abby

she/her - 19 ⠀ ₍^. .^₎⟆

[kokomiish]

“Covenant of the deep!” ೕ(˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑)

≧^◡^≦ hi!! i’m abby! she/her, 19, education major 𓇼 ⋆｡˚ 𓆝⋆｡˚

・❥・aot specific blog, fanfic writer and enjoyer, smau enthusiast

・❥・writing may be slow due to classes or bc im focused on my other blog!

・❥・jjk and lads blog > @naviaish

・❥・if you’d like to be mutuals pls ask or dm!! im always open to more moots

masterlist

dividers by @/doliica !!

[kokomiish]

“Torrents, bring refuge!” 🪼⋆.ೃ࿔*:

AOT MASTERLIST

long fics ;

90 days to lose you ; jean x reader

WHATSERNAME ; eren x reader, jean x reader

oneshots ;

in the works . . .

smaus ;

in the works . . .

dividers by @/doliica !!

[doktoruber-archive]

⸝⸝ 🌸 🪼 ◟ KOKOMI (GI) TUMBLR LAYOUT . — REQUESTED BY ﹕ @yunameji .

⸝⸝ 🌸 ◟ PSD USED ﹕ X

⸝⸝ 🌸 🪼 ◟ @ ME OR REBLOG WHEN IN USE .

[kokomiish]

✮⋆˙ WHATSERNAME | Eren x Reader x Jean

CHAPTER ONE: good riddance | MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: after endless, exhausting college nights endured with mikasa, you’ve finally landed back home for summer break! you’re excited to meet up with your childhood best friends, armin and eren. but you may just be a little more excited to meet this band eren’s been talking about.

CONTENT: swearing, ooc, mentions of hookups, jean isn’t here yet sorry jean fans, fem!reader, male masturbation, jerking off, yes we already getting freaky, not proofread

The airport smelled like a mixture of coffee, body odor, and jet fuel. Definitely not an agreeable smell, far from pleasant, yet it still made your chest tighten in a strange, comforting way. A way that reminded you that yes, you were finally home.

You weren’t sure how many nights you and Mikasa spent sobbing and complaining over your stupid professors, stupid lectures, stupid assignments. You’re just glad that’s all in the past now. At least until next semester.

Summer has always been one of your favorite months. It was warm, sunny, and allowed you just a few relaxing months until you had to go back to the dingy dorm room and drink yourself to sleep with Mikasa for what had to be the thousandth time.

Summer also gave you the chance to see your best friends again. Armin and Eren.

They’ve been your best friends since you could remember, you practically spent your entire life with those losers. Mikasa did, too, and she usually joins you every summer to see them, but she’s been caught up with an internship this year.

Out of the three, Mikasa had to be your closest friend. You both cried when she dropped you off at the airport despite being joined at the hip for the entirety of the school year. You weren’t used to not being with her.

God, if you kept thinking about her, you were gonna cry again. And you promised yourself you wouldn’t cry all summer. You did too much of that back on campus.

Finally dragging yourself out of thought, you dragged along your oversized suitcase through the crowd, looking for a familiar face. Armin promised to pick you up, and he, as always, kept his word.

Noticing his head of pretty blonde hair, you knew immediately it was him. He must’ve noticed you, too, because he instantly called out your name, hand held high to wave you over.

“Hey!” Armin called out, weaving through the crowd of people to make it over towards you. You were about to greet him back, but before the greeting could spill from your lips, you were caught off guard by his arms wrapping around you.

Armin enveloped you in a friendly, tight hug. One you can’t help but melt into, to get lost in. It was warm and grounding, just like you remembered. A sweet giggle escaped your lips, your own arms moving on their own to wrap around his shoulders.

“Armin! I’ve missed you so much, oh my gosh, is that a new hairstyle?” You were quick to gush over his new look. He looked so similar, yet so different at the same time. Like he’s matured in just nine months.

Armin has always been shy, it’s something you all teased him for growing up. Noticing his cheeks flush a solid pink and his eyes avert your gaze, you felt a surge of warmth flow through you. Gosh, you really have missed him so much.

“I wanted to try something new…” Armin admitted, gaze still lingering anywhere but you, this time at his shoes.

“Well, you look great!” You beamed, trying to boost his confidence. You felt just a bit bad about embarrassing him. Only a bit. He was too cute to not tease.

