I'm the dead but never mourned

I'm the wronged, I'm the dead, but NEVER mourned. And whilst you got everything you ever wanted, I got a family who DIDN'T CARE if I lived or if I died. var sc_project=11697760; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="1f0b045f";

[forloveofthestory-deactivated20]

Dear Stefan — Blood is red. Dead things turn blue. Let’s paint the town purple by mixing the two. xoxo Kol

@kolblooded 

[murderasscience]

• let’s play where tf is ash. if you’ve ever wondered where else i might be writing, or why tf it takes me sixteen years to reply to threads / asks, below are a list of my blogs and activity levels. •

     sebastian moran (sherlock) || main blog || high activity

     alaric saltzman (tvd / to) || side blog || moderate activity

     brienne of tarth (GoT) || side blog || moderate activity

     emma taylor (OC) || side blog|| moderate to low activity

     kol mikaelson (tvd / to) || side blog || low activity

     lowell tracey (izombie) || side blog || very low activity

     magnus bane (shadowhunters) || side blog || high activity || my new son please love him

     mara jade (star wars) || side blog || moderate activity

     seth cohen (the O.C.) || side blog || very low activity

     z antonsen (tvd / to OC) || side blog || very low activity

[camille-o-connell-deactivated20]

[kolblooded]

pyrlspite‌:

due to personal reasons I will be cheating death

[gliiterandsass]

                   well done.

                                                            more like MEDIUM-RARE.

[murderasscience]

This is not a drill. This is real. This is everything every tumblr user has ever needed. Bless this site.

[kolblooded]

|bellamy|

he’ll get out of it. it seems to him that all of the mikaelsons have this easy confidence to them. he wonders if it’s real or not. sometimes he found that nik and rebekah were a lot more damaged than they played themselves off to be. a lot different than the confident air that they gave themselves. trying so hard to prove that they were broken people. is kol the same? does he read too much into them. this family seems to be one that leaves him with a lot of questions. but he cares about nik and rebekah, more than he thought he would. and kol? well, he hardly knew him. but he was alright. and alright was good. 

and now he’s asking him the same thing he’s asked himself. because things between him and rebekah had never been the easiest. as hard they tried. he always wanted to make her happy, always wanted things to last. but somehow there was always something getting in the way. he lets out a breath, downs his drink. “i’ve been trying to figure that out. but you know now i’ve got something i didn’t have before. she always said your dad didn’t her running off with someone who couldn’t take care of her. and i can do that now, i can take care of her. i never wanted to hurt her.” proving yourself to family was hard. he knew that if anyone had tried to get with his own sister he would be overly protective, annoyingly protective probably.

“surely you know it was never about that for her,” he says quietly. kol snaps at a passing waiter and ignores the almost insulted look he receives in response. they don’t have a table and he’s sure as hell not getting up to get another drink. kol holds up a folded bill and orders them another round. the money, at least, seems to be enough to forgive him his transgressions against the help. for the time being.

when they’re alone again, he turns his attention back to bellamy. “don’t get me wrong. our father is a powerful man. and arguing with him is...” he runs a hand through his hair and huffs a humorless laugh. “it’s fucking pointless, honestly.” kol hates talking about dear old da’ almost as much as the subject of their mother gives him chills. if there is one wrong woman on the planet to piss off, esther is her. rebekah, to her credit, is in close second.

“what i mean is, don’t go to her saying ‘hey, i can finally make your father happy. i’m finally good enough for him.’ i get why he’s a concern in your mind but i, personally, wouldn’t use it as your jumping off point. rebekah...” he shouldn’t speak as if he knows everything that motivates her, he knows. still. kol doesn’t think he is wrong on this one. “remember that it’s rebekah’s life you want to be in. if she presents our father’s objections as a way to argue why it wouldn’t work, then that would be... but she should be why you’re here. she should be what you think about.” 

suddenly, kol laughs. “i say all this as if i know what it takes to have a successful relationship. when... clearly...” he gestures to the island. he’s as clueless as the rest of them.

