I’ve been waiting on these two Spanish YouTube gamers for a while now. They come in for lunch at least four times a week. They moved to L.A. a year ago to escape being recognized in Spain. Apparently fans have shipped them and rumors of being a couple have circulated for a while, but never confirmed. I love waiting on them— they’re sweet and tip 20%. They order the same thing every time—Willy likes a sirloin steak, dry, and Samuel likes a caeser salad with chicken, also dry. Samuel doesn’t say much, as he’s timid speaking English, so he’ll respond in Spanish and keep his head down, but Willy is more adventurous and I often find myself standing at the table way too long to ask him mundane questions—and stare into his squinty brown eyes because he’s the cutest. He’s charming and funny and very Spanish. The only reason I’d think they’re a couple is because sometimes I sense Samuel gets a little restless if I stand too long talking to Willy. I can get a hint, though, and disappear.
On Friday, Willy came in alone, as his roommate Samuel had gone back to Spain for the holidays, and Willy wasn’t leaving until Monday. I was excited to have him all to myself. We chatted in between orders and when I dropped off the bill, I wished him safe travels and a Merry Christmas.
During that lunch, Willy sent out a tweet that set the Spanish speaking community ablaze. He said (loosely translated): Like I care! I went to eat by myself and the waiter that I always have sat to eat with me on his break! XD
I didn’t sit with him, but that’s not the point. At first, I mixed up the words descanso with sueno (dream) and thought that he was saying “in my dreams.” I was mortified that he thought I could only dream to sit with him, which is true, but embarrassing to get called out on. Once I realized descanso was break, I got giddy again. What an emotional roller coaster. Things were going great until Samuel tweeted a response: nuestro Mike? (our Mike?)
No! Not Mike, James. James! Mike is super hot, though, and I’ve been known to tell him “I’m gonna get that tush” as he walks in front of me. These tweets confirmed for many that Willy and Samuel were indeed a couple, and solidified the shipment of Wigetta. Within hours, the Internet was talking and fandoms were writing fan fiction involving Mike the Waiter as the third wheel. Dammit! I wanted to be the third wheel, not Mike!
I imagined what it’d be like dating a gamer. He’d sit on the couch playing as I fiddled around in the kitchen, not interested in what’s happening in the living room. Every once in a while, he’d ask me to play and as an act of compromise I’d sit down with him, but loathe every minute of it. In the middle of this weird fantasy, Brother Baloney sent me a text. It was a screen cap of Candace Cameron in a Lifetime movie. He was stuck watching it with his wife. Then he sent a voice recording of mama saying: “Stop playing on your phone, that’s all I’m asking. Is that too much to ask?” There was a moment of silence, then he grumbled, “No, I guess not.”
See, it’s all about compromise. That's what good couples do. But that’s when I realized his was real and mine was not. Ohhhh-kay, time to log off. I slowly closed the lap top and slid it under the couch.
stormborns
yousharknotpass
gummygunk
titsay
dailybridgerton
origamiaround
pixelskylines
vaporwave