Armin nodded shyly, ears tinged pink as he quickly changing the subject, “Eren couldn’t make it… He has band practice. He told us to head to his house and he’d meet us there.”

Ah, band practice, you noted. You knew all throughout high school he had dreams of putting together a band. You remember sitting around his basement, watching him play some drum solo from one of those edgy rock albums he was always listening to. He was talented, you knew that. You were happy to hear his band dreams were coming true.

“That’s alright, how’s he been?” You asked, beginning to talk toward to exit. Armin was nice enough to drag your suitcase for you.

“Practically married to his band,” Armin laughed, but you could see just a twinge of something in his eyes. Something like sadness or regret. “He never really has free time anymore. He’s always practicing, doing gigs, or going to some party.” There was an edge to Armins voice when he finished his sentence.

“Aw, he’s not ditching you, is he? Have you been feeling lonely?” You couldn’t help but frown, pretty plump lips forming into a pout, eyebrows furrowing. “I’ll beat his ass for you, ‘Min.”

“Ah! No, don’t beat his ass-” Armin huffed, eyes going wide as he shook his head frantically. “Besides… I’ve been talking to someone…”

“WHAT?!” You screeched, eyes going wide as you stopped in your tracks. Your hands held Armin in place, forcing him to give you an answer, “who?!”

The stares the two of you received cause Armin to blush and frantically shush you, embarrassment written all over his face. You felt guilty for causing a scene with Armin, you knew how terrified that boy got from any form of public attention.

“Sorry, sorry,” you giggled sheepishly as he put a finger to your lips, begging you to be quiet. “But seriously, you’ve been talking to someone? Do I get to meet the lucky lady? Or man. I don’t discriminate.”

Armin gave you a warning look, eyes glared just mean enough to make you shut up. He could be real scary when he wanted to be.

“Her name is Annie, and I’d love for you guys to meet.. I met her through one of Erens bandmates. Jean.”

You smiled brightly, happy to hear Armin was talking to someone. You weren’t sure if they were romantically involved or just friends, but you were beyond happy that Armin stepped out of his comfort zone and was talking to others!

The two of you continued to converse as you walked throughout the airport until you finally made it to Armins car. You made sure to text your shared group chat that you landed, and Armin was driving the both of you back to Erens.

You giggled as you read over Armins text, mouthing an I’m sorry that you totally didn’t mean.

You shut off your phone before texting Mikasa privately, telling her how sad you were she wasn’t able to join and how much you missed and loved her. You had to put that screen down before you cried over her again.

You decided to shut up for now, Armin clearly more than flustered by your teasing. You didn’t wanna make him upset.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence, you both knew you had a lot to catch up on, but you had all the time to talk about it when you’re situated.

Armin had good taste in music. It was a rock song, loud and raw and full of energy pounding within the car. It was the kind of music that had you pumped up, excited. The kind of music a gym rat would listen to to keep himself motivated.

“I didn’t know you listened to rock,” you spoke up, cutting the comfortable silence the two of you created. “This is a good song. Never heard it.”

“Ah, it’s Eren’s music! His band released this single a few months ago. I think the guy singing is Marco,” Armin spoke, eyes still on the road. You caught a glimpse of the proud look on his face, Eren was like a brother to him, despite not being as close Armin was still beyond happy for him.

“What?! No way! Are they like, famous? They sound super good, especially whoever’s on guitar,” you giggle, sitting up straight to look at your reflection in the sun visor to make sure you look okay.

“Guitar? That’s Annie’s friend, Jean!” Armin exclaimed, face lightening up as he mentioned Annie’s name. The way his pretty blue eyes lit up just said enough, he totally had a thing for this Annie girl. You smirked, ready to tease him more, but he cut you off,

“And, I guess you could say that… They get a lot of gigs, they get a big audience, and their music sounds super good, but they aren’t like, Green Day level famous.”

“Nobody can ever be Green Day level famous.”

The two of you laughed before Armin spoke up again, “yea.. a lot of girls love them. I don’t think they’re even into that kinda music, they just find them hot.”

You snorted at Armins admission, hand coming up to cover your face as you laughed. “Ohhh I get it now.”

Armin nodded, a blush growing on his face, “they have these crazy after parties… I’ve only ever gone to one. That’s where I met Annie.”

You couldn’t help but coo, hands clapping together as you imagined the two meeting. “That’s so cute!”

