Koselz

A sort of digital diary blog about anything I want. No structure or standards. Contains venting, NSFW and inappropriate posts. I try not to censor my feelings and thoughts. Don't read it if you don't like this kind of stuff. If you read, keep in mind I'm a flawed human being and you'll disagree with many things I say. I still be learning.

[koselz]

Goodbye for now

So, as I said last post, I might start a new journaling method. Using pen drives. I'll try! I have one right here and I'm starting it out! I'm really not good at saying goodbyes, I usually just leave and that's it, but I guess I'll try.

This place was always really cool, it really did help me in tough moments to just write stuff out. This place was with me when I was a trainee on my job, when I was unemployed and then when I got hired. That's a lot! This place has tons of cool posts of tons of random stuff and I will NOT transcribe all of them to my new format of journaling. I'll always treasure this place so much. This place was also with me from when I had no computer or bike, and then when I got these things, and now that I have these things! It's so amazing.

I have 190 posts, I don't really remember or care for anniversaries of 1 year or 2 years, I just post and write and that's it. This place was really freeing and was really good for me. Dendy is not my favorite or most important OC by a mile, but she's cool and she means a lot, especially since she's so connected to this place, it means she's part of reason why this place helps or something whatever.

I guess that's it, I'll still come back in 2030 to answer that post if I remember it. Now... hm... OKAY! You know I'm really bad at keeping stuff consistent and quitting stuff, right? I "quit" Twitter a while ago and I still find myself going back to it sometimes when I find some cool art redirecting to it from Pinterest, I'M BAD AT IT that was a whole saga I had! So, don't take this goodbye as a real goodbye. If I realize I don't care enough to write every day or to actually keep a pen drive somewhere safe, I'll just go right back to writing in here, so don't worry too much.

I kinda forget nobody reads these and that's just for me. I guess I just really hate whenever I see a really old blog or account and the person doesn't have a post explaining why they're gone and stopped posting, makes me worry for them whenever I see that. I have a little courtesy to say bye bye! Also, hey, I'm used to leaving this blog for months and months and then coming back for one venting post and leaving again, right? It's prolly just gonna happen this again, but we'll see.

ANYWAYS, bye bye for now. I'll prolly come back after a week, but if I don't, it has really been fun.

[koselz]

12/06/2026

Having a nice beer with some little toast bites to celebrate this good day!

First I woke up early and drew and chilled. Then I went to work. It was a good day at work. I only messed up with Cutie a little tiny bit by reacting wrong and not briefly enough and trying to make a little joke, but no big deal at all and it was quickly forgotten.

Thing is, good news today:

First, I got paid today. Bought DELTARUNE! YAY! Gonna buy some more things later.

Second, NIGHT SHIFT IS NO MORE, Y'ALL! I made my peace with the night shift already, but I can't deny it is a relief to see it gone. Now, I dunno if it's gone forever or just for a bit. The manager said that FOR NOW, he didn't see a reason for it AT THE MOMENT. Like, these keywords are important, maybe it'll come back, who knows. But for now, I'm happy. Hey, it even made me and Cutie hug in the bathroom. Good news and good day!

Third, tomorrow I get out earlier from work! Since it's World Cup and Brazil is playing, we, from the Afternoon Shift (and we only) get to get out early, LOL! AWESOME! I'll drink a lot and eat a lot tomorrow and have a lot of fun!

So yeah, today was a pretty good day and even tho I messed up a tiny little bit, I don't really care. Okay, I wanted to talk about some other things real quick.

First, I really love how beautiful everything is and how united everyone is here in Brazil for the World Cup. Like, all streets are decorated and full of little flags and paintings and it's fun!

Oh, I'm lazy now and a bit tired, I'll talk more about it tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm gonna talk about the world cup paintings in the street and a dude that's called Mustache from work.

[koselz]

Thing I wanna do on Newgrounds

Last post I talked about having a billion posts here on Tumblr and making them all legitimate. Now, I'm doing a similar thing on Newgrounds.

