be still my heart

fan blog for lucy knight, kellie martin, and er. feel free to send questions or requests to my ask box.

[lucy-knight]

er 6.06 “the peace of wild things” (lucy in pigtails requested by @morgansdeb)

[lucy-knight]

Title: birds of a feather Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight, Kerry Weaver, Dave Malucci, Mark Greene Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Chapters: 8/? Words: 28,860 Series: in the end, the ship sinks (#6)

It was strange how precious moments like these were to him; he had never felt like this with any of his previous girlfriends. Deep down, it frightened him. He had probably always been frightened of her, but this was different. Before, he had been irritated by the intensity of his feelings when he was around her, and afraid of what that might mean. Now he felt afraid because he had never been at peace like this before, and he didn’t know what he would do if they lost this.

» read here «

[dorianbrightmusic]

as of early season 5 of ER, Lucy Knight is a genuinely fascinating character. I understand why she’s usually perceived as annoying - however, this is near-universally due to her relationship with Carter. Lucy’s written to parallel early-season Carter. When they come in, both of them are naïve med students with little understanding of the workings of the ER. Both of them display incompetence early on - Lucy spends episodes trying to evade doing a single IV, while Carter’s first act in a trauma is to grow violently nauseated and leave. Carter’s apparent incompetence subsides quicker than Lucy’s, but he still continues to make mistakes throughout his early med student years; he also faces antagonism from Benton, whose harshness as a mentor serves to break down Carter’s naïveté, even if Carter’s optimism and mental health end up as collateral damage. Carter and Lucy’s relationship is set up to parallel Benton and Carter - however, the problem is that Carter is naturally very different from Benton. As such, when Carter is forced into a Benton-esque role, he largely seems to be acting out of character. Instead of being like Benton, who is fair by his own obscenely high standards, he instead oscillates between blaming Lucy for his own irresponsibility, shutting her down when she’s trying to be responsible, and trying to be her friend.

Lucy herself is much more interesting when she’s read from a disability-related perspective. Canonically, she has ADHD, and was dxed as a child. (I haven’t gotten to that episode yet, but I’m aware.) Realistically, women tend to be diagnosed with ADHD later than men; and in the 80s, when Lucy would have been growing up, an ADHD diagnosis would’ve been more likely to be read as a moral statement about the person with the diagnosis than it would today. So, realistically, Lucy’s perfectionism and desperate need for approval make sense - she’s trying desperately to overcome the fact that as a child, she was likely labelled lazy, strange, or troublesome. Lucy’s ADHD also compounds her difficulties with Carter - after all, receiving incomplete and/or changeable verbal instructions is much more of a problem when you have executive dysfunction and struggle to plan out your actions.

I’d argue that Lucy is probably also on the autism spectrum (not that she would be diagnosed), as she clearly has a preference for routine, and she struggles enormously with interpersonal interactions. While her social difficulties are all contextualised by her being a med student, I’d still argue that there’s something about her pragmatic language use that makes me suspect she’s on the spectrum. As such, although her need for clear instruction makes sense in the context of her being a newbie in a chaotic hospital, it goes double if there’s ASD present. No wonder, then, that she’s struggling so much to adapt to the environment even when other med students were able to settle in more easily.

[lucy-knight]

Title: birds of a feather Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight, Kerry Weaver, Dave Malucci, Mark Greene Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Chapters: 7/? Words: 26,385 Series: in the end, the ship sinks (#6)

He realised this was the first time they had ever spent more than one night in a row with each other, everything about their relationship thus far having been moments snatched together outside of the normal rhythm of their lives, and it occurred to him that if he was able to find a new place to live she could come over more often, whenever she wanted, and more of his mornings could start like this. As many as he liked, maybe. If she wanted that too. Carter and Lucy decide to attempt a relationship.

» read here «

[lucy-knight]

I didn't get that much interest when I asked about this last time but I went ahead and made a discord server for Carter/Lucy shippers anyway. I'm still in the process of setting up and taking suggestions but hopefully people will be interested!

[knightslucy]

[dreamerdrop-deactivated20260528]

I say this with the utmost affection for her but Lucy Knight has the energy of a straight-A apple-polishing honours student who is still trying to get everyone to vote for her as class president and might spontaneously combust if she can't constantly prove she's the smartest kid in the class.

Except she's a twenty-something med student and she's still acting like this and it is kind of a train wreck at first.