Before you could gush more about Armins relationship, you looked outside to be welcome with the familiar layout of Erens neighborhood. The nostalgia hit you like a truck, as always.

The same sidewalk the four of you used to run up and down, the same sidewalk you face planted into when Eren insisted you race back home. You stifled a laugh at the memory of him freaking out, trying to get you to stop crying before his dad saw and reprimanded him.

You sighed as you saw the familiar park the four of you visited regularly in the distance. You were way too old to be hanging out at a park by the time you were in high school, but you continued to do so shamelessly.

You took in the nostalgic sights, a feeling of bitter sweetness drowning you. You missed being a kid.

The sudden wave of sadness was gone in an instant, though, when Armin parked in the driveway of the Jeagers.

They had a big house. Nothing too crazy, they weren’t millionaires, but you could tell they lived much more than comfortable. Eren’s father, Grisha, was a doctor. His mother was a lawyer. That told you enough.

The four of you unanimously named Eren’s house to be the official hangout from how nice it was, and it continued to stay that way till this day.

You hopped out of Armins car after he set the vehicle in park, letting yourself enjoy the view for just a moment before heading inside.

Armin, of course, had a key to the place. He let the two of you inside while you waited for Eren, who Armin said should, be here any minute now. It was nice to hear that Eren purposely cut practice short so he could see you.

You and Armin made your way downstairs to the basement, not before stealing a pack of chips from Eren’s pantry. You were super hungry from the flight, you’d have to ask them if they wanted to get dinner later.

You were about to plop down on the loveseat you usually took every time you hung out here, but Armin was quick to stop you, his face blushing a fierce pink. How many times have you flustered this poor boy?

“Not there!” He protested, guiding you toward the couch in the middle. He averted his gaze, unsure of how to look you in the eye.

“Huh? Why?” You asked between chewing the salty chips, head tilted to the side in genuine confusion.

“Eren- he-” Armin began, face becoming impossibly redder, “uh- whenever he has hookups- they-”

“ON MY SEAT?!”

You were fuming. No way Eren Jeager fucked on your unassigned assigned couch! That was messed up! Like, totally against bro code or whatever.

“He couldn’t take them to his room?” You gagged, jumping away from the loveseat like it would give you an STD just from being too close.

Armin shook his head, ears a pretty pink as he rubbed the back of his neck, as if he was the one who should feel embarrassed.

“He doesn’t like to make it personal..”

“What about me?! He made it personal by staining my seat!”

“It’s not actually your seat… His dad still owns it..”

You huffed, arms crossed over your chest as you plopped down on the couch. Armin was right. Besides, you weren’t here anymore, Eren must’ve needed a new purpose for it.

You felt a twinge in your chest however, knowing that Eren had hookups, and from the look of Armins face, he had them often.

You told yourself it was just because he did it on your seat, but there’s still a part of you that will always admire Eren in a more than friendly way.

Years ago, back in high school, you developed a stupid crush on your friend. You were gonna confess to him, but you pushed the stupid crush down when you discovered Mikasa liked him.

You and Mikasa bribed (pressured) Armin into making you fake IDs, in which the two of you may or may not have had one too many shots. Mikasa drunkenly confessed to you that night that she liked Eren.

You almost instantly sobered up when she told you. There was a pain in your gut. You threw up immediately.

Mikasa was your best friend, and no matter how much you liked Eren, you’d always love her more. She was your platonic soulmate. So you told her to confess to Eren and pushed that stupid crush down as far as you could.

Mikasa and Eren ended up dating for a few months in your last year of high school, in which Mikasa was surprisingly the one to end things. She thought they were better as friends, and wanted to explore connections in college, knowing Eren wouldn’t be moving with her. Eren agreed, and shockingly they have still stayed friends. They tell you to pretend their relationship phase never happened.

Despite never pursuing anything with Eren, that crush on him never fizzled away. You knew Mikasa wouldn’t care if you did act on it- she told you herself she thought the two of you looked cuter together more than they ever did. But there was still apart of you that told you it was wrong. Taking your best friend’s ex, even if both of them considered the entire relationship null, is just messed up.

So you pushed that stupid crush down. You really hope it doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.

Taking a deep breath, you looked around the basement. Your eyes immediately fell onto the new drum set Eren acquired. It was much bigger, much better, much more polished than the old dinky thing he had back in high school. He really was taking this whole band this serious, you thought with a bittersweet smile. You were glad he was moving forward with his aspirations, even more proud to know he was succeeding.

