on for a decent amount of time. one year, maybe two at most. to jaemin, your crush had gone on for one to two years too long, over a guy with hair that was an unmatchable shade- âyou gotta shit or get off the pot, rabbit.â heâd say to you on the campus bench placed perfectly under a cherry blossom tree.
heâd fit that nine-word sentence into as many places as he could, it became a tradition for quite some time. jaemin wasnât jealous, he just felt like jeno was inadequate for someone as beautiful as you.
beautiful- an iceberg, an umbrella term. what werenât you? not only to jaemin, but to the world? first place in every mathematics test youâd ever taken, the first to help fallen down old ladies when they toppled over, religiously feeding the stray cats with the care kit you meticulously keep in your handbag.
you were beautiful, selfless, intelligent and big minded and smart and jeno was just⊠a pair of biceps and a nice smile. but as of late, jaemin put his opinions to the side for the benefit of you. âhey, jen. how have you been?â he spoke into his phone, playing with the string of his sweatpants. jenâ the nickname in itself, leaving jaeminâs mouth felt wrong; out of place.
there was a beat of silence, as though jeno was racking his brain for why jaemin would even be calling him in the first place. every idea of this occurring was once very distant and far away; what business does an IT student have with levi highschoolâs P.E phenomenon? âuh, iâm gooââ
jaemin despised small talk, and he wasnât about to make exceptions for jenoâs benefit, âi was wondering, are you interested in hanging out with me and y/n this weekend? i was thinking we could go to the beach for the last time before school starts up again.â
âyou and rabbit? i thought you guys were already an ensemble⊠why would you need me there?â jeno hummed, speakers buzzing at the deepness in his voice.
jaemin mightâve recoiled in his skin at jenoâs curiousity. we donât need you there, was what he wanted to say, but instead he scratched his head, âwell, i donât know. i just thought itâd be fun?â
âwait! does your rabbit want me there?â a hint of optimism spiked his voice, and jaemin swallowed a non-existent boulder that lay in his throat. he wanted to grit his teeth and slam his index finger on the burning red âend callâ icon, but he pushed through.
âmaybeâŠ? but donât tell her, please. sheâll burn me at the stake for betraying my best friend privileges.â they laughed unanimously, and for a split second jaemin got to thinking that jeno wasnât as bad as he had seemed to be for all those years.
âyour secret is safe with me, jaem. just tell me when and where,â jenoâs willingness took jaemin backâ he hadnât expected this to be so easy. he thought heâd have to go through a weird initiation process to even begin to strike up a conversation with reonowned jeno lee.
a fleeting summery blue day saw three people sitting on the beach; your favourite one, the one that had nearly pearlescent sand, blue waves that were never not calm, and sunlight that filtered through the meticulously placed palm trees just right.
âso, jeno, this is y/n. i call her rabbit, and you can too if you want to,â jaemin spoke, pulling you gently by the wrist to look up at jeno. you may have gotten vertigo if it werenât for the fact that jaemin was still holding your arm.
âhi jeno, itâs nice to meet you!â his smile was delectable and your voice didnât shake, it held itâs weight and you were proud of that tiny fact. his beauty mark was gorgeous and his hair was styled just right, and his t-shirt was subtle but so sophisticated,
âlikewise, rabbit. iâve heard great things about you,â those last few words snapped you out of your mental ramble, and you looked between both jeno and jaemin, âoh god, really? iâm sorryââ
âonly great things, rabbit, only.â jaemin smiled and winked at you as jeno walked away to sit down on the picnic blanket jaemin had carefully arranged just an hour before. âso, how long have you guys been friends for?â
the sun weaved itâs way through the tall and stern palm trees, âwe met in first grade, on the first day of school. i kinda hit jaemin in the head with my umbrella, and my grandma told me off. i apologised to jaemin but i just knew from when he turned around that i needed to ask him, âdo you wanna be best friends?â and he said yes, and we never looked back,â
âthose were her real words, jeno, in a little baby voice too, heh!â you laughed and shook your head, replaying the sequence of events in your head. âawweee, wait, i think i can visualise it!â jeno held out the index and thumb of both of his hands and put them up to you in the shape of a rectangle, as though he was regressing back through the look in your eyes to the way you were all those years ago.
âin sickness and in health, aye rabbit?â jaemin flopped down on the picnic blanket shortly after that, succumbing to sleep. âjaemin can sleep anywhere, by the way. i feel like thatâs an important thing for you to know if youâre gonna be a part of us,â you spoke, looking out to the sea through your sunglasses.
jeno snorted, âwhy thank you, rabbit. good to know. do you fall asleep easily too?â you huffed, âit usually takes me an hour or two to properly knock out, yâknow? itâs never been my strong suit.â
âiâm like that too, rabbit,â
your first meeting with jeno is short, but in turn, sweet. the wheel, as some may say, was set in motion from that day onward.
the taste of the september air was bitter as it enveloped your tongue, immersed in a conversation you really didnât care to retain. you tugged on the sleeves of the blazer of your navy blue and gray school uniform as the speech continued.
âand then i went to greece, well, athens to be precise. it was so funny, my brother and i were eating souvlaki for every meal- the only thing that would change would be fries in the pitta for dinner.â luna was busy rambling on about her most recent family vacation, and you could swear that dollar signs mightâve fallen out of her mouth instead of actual words.
she was notoriously rich, a new handbag on her arm every week type rich. this week, it was a one of a kind baby pink chanel cambon ligne tote.
âhi, my rabbit! how was your summer?â jaemin ran up from behind luna to hug you, grin beaming wide and proud. the same jaemin that had been your friend since your very first day of kindergarten, when you had hit him on the head with your umbrella much to your grandmaâs dismay.
you looked at him with gratitude in your eyes, âmy summer was the same as always, jaem. no changes whatsoever, what about yours?â he walked closely to you as you moved on to find your first class of the day. (as if you hadnât spent every other day by his side)
it was your first day of tenth gradeâ and to say that you had been dreading it was an understatement. the one shining light in your school life was jaemin- where you were silent and timid, he was loud and stern. hence the way you stuck to him like glue more often than not.
âiâm not silly, rabbit, i know we were together. i just it would be an effective way to get you away from luna. itâs common knowledge she doesnât like hearing about anything but herself and her life,â he spoke gently, as if to reassure you that he wasnât a totally dumb, clueless rock.
you scoffed in acknowledgement, âbut yeah, my summer was good. really good.â he nudged you as he finished his sentence and all you could do was roll your eyes. you both turned the corner in the dimly lit hallway and found yourselves in a pretty cute classroom.
the walls were all painted an undeniable orange, and the apertures were wide and welcomed any and all light the sky could provide. both you and jaemin had chosen spanish as your option language when you first started middle school, all those years ago.
âhola a todos, hoy nos hacemos un actividad de escribir. el titlo, âel verano de mis sueños.â quiero 600-700 palabras.â
you sat down in the middle row on the middle desk, âah, y/n! youâve reminded me, everybody- you get to pick a new seat for the year. but donât try to pull fast ones on me by sitting next to the people who wonât encourage you to do your work, okay?â the teacher, miss azzo, spoke.
you smiled at her before you heard the screech of the chair next to you being pulled out. only, it wasnât who you expected to be sitting down next to you.
âhey, rabbit. is it cool if i sit next to you?â jeno spoke, yes rabbit, jeno spoke. to you. the nearly flourescent ceiling lights shone down on him in a somehow flattering way, and you didnât really know what to do.
taken aback, sure, you were. moreso by the beauty mark on his chocolatey left eye, and the way his midnight black hair looked daringly beautiful with no particular underlying cause.
words, rabbit, orst youâll become a rock!
âuh, sure jeno, hi,â you smiled at him but the time passed so quickly that soon the chair to the left of you was being pulled out, that same screech ricocheting across the classroom.
jaemin, âsup?â he huffed down into his seat, and both of the boys did their handshake in front of you, leaning over your desk as they did so. you grimaced, âright in front of my salad, guys?â
âi thought we were all sharing the same salad, rabbit? jaem told me so,â jeno smirked and jaemin laughed like a madman. âyou three are thick as thieves, when did all of this come about?â a rhetorical question, because none of you answered, âi expect to read about this in at least one of your essays.â miss azzo smiled from across her desk.
jaemin liked to charm the teachers, it was always in his nature. âof course, iâll take the burden of that, miss. you can totally rest assured.â the summer of your dreams was certainly a subject to ponder upon; so ponder-worthy that you could nearly fall asleep in your imaginary land.
all things considered, you like to think you kept your cool that day in spanish class. ordinarily you wouldâve ducked under the table and hid, earthquake anticipation style. but hey, maybe this school year was the turning point in your life, maybe, maybe?
caesar salad was eaten at lunch time; youâd spent four hours looking forward to gnawing on the spicy-chicken leftovers that youâd made for dinner yesterday.
