[knightfalling]

♘ 𝐊𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 : an independent, canon divergent, mutuals-only roleplay blog for lucy knight from the television show ER. as written by dana ( 29, acst, she/her ).

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[rivvah]

ER 6.14: All in the Family

[metamorphesque]

― Ovid, Metamorphoses

[bak3rs]

˚₊‧꒰ა 🐬 💿 🌊 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ -> ❝ IT TAKES A LOT .. more than that to kill me. ❞ a grin split across her face. her asthma attacks were bad some days. but ellie was used to them.

˚₊‧꒰ა 🐬 💿 🌊 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ -> @knightfalling 🏝️ liked ​ ❝ for a one liner. ❞

[knightfalling]

"i can see that." usually people were not so cheery after an asthma attack. in reality it's a relief from the the usual kind of patient that lucy sees, but her eyes still flicker to the monitors regardless to assess her condition. "does this happen often? do you have a specialist you see?"

[planescrashed]

Lexie hated that she had to do this. She understood why she had to keep seeing a shrink - a psychiatrist, sorry - in order to continue to be considered fit to work. She did. She had to do it after the bomb incident, after the shooting, all traumatic events that had occurred at Seattle Grace came with some sort of therapy attached afterwards. She understood that. But part of the agreement when she started here was active monitoring. Psychotherapy alongside physiotherapy after coming out of a coma. After a plane crash. "All I wanna do is work. I just wanna help people." She said, not making eye contact.

@knightfalling liked for a starter

[knightfalling]

sitting across from lexie, lucy watches her with a careful eye. it's easy to assess her when the other woman won't look her way. observing her reactions and attempting to help her in whichever way that she will let her. "i understand, lexie. trust me when i say that i do." she leans forward in her seat, elbows resting on her knees as she attempts to gain some kind of momentum to this conversation. in reality, she can't force the other woman to speak, but she knows if she wants to continue working then lucy at least has to have some understanding of just what is going through her mind. "why don't you tell me about how your physio is going?"

[knightfalling]

WHAT BRAND OF STUPID ARE YOU?

Smart until infected with stupid. You think you're safe don't you? You are probably the responsible one in the group, perhaps even the mom friend. You are relatively smart but all it takes is one little thing to suck all your braincells out. It could be hanging around your fellow stupid friends, it could be being left alone, it could be having a bit too much fun. The stupid lives inside you and it just takes the right environment for it to show.

TAGGED BY: @driftvoid TAGGING: @physiiciian @pittmash @equallibrium @whatspoilers @thatpregnantgirl &YOU!

[jackabbot]

ER (1994-2009) 5.14 • The Storm

[murkyhazed]

@knightfalling cont. from here.

               the   loss   never   gets   easier.      doesn’t   matter   how   long   you’ve   been   on   the   job,   how   many   people   you   lose,   the   feelings   of   guilt   and   shame   will   always   be   present.      you   think   about   what   you   could   have   done   differently,   or   if   you   didn’t   act   fast   enough.      everything   goes   through   the   brain   and   it   is   so   easy   to   end   up   spiraling.      frank   doesn’t   want   that   happening   to   her.      he   doesn’t   want   her   blaming   herself   for   something   that   was   clearly   out   of   their   control.      sometimes   they   just   got   here   too   late,   and   no   matter   what   they   did,   no   matter   how   hard   they   tried,   they   lost   a   life.

               it’s   easier   to   try   and   comfort   when   it   wasn’t   your   patient.      lucy   was   the   one   who   got   to   them   first,   who   was   calling   the   shots.      frank   hopped   in   after   the   fact,   but   the   blood   loss   had   already   been   too   severe.      he   knew   it,   too,   but   who   was   he   to   call   it   when   she   still   thought   there   was   a   chance?      he   doesn’t   like   being   right,   not   in   these   circumstances.      ❝   there   wasn’t   anything   you   could   have   done   differently.      she   just…      got   to   us   too   late.      you   did   everything   you   could,   went   above   and   beyond   what   most   of   us   would   have   done.      you   tried,   and   that’s   all   we   can   do.   ❞

[knightfalling]

it takes nearly all of the energy that lucy has left to turn back and face frank. even then her eyes are still cast towards the floor, blue eyes clearly emotion filled and brimming on the verge of the floodgates opening. there's a quiet sniffle as she adjusts her scrubs now that she's ripped off the blood stained gown, allowing his words to wash over her. she's not sure if she believes them. being told she couldn't have done anything differently should be a good thing. not something where a person died because of her. because she didn't do enough. even if she's being told she had done it exactly right. "well, it didn't help, did it? maybe i should have done it differently. maybe then she'd still be alive."

the emotions continue to creep up on her in ways that she doesn't want them to. there's another sniff, a turn to put her hand under the hand sanitiser just for something to do to not have to look frank's way. lucy attempts not to see the blood on the floor. is it the same blood they'd been pumping into her patient? it had all been happening so quickly, it had only just happened and it's still a blur in her mind. "what do you mean 'most of us'? what would you have done?"