Your thoughts about Eren were cut off by non other than himself, voice almost eager as he shouted across the basement,

“You’re home!”

Your head whipped towards the sound of Eren’s excited voice. It was deeper than you last remembered, and his hair had changed, just like Armins.

He must’ve grown it out, as it was sat up prettily in a bun, stray pieces sticking against his cheek. He was sweaty.

“Hi, Eren!” You smiled brightly, standing up from the couch and moving forward to give him a hug.

Eren crashed into you, strong arms wrapping around your body and large hands grasping tightly at your waist. You weren’t expecting a hug this intimate, but you didn’t seem to care in the moment as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

He was tall. You seemed to forget that every time. You were so used to him being the same height as you, if not shorter, until he suddenly sprouted in high school. You had to stand on your tippy toes to hug him properly.

“God, it’s been forever,” Eren murmured against your ear, the intimate proximity causing you to go just as pink as Armin did. Karma is coming to bite you in the ass.

“I know, I know,” you giggled, trying to regain your composure. “But I’m back! For a whole three months! It just sucks that Mika couldn’t come along…” You huffed out, pout forming on your pretty lips.

Eren, noticing your saddening expression, took his strong hand up to your chin, tilting your head just enough to look at him.

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t get all sad on me already! What, are we not good enough?” He joked, teasing smirk already forming on his stupidly attractive face. Did his jawline get sharper?

You hit his chest, not enough to hurt him but just forceful enough to get him to shut up. You turned back to his shiny new drum set, “this is seriously cool! Armin played one of your songs for me. You guys sound good.”

It was Eren’s turn to get flustered, turning away from you to examine his drum set like he had never seen it before.

“Yea, we practice in here sometimes. Zeke got it for me. It’s sick.”

“Is Zeke in town? I’ve gotta say hi,” you spoke after the mention of his older brothers name. Zeke saved you every time Eren and Mikasa pretended to be ghosts during a sleep over. He was like a big brother to you, too.

Eren shrugged, “beats me. I’ll text him and let you know you’re back until early September. I’m sure he’ll come over and say hi.”

“Cool, thanks,” you replied, sweet smile forming on your face as you turned away, eyes immediately making their way toward the loveseat.

“I heard you’ve made new use out of my seat…” you spoke, voice sweet enough to make candy taste bitter, but glare sharp enough to cut stone. You could hear both of the boys gulp.

“Uh-”

“Hey guys, you hungry?”

Right on beat, Armin was ready to prevent the awkward interaction. Thank God you were starving, or else you wouldn’t have let this go.

“Oh my gosh, yes!” You whined, brushing past Eren to get to Armin, “I’ve been starving since I got off the plane,” you complained, letting yourself plop on the couch beside Armin.

“I’ll order pizza,” Eren declared, already pulling out his phone. He was grateful for Armins distraction.

“You sound like Sasha,” Armin giggled, poking your cheek teasingly. You waved his hand away, a large smile on your face.

“I have to see her while I’m here, one of you should set up a hangout for all of us.”

Armin perked up, “Eren’s got practice again tomorrow afternoon. Sasha usually stays to watch, cause her and Connie are literally joined at the hip, we could join and watch too.”

The suggestion had you perking up too. Not only would this be a chance to see Sasha and Connie again, but you could meet Eren’s other bandmates and see how they play together.

“That sounds fun!” You insisted, turning toward Eren who had just placed the order. He looked a bit sheepish, like he wasn’t a big fan of the idea.

“I don’t know…” he began, making you groan.

“Cmon! I have to meet your band at some point!”

Eren didn’t speak, he just looked at you like he thought it was a bad idea.

“Pleeeeeeeease?” You fluttered your eyelashes prettily, jutting your bottom lip out just enough to give the full puppy dog eye illusion.

“Ugh, okay, fine!” Eren finally gave in, low groan leaving his throat, palm connecting with his forehead. You could’ve sworn you saw his face go red.

You cheered, letting yourself settle back down beside Armin, letting yourself finally relax since the airport, since classes.

“What movie do you guys wanna watch?” Armin asked, picking up the remote and scrolling through Netflix.

“Oh! Horror!” You exclaim, taking the remote out of Armins hand to browse the horror section. He didn’t protest much besides a weak “what about Eren?”