âthe chilli might as well have singed my nostril hairs into dust, rabbit!â luna cringed at the smell, which you found bizarre considering all of her stories consisted of wide ranges of lunches from different cultures.
you rolled your eyes, âwhy are you coming to sit here, with me?â you crossed your arms as you leaned all your weight on the picnic bench. luna looked taken aback, âbecause i,â a beat of silence, âwell, iâd like to be your friend?â
you nearly scoffed. where were the hidden cameras? as a matter of fact, where was john quiñones? there was no waythe luna park was offering friendship to you at midday in the dawn of october.
âyâknow rabbit, youâre not as invisible as you think you are. people know who you are, dare i say some people may even think youâre really intruiguing and also very beautiful.â she smiled through the sentence and there was the same tone of affection she usually used to describe her handbags.
âis âsome peopleâ just one person, luna?â you guessed it was safe to assume so and you attempted to bite back your smileâ because much to your dismay you had definitely felt the same about luna. her excessively black hair curled up at the ends as it gathered around her waist.
ârabbit, do you want to be my friend or not?â she spoke, clenching her cambon ligne tote as though she were a vice. âyes, luna, i would love that.â and as legend would have it, luna would come to love your caesar salad, especially the spicy, chilli chicken.
a week after back to school, a week after youâd finally settled back into the boring routine of lessons and tiresome lectures, you are invited to go out with not only jaemin, but jeno too. that october afternoon, after you finished your media literacy lesson, they were waiting outside for you.
the sight may have made your stomach swirl; for some reason they both looked bigger and taller than youâd remembered from even just a mere week ago. jaeminâs backpack was dangling off of one shoulder, jenoâs duffle bag hoisted against his hip.
you could totally get used to this situation and clench it in your fist until it smushed and never, ever, ever let it go. jeno saw you first, and beamed his smile at you; the kind that even reached his eyes.
âhappy friday rabbit, can you believe we all made it through our second week of school with no injuries?â jaemin asked, looking down at you. the look in his eyes may have meant a lot to someone like jeno, but to you the glisten of hope was nothing out of the ordinary.
âof course we made it! weâre one of the greatest trios on earth, guys. iâm just glad miss azzo enjoyed our stories.â you spoke, walking between the two of them. even though your trio was new, even though jeno was the newbie on the block, nothing in the atmosphere felt unnatural to you.
âweâre going bowling, right? what are you guys doing after?â the beautifully black haired boy questioned both you and jaemin. good question, jeno! âthereâs this spot that belongs to rabbit and i, i think youâd really like it. the only problem is that it involves the sea againâŠâ
âthatâs all good; i love the beach anyhow,â jeno shrugged as you all arrived to the bus stop. âjeno, this isnât just any beach.. itâs really magical. like maybe even too magical for you to comprehend.â you spoke with the image of that place in your mind.
âah, okay. in that case, iâm even more excited to see it, rabbit.â jaemin took each of your bus cards and held them in his hand as he flagged down the bus. always two steps ahead and also always acting like someones mother.
the beach you and jaemin loved didnât have sand, or an easy point of access to swim. but thatâs what you found so awfully charming; the beach was rocky and all there was leading up to the deep, vast sea was beige rock and dried up sand dollars.
there were no streetlights on that beach except for the one at the bus stopâs shelter. this meant that the big dipper was visible from any which way you wanted to percieve it from. âwow, you guys really gatekeep some of the best places iâve ever seen,â jeno whispered as he looked up at the sky.
you couldnât see much, but you were sure to smile and wink at jaemin. âwell, jen, if we gatekeep it we preserve itâs beauty, no?â you were glad it was a friday; you had no school tomorrow nor external obligations. hence the way you flopped backward, resting your head on your backpack.
you looked between the two boys, and your heart felt full in a way it never had before back when it was just you and jaemin. âi understand that. hey, i swear iâll gatekeep this place from everybody too, i promise,â jeno spoke, chuckling at the seriousness on jaeminâs face.
that night was reserved for jenoâs backstory only, you and jaemin had come to agree. âwell, my dad is the ceo of monkey foodsâąïž. you guys know, that chain of restaurants and different fast food places? he owns it, and i guess by extension that makes me a silver spooner. i try to steer myself away from that path, but sometimes i fail,â
âjen, youâre only young. you shouldnât put that much pressure on yourself,â you whispered, looking up at his broad back. jaemin was busy digesting the fact that he was sitting near probably the second richest person he knewâ the first being luna, the second now being jeno.
jeno turned back to you and smiled gently, as if to say âthank youâ. âdo you think youâre going to take over the company when you finish school andâ or, university?â jaemin made a point of keeping the conversation going.
jeno shrugged, âi donât really know what i wanna do. to be honest i think my cousin is more suited to managing something asâ benign as restaurant operations. and i know even the way i talk about it is obnoxious, but at this point in time i donât want to be known for something like ceo of monkey foodsâąïž. i truly hope iâm worthy of something bigger in this life, you know what i mean?â
something was changing within both you and jaemin, because the words that were coming out of jenoâs mouth were the type of statements youâd both gag at and roll your eyes due to the entitlement that was reeking off of jeno. but, nobody was rolling their eyes. in fact, the both of you were indulging him.
jeno was an only child, his favourite colour was silver, his favourite food was rigatoni pasta with plain old passata, he only liked western rap music, he loved his apple watch, he loved volleyball and he believed in love.
those were the main parts of the moonlit excavation that stuck with you. jaemin would never let you know, but he knew from that night on that you both were in way out of your depth. this would never work. sure, it could work for a few years and maybe even a decade, but he knew whatever this blurry situation was, was sure to end in the jarring method of crashing and burning.
but much like the pride jaemin had swallowed all that time ago by giving jeno a call in the first place, he decided to swallow his doubts and give all of this an undeniable, full force shot.
october blurred into january, and most of your daydreams had a new addition; jeno lee! the physics lab was usually the venue in which you dreamt up all kinds of scenarios, and the âold fart, or is it, bag of bones?â as jaemin referred to your teacher, never really seemed to mind.
jeno had invested in some new timberland bootsâ they were dark, clunky, chunky and chocolatey. your eyeballs mightâve nearly fallen out of your head when, âthey cost me three hundred, what do you guys think?â because who could spend that on shoes without dying a little inside?
âjeno man, for three hundred they better be singing me a fucking song everytime i bless them with the occupancy of my feet⊠youâre crazy, dude!â you giggled because you knew jaemin was being serious. jeno chuckled because he found humor in what jaemin was saying.
âwell, i love your shoes, jeno!â they added an inkling to his height, and he suited them. he smiled down at you in the middle of the hallway, âtheyâre not shoes, rabbit, theyâre boots. but thank you, i appreciate it greatly.â ââŽïžËïœĄâđ”âđ«đđ«§
yes, your brain may have gotten a little tipsy and fuzzy at the tone in his voice, but you were pulled out of that delusion pretty quickly thanks to jaeminâs soft hand gently tugging you away from jeno, ârabbit, we have ethics to get to,â
jeno had been holding your gaze for what felt like forever, but you tore your eyes away from his, âright, yeah, see you around jeno!â you opened your mouth to say something to jaemin, âwhaddya mean, see you around?! iâll see you guys at lunch!â
âyâknow, rabbit you might wanna check the corners of your mouth,â you looked up at him with knotted eyebrows, and the grin he was holding back threatened to spill. âheh, really?â you reached up to the corners of your mouth, ready to wipe whatever mess there was away, but you also still hadnât put two and two together, âyeah, i think you mightâve drooled a little, just aââ
âoh, shut up, jaemin!â you both laughed and you pushed him to the right of you, nearly sending him into the rows of lockers. you pulled him back to you gently, âiâm just messing with you,â and he dropped it for months after that.
á¶» đ đ° .á AVG AGE â 16-18
sweet sixteens were made for giant cakes and an abundance of party poppers, right? confetti decorated every inch of lunaâs living room floor as the speakers pounded some of your favourite songs right through your core.
it had been twenty minutes after jaemin and jeno had texted that they were on their way, and youâd be telling a big fat lie if you said you werenât looking at the door with every minute that passed. you were getting antsy; or, as jeno liked to put it lately, you had ants in your pants.
the black dress you were wearing with the bows on either side now felt way too tight, your kitten heels were giving the balls of your feet a very, very hard time and your dangly earrings were tickling the sides of your neck way too much.
nearly the whole of your sixthform group was there; luna was busting an absolute abundance of moves by the dj booth, in the midst of some people who used to go to your high school. luna mustâve sensed your dismay, because soon someone was grabbing your hand and dragging you to the middle of the room.
