Κذνذ ωh٥ ςrγذռց

im kivi and im cryin' about my life

[kivizza]

Lol, it really seems to me that if I'll ever decide to suicidate, I'll do it out of sheer curiosity.

I have several characters who commit suicide (or trying) along the plot, but I can't describe any sensations, if I havent survived this, it becomes difficult (fucking "atychiphobia")

And I see a picture: somebody will find me at the table in a state of fainting with cut veins, and when [if] they'll bring me to my senses, then I'll justify myself with the wording "well, I was wondering: will I really just fall asleep or the air will go waves like anesthesia."

P. S.: picture it's me like an Invidia, cos I'm very envious(deep inside even without control).

[kivizza]

Results of the 2018

So, it's my summary of arts 2018.

I think my style has changed a lot, and I also studied the anatomy and composition better. Overall, I am pleased with my progress.

[kivizza]

#whamageddon and question

Firstly: I participated in Whamageddon and LOST! Twenty-second, today is twenty-second of December and I lost! I just went to the bakery and... fack.

Secondly: I sort of came out of the artblock, thanks to the horror manga)

[kivizza]

Somewhere between

I'll try to describe to you one strange feeling. No, rather, even a sensation.

So, there is a man. You are not friends with him and not enemies. Not friends - because he periodically behaves like a bastard. Not enemies because the rest of the time he is quite adequate and even attractive from a moral point of view.

Once he has done a good deed, you immediately starts thinking about starting to communicate with him, and maybe even making friends. But he successfully destroys all the sympathy for himself with a regular joke.

So you lives somewhere between: he is good! but he is a fucking bastard! damn, what a cool person he is! i'll smash his head now! And you want to die yourself.

Maybe this is bipolar disorder?

•

P.S.: On the drawing 1/4: kissing in the garden.

[kivizza]

I don't want to talk to anyone ever. This isn't a momentary impulse, this is my way of life. So strange: people themselves write to others, start dialogues with them and don't get tired to communicate, as if they have enough nerves and free time.

This is strange, probably: intentionally avoid dialogues with close people.

I don't know why. Maybe I'm better off with myself, and maybe unpleasant with people.

2.10.18

[kivizza]

Art school and health care

My teacher in the art school told me that when she worked on the first floor with kindergarteners a couple of years ago, cockroaches went around the office. Large such, as if straight from Madagascar. They ran on the floor and the tables, and especially chose stacks of papers and drawings and "sunbathed" them with whole companies.

 It cost the five-year-old children to see such a beast, how the wild screech began and the lesson was broken (but, probably, the impressions from the art school for the rest of their lives).

And the teacher herself covered the cockroaches with cups and moved them to the corner of the table, where they stood invincible armadas before the arrival of the cleaning woman.

[kivizza]

Friend:

"Why dont you draw? Now holidays, you have a lot of free time!"

I:

"I have a little problem ..."

[kivizza]

Today, my parents, having gone to the store at 7pm, found a little boy of about six at our entrance. He didnt say anything, and probably he wont alright. He tried to run away into the street, and several people had to hold and calm him down. Then the police came and took him away. I am slightly at a loss. But maybe, its just one more usually day in the my favorite town Kirov.

19.10.18

[kivizza]

Today, the teacher told my classmates with loose hair: “Braid your braids immediately!”, but when they started to do this, she was indignant: “Do you clean your hair in public? Go to the toilet and never again dare to do so, because the boys do not take off your pants with you". I was so anxious to answer: “So let them undress, I personally have no objections.”

18.10.18

[kivizza]

It was Inktober day dunno-which, and composition was killed by me

[kivizza]

Oh, I wanted to start this inktober as normal arter, but ... get it, just get it.