[ozarkthedog]

NOAH WYLE as JOHN CARTER III ER 10.10 | “Makemba”

[mecwmellc]

frank doesn't think much of it when he sees another woman he doesn't know head to the nurse's station. dana's been calling in all sorts of people today and he's so swamped with paperwork he hasn't heard everything. still, he can't help but watch and notices her adjusting her hair to hide a scar. now there's a story. he gets up to introduce himself but she beats him to it. he laughs a little. "yeah, i get it. this is harder for me, i'm only a third year resident so i'm not used to pen and paper. what's your name?" he asks.

[knightfalling]

looking at the stranger as he approaches, there's a soft smile that spreads across lucy's lips as she screws up her nose in a gentle wince as he reveals just how much younger he is than her. "well, that hurts just a bit," she says, not willing herself enough to count back the number of years it had been since she had been a third year resident. "dr. lucy knight. i've been called down for a psych consult. first time i've seen the landline ring in... ever since i started here." normally the calls came straight to the phone she carried with her, but today it was out of commission just as much as everything else technology related was at the moment. "suppose there's not much of a plan where charts are being kept at the moment, is there? do you think you can help me, dr..." she pauses not being certain of his name.

[murkyhazed]

@knightfalling

               it   was   definitely   a   whirlwind   week   for   her   last   week,   that   was   for   sure.      honestly   the   redhead   is   still   trying   to   wrap   her   mind   around   everything   that   happened.      the   reemerging   feelings   she   had   for   her   best   friend   that   she’d   pushed   so   far   down   the   day   she   met   benji,   and   kept   pushing   down   for   decades.      it   had   almost   been   terrifying,   the   way   they   just   burst   free   and   hit   her   like   a   ton   of   bricks.      and   at   a   rather   awkward   time,   too.      details   she   very   much   left   out   during   her   retelling   to   barb   and   jacob.      not   that   she   hasn’t   spoken   about   those   things   to   barb   before,   but   she   figured   it   wasn’t   quite   the   tale   that   barb   would   understand.

               melissa   was   just   preparing   the   lesson   for   this   afternoon   when   she   heard   the   voice.      she   lifted   her   head,   peering   over   her   glasses   as   the   other   approaches.      then   her   gaze   shifts   down   to   the   gold   band   around   her   finger.      that   was   the   other   crazy   thing.      she   admitted   her   long-term   feelings   for   dana,   and   then   they   just   decided   to   get   married.      truly   insane,   but   was   melissa   anything   different?      ❝   i   don’t   think   everything   is   appropriate   in   the   workplace.      nor   would   it   be   usable   for   them.   ❞      a   pointed   look   at   the   cameras   hovering   near   the   doorway.      ❝   i’m   going   to   take   a   wild   guess   that   you   heard   it   from   jacob?      i   swear   that   kid   is   a   bigger   gossip   than   a   woman.   ❞

[knightfalling]

jacob had been near bursting when he had shown up in the doorway of her classroom. lucy wasn't sure if the door wasn't already open, that he wouldn't have knocked it down in his haste to get to her and tell her what he had been told. he'd almost been speaking too quickly for it to make much sense to her, but she had picked up the key parts she needed to know. melissa had married. melissa had married her best friend. who was now more than a best friend. she's met dana a few times since she had started here. the blonde woman had always been nice to her. it had always been clear how close the pair had been, but now it seems they've taken that to a whole new level.

"well then," she says, a smirk playing on her lips as she steps deeper into the room at the confession that everything wouldn't be appropriate for the workplace. her eyes flicker to the cameras and back again in a moment. she's so used to them being there by this point that she often forgets that what she's saying is being captured. "you'd be correct about that. i think he was about ready to jump out of his skin when he was telling me. he's just a little bit excited." a little bit being the under exaggeration of the century. "why don't you start with the workplace appropriate and we'll go from there?"