âitâs your birthday, rabbit, you mustnât be such a debbie downer!â throughout the few years that your friendship had blossomed, she was proud of the fact that she was now getting the hang of reading your facial expressions with no involved effort needed.
you groaned, but the music was persistent in getting you to move along to the beat. lunaâs eyeliner complimented the gentle purple of her eyeshadow as she spoke, âi know youâre waiting on them two⊠but itâs literally your birthday; it only comes around once a year, babe!â
you knew she was trying, but your tunnel vision was stern in the way you couldnât resist thinking about those two who had not recently, but powerfully nonetheless, come to be a huge part of your heart.
maybe it was your recent inclination in age, maybe it was the singular glass of prosecco youâd downed earlier. whatever it was, something about it felt permanent; some slice of you knew that you would proabbly be thinking about both jeno and jaemin in a habitual way from that moment on.
yes, the music was pounding much like your head, yes, luna was being a really good friend, but all you could think about where jeno and jaemin were. youâd rather be posted up in between them than in the middle of a birthday party.
despite your wishes, the universe must have kept hanging up the phone youâd been attempting to complain through because the night pushed on, and the feeling drilled itself deeper into your core. and in the pit of your stomach, intrigue sat lurking in the acidâ why was their absence affecting you so much?
everybody shush!the front door swung open, the music getting evenly spread across the interior and exterior of lunaâs jumbo house, pacifying your ringing ears.
âwhere is the birthday girl?!â jaemin, yâknow; your bestest friend in the whole world, yelled out over the music. your head whipped around at a speed like no other; your smile beaming the same way jenoâs did all those years ago.
something youâd come to notice about jaemin was that his height held space in a room. some tall people were just tall; but jaemin acted tall and you could feel that presence more prominently all of a sudden. jenoâs biceps were glistening in the strobe lights and you swallowed your thick spit.
ârabbitâs here, jaemin!â the miniscule crowd that had formed around both you and luna divided straight down the middle and you walked toward them. âhappy birthday, rabbit!â engulfed in a group hug too strong for you to form tangible thoughts, but your confusion powered through.
âthank you, thank you⊠where were you guys?â all this time youâd been blind to the way jeno had only hugged you with one hand, and how jaemin had dropped a giant box behind him in an attempt to hold you completely. âwell, i know our timing really sucks and we shouldâve had foresight. but, i hope this makes up for a smidge of the disappointment you felt. just so weâre clear, weâd never forget a day as important as your birthday, rabbit.â
jenoâs voice echoed through your ears and down to your heart the same way a deep trombone would. âtype shit, rabbit. what jeje said word for word is how i, too, feel about this situation.â jeno pulled his hand out to face you with the biggest bouquet youâd ever seen in your life.
your favoruite; white and pink lilies, baby pink roses and a lot of babyâs breath inbetween the small crevices that the flowers left. you dreaded to think of how much they wouldâve paid for something of that stature. âoh my god, you guys?! how beautiful!â
and then jaemin turned around to lift up the cardboard box, âi told you guys to not get me anything; so iâm hoping this is just a vessel to make a box fortress.â you spoke with concern, but they both ignored the underlying threat that lay within your sentence.
it wasnât long before jaemin scoffed, âyouâre our girl, rabbit. donât talk such binswat!â jeno held your arm then, âi think itâs better if you sit down to open it though.â he guided you to the couch with such gentle ease that you felt the hairs stick up on the back of your neck.
the couch welcomed you as you tugged on the tape that laid across the box. inside sat another box, but it wasnât just any box. it was most definitely, without a doubt, a chanel box. you were glad that jeno made you sit, but you were very, very angry at the fact that they had bought something this ostentatious for your birthday.
there may have been tears trickling down your cheeks as you spoke, âguys, why did you spend this much on a stupid birthday?!â the music flowed around the room as most people paid no mind to you opening the box, and crying for that matter.
ârabbit, if you donât open it right now i swear to god i might breakdance in front of everyone here. and you know how much i suck at breakdancing.â you lifted the lid of the box as if it were a newborn baby. you unfolded the monogramed opaque tissue paper and there it satâ an 11.12 bag looking right back at you.
the bag was patent black and the chanel symbol sparkling gold underneath the now warm lights above you. for a split second you wondered if the bag was an homage to jenoâ his hair was about the same colour as the bag, and he was never in anything but gold jewelry. that would be too ridiculous, right?
âdo you like it?â jaemin whispered, his hand tracing up and down your forearm. you sobbed, of course you liked it; of course you undeniably loved it. âthis bag is much too perfect for me. i want you guys to return itââ jeno tsked at you, ârabbit, no one is going to return anything, donât be so silly. you deserve this. so much.â
your head shook profusely; yes, your dream bag sat between your hands, but youâd always kind of imagined it being a gift from you to you. things like these; things that more than half of the world would never think to justify buying, ought to be worked for and really fought for. only then were they an achievement in your eyes.
âi love you guys, but no. iâm sorry, i wonât take it.â jaeminâs neck rolled in acknowledgementâ the bag had been jenoâs idea in the first place and he knew you wouldnât have been well disposed towards it, but he chose not to dwell on that. they both ditched their insistent tones from then onward.
everybody else had gone back to drinking, dancing or gossiping. leaving you, jeno and jaemin huddled up on a couch which was way too small to accommodate the amount of manspreading that was happening.
âiâm going to go and find some drinks, do you guys want anything?â jaemin stretched when he got up, linen dress shirt riding up; highlighting the creaminess of the skin on his stomach. âiâd love a rum and coke, please jaem,â you must have spaced out because you looked back to find both of them looking at you intently, âoh, iâd love a lemonade, please,â jaemin nodded and soon the living room door was slammed shut.
âiâm sorry about the fact that iâ we you that bag, rabbit, i mean jaemin tried to talk me out of it, but i wouldnât take no for an answer. i had no idea that-â you decided to save yourself the humbling embarassment, âjeno, itâs okay, really. i justââ but jeno was just as stubborn as you, if not more.
âno, i had no idea that doing things like that in your own way was so important to you, so forgive me for undermining you.â his eyes were darker thanks to the lack of light left to absorb, you were far away from pink and purple strobe lights, or even bathroom overheads for that matter.
his midnight black hair remained stable, barring a few wrecked strands that had been put out of place thanks to jaeminâs fiddling and the smell of his cologne was too minty, too intoxicating, too heavy; you felt like youâd already had five shots of sambuca.
in all this admiring, youâd forgotten that you were meant to reply to what he had said. âjeno, itâs okay. i take no offense to any of it, and iâm sorry that i didnât accept it, and iâm sorry if it embarassed you. i know it probably embarassed jaemin,â his warm, stupidly warm, right hand came to caress your cheek, âif you carry on talking so badly about your actions and whatever the fuck then i swear i am taking you to that dance floor and break dancing and making you join me, rabbit.â
you reluctantly leaned into his touchâ the reluctancy came from the fact that you knew this was the first sign post directed toward something awfully conflicting and exciting and risky; there had always been the idea of you and jeno in your head, but nowadays it felt more tangible, more delectable.
since there was the tiny bit of extra room on the couch, jenoâs head found home on your thighs and you slouched further down, searching for that comfortable spot between sitting down and laying down. your hands found home in jenoâs once perfectly put together hair.
âif you ever saw an old man doing a handstand in the street, no zimmerframe in sight and the most fugly shoes ever, would you join him, jen?â that was the question that tickled him the most. so much he had tears in his eyes when he eventually got his answer out of his throat.
âof course i would, i might even like offer to buy him better shoes- if heâd be down for that type of thing,â you gasped, âhe doesnât need charity, jeno, he just likes to do handstands with fugly shoes. thereâs no shame in that, right?â
jeno squinted at you from where he lay, left hand playing with the rings on the middle and index fingers of his right hand. âof course thereâs no shame in that at all, rabbit. i donât judge, you of all people should know that,â
âhey, can i ask you something?â you swallowed the granny smith apple sized lump in your throat, eyes getting wider, âwhy does everyone call you rabbit?â you think a part of jeno knew you expected him to ask something else, so maybe the smirk he soon gained was due to the fact that he effortlessly kept you on your toes.
âuh, iâm not actually that sure. jaemin had a pet rabbit when he was younger and one of the first things he said to me when he spoke to me for the first time was something along the lines of, âyour nose is just like my rabbits,â you did your best to imitate baby jaeminâs voice.
one of jenoâs eyebrows was stuck pointing upward, in the direction of the arm of the couch. âand in all of the years you guys have been friends, he never thought to call you anything else?â you wondered why the little, most miniscule things mattered to him at times, âi donât know jeno, but i donât mind it. much better than something like donkey, cheeseball, or like something even more lame, right?â
âi donât know⊠if it had been me i couldâve thought of like a hundred different, more flattering things to call you,â you swallowed thickly, he had to stop doing this to you, surely he knew what power he held in his eyes and in those hands, andâ
âhave you and jaemin ever got into arguments and broken up- like i mean, stopped being friends?â heâd never been this nosy, ever, but you decided to indulge him. you had nothing to lose. âwell before you came along, we fought like cat and dog. i think there was a different thing to be mad about everyday when it came to either one of us. sometimes, even now jaemin is so close minded that it irks me, and sometimes the way he views the world makes absolutely no sense at all to me. and at times, he may bring out the worst in me, which iâm not the most proud about.â
the vibration of the base of whatever song was playing was still thumping through the couch and into your veins, but jeno listened intently. âdonât take any of this the wrong way, i mean iâd gladly say all of this to his face; not that i havenât before,â he laughed then, getting up so you two could switch places. you took out your dangly earrings and let them drop to the floor, beside the forgotten piña colada circa two hours ago.
jenoâs legs were much more chunkier than yours, they were so stable and firm but you still found comfort in them. his hand hesitated, dangled in front of your face but he bit the bullet and traced your hairline with multiple fingers. âi told you, i donât judge. even if i do judge, i donât judge you,â
you smiled and exhaled, âwhat made you guys break up with each other?â âthere was more than one time, jen, pick a year, month, hell even a week,â his eyes nearly popped out of his head, as if to ask you why you were still stuck to jaemin like glue. âi thought you said you werenât going to judge!â
he laughed and tilted his head to the side with pursed lips, as if to digress, insisting for you to carry on. âokay, one of the most notable times is probably the one where he used me to get his first kiss just so he could go and kiss sakura⊠that one really infuriated thirteen year old me,â
jeno chuckled, shaking his head, âwhat an absolute ass ache, eh?â yes, jaemin was an ass ache, but he was also the only friend that ever stuck. youâd spent years throwing different ideas; trios, best friends, study buddies, at the wall, but nothing ever stuck to said wall. jaemin did.
