He inclines his head just the slightest bit as his gaze never strays from the man in front of him, emerald eyes nigh PIERCING through him. The Quincy’s Reiryoku is weak, non-existent almost, and Ulquiorra cannot help but wonder why he’d approach him in the first place. He doesn’t voice his thoughts, though.
“You speak of running away from absolute nothingness while chasing it at the same time. Why? It hardly makes any sense. Why did you discard your belief in absolutes?” He well remembers his own ‘bliss’ when he sought out that vast space of nothingness in the deserts of Hueco Mundo. It’s one of merely two times where he’s felt at PEACE.
But even though he’s moved on from thinking that there’s only misery and despair to be found outside of nihility, along with the realization that there must be truth to the HEART came also the awareness of how his prior ignorance has been rather EASY. No curiosity, no questions, nothing. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean that he UNDERSTANDS.
“ —– Yes.” He still very much believes that Hollows have a greater potential for strength than humans and Shinigami. But it has been incredibly plain to see that, in the end, a Hollow retains or even develops forms of human traits, some even amplified as demonstrated by the Espadas themselves. Destruction, gluttony, rage. In spite of it all, Ulquiorra supposes he can remove himself from the equation to a certain extend, at the very least. A creature like himself, formed from darkness and NOTHINGNESS could only learn so much in so little time; especially when he’s been robbed of any means of communications for the longest part of his existence. He’d still been stubborn, perhaps, although not enough to not be able acknowledge his own change when his demise closed in on him.
“My kind can be as greedy, power-hungry, selfish and foolish as humans can be. Although with great potential, I suppose my kind is not infallible. I bore witness to the vain struggles of my comrades in pursuit of power or acknowledgement.” Foolish. And, perhaps, painfully human.
in contrast, the hollow’s spiritual pressure was profound. of course, it fell behind that of the majority of the sternritter, a fact that had been precisely assured upon the foundation of the wandenreich’s special combat forces. but it quite plainly outmatched nearly every single shinigami’s that jugram had come in contact with since his revival in the seireitei.
jugram would’ve privately acquiesced, it took much mental fortitude on his part to not want to instinctively bask in it.
( finally, power he could nearly touch again, imagine feeling the cold air being crushed from his lungs as it blanketed him, and laid flat his skin and bones and soul, indiscriminately. is this the real reason why he invited ulquiorra in? not that he was partial to his endless eyes, but that he wished for the finality of being smothered by his strength? )
( this is why... this is why absolutes had no place in jugram’s world anymore. because he was so... weak to it—weak to wanting it so badly, and weak to just how swiftly it would kill him again. like… )
“it’s like a moth to a flame,” jugram quietly answered.
he had to break eye contact with the hollow so he could busy his fingers. he reached for the cup of tea on the chabudai he had prepared some hours ago, the tatami floor creaking with his shift in weight.
“i bring up humanity because i—there’s no profound reason for it, i suppose, my rejection of the ideal of absolutes. i am uncomplicated. like a moth, i had instinctive attraction to what i imagined was the source of all power: absolute control, and absolute nothingness. and like a moth, i didn’t know it was-... a falsehood. and… i would simply be incinerated if i touched it. absolutes possess no instinct, no discretion. they just... ‘ be ’. ”
jugram gripped the clay body of his tea cup.
“the pursuit of nothingness was a beautiful fire, to me. a vivant death. an oxymoron... i was trying to escape absolute nothingness by running towards it. because the moth—... the moth doesn’t know it’s a flame… it doesn’t know fire is indiscriminate. just like how fire cannot have any regard for the moth. i am unfit to want true nothingness, i am too complex to be so simple, too simple to be so complex... i am an idiot.”
jugram lifted the cup to his lips, hesitating, before taking a sip. then he set his cup aside again, and met ulquiorra’s gaze once more.
in a quick movement, jugram lifted his hand between himself and the hollow, and opened his palm. on his fingertips were callouses, and in the creases of his hand was residual sweat. he turned his hand over, and spread his fingers. long, but indelicate. his veins and tendons shifted under his pinkish pale skin.
his hand promptly dropped back atop his lap.
jugram’s eyes flickered with curiosity at ulquiorra’s answer. a strange smile found its way onto his lips, and his under-eyes crinkled with mild mirth.
“i see…” from what jugram could remember, the arrancars did behave selfishly and foolishly, at least throughout the duration of the wandenreich’s stay in hueco mundo. though, jugram still didn’t quite understand them… so many struck him as just noisy and obtuse, and lacking critical thought. at the present, jugram felt the obligation to be more sympathetic, but he still found himself surprised to learn that arrancar could be more than... single-minded abominations.
ulquiorra, on the other hand, definitely seemed… different.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
titsay
amandla