[kolblooded]

Camille‌:

When he spoke of his intentions, she realized that he was right.  She had been conditioned to think the worst of him.  Hearing Klaus’ life story from his point of view had greatly influenced how she saw the rest of his family, despite her best efforts not to let it.  It didn’t help that this was probably the most time she had ever spent with Kol without the others hovering around.  She was limited to those stories and he was calling her out on it. 

As he should. 

Camille pressed her lips together tightly to avoid going on the defense.  She needed to form her own judgement instead of letting Klaus cloud hers.  “ — right,” she conceded quietly.  “I am sorry that I jumped to conclusions.” She couldn’t help it; the apology tasted a bit bitter in her mouth.  She was used to be in the right so finding herself on the other side of it was not the most comfortable of positions.  

She craved the normal that he spoke of.  Her life had been in upheaval for so long now, and the last twist (the one that saw her killing herself) was the worst of all.  She hadn’t felt like she was in control for so long and here he was (Kol of all people) offering her a chance to do something that she would have done before any of this happened.  She was wise not to bite the hand that fed her. 

She fell into step with him once again, relaxing her shoulders as they went.  She found herself hyper aware of everyone around them, their heartbeats and conversation loud in her ears.  She forced herself to focus on him, on what he was saying.  “Your father was a true monster,” she contended.  She didn’t need Klaus’ point of view to know that.  She had developed her own.  “And what he did…to all of you was not okay.”  She was coming to realize just how affected all of them had been by Mikael’s actions.  “And for what’s worth, I think Finn was much the same — wanting to pass judgement on all of you and act as if he had some noble cause.”  It was far more complicated than that but she had seen the way Finn had treated his siblings.  

She wanted to hold tight to her convictions when it came to blood.  She could make do with bags.  She had to make do if she was going to fulfill the promise she had made to protect those in this city not harm them.  However, when he moved to feed himself, she immediately felt something in her shift.  Something visceral. 

There was a sharp intake of breath as the smell of blood drifted her way.  Instinct slammed against her body and she felt the urge to lunge forward.  To rip that man’s arm from Kol’s grip and sink her fangs into the soft flesh.  Without even realizing it, her fangs had descended and she had moved closer, her vision only clouded by the bloodlust.  

Instincts were a wild thing in vampires. Not only did it allow them to hear heartbeats, whispered conversations, and feel the shift in the breeze hours before a storm hit. It made them animalistic. Vicious. Possessive. And so, the moment Camille had turned her attention toward the man he was feeding from, a growl rose up through Kol’s chest. His. Before it could escape, however, he swallowed back the aggression and looked over his shoulder. Fuck. If he allowed her the chance to feed from the man, if he risked her being the person she was so hellbent on avoiding, not only would she never trust him again, but Niklaus would lose his fucking mind. Kol would be sure to spend the next six decades in a damn box.

He bit his own wrist and shoved it against the man’s mouth, catching his eyes once more as he did so. “For the next three days, you’re going to be more cautious than normal about the risks you take. Your life is precious, after all.” He glanced over his shoulder toward Camille. “When I have my hands on her, I want you to casually walk past us. For the love of god, do not run.” The last thing they needed was their predatory instincts to take flight. “Then forget that you ever saw our faces.”

Kol turned, approaching Camille with his hands up, palms facing her. Carefully, he placed them on her shoulders. His grip on her was strong. And luckily he was old enough to offer a significant restraint. He could compel her, he knew, but that wasn’t what he wanted. Camille had had enough people fucking with her head in her lifetime. Instead, he held her still until the human disappeared from the alleyway. Even then, he didn’t let go, but just looked into her eyes.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been new,” he said quietly. “I... It wasn’t fair for me to feed with you so close.” His thumbs gently rubbed her shoulders as he sought for the clarity to return to her eyes. “I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it.” Kol didn’t let go. “Do you want me to take you home?”