[lucy-knight]

this is like the most adhd thing about her tbh lol, especially because she refuses to ask for help and just falls further and further behind because of it

[monetilly]

hello!!! oomf put a post on a community that your drawing requests were open. I was wondering if you could draw John Carter & Lucy Knight from ER (1994-2009) as this reference picture from Jerry Maguire? I don’t know anything about drawing so I have no clue if this is a good reference nor do I know if you have interest in er or carcy BUT!! oomf said you were open to anything so I hope that’s okay with you :-) (bottom picture is both carter and lucy if you aren’t familiar).

You worded the request great! I have not seen the show but I've seen the gif set of this poor beautiful woman dying enough times to never want to watch it out of pure despair of what would come.

[carbycosis]

lucy and her tree for climbing

[carbycosis]

remember your sunblock!

[lucy-knight]

er 5.05 “masquerade” (requested by @morgansdeb)

[lucy-knight]

Title: you and me together, nothing is better Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Words: 3,430

Carter learns that Lucy is specialising in psych rather than emergency medicine and his attempt to confront her about it at a work event goes somewhat awry.

» read here «

[lucy-knight]

Title: brief encounter Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: M Words: 7,219

Twelve years after the stabbing, John sees Lucy again.

» read here «

[lucy-knight]

Title: birds of a feather Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight, Kerry Weaver, Dave Malucci Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Chapters: 6/? Words: 23,539 Series: in the end, the ship sinks (#6)

He realised this was the first time they had ever spent more than one night in a row with each other, everything about their relationship thus far having been moments snatched together outside of the normal rhythm of their lives, and it occurred to him that if he was able to find a new place to live she could come over more often, whenever she wanted, and more of his mornings could start like this. As many as he liked, maybe. If she wanted that too. Carter and Lucy decide to attempt a relationship.

» read here «

[lucy-knight]

I never got around to posting links to my stories individually on tumblr so I thought I might as well just round them up in a few posts for this blog, starting with this series.

⎯

Title: in the end, the ship sinks Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Words: 6,208 Series: in the end, the ship sinks (#1)

Carter leans over her to push the door open, an action which causes him to brush up slightly against her. Lucy inhales. It’s just Carter. “We’ve made great progress,” he says, giving her shoulder a gentle nudge with his free hand to indicate she should go in ahead of him. She used to hate the way he did things like that, placing his hand on her shoulder to direct her this or that way through the ER, but recently she found that she had been starting to enjoy it. Carter loses a bet, and Lucy makes him watch Titanic.

» read here «

⎯

Title: you jump, I jump Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight, Chuny Marquez Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Words: 8,821 Series: in the end, the ship sinks (#2)

If he thought about the past month he wasn’t sure now what had possessed him to agree to that bet in the first place, or how he had blithely walked into her dorm room and even got onto her bed as if it wasn’t in hindsight obvious from the beginning how the evening would end. But she had been so excited to show him the movie, and he hadn’t wanted to disappoint her. Carter changes his mind about Titanic.

» read here «

⎯

Title: unable to stay, unwilling to leave Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight, Elizabeth Corday, Mark Greene Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Words: 12,061 Series: in the end, the ship sinks (#3)

Generally speaking, she was pretty sure this was largely out of her system now. Maybe that’s all they had ever really needed to do, just get it out of their systems, and things would be better between them. Normal, professional even. The way they should have been from the beginning. Lucy has an unfortunate realisation about her relationship with Carter.

» read here «

⎯

Title: you’re in my blood like holy wine Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Words: 11,240 Series: in the end, the ship sinks (#4)

On occasion he would catch Mark watching them from across the ER, or Chuny would make a sly comment, and he would remember that all of this was still technically wrong, forbidden, against the rules—and, when it came down to it, he was taking advantage. Carter tries, and fails, to do the right thing.

» read here «

⎯

Title: you could be my remedy Author: perihadion Fandom: ER Characters: John Carter, Lucy Knight, Kerry Weaver Pairings: John Carter/Lucy Knight Rating: E Chapters: 2/2 Words: 10,683 Series: in the end, the ship sinks (#5)

He closed his eyes and nodded. It was almost reassuring in a strange way to hear someone else say out loud all the things he had been going back and forth on since he and Lucy had started sleeping together, and even before that, since the incident in the radiology lab, since before even that probably. Lucy and Carter get found out.

» read here «

[lucy-knight]

Just wanted to post a little note to say I haven’t forgotten about this blog and want to get back to it soon, I’ve just been experiencing a difficult time in my life including a complicated bereavement but I’ll be back soon. ♡

[lucy-knight]

er 5.05 “masquerade” (requested by @morgansdeb)