âi think thereâs a certain age where everything is coming at you from all directions, right? well, when i was that age, jaemin just so happened to metaphorically fly into my life through all the chaos. and when you spend so many years with someone; even if itâs just sitting next to them in class as you and i also did, you develop a type of love with them,â you swallowed and clocked back into the present, cringing at the fact that youâd gone on a tangent.
jeno looked up at you then with some glint of admiration in his eyes, âyou know, i never thought of it like that before, rabbit,â you shrugged, âi mean, you donât have to understand what iâm saying and iâm certainly not putting all of my philosophy on you, i mean, i just-â
âstop justifying yourself for things that need no justification. i get what youâre saying,â
âwell, anyway, i think somehow jaemin and i always find our way back to each other; not even in a love love way, i think we are just bound to be friends or never escape each other, yâknow?â
âtell me, rabbit, do you think we, too, are bound to never escape each other?â you donât know when you sat up, or when all your weight was spread out across jenoâs manspreading legs, but you couldnât let yourself falter; or indulge in what was occuring here.
âthings like these are luck, jeno. sometimes even the things that we want so bad refuse to stick or constantly cut their ties, donât you think? time will tell, jen,â jeno was confused as to how you held so much insight on the world while being the same age as him. the most extensive thing he thought about was his meal plan for the week; to him, love was still just a four letter word.
âthen i hope luck is on my side, rabbit.â
there was no clock in sight, but if you had to guess, another hour had probably passed by the time jaemin returned. âhey, sorry, luna had me doing the worm with no shoes and we were trying to backflip off of the dinner table, but iâm here now, with drinks, but we should totally moonbathe on those deckchairs outside, guys, whaddya think?!â
the cool air kissed your skin as you laid back on the middle deckchair. âhow do you think sixteen is going to treat you?â jeno questioned as he laid to the left of you, jaemin laid to the right. you thought about his question deeply; or at least you tried to think about it deeply.
âitâs going to be different than anything before, thatâs for certain. iâm really excited to graduate sixthform and i just hope above all elseâ we stay as close as we are and that nothing and no one ruins what we have. i hate to sound so morbid but sometimes i have this crippling fear that something deranged like an unstoppable meteor will drag us away from each other.â
jeno noticed, silently, that jaemin brought out the innocent side of you; the side that didnât have any walls, fronts or borders. jeno decided, silently, that he wanted to work to gain that side of you too.
âi think you class as one of the worlds top two overthinkers, rabbit. didnât anyone ever tell you to live in the now, and cherish it?â jaemin- carefree and happy go lucky jaemin laughed at the beginning of the sentence, and although what he was saying was true- to some degree, you were curious.
âwhoâs the other overthinker- oh, jenoâŠâ your words died in your throat, of course it was jeno. âbingo,â jeno whispered gently, and you bit back your blushy smile. âitâs difficult to cherish the now sometimes, jaem. and besides, rabbit has a point, the idea of unavoidable catastrophic events give me intense heebeejeebees too!â
âyou guys⊠i donât think another dinosaur wipe-out will happen while we are alive and walking the earth. and even if it does, what can you do to change it? just accept your fateâŠâ you all groaned simaultaneously, âthatâs the problem, we canât do anything to change it and thatâs why it worries us so much!â
âokay, i promise you both whatever happens; if something like this does ever occur, i solemnly swear that i will drop everything i am doing to come and find you two and we can all die together, okay? and donât give me retort about there not being enough time to drive to you guys before the meteor hits or whatever. remember i have f1 on my xbox!â
you couldnât help but laugh at that. and your fear may have even been distinguished a little. just a smidge. âi also pledge to this, rabbit,â jeno said.
you donât see how jaemin acts when he is truly in love until youâre all eighteen and he acquires himself a girlfriend. not just any girl, and not just any friend. luna park, of all people in the big, large, protrudingly wide world.
âso youâre telling me⊠for all those years he walked you home, slept over, looked out for you, took your detentions for you, you never looked up at him like, âoh. i might love you nowâ?â luna folded the brownie batter in on itself about fifteen times during her vigorous interrogation.
she had, âa really fat crush on jaemin and i truly canât hold it in for any longer, rabbit!â and was, not only asking for your blessing, but making sure that in your heart of hearts that jaemin really was up for grabs.
you couldnât sit there and claim that there wasnât currently a giant wedge cracked open within you upon her confession, but you also knew that jaemin and you could never work. the stars would never align in your favor; you were too hot-headed and he was too stubborn. the length his patience could often stretch to often brought out the most irritable version of yourself.
which is why; despite the flickers of the future you see when you blink, i.e luna in a wedding dress, jeno as the best man, the words âi object!â being yelled by somebody who looks an awful lot like you, you bite onto kindness and selflessness for one rare occasion.
âluna, in my heart of hearts, you should absolutely go for it. weâre more like siblings anyways. i mean sometimes, i really feel like bashing his head into next week-â your ramblish web of lies died at the sound of lunaâs squeals. âoh, rabbit! you donât know how happy youâve made me.â
jeno ate the last slice of the cookie dough brownie pie that you and luna had previously made. your fđcking slice, may you add. âyou are a pig. an absolute giant pig, jeno. that was my slice!â your hair was being fiddled with aggressively with your fingers as a way to deal with the fury you currently felt pulsing through your veins.
âmy compliments to the chef,â he winked at you, midnight black hair gelled back leaving his drool-worthy forehead on full display. if you hadnât have been bombarded by lunaâs love confession, you may have even indulged all your jeno painted fantasies.
âyâknow rabbit, i really do believe that four is a crowd.â jaemin and luna were outside in jenoâs back garden which was more like a back field, itâs wide expanse and never ending green that was slowly dying into black thanks to the moon rising.
they sat next to each other on one of the chairs that had been meticulously placed by most likely an interior designer, definitely not jeno, and you felt unsettled. envy held itâs hands tightly around your neck and you wondered for a split moment. you wondered and it happened.
jaemin looked straight into your eyes, he looked back at you after you had spent a solid five minutes looking at him. his reciprocation did not last long though, and probably meant nothing. and so began the most benign, stupid game known to man.
you know?! that game you just always have to play when you like someone? every little thing they do has to have a magnifying glass held up to it when recounting events and occurences; as though it becomes a filthy habit, a ritual of some sorts.
âcan i tell you a secret, jen?â he looked at you with an enticing gaze, waiting for you to spill the beans, âi agree, i know we should be happy for them both. hell, sheâs my best friend and she is such an angel and i know jaemin deserves someone as good as her, but what a fđcking spanner.â aka luna is the spanner in the works of your trio.
one of the things that stuck you to jeno like superglue was the fact that he posessed zero judgement; you never knew where his moral compass began and ended. you could fart in his face, do a handstand with dirty shoes in his freshly detailed mercedes benz and you could then bet your arm on the fact that said actions wouldnât move a hair on his head.
âheâs only like that with you, rabbit. do you remember when he shunned his ex bestfriend for three months over literally no big deal? what about the time when he punched this one guy for merely making a joke that landed wrong,â jaemin had said to you once over a serving of raspberry gelato. and you know? you never believed it to be true until now.
you were calling your luna a spanner, and putting your selfishness on a huge fashion show statured runway. had you no shame? âi know. i know just how you feel, rabbit. but nothing will ever come between us, no matter how big or small. i wonât let it, so donât worry, okay?â
oh, how those words did not ring true and would march on to eat the very dust that settled around them.
your first time seeing jaemin, and jaemin alone was on the drive back to jenoâs place after youâd finished your shift at monkeyâs magical pizzeriaâąïž. you gritted your teeth at the universe for letting this stupid situation take place while you were in a bright yellow button up shirt that had monkey heads dotted all around it.
what held space in the air around you and jaemin was not quite judgement, but an underlying cringe serenaded the air that sat doormant between the two of you. âso, uh, how was your shift?â conversation that once flowed like tap water trickled down the steering wheel in metaphorical droplets. you could hardly hear yourself think over this song that was playing way too loud, with bass digging into your shoulders.