[kolblooded]

Path of Least Resistance || Aurora and Kol

[kolblooded]

A‌urora:

Since he didn’t wish for a show (which puzzled her given how he’d been flirting with her) and because Aurora loathed hand-me-downs, she changed quickly into the offered dress.  “I’ll change again once we get to the plane.”  Though for his moaning  about wishing she’d compelled the corpse to remove the dress herself, Aurora would see to it that she punished him on the plane by leaving open every suitcase and removing every article of clothing from them.   As a means of further punishment, Aurora pulled the limbs from the corpse, dismembering it (she’d already drained it nearly fully of blood so she needn’t worry about creating a mess).  Someone would find the body, or at least parts of it, soon enough.  

Aurora slipped into the passenger seat of the car and relaxed into the cool to the touch leather.  “I’ll eat on the plane.”  Aurora said.  “It’s not as though I was starved in that monastery.”  Not that it was any of his business, but she did feel the need to clarify that it hadn’t been some old gulag and this man was not some valiant rescuer.  Though, now that he mentioned stopping, an idea occurred to her.  “If we’re to stop, it ought to be in Marseille.  If I’m not going to be making my entrance with fire, then I’ve other ideas.”  No matter what she did, she wanted to make some sort of a dramatic entrance, for Niklaus’ sake as much as her brother’s.  

Kol eyed her for only a brief moment before returning his eyes to the road. If Aurora was making suggestions, that meant she had ideas. Which, inevitably, meant there was to be trouble. And he knew that if he wasn’t careful, there was a good chance people would know of her escape -- for lack of a better term -- from the monastery before they’d even boarded the damn plane. Still, her little show with the woman had made it clear that she was displeased with something or other that he’d done, and so he needed to be as accommodating to her as he could. Keeping Aurora as his ally was a precarious thing that took constant attention.

“I imagine we could manage a stop in Marseille,” he said with a playful smile. “What kind of host would I be if I didn’t cater to such a request.” Kol sighed. When he looked at her again, it was for a longer moment. The road was clear. Empty. And he desperately wished just looking at her would help him figure her out. “How long have you been in that monastery, anyway?” he asked casually. “You said they feed you, which is clear, given by the glow you have. But surely... it’s not a pleasant place to stay, is it? Not for your kind?”

[kolblooded]

Place Your Bets || Nik and Kol

[kolblooded]

|nik|‌

his words certainly do fill him with something akin to regret. He hadn’t given Kol the sort of attention and care that he actually deserved and the idea of him simply wanting that fills him now with a reminder of how he’d been as a child looking always for some scrap of affection wherever it was that he could find it. He’d diminished Kol to this conversation and so when he looks back at his little brother it’s with a softness that he feels even flood through him.

“ Then not the right path. ” there’s a small smile given as he holds his brother’s eyes. “ Perhaps then an apology? ” it’s offered hesitantly because if there’s one thing that he hardly does it’s apologizing. He enjoys being right more often than he can ever admit. But for this? It almost feels necessary. “ No one needs you setting fires or something drastic. ” he reaches out to clasp his brother’s shoulder with a small smile. “ Now do we? ”

a pair of girls walked by, and at a distance, one of the guys. his eyes followed the path though he leaned in to nik’s touch. “i dunno brother, it sounds exciting. explosive.” he smirked and, for just a moment, covered nik’s hand with his own. his revelation that he’d wanted... more could have gone a lot worse. niklaus could have laughed at him. he could have scowled or waved kol’s words away as if he was overreacting.

“well, if we’re not starting fires, what are we going to do. steering clear of the right path, while not veering so far off course that we start a fire.” his grin turned a little more wicked. “we could take one of the boats out. or just swim on the beach and enjoy how many woman end up gawking at you the moment you take your shirt off. honestly, nik. it’s... ridiculous. and none of them make any attempt to be subtle about it.”