I draw a lot, not like Picasso who'd draw 3 paintings per day I think, but I draw a lot. And here's the thing, I'm not popular at all. So, I'm curious, I really wanna know if one day, I can become one of the Newgrounds accounts with the most drawings, because I really wanna see someone with only, like, 85 followers, having ten billions of drawings. LISTEN! It's not like that's my only goal, my goal is to have fun drawing! Getting a billion drawings on Newgrounds is only a side effect from drawing so much. But I'm actually so curious!

I always got fascinated by accounts on DeviantART by kids that had a billion submissions, the thing is, most of these kids would do stuff like get images and stuff and just slightly alter them. Like, some of them would get templates of like stuff like "What's your favorite episode of SpongeBob?" and just fill it up and post it. Or they'd literally just get images online and post it or recolor it and all that. On Newgrounds, I'm drawing everything, each post is a full piece.

I'm actually not too far away from 1k posts, I'm at 600, it's not that far is it? Only 400 more to go? That's not that much at all! I'm serious with you, now. If I focus for a little, I bet I can get to 1k in a month. Especially now that I'm extra creatively inspired. I'm filling my sketchbooks with doodles every morning, I think I'll start actually digitalizing them and posting them.

It'd just be really funny to have an account with so many drawings that was just slowly growing in the background and no one ever noticed.

I'm gonna go to sleep now.

[koselz]

About journaling

Alright, alright! Time to talk about this blog and all that and blah blah blah. I really wanna write in here daily, I WANNA! I always get lazy and stop after like the third day but I WANNA! ANYTHING! Even if it's something super small. I tried starting a physical written journal for a bit, but I'm too lazy, I'm not fit for it! Typing is so much better and so much more satisfying, I just love typing shit out super fast and just being able to easily erase stuff and blah blah blah, it's fun as hell, man! And I think and yap a lot so I like it when I can just write and write and write and waste no page space and stuff like that.

I learned not to care about this being on the internet. Whatever, it's not gonna kill me, nobody cares! Nobody even sees this, and if they see it, WHATEVER! HELLO! HELLO IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS! WANNA KISSY? DON'T CARE! DON CAREEEEE!

Yeah, like her said it! LIKE, SEE, HOW CAN I GET PICTURES LIKE THIS AND PUT ON A JOURNAL i mean i guess you can you can just print it out and glue it there but WHATEVER and also you can get more stuff like tickets and cool stuff and memories like this but WHATEVER!

Anyways, you know something I wanted to do? I'm really thinking of doing this recently. A way of making this journaling thing both physical and digital at the same time? And also private enough! Now, check this out. What if I get a pendrive, and tag it "2026" or something, and I just plug it in, open Notepad and just write my heart out every day in those little tiny ass text files, LIKE, BRO, NOTEPAD TEXT FILES GOTTA BE SO LIGHT IT'S GONNA TAKE A WHOLE YEAR TO FILL I BET! And hey, if I want images on my thing I can use WordPad that comes with windows and is super simple too. Am I a genius or not? I'm seriously thinking of doing this. I'm not gonna use WordPad prolly, I'll just use good old Notepad.

I think I'm inspired to use Notepad more recently because I've been looking into the website textfiles.com where it's only text and text only forever in those files and I think that's awesome. Just imagine a little ASCII journal, I'd have to get creative to formart it all good and interesting. I think putting so much effort into it like this would make it less fun for me, maybe? But who knows? Maybe it won't? Maybe it'd just make it more fun!

I like writing in here, though. It's simple, it already has 186 posts and I kinda wanna see if I can get it to have a billion posts one day. All I gotta do is write I guess. The fun thing is having a billion LEGITIMATE posts, got solely through writing my thoughts in every single post. It'd be fun, huh?

WHATEVER, I'LL SEE WHAT I'LL DO, if I get a pendrive and realize I like it I'll just do it. After all, bro, no internet need, just open Notepad.

ANYWAYS BYE!

[koselz]

Work

Wanna let out my thoughts about work. Stuff happened that made me a bit upset, writing it out always helps me leave the thoughts somewhere so it doesn't stay inside my system. I'm not doing bad at all, and the day was awesome, it was just these little moments.

There's a guy at work, I'll call him Cutie because that's what his nickname roughly translates to in English. So, this guy, he's alright, I'm not gonna say I hate him, that's not true, he has his funny moments, like everyone does. I don't think I hate anyone at work as a person, because they're just people, with flaws like me, if I say I hate them, I think I'm putting myself above them, that's not true. That being said, I'm also not fond of him at the moment. Oh, damn! It's so weird, huh, because while I think he's alright in general, I really don't like him at the moment. I guess I gotta zoom out a bit, in general, he's definitely alright and not that bad!

