There it is again, that sweet, almost boyish look of warm tenderness he so evidently harbors for her, eyes wet as he barely chokes out his response. Oh, she really is a cruel lover, isn’t she? For nearly three years she’s jerked him this way and that on the scale of romance, leaving him to teeter on a thin line like a tightrope and making no move to ensure a safety net, should he find himself falling from such great heights. Is her insecurity truly so severe that she’s become what she’s afraid of receiving?
Carter is young, but he’s no flake once he’s set his mind on something. She sees it in his work. Why wouldn’t it also apply to his personal life?
Listening intently as he does his best to communicate his feelings, Carol nods, laughing softly when he refers to Luka as Fabio. Apparently, insecurity is a trait they both share.
“You deserve me at my best, and I want to give that to you,” she replies, forehead nudging against his. “Luka is a good man, but I want you, and I do trust you, even if I feel threatened by…well, by Lucy.”
It sounds stupid when she says it out loud: feeling threatened by a med student potentially poaching on the father of her child, but Carter himself had only just graduated when they’d started sleeping together, so was it really that farfetched? Besides, Lucy was lovely, intelligent, and very passionate, and Carol had seen a glimmer of admiration on Carter’s part despite his often short temper as a teacher. He hadn’t looked at other women like that before, except her. So her fears seemed justified.
“I have a hard time believing it too,” Carol adds, nuzzling his nose and needing both his verbal and physical reassurance. “But we’re okay.”
They are okay…right? Being honest with each other is a step in the right direction. It has to count for something. Her stomach is churning, but that could be morning sickness.
Ultimately, Carol doesn’t want to fight anymore. She just wants to be with him and pretend that nothing and no one else in the world exists, to hold onto the soft and beautiful moments she sees between him and their daughter, the way he smiles genuinely with unmatched joy as he holds her, plays with her, teaches her things, and listens to Sonya repeat ‘dada’ over and over again. She wants to see the same with this child, too. Hopefully one day Carter will understand the immeasurable happiness he brings to Carol’s life.
Soon after that dreadful argument and bittersweet makeup in the stairwell, that hope is greatly challenged when Carter is stabbed by a patient. Everything seems to slow down significantly over the next several hours as his life is threatened. Much to her horror, the others refuse to let her operate on him, so Carol can only grip tightly to his hand as he’s put under for emergency surgery.
“Carter. John, honey, I’m here, okay? I’m right here,” she weeps, hating the feeling of helplessness as she watches the others work to save the life of her lover. As he fades into unconsciousness, she presses his palm to her belly where they now know twins reside. Two little girls who are supposed to meet their father soon.
“We love you. We love you so much…”
Then she’s forced to leave. She knows they need the space clear and complete concentration. Even if she feels like screaming and clinging to him to remain there, she has to let go and trust they’ll take care of him.
All this on Valentine’s Day. They’ve been so busy as of late, she’d completely forgotten to get him a gift. What sort of girlfriend is she? Can she do nothing right?
While calling her mother to bring Sonya to the hospital (just in case), a searing pain erupts through her middle and immediately Carol knows something is very wrong. Before she knows it, labor is being induced, and she’s utterly terrified to go in alone.
Last time she’d had Carter there with her, coaching her through it to the best of his ability and holding her hand tight even when she’d surely sprained his. He’d been there to see his daughter born. He can’t miss the next. Besides, it’s too soon. They’re a month early, the stress of the situation too much for her to handle.
She’s failed him. She’s failed their children.
Oh God, please let everything turn out all right.
Most of it is a blur, but both girls (they’d decided on Maxine and Nadia) are safely delivered. Even if they require close monitoring, nothing immediate appears to be wrong. Exhausted, Carol sleeps once she’s told Carter is stable and out of the OR.
She dreams of their first time, that early morning in May when they’d been the only two in the break room. It wasn’t some grand story of love at first sight, but she knew in that moment she’d seen Carter flash a crooked smile and talk about why he’d missed his own graduation that she really wanted to be with him for however long he’d let her. Never would she have imagined he’d want her forever.
It’s been hours by the time she stirs, but upon becoming more coherent, she requests a wheelchair. Kerry helps her by wheeling her down to see Carter in recovery. That’s when she learns Lucy is dead and she thinks maybe she should have a moment alone with him while Kerry fetches the infants. That plan is curbed, however, when she sees little Sonya there at her father’s bedside, lying beside him as he sleeps. She’s mumbling softly as she points to the words in one of her storybooks as though she’s reading to him. Her brunette curls are looking a little unruly and Carol wonders when they were last brushed.
Despite all her inhibition, she’s just relieved to see her family together, safe and sound.
Once Kerry has gone to collect the babies, Carol smiles softly and whispers to Nadia as she takes Carter’s hand.
“Have you been keeping dada company, sweetheart? I’m sure he’s feeling much better with you here.”
Grinning from ear to ear, Sonya giggles quietly with a nod. It’s not unusual for her to sleep with Carter, given his long shifts. The almost-toddler is rather used to it by now.
Brushing the hair from his forehead, Carol stood forward and presses a kiss to his brow before lovingly cradling his cheek. Sonya mimics her by kissing his chin.