âit wasnât too bad for a weekend, i guess!â jaeminâs brain must have been further away than he would care to admit because only then when he recognised he couldnât hear you did he turn the volume dial twice, all the way to the left, veins on his hands lingering and being illuminated thanks to the few street lights.
you pleaded with the powers that be to turn the deadbeat, bozo song all the fđcking way up so as to let the air die, âearth to rabbit! ever since i got with luna youâve been avoiding me like the plague or like my butt is ridiculously hairy!â he began to pull over and you craved biting your cuticles clean off as a coping mechanism.
âif you keep this car stationary for more than two minutes, jenoâs gonna see on life360 and question why you arenât escorting me back to where, i, am, meant, to, be!â you gritted your teeth at him, pulling your hair up in a claw clip; your anger was too mighty, too heavy for you to be able to sit there and look somewhat beautiful.
âexcuse me, you fat monkey,â he flicked one of the monkeyâs on the sleeve of your shirt, âyou were my best friend before you were anyone elseâs. iâm not even turning the ignition back on until you start talking.â you groaned painfully; why did he have to say such beautiful sounding things?
âjaemin,â you sighed, heavily, maybe purposefully, âthis is really stupid. if anything, youâre the one whoâs been hangning us out to dry! luna takes up literally ninety percent of your world now⊠and thatâs great, i mean if youâre happy then i am happy for you. what iâm saying is, in all my seven years of knowing you, the idea of you having a girlfriend in your life is something i have never had to get used to. forgive me for taking some time to find my footing, you big cockroach.â
jaemin huffed, definitely not satisfied with your answer in the slightest way. ânow listen to me and listen well, rabbit. i hold you and jeje in about as high regard as i hold my luna.â his luna?! you bit back your vomit with gritted teeth, âthings will fall back into place eventually, rabbit.â
that night in jenoâs house, in his black and gold marble tiled bathroom, you may have sobbed your heart out. were you greiving the innocence of your long lost childhood? the past where you were all once much more carefree and devoted to your friendship? it for sure, and definite was not for the reason you readers are thinking it to be.
you had little space and time to dwell as soon exam season hang around your neck like one of jenoâs heavy gold chains. the crispy, boiling summer heat was sitting at your finger tips, begging for the boring stuff like school work and exams to be over.
you were willing to push all of your recent woes to the side for the summer and embrace jaemin, jeno and luna for whatever it was worth. life was too short, right? when you finished your english exam, jeno was waiting outside with a takeaway matcha in his left hand, with your government name written on it. sans rabbit.
youâd be lying if you said your heart didnât swell at the sight. after jaemin acquired luna, your dynamic had changed altogether. things didnât fall back into place, everyone just adapted to the way jaemin wanted to live his life. and as a result, you and jeno were pushed closer together.
âan iced vanilla ube matcha for one very special rabbit,â he spoke, holding the drink out to you. you smiled up at him, coffee coloured eyes hidden behind a pair of prada sunglasses. âto what do i owe the pleasure?â you asked, taking the first sip.
he pushed his sunglasses up to rest on the crown of his head then, hair pushed back and beautiful face framed perfectly. âwell, luna invited us to a pool party that sheâs throwing and i thought youâd like,â
âyou got me this to soften the blow, right?â you huffed, getting riled up at the fact that, âhe didnât even have the balls to invite us himself? what could he possibly be doing thatâs so chaotic he couldnât even text one of us to invite us?!â and jeno cringed. matcha couldnât pacify your temper, much to his dismay.
âi donât know why heâs going out of his way to be this extra, rabbit. my final assumption is that he got too anxious about the IT exam he has on friday and just went totally AWOL on everyone except luna.â your head tilted to the side upon hearing jenoâs assumption.
âyouâve heard from him recently, then?â your heart was actively in the process of being excavated, âwell, i mean the last time i heard from him was saturday⊠when was the last time he text-â but you decided to put a stop to all construction workers, âit doesnât really matter, so long as heâs talking to one of us. if heâs happy then thatâs all that matters to me. are you gonna go to the party?â
jeno held the fire escape door wide open for you to walk through comfortably, and the june sun illuminated your face in a way that made his heart race. âwell, you ask this as if you have a choice as to whether you go or not. rabbit, weâre in this together for real now; if it wasnât for real before. wherever i go, you go⊠and vice versa.â
and friends, for the first time in history, there was an underlying certainty that lingered in jenoâs statement. you decided to go along with it, and embrace the idea of having somebody so ride-or-die in your life. the double tied ties that once bound you to jaemin firmly began to loosen up, ever so slightly.
you didnât want to wear a bathing suit to a benign pool party, but what else was there to wear? a scuba suit? after pacing around your room for two hours, you finally settled on a one piece with a baby pink halter neck and one singular tie at the back, it would do for whatever stupid socializing needed to be done.
you put on some white platform flipflops, your prada sunglasses (a birthday gift from your jeno,) and let your hair down; ironically so. you huffed and puffed on the idea of what bag to bringâ honk honk!
jeno was waiting outside, so you grabbed your small pink clutch and threw everything that was in your vicinity inside. you ran, to the best of your ability, down the stairs and oepned the front door, already feeling the bass from jenoâs a180 and instead of cringing the way you usually did, your grin grew wider.
âhey! i forgot to say it earlier, but congratulations on finishing your exams, rabbit. welcome to the summer,â he kissed your cheek after you put your seatbelt and you may have blushed, but you chose not to acknowledge it. âthank you, jeje⊠iâm so glad that itâs over for at least these three months, like i wonât have to smell mister rozanovâs ugly morning breath every tuesday for a while⊠and that feels pretty good.â
you placed your hands in the center of your lap; for some reason whenever you sat next to jeno, in his car, you didnât really know what to do with yourself. youâd probably do better being a statue in a museum⊠it might have been due to the way he only steered with one hand, and the way he was constantly checking his rear view mirror.
when you drove, both of your hands were stuck to the wheel; so the trust jeno held within himself and his reflexes was mesmorising at times. âwhat are you looking at, rabbit?â god strike you down this instant! âdo you think your reaction time and reflexes are that refined to be driving one-handed with i, rabbit, in the car?â jenoâs tongue poked his cheek at your question.
he knew it was all in good fun, which is why, âdo you trust me, rabbit?â he took only one second; stuck in traffic, to let himself look into your eyes. you felt yourself falling; on a very thin line. âyes jeno, i do.â even though he was no longer looking at you, you saw the smirk on his face and the steady swallow of his saliva.
âthen enough; we have a pool party to get to- and also, i would never put myself in danger, let alone you.â you laughed then, looking out the window at the sight of the suddenly wealthy neighbourhood. he always hit the nail on the head, and never missed a beat.
âi never knew luna lived in this part of town; sheâs on par with my richness, rabbit!â you rolled your eyes, but took time to admire the boderline mansions that decorated the sides of the street. you could tell what house was lunaâs thanks to the obnoxiously big painted poster, âWELCOME TO SUMMER, LFUE BITCHESâ.
âwell, you certainly canât buy class, rabbit.â jeno sighed as he began to parallel park opposite the house. you held in your laugh but nodded; to some degree he had a point⊠and you felt as though you had a right to agree with him.
fleetwood mac cascaded across the countless acres of land that were home to the pool party. it was more like a public swimming pool with the giant vastness of it and the amount of amenities it provided. there were somehow waterpark slides that didnât look entirely out of place, an array of speakers with a âdjâ placed up on a platformed booth.
palm trees, whicker furniture and blown up sofas and beanbags. basically if a storage unit threw up on lunaâs whole field, the sight before you would be the result. bubble machines, flourescent lights that couldnât be seen in the daylight but were still on full beam anyway.
as you searched for more to internally pick at, you laid eyes on him. your estranged best friend, posted up by a palm tree with one arm around lunaâs waist, laughing at one of jenoâs jokes. you physically scratched your head then; how come jeno was allowed to stand around jaemin and crack fat ones and was answered to when engaging in conversation?
you must have been scratching your head for about two minutes, âi think whatever you were trying to get out of your hair is gone and dead by now,â someone who you believed to be called donghyuck spoke from behind you. you turned around to look at him.
your height difference was nearly non existent, but you still had to somewhat look up at him. his eyes were brown like milk chocolate, and the sun was working overtime to make them look even more alluring than they actually were. his smile was welcoming and friendly. friendly; thatâs what you needed most as of late.
