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Goodbye.
To dream the impossible dream, to wish for another ending. Wishing God almighty for mercy. How far I have fallen, how weak I have become. Yet I still stand, broken but not alone. Even though I have let the darkness consume me as I beg for death, vision clouded. There are those standing firm in my corner, cheering me on. I know the final blow will land at any moment, after all every champ falls. The captain I was, the beacon of hope. I still greet as I did before, but I do not see the outside world. The curtain is ready to fall, when will be the last call. My breath comes slow, wounded yet still focused. Let my words be heard, let them ring for all eternity. I may fall, but I will never lose it all.
Am I just another memory? Am I nothing more than a page in your life? Am I more than that? May I be the memory that love does exist. Let me be your soul mate, giving me reason to exist. I know I could wait an eternity just to hold you again. Is it the same for you or do you wish me gone? So many questions yet unasked, so little time to share what is left in the heart. Why hold back now, when instead you can be happy. Why wait tell later, when you can join me. We may never lay with each other again, but we can still love as lovers do. Such a deep friendship is ever lasting. Am I your soulmate or not?
The smell of the outside air, clear for spring. It brings me to tranquility. I feel zen as the air warms, yet cool in the shade. I feel myself being comforted. The changing of the season, releasing new life. The trees all start to change their skin. It is as if a storm has been lifted, leaving clear vision. I find myself lost in a dream.
I see myself dreaming, leaving this place behind. I walk among visions of life. Standing among giants, all the size of ants. It is an odd concept. To large to take in, all at once. Breathing slowly. Focusing my thoughts on what I want, leaving behind all the noise. Bring myself to meaning. Silence has been gold, but deafening. May I be excused. I will see you before the end, living in heaven. Waiting on all to come.
Is it so odd and rare to have a person who can express their life in words? Why are so many scared to use their words? When will people learn, shared pain is decreased and shared joy is amplified.
Feeling everything I do, I find myself crawling. As the light seems to dim, I find myself not listening. The cold wraps my body like a cocoon, oddly warming. I have lost my legs leaving me hopeless. The breath seems to be squeezed from my lungs. My energy is not there any more. My drive for life is gone. I am ready to give in, then I see your hand. It brushes my cheek, taking away the tears. Your voice speaks loud and clear. Have I fallen so far that I am not who I am. Have I truly lost hope and the only comfort I know is love. I never expected this, I figured I had time to die right. Near the end though I find myself with no delight. Then I feel your arms wrap around me. As vision begins to return I see the tears in your eyes, I can feel the pain you are in. Guilt rushes at me like never before. Around me I have created scorched earth, pushing everything away. I do not know what is right. Should I die alone leaving only the memory of who I was or should I let others be there for me to ease their pain. Yet staying with me the way you do, falling asleep with me while I beg for a quick death. It is not right, what must I do? The only ones I want close to me are the ones I want farthest from me. My love, my pride, my joy. I fear so much of them seeing me, I hide myself away. God please help me find my way, which is the least selfish, which is the best way?
To blind to see what is, to deaf to hear the words. Floating in an abyss, drifting in dreams. Not bleak, mixed with sleep. Pain is gone and life has another meaning. The dream is what pulls me, keeps me happy. There is no pain nor grief, just a feeling of home. There anything is possible and life is neat. To dream eternal, having some one to share it with. Time frozen in a moment, creating with just a thought. You are nothing but energy and the world that waits beyond this one is something amazing. I know in the end I will be happy and at peace, the road there will kill me. I do not mind as long as I am lost in time. I know those who are dear will be near, greeting me as I return home. In a moment to come the scene will be repeated, as I greet those who I mean something to.
The roar of the engine, the ignition. To your marks, ready to begin. Tires spinning, drifting on the black top. Gears shifting, heart pumping. One slip and disaster. Lose your grip, feel the wall. Adrenaline is king.
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A loss of purpose, drowning or sorrow. Scrambling for a reason, a meaning to my life. I am still standing, but not truly there. Where have I gone, why am I lost. I wish to find myself or find death. I need to keep fighting, but I do not have it in me to do it on my own. I keep getting back up, but then I just get knocked down. How sad it is to say that I need you to lean on. I must be honest to myself, I must accept help. I do not even know where to find it, where to begin. Will I just remain lost until my last breath, or will I find my footing again?
Flying among the clouds, fire spilling from the mouth. The chase is on. The dragon does not sleep at night, but burns the ground. How do you fight such a force? How do you face a nightmare you do not see? This is the freight of old times. This is what I hunt in the early of the morn. To be a dragon slayer, to be a defender with no name. None ever sees you, living off the land. Never being in a town, always on the move. Is it any wonder I do not speak, only to the wildlife that helps me seek.
Time is not of the essence for it is a lie. Taking your time on some thing other than love, is not worth the investment. Bring yourself to where your heart leads you. Let yourself become lost and crazy. Life is only for love. Love of your soulmate, love of your children, love of all of nature and every thing around you. This may not be the only way to live, but it is the way I live. Yet I find myself so far from it, no one to hug, no one to hold. Have I become so old? So unwanted that I am left alone. Such a sad way for me to exist, if only death would appear at my door. I have nothing left to give.
The sky is clear, the sun is warm. A cool breeze washes over me. Such an odd feeling to be alive. All the things most do not see are things we feel every day. We move among masses of people, surrounded by nature. The concrete jungle tries to consume, but mother always finds a way. This is our world, the world we make home. Yet most treat it as though they did not need it. If only eyes could be opened, hearts reached. If only the world could be seen.
My sadness is wide, my heart is gone. Why do I remain? Why must I continue in pain? I am just a voice now, here only for others. My life ended but my body has not. How can one live with out their heart? Where do I even start? Please heavens and God, let fate be kind to me now, let me slip out of mind. I have already been forgotten, so why keep me around?
There is no end in sight. I pray every night, let the shadow of death creep its way in. I see nothing at the end, no hope and nothing but lost glory. My legs still stand strong, I still walk among you. Lost I have become, nothing but a ghost. The light is dying and I have lost the will. It will never return I fear. It is to late, it is to far.
Silence is golden to some, to me it is hell. No words to speak, no thought I wish to share. When will I find my breath again. Will it be with the passing of the season or the passing of me. Will I find my drive before it is to late, why do I lay awake at night. I find myself wishing for death still to this day. Not able to express what it is I want to say.