Before Armin could swipe the remote back and wait for Eren’s input, Eren hastily yelled back, “pick whatever, you guys! I have to use the bathroom real quick!”

Before you could glance over and say something in response, he was already gone. Why did he sound so flustered?

With a shrug, you went back to searching for a movie. You rambled on to Armin about all the scary movies you and Mikasa watched back at college, trying to find one of your favorites to show the boys, waiting for Eren to return patiently.

Eren, on the other hand, was not quite as content as you were.

Eren slammed the door of his bedroom behind him, the force almost startling him. He prayed neither of you heard.

He could still see you in his head as he dragged his hand through his hair, bun falling out of place. God, you looked so bratty. Pretty, long eyelashes fluttered low and your plump lips pushed out in a little pout. Fuck.

He staggered as he moved to sit back on the edge of his bad, clumsy hands fumbling to unzip his shredded jeans. Pre was already forming at his angry red tip, cock hard and aching in his hand.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he said aloud, guilt striking him for just a second before his large hand wrapped around his even larger cock. “Fuuuuuck,” he groaned as he began to stroke himself, any evidence of guilt already gone from his blissed out face.

He couldn’t stop thinking about those lips. Those bratty, pretty, plump lips that seemed to tease him every chance they got. When he hugged you close, he could tell you had cherry lipgloss on. He wanted to bite your bottom lip so bad.

The image of you on your knees, those pretty, pouty lips teasing his tip, it was all too much for him.

Eren’s pulse was racing as he let his strokes get faster, messier, rougher. His head fell back in pure ecstasy, just the fantasy of you having him close to release already.

He hissed through his teeth, imagining how you’d lap at his precum, how you’d take your time with him before taking him whole.

“That’s it,” he praised, as if you were actually here, as if you were actually sucking him off right now, plump lips stretched wide around his thick cock, drool sliding down your chin and tears streaming down your face from how big he was. The sight of you trying to take him deeper, trying to be good for him, he almost came right then and there.

But he couldn’t. He had to first imagine himself fucking your pretty little face, the way you’d let him use your throat like a toy. You were always such a good girl.

His strokes were relentless now, hips thrusting up to meet his hand as he finally came, thick spurts of cum dirtying his stomach as he imagined how well you’d swallow for him, how you’d beg him to praise you after such a good job you did for him.

“God. I am so fucked up.”

Eren groaned, jaw clenched as he let himself lay against the bed, heavy cock still twitching against his stomach. He felt so disgusting for jerking it to you, guilty frown plastered on his face as he finally sat up.

He sent a quick text to the both of you, letting you know he was taking a shower. He wasn’t about to let either of you find out what he had just done, he was going to bury that with him to his grave.

He felt guilty. Not just because he masturbated, but because he masturbated to you. And he knew he’d do it again, for as long as you were staying here.

[kokomiish]

✮⋆˙ WHATSERNAME | Eren x Reader x Jean

˚₊ · »-♡→ SYNOPSIS: coming back home from college was supposed to be simple. catch up with your childhood friends, laugh with armin, and listen to eren ramble on about his beloved band. but when you meet said band, one member can’t seem to take his eyes off you…

jeans attention becomes impossible to ignore. erens jealousy becomes impossible to hide. caught somewhere between the music of the present and the rhythm of the past, you find yourself stuck between the two and you just can’t escape. love triangles really do hit harder than drums.

˚₊ · »-♡→ PAIRINGS: drummer!eren x f!reader x guitarist!jean

˚₊ · »-♡→ CONTENT: band AU, friends to lovers, jealousy, childhood bsf!eren, angst, fluff, lowkey fuckboy eren, both of them are yearners (and obsessed), masturbation, eventual smut, threesomes (mfm), more tags to be added as the story continues :)!

MASTERLIST

good riddance | TBC…

dividers by @/enchanthings and @/thecutestgrotto !!

comment/ask/dm to be tagged !!

[enchanthings]

◦˚~ MAROON DIVIDERS ~˚◦

Requested by: anonymous Info: these were all made by me. please reblog/like if use!

[thecutestgrotto]

hey elle, could you make some green day headers/dividers for me please? cheers ^^

Hi! Of course I can 🩵🌸

Green Day

[dollywons]

✰🎸✩ ♡ ︎ ✰🎸✩

✰🎸✩ ♡ ︎ ✰🎸✩

[fawndollie]

can i request anything bass guitar related?stamps, blinkies or fqvicons would be great *_*

i literally don t know the difference between bass n regular guitar sooo i hope these suffice!!!!

yui's there to lolol

[kokomiish]

90 Days to Lose You - Jean Kirschtein x Reader Masterlist

"90 Days. That's all you have left."