âdonghyuck, right?â you held out your right hand for him to shake, missing the way he examined your gel manicure like a particularly tuned connoiseur. âi prefer haechan, actually. feels less governmental in a sense,â you may have laughed; and you may have even found him funny.
his hair was a dark brown that complimented the perfectly toasted shade of his skin, and his smile was persistent as he looked at you, âiâm [y/n], but jaem and jeno call me rabbit and so everyone calls me rabbit.â
ârabbit! there you are!â your veins warmed at the familiarity in that voice. if youâd been wearing your fuzzy pink house slippers, your toes mightâve had a cheeky curl. donghyuck died a quick death at that voice. your head whipped round to lay eyes on where jaemin was coming from when he said your name.
he was closer to you than youâd thought, standing next to jeno by one of the many pop-up bars. you wouldâve flown there if you couldâve. âuh- donghyuck, iâll see youâ - âaround?â - âyeah, aroundâŠâ
your hair may have whipped donghyuckâs face as you turned around, but your march was determined as you made your way back to your old familiarity. âhey! how are you? it feels like- well, it has been forever since iâve heard from you and seen you.â jaemin pulled you into a hug; and for a moment it was as though he was holding you up with the way you melted into his touch.
âoh, i know. i just figured with work and school and exams; i barely had time to scratch my ass. and also you were busy with luna a lot anyway, and i didnât want to take away from the break you couldâve spent with her.â you would not be defeated by how your heart felt. looking up at his gentle eyes that were framed with his gorgeously delectable hair, you knew you would not fold.
sometimes respect ought to come before love. not sometimes, always.
you could see the gears of his mind working overtime to pick a word to start a fight over, but jeno was your saving grace. he took your sunhat off as the sun was now nearly gone, smoothing down your hair.
now, at the sight of jenoâs hands on you, jaemin may have clenched his fist and thought about different ways to discreetly incapacitate a big, hunky six foot three inch man, but this could entirely be hearsay on my behalf. ;)
âi see that our rabbit has had the pleasure of meeting lee donghyuck, heh?â jaemin mightâve exploded. âyou should be wary of him, rabbit, do you remember when he shit himself in the sixth grade? how does one come back from that?â you wanted to laugh, but you decided to ignore him.
âhe doesnât seem that bad, jeje. do you like him?â you asked, looking between the two of your best friends. jeno shrugged, âi mean, i donât think shitting your pants is a great big of a deal⊠i think we all might have done different, more worse things,â you laughed and he was then walking away, you presumed to hunt donghyuck down.
âreally, so youâre just going to ignore me for the whole night now?â bitterness wrapped around jaeminâs words like a python. you rolled your eyes, âreally? the same way youâve been ignoring me for months, with no explanation, might i add. you expect me to treat you with respect just because you suddenly feel like remembering who i am?â
his eyebrows pressed down hard on his eyelids, âi was going through stuff that i didnât want to drag you into, i thought it would be way too unfair!â you groaned, âare you fđcking kidding me, fatso? drag me- unfair- are you even hearing yourself? jaemin, i was your best friend, how could you be dragging me through your trials and tribulations? they would have been mine to face too!â
jeno remained silent when you stood on your soap box. but the heavy past tense on, âi was your best friend,â hammered into his head. this was like a giant game of jenga, and jaemin had just pulled out one of the most stupid oblongs. out of all to choose, how low could he go?
you must have been very close to crying if you werenât already, because he reaches out to wipe a tear off of your cheek. it doesnât last for long, and despite the summer heat you lean into his touch. âiâm sorry, [y/n]. truly,â
he pushed his hair out of his face then, to get a good look at you, âi know this isnât the best place to hang our dirty washing out, but can we just agree to be cool until we can talk about everything?â and you bit back your smile when you answered, âokay, jaem. sure.â which was so out of your nature.
âguys! look who i scouted out,â jeno stumbled back into the little space you and jaemin had been occupying, and donghyuck was in a headlock in jenoâs right arm. you gulped at the bulge of his biceps, âjeno, maybe donât try to strangle him out of excitement,â you spoke cautiously in an attempt to save donghyuck from an untimely demise.
why are donghyuck and popping ones clogs always in the same sentence, dear rabbit?
donghyuck coughed half a lung up when he was freed from the shackles of jenoâs strength and by that time both you and jaemin couldnât help but laugh together. he leant into you as he laughed, but you soon packed it all up.
âare you okay, donghyuck? do you need a drink or something?â he looked down at you as though you were a magical angel, âno, iâm fine. thanks for saving me, arc angel rabbit,â you rolled your eyes.
âhaechan, do you remember when you shit yourself in sixth grade?â it was jenoâs turn to laugh then, but he held the bridge of his nose with his index and thumb. âjaem, just drop it bro⊠why is this such a big deal to you?â donghyuck just rolled his eyes, âhey jaem, whereâs your girl at?â you swallowed the lump in your throat as donghyuck placed an arm around your shoulder.
jaemin didnât say anything and you contemplated how much better you would feel if the ground were to swallow you up⊠âyâknow, i do want to be a part of this trio ordeal youâve got going on, so yes jaemin, i do remember when i shat my pants in sixth grade⊠i found out that iâm incredibly lactose intolerant the hard way. happy?â
âthere, was that really so difficult?â jaemin partronised him with the way his head was tilted to the side, beckoning donghyuck to say something borderline disrespectful. âwho shit in your cornflakes today jaem, nevermind haechan shitting his pants, your mood stinks!â donghyuck thanked jeno for sticking up for him, and to this day youâre still not quite sure what he must have been thinking.
were you guys always like this? was this some weird roleplay he just happened to walk in upon? jeno stormed off shortly after that, leaving donghyuck to look at his now grass stained beige gazelles. âjaemin, your attitude stinks. and what is this weird obsession with shitting and shit and shitting shit shitty shit all of a sudden?â you huffed and shook your head profusely, âdonghyuck, we werenât actively hiring for a fourth person to join our friend group, but if you wish to join you are more than welcome,â
of course, if this was all occuring a few years ago, donghyuck would not be welcome; nobody would be welcome for that matter. the doors of your pretty little pink bubble wouldâve been barricaded with industrial locks and chair backs. but you, in your recent age, decided it would be better to go with the grain rather than against it.
donghyuckâs courage may have turned the tides in his favor when it came to how you viewed him, âand, you are really courageous for retelling the story of the time you shat your pants⊠i think i wouldâve really liked a bit more back story though,â you smiled, walking away from him to catch up to jeno who had gone on a walk- more than likely having ended up at the open bar.
you heard donghyuckâs burst of laughter and it itched your brain in an addicting way.
you lay eyes on the black haired, heavily muscled, prada wearing jeno of yours, âdo you know whatâs gotten into him, jeje? he seems so out of it,â you waited in line with him. ârabbit, are you for real? he saw you again for the first time in like two months and nearly died because of how beautiful you look. do not feed me with your usual nĂ€ive bullshit, okay?â
you debated flicking the back of his head, but decided to be the better person, âi was just aksing for your opinion, monkey. and i wasnât fishing for anything, but thanks?â and concluded that maybe jeno was just too focused on locking in his fourth double shot of captain morgan and cola to actually comprehensively analyse the situation.
there was no way that jaemin showing off like a two year old tantrum-riddled toddler was thanks to seeing you again. but the innocent angel on your shoulder begged for you to imagine what might come of you two if he had the courage to ever speak up and tell you that you looked pretty in your annoyingly itchy swimsuit.
âiâm sure youâve heard this before, but denial is a river, rabbit.â you disregarded his comment with the words that were spoken with such dryness, âi really, really like this song, dâyou wanna dance?â you extended an olive branch in an attempt to diffuse the way captain morgan had gone straight through his stomach right to his veins.
the bass pumped your veins and the vibrations trickled up through your dior wedges as he took your hand, crunching the red solo cup with his right hand, throwing it into the trash bag without any extra effort exuded.
hot. you thought, but youâd never say that. âi never pinned you,â he stutters as he acknowledges the stature of what he said, âi mean, i never pinned you as the type to like esdeekidâŠ?â you laughed, there was still a small window of time for you to talk before you had to recite word for word.
âwhy? not polite enough?â you tilted your head with inquisition and all he did was copy you.
somehow the next song rolled into jenoâs favourite and by then you were surrounded by all your bananas, except for one you didnât recognise. well, youâd recognised himâ his biceps, around campus or in hallways, but you had no name for the peculiar face.
âhi, [y/n]â the bicep guy knew your name?! your head twitched at the speed youâd turned around to acknowledge the fact that he knew your name; your government name. ârabbitâ had become more than a middle name after hearing it for years on end. this felt good for you, it felt refreshing.
if you werenât borderline tipsy, youâd see the way jenoâs expression turned into an absolute puzzled and lost one. in his deep baritone voice, who did this guy think he was?
âiâm jisung park. like donghyuckâs bestfriend, casually the best football player there is, yâknowâŠâ you smiled at him and shook his hand at the fade out of the song, âget in line, brother,â jeno spoke with a firm smile and nod of his head.
âiâve seen your armâ i mean, iâve seen you around⊠nice to meet you!â god, rabbit, you may as well have worn a âiâm thirsty for your bicepsâ burger king crown on your head. good save, you thought to yourself.
