Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is a stress related mental disorder generally occurring in response to complex traumas (commonly prolonged or repetitive exposure to traumatic event (or traumatic events), from which one sees little or no chance to escape.
Meta suffered repeated rape while being confined by a farm owner, and she doesn't remember how she ended there(suggesting of dissociative memory loss), she probably suffered for a long time. Also she was an orphan with no family and no other relationships, which means nobody would try to search her or rescue her, so there was basically no chance of escape or rescue for her.(or at least she thought so)
1. She avoids/finds difficulty in relationships.
She didn't really had a healthy relationship when she was in Apocalypse. Raisa was described as her close friend(at least close enough to storm into Meta's room at morning) but Meta never opened herself up for Raisa, thinking that she's too "ugly" for Pale's preference, and even thought that she might be a traitor. Meta didn't like seeing Milky's face much, she tolerated Milky's relationship with Pale but Meta called her a "brat" when she was with Pale. For Yegor, she never had a close relationship with him even before his betrayal, their relationship was probably cold and distant.
Pale is the only one that Meta actually depends on and cares, but their relationship roots from the fact Pale was the only one who actually saved and helped Meta. She tended to act obedient towards him and tried not to offend him, and even tolerated him sleeping around with other women. Despite the fact that there's actual love between them, it's still unequal and unhealthy.
2. She feels very angry and distrustful towards the world.
Does this even require explaination? Nobody helped her until she became 20 and Pale finally came.
She thinks that laws and ethics are stupid, shows disregard in authority(she calls the scientists eggheads), and shows no remorse while killing off innocent village people. She even shows a glimpse of sadism when she encountered a crying village woman; she asked why she was crying when the reason is clear(yegor's army k!lled everyone and burned the village to ashes) before ordering her men to kill her off, mocking her.
3. There is a high chance of her feeling permanently damaged or worthless about herself.
Meta repeatedly engaged in sexual activities with Pale and it seems like it has small time gap between her rescue and her first sexual contact with Pale, which is never healthy.(She needs to be mentally healed first) Maybe she "offered herself first" to Pale, due to her low self esteem and her internalized belief that her body and her attractiveness is her only value
Also Meta thought she isn't afraid of dying but she want to leave her beautiful body behind at least before her execution, implying that she internalized the belief that her beautiful body values more than herself.
I always thought her trauma history explains lots of her behavior, a part of me dies when someone calls meta's backstory a shock value
I think I drew this yesterday, but I don't remember. I think I need to normalize my sleep schedule and remember to take my antidepressants regularly. I'm tired of memory lapses😒
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jacobvanloon
kaledo-art
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kianamaiart