[kolblooded]

Meredith‌:

Meredith’s eyes were wide, a sure sign that she was surprised he had actually agreed to her stipulation.  Of course there was always the chance that he was paying her lip service and the moment she had her back turned he would sink his fangs into some poor soul’s neck.  “ — good, sounds like we’re in business than.”  She would keep a close eye on him.  Somehow.  Probably. 

(how the hell do you pin down someone like him?) 

She sensed that they had had their fill.  Or at least she had.  Meredith knew damn well she had overdone it.  She wondered if she would hit the floor when she stood up and the alcohol flowed to all her extremities.  She hoped not.  There were at least a few people here tonight that she knew and she would rather not have to explain herself.

“ — nope,” she stated firmly to his offer.  “Because I don’t live far from here.  Saves on cab fare.”  She tapped her nose as if she was clever to have an apartment so near her favorite watering hole.  “But you can walk me home.  Start that gentleman thing you were speaking of.” She hoped he would do so, because frankly she was afraid that she might not make the few blocks.  

She could stand, that much she knew.  She was proud of herself, slinging her purse wildly (and almost hitting him in the process).  Once outside, the cold air did her some good as well.  Still, she teetered and her hand came out once more grip his arm.  “ — pff, ex’s.  I’ve only got one at this point.  And he killed the other one.”  She would never wish harm on Alaric of course.  “I am thinking…maybe I could borrow some of that original blood of yours.  Unless you’re not into sharing?”

Once Meredith had indicated a direction, Kol walked slowly beside her. For as much as she wanted to, he let her support herself. But any time he sense she might lose her balance or possibly twist her ankle over an uneven bit of the sidewalk, he lightly guided her and offered support. Getting this drunk was damn difficult to accomplish for him, and a part of him missed the simplicity and peace of mind that it could bring -- at least from what he remembered. 

“You’re not going to drink it and change yourself, are you, darling?” he asked casually, watching the sidewalk in front of them instead of her. “Because if immortality is your goal, there are... admittedly more enjoyable ways to accomplish it.” He shrugged. There was no chance that was her ultimate goal for his blood, but it was an interesting idea, at any rate.

“I’m not wholly against the idea. But I prefer to know to what I’m donating my blood.” He finally glanced her direction, watching her as she swayed a little, wondering what secrets this woman was hiding. “Am I to be your lab rat Doctor Fell? Or your safety net?”

[kolblooded]

|rebekah|‌

she wants to get defensive. it does seem unlike her and yet she does think a girl can have her fun as much as she wants. Yet she resigns to letting out a small sigh, shaking her head of the thought. kol didn’t know any better and she’s not sure she wants any of her brother’s in her business. “ It has its advantages. “ she responds which should just about cover the subject entirely.

Leaning on the table she catches Kol’s eyes with something of an interested smile worn there across her features. “ And what about you? Surely there’s someone here on this island that has caught your interest? “

“my attention?” he shakes his head once, though it’s clear that for just a brief moment, something akin to panic crossed through his eyes. kol stares out into space, biting at his bottom lip. luckily, there is nobody directly within range of his unfocused stare, so she can’t draw too many conclusions. 

“i’ve always been the loner.” okay, so that wasn’t entirely true. finn was more likely to be on his own. though he did have sage for a long while. of course mother hadn’t approved so finn had broken off the engagement. “anyway. i’m not overly expectant to find someone. but if i can snag some good photos...” he shrugged a shoulder. “maybe this trip will surprise me.”

[kolblooded]

Aurora‌:

Aurora felt his hand on her thigh, just above the knee and smiled at him  She wanted his hands on her, but she was glad that he was keeping them at a respectful length; she didn’t want people to think that she was simply down daft tart that could be wooed so easily.  His hand was the perfect compromise, a subtle gesture of possession which thrilled her, but it easily allowed her to keep her dignity.  