ââ·Ëđ.â§âË đàŒâ§âË.
jenoâs benz had never been more packed with people. he was so tempted to strap donghyuck to the roof with a seatbelt, but you convinced and pleaded for him not to do so. thus, you and jeno were comfortable and fluid with movement in the front while luna sat on jaeminâs lap, donghyuck sat squished in the middle and jisung nearly stuck to the window. they all fit though, and that was the main thing.
âfroyo baby, here we come!â your froyo obsession had become a contagious disease amongst all of your bananas. jeno was prone to white chocolate and kiwi, and youâd never really paid any mind to what the others liked to order.
âholy fucking balls, jeno, i just whacked my head on your stupid car window!â jisung groaned and donghyuck snickered at him. âthatâs not my problem, dude, sit differently then,â jenoâs response was flat, âare you okay jisung, do you want to swap?â you asked, turning around to look at him.
donghyuckâs hair was pointing in every direction because all of the windows were open when jeno had been going ninety kilometers per hour, but somehow jisungâs looked perfect. âyâknow rabbit, if you were anybody else i would jump at the chance. but thank you honey,â
all of your body was being pulled forward and then backward; jeno had slammed on the breaks. âif we knocked on your fucking head would your brain just echo the fucking sound of the knock? what the fuck is wrong with you, jeno?â
ânot cool, dude!â jisung held a different part of his head in pain and you looked at jeno with your head titled. what was he playing at? he copied the way you were looking at him with a pout and the darkness in his eyes suggested something along the lines of jealousy⊠but maybe he just hated terms of endearment.
you eventually made it to the froyo shop with all parties intact and no knocked heads or missing braincells.
âdo you have any idea of what you want to do in the future, rabbit?â donghyuck questioned as he dug his spoon further into his XXL cup. what a good questionâ one you still had no answer to. âwell, when i was younger i wanted to be a pilot but thinking of it now, itâs just too long winded. too involved, too much commitment and i donât think i can bring that to the table. ants in my pants; iâm prone to that.â
âwell, we all know that jenoâs going to be a CEO in some famous company, lunaâs going to be a fashion designer, jisung a professional footballer, what do you want to be in the future, haechan?â jaemin asked, once full cup now empty with a napkin scrunched inside.
had he always been this annoying? why did he have to speak for everyone all the time? you looked away from him and laid eyes on jeno instead. to your surprise he was already watching you, and rolled his eyes for a split second as if to convey to you that he knew just how you felt.
âi donât actually wanna be a footballer, i want to be a personal trainer. like i love the idea of helping people who want to better themselves,â jisung spoke, to which you stuck your bottom lip out and nodded.
âtell us, haechan, what would you like to do?â luna spoke, holding onto jaeminâs hand and caressing it gently. you wished then that jenoâs mercedes could fly so that you could run outside and fly away from the shambles that this froyo outing had become.
ârabbit, can i actually talk to you outside for a second, please? like would you do me the honor?â the most insufferable person sitting on the table spoke up, jaemin, and it seemed like there was no universe in which saying âno,â seemed effective. he was already out of his chair, and you looked to jeno; as though it was a reflex, expecting to see some sort of distaste in his face.
but there was nothing of the sort, just an encouraging nod. you huffed, âjaemin, this better be good if youâre making me walk all the way outside for it,â jaemin headed out first, holding the door open for you momentarily.
your body felt the transition of cooling AC to humid, sweaty air. and you hated it, and you could feel yourself getting annoyed and agitated and pressed and just about everything negative under the sun. âget it over with, spit it out, whatever stupid shit you have to say!â
you rested all your weight on one of your hips as you tapped your right foot on the ground. âi just wanted to say to you that i am truly sorry for ignoring you the way i did for all those months, especially after i basically lied to your face by telling you that things would fall back into place. and itâs still not lost on me, the way you used the past tense when referring to me as your best friend and that hurt me way more than i thought it would. and if thatâs how you feel then i get it, but please know i didnât want to be the guy who constantly complains and wallows in the most ridiculous sh!t. you deserved more than to listen to me contemplate the entire meaning of life and learn how to be in a relationship and accept the idea of falling in love and whatever else there was. i am so happy that you had jeno to keep you company, and i know that you two are closer now for it. but i want you to know that iâm sorry that i disrespected you. if you ever feel as though you could slide back into your old place, right here, next to my heart, then it will be open for you, rabbit,â
there was this chip on your shoulder that you carried through your life, that sometimes, more often than not, shot you in the foot. because jaemin had done this once now, there was no telling that he wouldnât do it again, or even something along the same lines of it. you didnât tear up the way you imagined you would in your head when you played this out in your head for so many nights in a row.
âjeno is doing a pretty good job of being my best friend as of late, jaem. but if youâre really sorry, like deeply in the pit of your heart, then iâm willing to forgive you.â before you could come up with any more digs, âdo you want me to beg on the pavement, knees and all, rabbit?â you nodded, morefool jaemin.
you burst out laughing as he huffed and began to kneel down. you werenât going to save him from this, you were going to watch this and enjoy every moment of it. one knee hit the grubby pavement, and you felt your miniscule ego being stroked.
the other knee hit then too, ârabbit, i am so sorry for having hurt you so deeply. i love you and i will never hurt you again, i swear,â you took his words for gospel, deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt. before you continued to enjoy the sight below you, you looked to the froyo shopâs window to see jeno watching.
your heart swirled and for mere seconds it felt like old times all over again.
âthank you, jaemin. apology accepted.â he went on to kiss the tips of your shoes and you nearly peed your pants thanks to the intensity of your laughter. how ridiculous, how dumb was he, how dumb did he look!?
âi love you, rabbit.â he said gently, dusting off his knees as he was in an upright position by then. âi know you do, you knelt on the bare pavement for me,â you stomped one of your heels into the bare concrete in amusement, trying to stabilise yourself after laughing half of your heart out.
âjaemin, now your pants look like you were the one that shit themselves, beware of the self-depricating jokes youâre about to overdose on!â donghyuckâs left arm cascaded across your shoulder blades as he joined in on the laughter.
donghyuckâs warmth shouldnât have radiated off of him the way it did, and you shouldnât have felt a streak of resolve thanks to the idea of jaemin being humbled by the mere idea of shitting his pants, but here you were.
your hand trembled slightly as you made your way to hold his fingers, âhaechan, at least the shit in my pants is worth something, unlike yours,â the air twisted into something sticky and awkward, and jaeminâs white linen pants were now grey where the kneecaps were concerned.
âminnie, what on earth are you doing on the floor?â lunaâs sickly sweet voice poked, and jeno followed out after her and you were gonna explode because theyâd left jisung alone yet again. jaemin looked askance, he glanced at you; he was kneeling, one knee up and one knee down, and then glanced to luna.
jeno held his gaze the longest, whatever mustâve been underlying in the stare made jaemin get up and back on his feet, âi was just tying my shoes, lu,â to which jeno scoffed, crossing his arms. you didnât quite know where to look, the biceps jeno held were nearly streching the sleeves of his white polo-shirt.
luna looked at you sternly, âluna, why would i make him get on the floor⊠quit cooking me alive with your heinous stares!â and all you could do was wonder why jaemin just couldnât be honest. he wanted to kneel on the pavement, and why was this just such a big deal?
âwell, i dunno, i guess itâs just kinda strange that you guys came outside to talk and next thing i know heâs kneeling on the pavement, getting dirty knees, i mean who knows what you mustâve told him. i think itâs common knowledge that you could say âjump, jaemin, jump!â and heâd say âhow high?ââ
was she for fucking real? you looked at jaemin to find him scratching his head, âare you for real, right now, luna? and you, asshole, why has the cat suddenly got your tongue? reign your fucking girl in, jaemin, i mean it,â
by now, donghyuck had gone back in to sit with jisung, and jeno had edged nearer to you. lunaâs jaw was closer to the floor than it was to the full moon, and jaemin was still stuck on mute. what a pathetic excuse of a boyfriend, eh?
all of this to say, whenever you argued or got into some type of discourse with jaemin, it was as though everyone else and everything surrounding you would dissipate into a pool of nothingness. all that existed was both you and jaemin, in a midnight black abyss.
you sensed that jeno was near, but even if he spoke, you arenât certain you couldâve been able to actually hear him. all you could see was jaemin, all you could feel was feelings based on jaemin. how incredulously stupid.
âluna, i have to say that i do disagree with the claim that jaemin would jump to the milkyway if i asked him to. you of all people would know that something like that is just borderline insane. and also, i was your friend before you even cared that jaemin existed! so itâs nice to know you care for me, thanks,â
you gave yourself permission to tear up at the idea of luna choosing a stupid rock with a cock over you.
lunaâs eyeliner began to smudge thanks to the few tears that were gathering in her waterline, grip on her gucci clutch firm and unswaying. âyâknow what, jaemin, i actually cannot be asked for you either,â
âi think youâre overreacting, rabbit, iâm sure luna doesnât mean things in the way that youâre interpreting them as. luna, i was on the floor because itâs an inside joke that goes back years, really, and it means nothing,â it was jenoâs turn to scoff and shake his head in disbelief.
