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I didn't think the small encounter could affect me so much
At first the symptoms we light enough to ignore
At some point I even felt I'm more productive on my work
I felt so light and energetic. Like my hands could do everything at once. It was also scary but I assured myself it's temporary
The medical comrade said that the transmission itself is rare and basically just a myth. "You're not that special" she said, and told me to drink more water and quit smoking for a week. I feel relief and back to work.
I actually realized I didn't want to smoke anymore. I just did it because others did. You know, a matter of status, since I can afford it.
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I was laying on bed, laughing on some joke Loi told me. Why are you laughing Loi? I feel you need to go to medical. I don’t know, I can hear it in your voice.
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I gotta learn to live with it. Not to let anyone know that I feel weird.
Loi told me sometime that he is scared of them the most. He said they are disgusting and scary. I want to stay close to Loi. If he knows, he'd never talk to me again.
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You know what I was thinking sometimes. What if they weren't dangerous. Theoretically speaking. I'd be so into them
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The decease kept spreading
Your speech changed, they said
I thought that was a joke
Some part of me changed entirely and when I looked back at myself I realized there's no return. I feel over dramatic.
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Loi brought berries and I ate them. I didn't want really but they were hard to get. And I don't want Loi to think something is wrong with me.
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I couldn't feel my elbows or even see them, looking weird in the mirror. So I asked for a bigger size uniform. The storage comrade said that I’d better look for smaller size because I’m skinnier than ever lately. I had to intimidate him. Somehow it worked. He never spoke to me again.
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One of them was near again. I could hear their smile following me.
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I forget to visit the eating point so I put a secret message on my sleeve as reminder. It itches though. I never knew my hands are so ticklish.
I didn't feel any thirst or hunger for weeks. I don't really want to think about it.
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I think it's all gone now. I didn't hear anything weird and I'm back to normal. Loi told me about someone being friends one of those. He said he'd never understand that. I agreed.
I've been so into work lately and finally my visions are gone. I tested myself by listening to prayer records. Didn't feel anything.
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I was concerned and I went to medical. I just asked if they could check me, since I had to clean that accident and probably encountered something
They said first of all, man up, second of all, exercise more. Also it's been months since then and you still are stable. Basically I was just scolded for coming again.
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I was asked to clean the place of fire accident. Since I was a pilot apprentice for a while this could also check the fire resistance and all that bullshit. Cleaning works are mandatory anyway.
The job was dirty but at least I got a day off at the surface and a pack of smokes. I didn't find any bodies, even though they were expected. Captain said the comrade editor might have been eaten or something. I don't doubt captain words, never (if you are reading this, cpt.Gill)
I saw a movement in the ashes, I pretended I see a snake or a cat so I went to check. I now realize I lied to myself thinking that I didn't know what it was. Anyway, doesn’t matter now. I gotta work.
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I think I brushed my hand off it or something
It disappeared so it’s not dangerous anymore, I guess.
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Loi said I was talking too much about it. You could have it as a pet he said
I laughed but now I actually want to pet it
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I never thought about it but I want to pet loi too. Loi needs a medical check
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Loi said I hug too tight. I just couldn't feel him enough
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Loi got retired due to energetic intoxication disease
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I sneaked out to see a priest. I'm an atheist of course. But I touched my belly and my finger just sunk in there. It was also a weird feeling like I'm made of resin. Do I have to mention I just avoided touching it for a while?
I saw them in the church and it felt at home. The priest said I could be blessed but I will never be complete. Because I am not perfect as they are. That is a relief, means no transmission and all stuff. I didn't want to leave though.
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I understand that Loi is going to pass away and I want to be near. It could take years to wait though. But I’m feeling patient
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Loi gave me eggs. They were better than berry. More alive. Before today I didn't know the shells were delicious as well
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I told Loi there's one dish I really want to try but can’t. As a joke. I said it's expensive too.
Loi said I could save something from few paychecks and buy it. I said the ingredient I want is too exotic and isn't on the market.
Loi just said 'then travel to find it' We both laughed. Travel.
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I liked going to work every day but then I realized I didn't cross the station gates for weeks. I told my brigadier I was sick, but actually I was sleeping in Loi’s basement. I hope I never have to go to interrogation room. Captain would be mad.
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I asked Loi if he is okay with long hands. He said why not. Of course if we aren't talking about one of those. I think he fears them too much.
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хх/хх/хх
I keep vising the engine site but I feel so sick there without Loi. I tried prayer recordings and they helped me. Loi says the cassette is empty though. But I could hear. He’s just silly, but I care for him.
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I feel at place. But Loi said he heard noises in the basement. I’m concerned.
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хх/хх/хх
Turned out they were my noises. Relief.
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Loi said we need to talk. He received a note from cpt. Gill that I’m missing for 7 months already. I said it was a prank.
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хх/хх/хх
I wish Loi would marry a wife. I’m saying this just because that is what expected. Actually I think he is fine. I feel at home. And he is going go far.
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хх/хх/хх
Loi’s cooking improved, well I decided that it tastes nice. I’m still not hungry. But I accept Loi.
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хх/хх/хх
We are going to be together for a bit. I felt hungry but not that vulgar hunger, but a blessed one. I had to keep my face still, because it was a funeral. They said I should stop smiling so much
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хх/хх/хх
I cried because burying human bodies is such a waste. They didn’t let me set Loi free. I also cried because my hands are too wobbly for a shovel
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хх/хх/хх
I heard they said ‘we took care of Loi’
He’s gonna go far, finally. I feel complete
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