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[kmvs]

I'm not okay.

This is torture.

It hurts.

[kmvs]

Jealous

i see them happy and lovely

so sweet and caring

so showy and shiny

and the only thing that goes through my mind is

how i wish i had someone to love me like that

i am happy for them, i truly am but when is it my turn

to feel the assurance that they really want me

to feel like they really love me

to feel like i am really worth the distance, the time, the pain

to know that i am worth it

[kmvs]

Grandma,

we miss you.

so much.

some of us didn't get to see you before you passed

we were devastated when we heard

but I know that you're happy and rested now

with grandpa and uncle

remember when we used to go to the market early in the morning to get some groceries

and then we would cook and sell meals

remember when I would give you the rest of my recess money after school

and tell you to keep it for me so i could save money

remember when you used to bring us french bread back every time you went hours away from home to do some work

and us three would always jump in joy because it was our favorite

remember when you were the one coming up the stage for our achievements because both our parents were absent

how you used make us do chores that we always complained about

and look at us now thriving without even asking how to do a single house chore

how you used to pinch us to wake up because we would always come to school late

we are now always on time and very responsible,ma

how you always bought us things that we want because we envied the neighboring kids for having such cool toys and delicious food

we would stand by the door frame and show off whatever food we had because we were kinda petty

you would always find a way to make us write our exams on time even if it means humiliating yourself in front of those school staff

you would always go out your way to buy ingredients, make us lunch and drop it all the way to the school

you would always tell us wise words the we couldn't understand because you know someday, would look back to it

thank you for doing so much for your family, your kids and especially you grandkids

we miss you, ma

it still hurts

we wanted to see you

planned a trip back home

but we couldn't make it

i hope you're well rested and smiling

i know you're still looking after us

i love you,ma.

[kmvs]

It was then like that..

then, i had so much fear

then, i had only myself to rely on

then, i had my own tranquil forest

then, i had let the fire raging

then, i had let the rain pouring

i had let the wind touch my skin and move my hair

i had gotten smiles and laughs

i had heard cries and screams

i fought myself to let everything go the way it is

eventually they stop

my fears have become somehow unfrightening

i gained someone to trust

the forest have become fraught

the fire have been extinguished

the rain have stopped flooding in

the wind have stopped grazing onto my skin and my hair stopped moving

but then again they kick off to a new start

then they run in circles

again..

again..

and again..

you get used to it

[kmvs]

Dear children of this generation

it's ok...

it's ok to cry

cry all you want, it doesn't mean that you're weak

cry to your hearts content until there's nothing left but relief

cry out loud and let them know that you are hurting too

cry silently in a dark room if you may

cry ugly and do not be bothered by other people's opinion

it's ok to be angry

be angry by simple things

be angry because of a failed exam

be angry at yourself

be angry at other people

be angry for those subjects you did not pass

be angry at a person who hurt you

be angry that you did not see a disaster coming up

it's ok to make mistakes

make mistakes and take that as a lesson for next the journey

make mistakes that would let other people think bad of you and make a note to yourself to learn from it

make a mistake and tell yourself that you would do better next time

it's ok to be afraid

be afraid to talk to people

be afraid of your first day in class

be afraid of your first day at work

be afraid of a big presentation coming up

be afraid to take a step forward

it's ok to be vulnerable

let yourself break down

let yourself feel weakness

be vulnerable in front of a person you trust

emotions matter, they make us human

let yourself feel every kind of emotions

pain

happiness

joy

sorrow

vulnerability

insecurity

madness

exhaustion

fear

anticipation

embarrassment

curiosity

confidence

love

annoyance

jealousy

trust

ALL OF THEM

because at the end of the day, they all matter

it's not easy but you can do it step by step

you suffer enough because of the standards of this generation

but do you have to fit in those standards? NO

just be yourself.... let yourself feel

[kmvs]

Punishing one's self to deliberately make up for the mistakes done.