[ohisms]

𝑴𝑨𝑴𝑴𝑨 𝑴𝑰𝑨 !    (   lyric  /  sentence  starters  originating  from  the  2008  film  “ mamma mia ! ”   &   its  origins  in  the  “ GOLD ”  album  by  ABBA .   feel  free  to  change  pronouns  as  needed !   )

❛  i  have  a  secret …    and  i  can’t  tell  anyone  else .  ❜ ❛  i  always  kind  of  accepted  that  that’s  all  i’d  ever  know .  ❜ ❛  [ name’s ]  the one .   i  know  he  is .  ❜ ❛  god ,   stop  growing !  ❜ ❛  you  sound  like  you’re  having  fun  already .  ❜ ❛  i  used  to  have  fun .  ❜ ❛  ‘mother’ ?  we’re the same age !  ❜ ❛  you  make  me  sound  so  unromantic .  ❜ ❛  [ name’s ]  gonna  absolutely  kill  you  when  she  finds  out .  ❜ ❛  i  feel  like  there’s  a  part  of  me  missing .  ❜ ❛  you  look  like  an  old  hippie !  ❜ ❛  i  bet  you  don’t  remember  me .  ❜ ❛  you  haven’t  changed  at  all !  ❜ ❛  oh ,  please !  i’m  getting  married ,   not  joining  a  convent !  ❜ ❛  there  never  seems  to  be  a  single  penny  left  for  me .  ❜ ❛  don’t  sit  down  there !   it’s  broken .  ❜ ❛  all  the  things  i  would  do  if  i  had  a  little  money …  ❜ ❛  it’s  a  rich  man’s  world .  ❜ ❛  come on ,   let’s  go  have  fun .  ❜ ❛  do  you  wear  it  or  floss  with  it ?  ❜ ❛  that’s  the  price  you  have  to  pay  if  you  want  to  drink  before  eleven  o’clock  in  the  morning !  ❜ ❛  god ,  i’m  just  whining ,   you  know  me .  ❜ ❛  are  you  being  taken  care  of ?  ❜ ❛  are  you  getting  any ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  so  glad  that  whole  part  of  my  life  is  over .  ❜ ❛  it’s  an  adventure ,   [ name ] ,   it’s  good  for  you .  ❜ ❛  please  stay .  ❜ ❛  i  made  up  my  mind ,   it  must  come  to  an  end .  ❜ ❛  will  i  ever  learn ?  ❜ ❛  why  did  i  ever  let  you  go ?  ❜ ❛  i  can’t  count  all  the  times  i’ve  cried  over  you .  ❜ ❛  you  always  did  know  how  to  make  an  entrance .  ❜ ❛  you  don’t  know  each  other ?  ❜ ❛  why  are  you  here ?  ❜ ❛  it’s  good  to  see  you .  ❜ ❛  i’m  a  shoulder  you  can  cry  on .  ❜ ❛  you  were  always  sure  of  yourself .  ❜ ❛  why  didn’t  you  tell  us ??  ❜ ❛  i  can  still  recall  our  last  summer .  ❜ ❛  no  one’s  seen  you .  ❜ ❛  i  just …   lost  track  of  time .  ❜ ❛  you’ll  never  leave  me ,   right ?  ❜ ❛  you’ve  turned  my  world  upside  down .  ❜ ❛  i  wasn’t  jealous  before  we  met .  ❜ ❛  i  still  don’t  know  what  you’ve  done  with  me .  ❜ ❛  is  that  really  your  dream ?  ❜ ❛  well ,   now ,   that  takes  me  back …  ❜ ❛  are  you  okay ?  ❜ ❛  how  old  are  you ?  ❜ ❛  will  you  excuse  me  a  minute -  ❜ ❛  i  can’t  breathe !  ❜ ❛  give  her  some  space !  ❜ ❛  i’ve  been  tossing  &  turning  all  night …  ❜ ❛  last  night  i  discovered  something  wonderful …  ❜ ❛  you  didn’t  even …   SUSPECT  that  you  were … ?  ❜ ❛  it’s  absolutely  hush - hush  for  now .  ❜ ❛  tell  me  what’s  wrong .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  know  what  to  do .  ❜ ❛  you  know  what  to  do .  ❜ ❛  you  don’t  have  to  do  anything .  ❜ ❛  that’s  what  YOU  want !  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  know  why  you’re  going  off  on  me  now .  ❜ ❛  what  are  you  doing  here ,   [ name ] ?  ❜ ❛  this  is  my  reality .  ❜ ❛  i  can  deal  my  own  disasters .  ❜ ❛  i  didn’t  think  it  was  any  of  your  business .  ❜ ❛  i  love  being  on  my  own .  ❜ ❛  what  ever  happened  to  our  love ?  ❜ ❛  you  made  me  feel  alive ,   but  something  died .  ❜ ❛  let’s  pick  up  where  we  left  off  last  night .  ❜ ❛  last  night  never  happened .   i’ve  drawn  a  veil  over  last  night .  ❜ ❛  i  can  read  in  your  face  that  your  feelings  are  driving  you  wild .  ❜ ❛  does  your  mother  know  that  you’re  out ?  ❜ ❛  there’s  no  plan ,   god  knows  there’s  no  plan .  ❜ ❛  what …   is  this ??  ❜ ❛  i  can’t  accept  this .  ❜ ❛  no ,   you’ll  have  to  catch  me  first .  ❜ ❛  you  have  to  help  me .  ❜ ❛  baby ?   [ name ] ?!  ❜ ❛  you  don’t  know  if  you  love  me ?  ❜ ❛  of  course  i  love  you ,   i  just  wish  you’d  told  me .  ❜ ❛  don’t  do  this  now .   i  can’t  hear  this  now .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  want  to  talk  about  things  we’ve  gone  through .  ❜ ❛  the  winner  takes  it  all .  ❜ ❛  i  was  a  fool  playing  by  the  rules .  ❜ ❛  you  know  i  miss  you .  ❜ ❛  what  can  i  say ?   the  rules  must  be  obeyed .  ❜ ❛  this  gives  me  an  excuse  to  come  here  much  more  often .  ❜ ❛  i’m  not  entirely  sure  what’s  happening  right  now …  ❜ ❛  it’s  only  the  rest  of  your  life .  ❜ ❛  you  love  me   &   you  know  it .  ❜ ❛  if  you  change  your  mind …  ❜ ❛  take  a  chance  on  me .  ❜ ❛  if  you  need  me ,   let  me  know .  ❜ ❛  speech !   i’m  gonna  make  a  speech ,   everybody .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  got  so  much  that  i  wanna  do  when  i  dream  i’m  alone  with  you .  ❜ ❛  i  think  you  know  that  i  can’t  let  go .  ❜ ❛  i’m  gonna  do  my  very  best .  ❜