That's what the doctor told you. A short 90 days to live out the rest of your young life after being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Not wanting to burden your dearest friends with the truth of your impending death, you turn to making a bucket list. A bucket list of the last things you want to do before go. Problem is: You need someone to do it with.

So, you turn to the boy who hates you most. The boy you know won't care about your death: Jean Kirschtein.

cw: MDNI, not proofread and cross posted from wattpad so format may be messed up, mentions of death, terminal illness, suicide, mental illness, sex, jealousy, oral (f receiving), and more to be added as i continue writing!

Prologue.

[kokomiish]

90 Days to Lose You - Jean Kirschstein x Reader

Prologue.

masterlist

"90 Days. That's all you have left."

That's what the doctor told you. A short 90 days to live out the rest of your young life after being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Not wanting to burden your dearest friends with the truth of your impending death, you turn to making a bucket list. A bucket list of the last things you want to do before go. Problem is: You need someone to do it with.

So, you turn to the boy who hates you most. The boy you know won't care about your death: Jean Kirschtein.

cw: mentions of death, illness, swearing, didn’t proofread, cross posted from wattpad so format might be messed up!

"Ninety days. That's all you have left."

That's what the doctor said that fateful afternoon.

You can still hear the cruel words ringing in your ears. The harsh syllables hitting you harder every time the scene plays over in your head.

You remember sitting in the cold doctor's office, freezing your ass off while you waited for your doctor. Your leg bounced anxiously.

It smelled like chemicals. Disinfectant, alcohol swabs, latex gloves, medicine. It was the kind of uncomforting smell that clung to you for the rest of the day. The cruel reminder temporarily stamped into you that, yes, this is real.

The fluorescent lights buzzed eerily overhead, the repetitive sound drilling annoyingly into your skull. The only sound other than the irritating buzz was that of the clock, the two hands ticking dauntingly, as if they're mocking you.

As it usually goes, your doctor was late. Making you wait thirty minutes in silence, waiting every dreadful second for your results to come back. Results you weren't expecting. Results you didn't believe could happen to you. You were healthy your whole life, how could you suddenly be dying from terminal illness? You were actively rotting away.

When you received the prognosis you just stared. What were you supposed to say? 'Thank you for telling me when I will die?' You weren't thankful. You wanted to blame this doctor, to yell and scream and cry and blame someone, anyone, for what's about to happen to you. But you knew that was wrong. You knew it wasn't his fault. He was just the messenger.

You stared back at the clock in the doctor's office. It was still ticking mockingly at you. It was ticking down your last moments, and would continue to do so until your last breath. Time was so cruel.

You weren't able to cry. You weren't sure why, considering you've always been a sensitive person, 'a crybaby,' your friends teased. You were the kind of person that cried when a dog died in a movie, So why weren't the tears here now? You wanted to cry, to let all the emotions out, but your body betrayed you. You just say, shoulders slouched, in utter silence as the doctor told you what to expect in the next three months.

Only three months left to live. You almost wanted to laugh. Like an expiration date stapled into your soul, as if you were nothing but a milk carton, a library book with a due date.

It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. Time wasn't fair. But death persisted anyways, under the buzzing lights and prison-like walls of the doctor's office, promising to make your last summer the worst, filled with the taste of blood.

You left without saying a word.

A few days later, and you still haven't cried. You felt numb. All you could think about was your last moments, what you could possibly do to live out the rest of your life. But would you have fun? Would you be able to be happy in the moment and enjoy your last days knowing you are dying? Is that possible?

You regret going to the doctor that day. You wished you never knew you were dying. That way it would be easier to hangout with your friends, have fun, be happy.

You've never been a fan of doctors. They scared you. But you coughed up blood at Eren's last party, and Mikasa made you go.

You remember the moment vividly. The sound of trashy 2010's pop playing loudly over the speaker, standing at the kitchen island with a red solo cup filled to the brim with whatever mystery liquid Connie proposed that night.

Connie made some stupid joke. Some joke that had you laughing so hard, doubled over and holding onto Sasha for support, before a jagged cough left your throat. It was violent and rough, the sight of red liquid hitting the floor made your whole body go cold.