She smiled brightly at him at his assurance.  “I already know how special I am, but I will appreciate daily reminders that you’re aware of that fact.”  she smiled.  And Aurora would strive to make him feel special as well.  Anyone that could do all of this for Aurora deserved at least a little reciprocation, even if Aurora was only using him.  Aurora didn’t want him to know that though.  That would be just as damaging to her reputation if people found out.  It would damage Kol’s as well, and he deserved better than that with how sweet he was being to her.  “But we can tell everyone that you stopped to avoid making everything about me and distracting from the team.  Especially after whatever you’ve planned for this evening.  Are you still not going to tell me what I can expect?”

“And spoil the surprise?” He looked at her, playfully, as if he were truly offended. “Not a chance, darling. It’s only a few hours away now, so you won’t be long in the dark.” For a brief moment, he spared a look at Matt and Rebekah to make sure they weren’t paying attention. “Though, if it’s what you enjoy, we can always return to the dark once you’ve had your moment.” Propositioning her, even in that subtle of a way, was risky, he knew. She could be offended. She could laugh at him. Or, perhaps most unnerving of the possibilities, she could be into the idea.

Though the pairs had gone together, there wasn’t a whole lot of talking across the table until their food came. Then it was about dances, dresses, and what “that bitch” Elena might be wearing. Or... which brother she was likely to show up with. When Rebekah’s claws came out, there was typically nothing to be done but wait it out. Still, Kol shot an apologetic glance in Matt’s direction. Finally, though, they were on their way to prom. Kol poured another glass of champagne for everyone once they were inside the limo and gave one final toast to their senior year. “May this be a night we never forget.”

[kolblooded]

Niklaus‌:

he wonders if he had his full mind about him whether or not that was something he could accept, that none of this is entirely his fault. Should it be? But no matter how long he thinks on it there isn’t a set decision written there across his mind given how much of himself he’s lost. The feeling of losing so much leaves him hollow, broken into and more like a shell of what he was.

“ Should I accept that? ” klaus questions, his hands slipping into his pockets as he glances towards his brother with a studious sort of look written in his eyes. there is little hope that any of this will work, that these witches could draw out centuries of memories to make him regain his memory and sense of self all over again.

he stops walking just then, turning his gaze towards Kol with a withdrawn look settled there. “ that does seem like something that family would do. ” he states because it does, does it not? Resemble some trait of what he, for the moment, can assume is what family is. “ Blame each other recklessly, ruin each other even. ” he sighs and then starts up walking once more. “ but after all this time together in the same pattern I’m sure that it can’t yet be broken. ”

“i can’t tell you what to accept, klaus,” kol replies softly, suddenly unable to meet his brother’s gaze as they walk. “i know that when we all have our wits about us, there are two modes. the first is that we blame each other. blame elijah for being too aloof, too distant. blame me for being too reckless. blame you for being too paranoid and domineering. blame rebekah for... well, everything else, i guess. what i do know is that of the siblings there is one of us i cannot forgive his transgressions, and suddenly, i don’t think you’re him.”

finn and kol have never seen eye to eye. when they were human, there was jealousy on finn’s part (so kol likes to believe) about the younger brother being the better witch. when they were vampires, it was a matter of... self-righteousness. one of his deaths was finn’s doing. and kol will never forgive him for the pain he caused, no matter finn’s excuses.

this time, it is kol’s turn to stop their progress and finally, finally he looks up at his older brother. “maybe the pattern will never break. perhaps we are stuck in this endless cycle, much like this hell of a planet we live on. maybe... getting your memories back will cost you these moments where we are, for once, on the same team.” that idea is the most terrifying to him. bringing klaus back, in all his glory, will take away this peace between them. will kol still work so hard to help his brother then? or will he find a way to leave nik as he is -- his brother once more. he sighs. “we’re family. and for us that means always and forever. or so you’ve always claimed. whatever the future holds, we’ll figure it out as we have centuries before.” he continues on, glancing at the gate surrounding the park across the street. “even if you don’t remember that we can be allies when we get your memories back, i will. and hopefully that will be enough to alter our pattern enough for a better future between us.”