[lucy-knight]

er 5.02 “split second”

[knightfalling]

past the blood and bruise, past the curses and cries, beyond the terror in the nightfall, haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime, leave it all behind.

[pittvet]

he doesn’t turn to confirm what has caught her attention. turning would mean putting monica back in his line of sight, and frankly, he doesn’t want to ruin the uptick in his mood so soon. but he figures, based on the now familiar disbelief, that she has noticed the fax machine he’d been so delighted to see brought up from god knows where in the hospital. the smile on his face turns a little more sincere, just barely reaching his eyes. 

“mainly the paper charts,” jack chuckles. “they’re a good bunch though. a lot of ‘em on shift today were working during pittfest, so they’ll figure it out soon enough. the real question is if our younger nurses are going to be able to read the orders the kids are putting in.” he’s seen frank’s chicken scratch before in a handful of letters sent back and forth while the man was in rehab. hopefully he’ll write neater for this, but jack won’t hold his breath. the pace of the emergency department will probably make it worse. mohan’s handwriting will be fine. he’d wager mel’s would be too, if he were a proper betting man.

“my exam hall was boiling hot. think i sweat through my shirt by the end of it. pretty sure they were trying to prep us for being overseas, or at least that’s probably what they’d have said if anyone complained. what about you? let me guess… freezing cold? made the wristache worse by the end of it all?”

[knightfalling]

lucy's not entirely certain she wants too think all too closely about when she had turned this corner in life. when she had become the person thinking about the old days and having them be something more than a few years earlier. now she was thinking in decades and she wasn't sure which was more terrifying. the fact she was able or the fact that a small part of her enjoyed it. "oh, tell me about it. the amount of times the the charge nurse would tell me off for writing something she thought was illegible. it wasn't, she just needed glasses, but wasn't going to admit that to anyone. not to mention the desk clerks..." she rolls her eyes, not quite noticing how in the background the unknown woman's stance grows stiffer and eyes are set in her direction in a glare.

"freezing cold, yep." she remembers it all too well. she tries not to, but occasionally the memories slip back to the forefront of her mind. as much as she tries to not let it happen, it still manages to sneak its way through. "oh no, there was no ache at all. i couldn't feel my fingers they were that blue, but why would that be a problem?"

[knightfalling]

like this if you don't mind me jumping into your dms to plot to help me get some fresh dynamics happening here!

[knightfalling]

like this if you don't mind me jumping into your dms to plot to help me get some fresh dynamics happening here!