Maybe Connie is the reason you are tormented by the time ticking. Maybe Connie's jokes truly are fatal.

Mikasa was the first to rush after you, her sharp eyes noticing the display from across the room. Eren and Armin were right behind her. It still makes your heart swell knowing how much your friends care for you, but if it weren't for Mikasa's persistent persuasive to see a doctor, you would have never known of your fatal future.

Everyone asked how you were after the appointment. Asked if something was wrong, if they could help. You lied. You told them you were fine, that it was just a one off thing. They believed you.

You felt so guilty for lying to your best friends, but you knew you would feel worse telling them the truth. You couldn't even imagine their reactions. You can't have them wasting their summer on you, you couldn't be that selfish.

You couldn't tell them. The secret had to stay heavy on your chest, a burden you couldn't bear to share with not one of your closest friends. You couldn't let them grieve you before you were even gone.

So you decide to keep quiet. You decide to bottle in these heavy emotions to not crush your dear friends. This will be your burden to bear, and you wouldn't dare drag any of your friends into this.

Instead, you write a list. A stupid, reckless, childish bucket list scribbled hastily on lined notebook paper ripped from the book. You didn't plan it well, overwhelmed with emotion and writing the first things that came to your mind- things you wanted to experience before death. Twelve things you want to do before you're out of time. Twelve weeks left to live. Twelve chances left to take. Twelve precious moments you need to experience.

You stared at the list when you were finished. You wondered how pathetic it looked.

Maybe it did look pathetic. But the real problem, the only problem you could see, wasn't the list itself. It was finding someone to do it with.

You need to experience these with someone. You need someone there beside you. But you weren't about to drag your friends into this mess.

Not Eren, who would scream and insist there was a cure, that he could save you, that he could cure you. Not Mikasa, who would protect you till your last breath, who would selflessly give up her precious time to be with you. Not Armin, who's beautiful blue eyes would break in ways you couldn't handle, who would try to hold it together just for you. Not Sasha, not Connie, not Historia, not Ymir, not Reiner, not Annie, not Bertholdt. It couldn't be any of them.

You weren't about to do that to your friends. But who could you possibly bring this to? Who could you possibly confess to, tell someone the heaviest secret you are burdened to hold, that you are dying?

There was only one name left you could think of.

Jean Kirschtein.

Jean, who was once one of your best friends, part of your little circle. Jean, who'd fought Eren months ago and never looked back. Jean, who blocked you all. Jean, who swore he hated you all. Jean, who swore he hated you the most.

That's why he was perfect.

If Jean hated you, then he wouldn't care when you die. If he hated you, this wouldn't hurt him the same way it would hurt the others.

You knew Jean wouldn't tell a soul if you told him the truth. No matter how much he insisted he hated you, he would always keep a secret. No matter who it was. So even if he did refuse this shitty, reckless plan of yours, at least he'd keep quiet. Maybe he'd find relief in the fact you'd be dying. At least you'd be helping one person out in this whole messed up situation, that's all you could ask for.

So, that's how you found yourself on your old friend's porch, clutching your dumb, crumpled bucket list in your hand like it needed to be protected.

It felt strange standing in front of that all too familiar brown door, finger hovering over the doorbell you've rung countless times. A wave of nostalgia hit you as you glanced at the white picket fence, remembering the days you'd all hangout in his front yard, without a care in the world.

It felt odd being here after what happened between him and your friend group.

Jean and Eren got in a huge fight a few months ago. You weren't even sure how it went down as you were with Armin and Mikasa when it happened, you just knew it was bad.

It turned physical, Jean started it and Eren continued it.

Nobody knew how the fight started, they just knew Jean threw the first punch, and that was enough to blame the situation entirely on him.

Jean left the group chat that night. You hoped it was just an in-the-moment thing, being so angry and upset from the whole situation, but he never texted any of you back.

You found out you were all blocked a week later.

Since then, you've never spoken to Jean.

Your finger hesitated over the doorbell, unsure if you should press the tempting white button. There was a high possibility of him laughing in your face and telling you you deserved it, and another good chance of him not even answering at all. You knew either way you would be upset, but you had to do this, he was your first and best option after all.

You gulped as your finger came closer to pressing the button. The sound of a dog barking down the street scared you out of your overthinking, the constant reminder that life kept moving even as yours was ending.

You finally pressed the daunting white button, the ding dong chimed throughout the house, loud enough for you to hear from outside.

