ambivalence

I write. Stay awhile, read.

[kloudywater]

Today was the first day I wondered if the pledge we repeat every morning was prerecorded.

- something doesn’t feel right here..

[kloudywater]

I walked past you in the hallway again today

I could see the recognition on your face

Before you whipped your phone out

And checked nonexistent notifications

- no longer on speaking terms

[kloudywater]

I know I can't heal in the environment that hurt me, but that doesn't make leaving any easier.

[kloudywater]

If we can’t save each other then how can we save ourselves?

my older brother

[kloudywater]

“What’s your story?”

“Probably not as exciting as you hope.”

“Tell me anyway. I’m all ears.”

[kloudywater]

If I had only felt how it feels to be yours, I would’ve known what I’ve been living for all along.

[kloudywater]

Let it rain. The clouds look heavy, but they bear no weight.

[kloudywater]

Sometimes we forget

our bodies are more than just

objects of fantasy and desire,

subjects of experiments and surgeries,

inflictions of pain and numbness.

They are our homes.

[kloudywater]

I think he finally noticed the glow in my eyes, how they light up when I look at him. He’s unsure, maybe it’s meaningless and he’s just overthinking. He finds the courage to randomly ask, “Do you think I’m one in a million?” I pause, shake my head no. For a second he thinks this is how it should be, how it has always been, what he deserves. “You’re so much better than that.”

- don’t worry if you fall, i will catch you // 2am

[kloudywater]

I hid my heart & you are the only one that has come even kinda close to finding it.

[kloudywater]

I’m only steady on my knees - but one day I’ll stand on my own two feet.

[kloudywater]

I still don’t know, but I feel like I’m learning how to clear my head when all I think about is you.

[kloudywater]

It’s okay if you can’t catch your breath - you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest.

[kloudywater]

I know it’s over,

but I don’t know what to do.

Help me get over you.

Tell me you love somebody else or something,

or say you’ve been unfaithful to me.

‘Cause I need a reason to hate you,

a reason to let you go,

a reason to move on.

‘Cause without one, I know I won’t.

[kloudywater]

For a moment,

I thought that love was in the drugs.

But the more I took,

the more it took away,

and I could never get enough.

[kloudywater]

She looks so… She looks like she has stars in her skin and the sunset in her eyes.

a comment on a Webtoon // Always Human

[kloudywater]

May comfort come your way.

you deserve it