âjaemin, you can put the bow and arrow down, dude, all youâre doing is shooting yourself in the foot double time,â a few stray tears trickled down your face, but you inhaled furiously. your anger was much too loud, bulky and clunky to allow you to wallow in what had happened. luna looked remorseful, as did jaemin, but that wasnât good enough.
âan inside joke that goes back years? like that makes it so, so much better, dipshit!â you were fairly certain that both luna and jaemin had misplaced their marbles. âjaemin, youâre a joke. you gave donghyuck so much shit for shitting his pants, but all you do is shit on everything you surround yourself with. you are so selfish it sickens me down to my bones and you may scoff and roll your eyes when i tell you that itâs basically common knowledge that you have so much growing up to do.â
luna groaned, âyouâre always so insistent on stealing the spotlight, rabbit, give that fat mouth of yours a rest, for christâs sake!â and you were fairly certain jeno had replied to her, but you were too focused on the look on jaeminâs face.
âi think itâs best that we take jaemin home, and let donghyuck and jisung get you home, lulu. i think time apart is best for everyone right now.â jeno beckoned for both donghyuck and jisung to leave the diner, and they were soon outside too.
âi may as well sit in the fucking trunk, iâd really prefer to be as far away from jaemin as possible, jeje.â you snarled, wiping the corners of your eyes as jeno went to drag jaemin to his mercedes. ârabbit, i am really sorry for all of this,â luna sobbed as she opened the car door, remorseful eyes lingering on you a little longer than normal.
âlulu, i think youâve said enough for one night,â jisung spoke, pulling you into a side hug before getting in the car too. leaving just you and donghyuck outside, he bounced on his feet as he stared at you, âiâm sorry rabbit, it seems like these days you really canât catch a break, huh?â
he reached out gently, shakily, to wipe away one stray tear with the pad of his thumb. his touch was testing the waters, but you couldnât succumb to the feeling calling you.
you cracked a laugh, âi really canât. and iâm sorry i brought up the whole âshitting your pantsâ thing again⊠i feel like that will never, ever die. sorry, hyuck,â and he cracked a smile too, âitâs okay rabbit, iâm just glad you could use it as ammunition,â
his hair looked even more touchable than usual, and if there was a better time and place youâd probably be reaching out to touch it. you stole a glance at his maple syrup coloured biceps and made the executive choice to look away to save yourself the embarassment of drooling in front of not just donghyuck, but all the other bananas youâd forgotten about.
he held his arms out and pulled you in for a hug, and his hug was unlike any youâd received before. jenoâs was homely; the kind you could melt into. donghyucks was firm and unswaying. âmaybe text me later so i know that you made it home, okay?â
â[your governmental full name]â you wanted to rip jenoâs eyebrows off for calling you out like that, but donghyuck must have picked up on the underlying tone because he almost instantaneously pulled away from you and got into the drivers seat of his navy blue golf.
âÄĄejja!â you stormed to the mercedes but opened her passenger door ever so gently. âdid we ruin your moment, rabbit?â jaemin asked as if he hadnât been in an argumental scene with you merely ten minutes beforehand.
jeno scoffed, because he knew the answer to that question was, âyes, jaemin, yes you both did. are you pleased with yourselves?â and the tone you used made jeno press the accelerator that much more. jaemin laughed then, reaching out from the middle seat to caress the loose strands of hair that had escaped out of your braid.
âi am very, very pleased, rabbit.â jeno spoke firmly, turning up the music the tiniest bit. you gritted your teeth then, âi swear to god, if either one of you dare mention that stupid story of the time donghyuck shat his pants ever again, i will lose it,â jaemin and jeno laughed in unison.
âiâm sorry for all of that bullshit back there, rabbit. you know that right?â jaemin spoke cautiously, and jeno rested his left hand on your kneecap. âi know, jaem, iâm really sorry for what i said too.â sometimes the longevity of having known someone automatically outweighs your own morals and standards. this was one of those times.
in jenoâs silent opinion, jaemin deserved to be smacked sideways for letting tonight happen, for not sticking up for you, for kneeling down on the floor for you; the latter was merely due to jealousy. he wanted, and borderline needed to be the only person capable of doing that for you. he wanted to be the only one to stroke your ego and give you that type of satisfaction.
but because jeno admired the way you loved jaemin, he respected the way you chose to tackle situations like these. that was one line jeno would never cross.
âyou do one more thing and i will run you over with this car, jaemin, i can promise you that,â youâd forgive him, but you wouldnât forget all of this. even if it made you rot from the inside out.
ââ·Ëđ.â§âË đàŒâ§âË.
the refreshingly cold, diamond blue ocean kissed your skin as you jumped off of the concrete diving board. you sunk down so far, and when you got to the surface you screamed at the temperature piercing your skin.
âyou went so far down, rabbit, are you okay?â donghyuck burst out laughing, treading water all the more to stay afloat before heâd sink to the bottom too.
âyeah, i managed to not swallow about ten gallons of sea water, so iâm cool for now,â you swam closer to him, so close he took the risk of resting his hands on your shoulders.
you gulped; his biceps were inches from your face and you wanted nothing more than to grip them. you began to reach out when suddenly, âcanonball!â you didnât even have time to grit your teeth at the meticulousness of jeno, because you were drenched in more seawater. he plummeted right next to you.
when he rose to the surface, he was hugging you from behind. âjeje, what on earth are you doing?!â
he tsked, âunclench your teeth when you talk to me, rabbit,â donghyuck faded away to you because almost instantaneously the only thing on your mind was biting jeno in an attempt to humble him.
but if a seagull were to fly by, theyâd see the way haechan was internally kicking himself for not being more bold. jeno was firm with his stare, waiting for haechan to look at him and acknowledge the difference in the way you acted with jeno.
âhaechan, i think jisung was looking for you over at the ice cream van, iâm not too sure though.â you rolled your eyes at jeno, because it was so clearly a lie, âwell i just saw him sitting in the lifeguard but with kai, i donât thinkââ
jeno was staring donghyuck down, and it must have been a powerful enough stare for donghyuck to forget what he was saying, âactually, yeah i mightâve missed him leaving there and going to the van.â
âhey, hyuck i might actually come with you,â you made an attempt to turn around and swim toward the chrome ladder, but your left foot was being pulled back.
donghyuck didnât linger around waiting for you, he accepted the fact that it was pointless. âiâll get you an icecream later, rabbit, just stay here with me,â this was wrong, because the tone he was using was inclined to make your heart thump and the ends of your fingers feel like sparkly, static.
you couldnât hold the intense gaze jeno had on you, extra dark roast espresso eyes reading you like one of your favourite books. you laid on your back in an attempt to float around instead. you exhaled deeply, you could keep your cool rabbit, couldnât you?
no, you totally could totally not keep your cool. â§âËâàŒâ§âË. đŠàŒâđȘœđ«§đ«Żđđâ§âËâàŒâ§âË. đŠ
âwhy are you cockblocking me?â you only had the courage to let those words leave your mouth because you were looking up at the baby blue sky. not for long, because soon his arms were around you as though he was holding you like a bride, looking down at you.
âdonghyuck couldâve stayed rabbit, i didnât do anything to him, did i?â you rolled your eyes, breathing slowly.
âiâm not stupid, jeno. i know what you get like,â he scoffed, âjust answer me this, do you really like donghyuck?â eyebrows pressed downward unknowingly displaying his green painted curiousity own toward the seabed were a display of his curiosity.
âcanonball!â jaeminâs voice ricocheted across the bay, giving you no chance to answer jeno. when he resurfaced, you swam away from jenoâs grip. âwhatâs it to you if she does, jen? i think our rabbit is free to like whoever she wants to like, no?â
âthank you, jaemin! yeah jeno, what is it to you?â jeno squinted at both you and jaemin, the same feeling returning in his stomachâ the feeling heâd get whenever it felt as though you two were ganging up on him, even if it was in jest. the feeling heâd get whenever all three of you being so close together and in love was so tangible, so near him he could nearly taste it.
but when it came to love, and all the random things inbetween, he felt it better to beat around the bush. the midday sun beamed down on his midnight black hair, to some extent making it glisten as though it was a sparkly night sky.
âi just think you could do better, thatâs all, rabbit.â you took a break from admiring jeno to look at the way jaemin was now tilting his head to the side with a tight lipped smile, as if to say jeno did have a point. you barely had time to get the words out of your mouth, but you knew what was comingâ you knew jaemin would swim to jenoâs side.
you rolled your eyes, âwell i think heâs cute, and heâs funny and he has really good movie reccommendations,â and you werenât saying any of this with an edge, or in an attempt to make them feel such childish things as jealousy. these days, donghyuck seemed like the better choice out of all the fish in the sea.
âokay jen, we should drop it before she jumps us and like steals our toes or something,â jaemin spoke as he went to float on his back. you could see your fingers getting pruny, âi think iâm going to go and find donghyuck, see you two around?â
jeno huffed and nodded his head and jaemin mumbled some kind of a goodbye or a see you later.