It took a minute. You debated turning around and leaving, suspecting he saw your figure and didn't care to speak to you. You tried shrugging the overwhelming feeling of disappointment off your shoulder, spinning on your heel to leave before you heard the sound of the door swinging open.

"The fuck are you doing here?"

You spin right back around.

He actually answered.

He looked different. It's only been a few months, but he looks sharper. Like there's an edge to him. An edge he didn't have before. His jawline carved, eyes harder, as though the past few months took away his softness. Maybe time was against him, too.

He smelled faintly of cigarette smoke, an old habit of his you and Eren managed to make him quit. Looks like old habits do die hard. The only thing masking the potent sent was his usual cologne. The mixture had your nose scrunching.

His voice came out rough, irritation evident not only in his tone, but also his face, eyes narrowed down at you like you've already ruined his day.

You swallowed, intimidated by his entire display. This was a mistake.

"Jean," you begin, voice wavering just slightly. It's been so long since you've been face to face with him, so long since you've spoken to him. It felt awkward.

"I need your help," you confess, finally gaining the confidence to speak up, shoving the crumpled paper up to his face. "I need someone to do this with." Your fingers trembled.

Jean scoffed, tearing the paper out of your hands, "the fuck is this?" He sneered, eyes skimming over the messy handwriting.

"A bucket list? You can't be serious." Jean's lips curled up in a mocking smirk, amusement and hatred written all over his face.

"I'm dead serious," you replied in a tiny voice, voice wavering just slightly. He was very intimidating. A bit scary, and just a bit more attractive than the last time you saw him.

Jean practically snorted. This must be a lot funnier to him than it is to you.

"What, you planning on dying or something?"

Your face faltered. You tried opening your mouth to speak, admit to him that yes, I am dying, but your throat tightened painfully. Of course he would think this was a joke.

As if reading your thoughts, Jean's smirk falters, "hey, don't joke about that shit." He pushed the crumpled paper against your chest, as if you had personally offended him.

"I'm not joking." Your voice is flat, small, vulnerable. You force the words out, "I have ninety days."

There was a moment of uncomfortable, suffocating silence. This was the first person you told, and you were finally beginning to take in the gravity of the situation.

You notice Jeans jaw tighten, his hands curled into fists at his sides. For a moment, his lips parted like he might say something, but he quickly snaps his mouth shut. Like whatever he had to say had been forgotten. His hardened face returns anew, like a cold mask snapping back in place. He scowled,

"So what? You want me to hold your hand through this?" He laughed. It's going much worse than you thought.

"Go drag Eren into this," his voice was strained, like saying Eren's name physically pained him, "I don't want a thing to do with you. What makes you think I'd give a shit? You never gave a shit about me." He scoffed as he finished his sentence.

The harsh words cut sharper than you expected, and they don't make any sense. What is he talking about? You never gave a shit about him? You opened your mouth to protest, confusion written on your face, ready to ask him what he meant, but you remembered why you were really here, and you took a shaky breath.

"I cant, Jean. I can't tell him. I can't tell any of them," you insist, shoving the bucket list back to his chest. You needed this. You needed him to help you.

Jean exhales sharply, gaze anywhere but your face, "then pay someone to do it with you. I'm not gonna do this shit," he's already closing the door.

In one last desperate effort, you shoved your hand against the doorframe to stop him,

"I'll pay you."

Jean pauses his action. He's completely frozen, only his pupils moving as his eyes flicker over your face, examining you for any kind of expression. He finally spoke after a moment of uncomfortable silence, voice heavy and low, "you pranking me again?"

Again?

You tilt your head at that, "prank? Again? Jean, I seriously have no idea what you're talking about," you sigh, genuine confusion written on your face as the palm of your hand comes to rest on your forehead.

"Are you in or not? I'll pay you well. I've got good life insurance." You try joking to lighten the mood, but that only seemed to make Jean scowl more, if that was even possible.

"Shut up. I'll do your stupid bucket list with you," he scoffs, yanking the bucket list to his side. "Now get away before I change my mind."

You don't think twice before jumping off those front porch steps, quick to get away from the scalding tension rising between you too. Maybe he was right. You should've just paid some random to do this with.

But despite the awkward tension, you know you're glad he agreed. You've missed him. You've all missed him. It's okay if he hates you, as long as you can makeup for the time lost in your last days.