[kkirvby]

it’s so much easier to just be hated instead of hating.

[kkirvby]

being bored is a privilege

[kkirvby]

ugh i feel like the worst human being that’s ever existed but i haven’t even done anything

[kkirvby]

you have a beautiful soul

[kkirvby]

suddenly i’m 18 again.

tears are streaming down my face, staring and waiting for a response.

it’s 4am.

thoughts keep racing over the worst or best scenario,

best scenario is hoping that she left already and you just stopped responding because you fell asleep.

but how could i even think of the worst case scenario?

i loved you. how could you do that to me? you would never.

i’d waste countless hours of sleep over you.

i’d waited many nights just for one text message back from you.

i was kind, gentle, and patient. i gave up my immaturity for you to love me.

oh how i would kill to have someone love me the way i loved you.

how i would love

to be loved.

[kkirvby]

i wonder sometimes if i really wasn’t meant to be happy. i’m not suffering anymore. life is pretty good but when i’m sad, there’s no reasoning to it. i’m just sad and frustrated that i can’t find myself the answers for my feelings.

[kkirvby]

[remanence-of-love]

[kkirvby]

who am i?

[kkirvby]

it probably looks really bad on my end. but i don’t care anymore. people are always going to assume everything about me and i don’t care. you don’t know what i went through for the past few years. you don’t know how much i had to pretend that everything was okay. i tore out my heart and soul for that and no one ever knew. so don’t say that im a bad person for breaking someone’s heart. because the entire time, mine was in pieces.

[kkirvby]

ur so young and dumb

[kkirvby]

this is actually not funny why the fuck did i write this. i’m so torn apart right now.

[kkirvby]

seasonal depression is so real

[kkirvby]

retweet 🤝

[kkirvby]

seasonal depression is so real

[kkirvby]

i’m so glad i look so much happier to you 🫶🏻

[kkirvby]

i know this is the type of memory i would look back and miss so much. everyone in my life is such a comforting feeling

[kkirvby]

Over the years

i used to think that i was a bad person. a bad person who went through bad things for a reason. i never really tried to fix these things or wonder why my life isn’t any different. everything that was happening throughout the years was just something i accepted.

something clicked.

i’ve always been such a passive person. someone who just listens when being told. that’s how i was raised in a religious immigrant household. but suddenly, i realized i have the power to make my own decisions. not to be that passive 15 year old years ago. i thought maybe, i was an okay person going through bad people. people are rude, selfish, self-centered, and petty. i’ve never had those feelings and maybe sometimes i was selfish, but someone taught me that sometimes, it’s okay to be. being selfish made me happier. but sometimes i wonder, why are some people so selfish yet still so miserable? that leads to people who are inconsiderate.

i’m not a bad person. i just had (have) bad people in my life. a friend told me, “you’re too pretty for you’re own good.” and i wish i could agree with that back then. but i know i’m a little too good for myself bc it’s always been hard to let go of those people.