[fakehistory]

After climbing down from Mount Sinai with God’s Ten Commandments, Moses watches in horror as his people workship another deity (oil on canvas, circa 1633)

[lesbiantahani]

nothing sexier than a girl whos just a little out of it. asked the girl serving me at mcdonald’s 2day where the straws are and she said “straws? why would we have hay here” really sexy of her 

[moldlover]

i lov goofy boys thats so my type

[qcrip]

Gawrsh a-hyuck

[tockthewatchdog-deactivated2020]

me: hey can you make dopamine and serotonin

my brain:

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I’m losing my mind I just saw panic in Pittsburgh and while they set up Africa by Toto came on and the entire crowd went wild and turned on their phone lights and sang and I was sitting next to a dad in his fifties and he was SO confused he said “this wasn’t even this big of a hit when it came out???”

[initiala]

Killed ANOTHER FREAKING CANADIAN SOLDIER. How do they keep getting into my house?! Stop!!

[initiala]

It occurs to me that people might not know that this is another name for a mayfly. I am not being infiltrated by humans from Canada.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[lipblossom]

[manfuckyopride]

alexa spit in my mouth

[help-mywife]

Help, my wife taught our kid to say “wow” in the Owen Wilson voice and now they both won’t stop

[br4ttitude]

jus bought this

[xeppeli]

[snowradish]

This came to me in a nightmare last night

[specialmemefresh-deactivated202]

[abcd-fuckk]

my favorite sexual position is cry in the bathroom

[matchagirl]

[champagnemanagement]