[forloveofthestory-deactivated20]

[kolblooded]

Laerth‌:

Laerth had been about to knock again when the crashing sounds came. He raised an eyebrow and froze, hand held just above the door, and for a moment even he considered his life choices. The letter had clearly been upsetting, and although Laerth himself hadn’t read it, he knew the seal had been broken. Kol might think he had, which might mean that Kol was furious with him for trying to take advantage of a situation first – or, most likely, the contents of the letter were just that infuriating. Either way, he supposed, if Kol wanted or needed to take his anger out on someone, it might as well be on the one crewman who could survive it. 

Just as the captain swore loudly, a young recruit squeezed passed Laerth in the passageway. Wide-eyed, the boy stopped in his tracks. “Should I… do something, sir?” the kid asked. “I can get him alcohol, or…?” 

“Don’t you worry about the captain, lad,” Laerth replied, his voice warm and fairly gentle. “I’ll take care of him. You just go see to it that everyone’s fed, including the prisoners – and whoever gave you that shiner, you come tell me about it tomorrow.” 

The kid nodded and hurried away, and Laerth let himself into the captain’s quarters. For a moment, all he did was watch, taking in the scene. The parchment looked almost harmless, unassuming as it lay open on a table, but its chaos was evident. From the broken things to the wild, furious, agonized look in the captain’s eyes, there was no mistaking it: that letter had just ended Kol’s world. 

“I imagine we’ll have new orders soon,” Laerth said, a little dryly, as he shut the door behind himself. “Care to tell me about them?” 

There was something sobering about someone walking in while Kol was in the middle of a temper tantrum. The subtle, unaffected way in which Laerth spoke reminded Kol so much of Niklaus in that moment that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss or punch him. Nik had always been pompous. Intolerable. But he’d also been alive. And so the rest... 

“I...” When Kol met Laerth’s eyes, for a moment he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to express the sheer volume of guilt that he now carried on his shoulders. I left him for dead. I stopped looking. He’s been barely surviving while I’ve become captain of my ship. He is dying. He is dying and it’s my fault. 

“The Destructor is our next destination,” Kol replied. The fire that had burned in his eyes only moments ago extinguished, leaving an emptiness in its wake. A blackness that shaded even the darkness of his already black eyes. “It’ll likely mean we’ll have to ask around. Make port more often than I want. Hopefully just asking around for them will give them cause to hunt us down.

“And then... if their captain doesn’t kill me. On to the Island of Death. Though... For the men...” He shook his head. “Make up whatever story will keep them in line.” Kol stared out his small window and felt a tightness building in his chest. Suffocating him. Taking over. “If the captain does kill me...” It will be as I deserve. “The men will be in capable hands with you.”

[seesgood]

                                                              ⸺⸺ you see the good in people.

                        independent + semi selective caroline forbes from the vampire diaries + the originals.                          with crossover and au verses for: the 100, marvel / dc cinematic universes, riverdale,                                      twilight, greys anatomy, supernatural, once upon a time    +    more.

[murderasscience]

• so here’s the stitch. i’m garbage. like literal trash. and i don’t even have an excuse for it anymore. i know people say take your time all the time, but i also know that it can be frustrating/disheartening when someone disappears on you for a while. that being said, i’m currently trying to work on drafts. i had over 40 across my blogs when i started today. i’ve worked through about ten. i know some have already been marked by my partners that they’ve been closed in the tags. but instead of having you all come to me (because i know not everyone will see this), i’m just going to reply to everything i find. if you don’t wanna do the thing anymore i totally understand. i do. and there is no pressure to pick it back up. but i had to start somewhere, right? 

anyway, i’m working my way from oldest to newest, regardless of what blog they came on. and when i finish all the drafts for a particular blog, i’ll start the queue for it. you guys are amazing. i’m sorry you’ve been waiting as long as you have. i love you all.•