The thing is, what I don't really enjoy is WORKING with him, because he is always either talking about sex or being rude. First, I don't really care sex talk, it's honestly the most pleasant of his two halves... not that he only has two halves, that's me trying to make a reductive person out of him. HEY! I KNOW I'M KIND OF CENSORING MYSELF A BIT ON TALKING TOO MUCH SHIT ABOUT HIM, BUT THAT'S GOOD, I GOTTA SEE HIM AS A FULL PERSON SO I CAN STOP LETTING MY DISTASTE OF TODAY BLUR MY MIND! Anyways, his sex talking is actually the part that annoys me the least. It only annoys be a tiny bit because it's always the same thing, I wish he'd get some new jokes, but, it's alright, he's funny and chill as Hell in that sense.

The part I dislike the most in him is how rude he can be sometimes. I don't think he's rude on purpose because he hates me. Actually, looking back it's obvious he doesn't do it only to me, so I shouldn't really take it too personal, it's not about me at all. I actually should start expecting it more often, I probably should start reminding myself any time I talk to him that he's probably gonna be rude. I will, indeed, try to talk less to him, only when I really need to. Anyways, he's just very rude and short-tempered sometimes, and hates stupid questions and explaining stuff and having to tell people to do stuff, and unfortunately, I'm a person who needs all of that. Whoops. Like, you tell me to do something? I'll do it no problem! I'll do it all alone if needed! But you don't tell me nothing and just expect me to do it because I'm already supposed to know what's up? I won't do it, I DON'T know what's up.

Huh, I guess that's it. I guess nobody hates each other. He doesn't think about me, nobody cares. In the end. we're just people who can't help but get in a bit of conflict because we're different, oh well.

Today, I had a "meh" reaction to his rudeness. I could've totally handled it better, I'll use it as a learning experience. And I won't beat myself over it, tho! I did react well to his rudeness the whole day, actually! I did! It was only at the end when I didn't and reacted slightly and that part stuck with me. But I hope I can use it as a learning experience to react less.

Okay, what am I gonna do now. I'll definitely interact with him less, I'll be polite, say "hi" "bye" "good morning" and all that, of course. And also, of course, when I HAVE TO interact with him for work, since I still gotta work and he works there and we're fated to work together again and again, I'll just stay quiet and do my work, interact with him as little as possible, don't care. I'm not gonna try to be super nice, I don't have to impress him, I don't have to pretend I like him. I'll be polite enough, but in the end, I'm myself and I'll do what I think it's best for me. Whenever he's rude, I won't respond or react, and I'll continue normally.

Hmm, it made me a bit better to write stuff out. Now, I'll try to just distract myself and not think about work while I'm at home. I hope this is a good little ritual I get to have every day to let out work and enjoy home.

OH OH OH also, I should prolly say the good things about work too, huh? I get paid tomorrow, first, that's a good thing! I'LL GET MONEY TO BUY DELTARUNE!!!!!!!!!! YEEEESSS! also pay everything i gotta pay or whatever DELTARUNE!!!!!! Today was a good day! I'm working a lot recently, and I like that, people compliment me and say I'm a good worker, and hey, I know I shouldn't care for what people say but, D'AAWWW I'M HUMAN I LIKE THEM VALIDATIONS! I'll learn how to care less about it later, I'm watching some stoicism and taoism and stuff like that videos and budhism too, I hope I internalize some of that stuff and learn how to care less and be more at peace with myself and only myself.

ANYWAYS, BYEEEE!

[koselz]

The Night Shift

I'm doing the night shift and my opinion on it changes constantly. So, I kinda wanna write out my thoughts about it so I can think of it more clearly. I noticed that if I just think it's bad and the worst, I'm gonna get angrier and sadder to be working it, but at the same moment, the night shift has some cons that make me not like it. I'll say the good and the bad of the night shift, and also, one that's... the middle?

The Good

FREE TIME: Ideally, I was supposed to come back home and sleep at 6-7 and wake up at 14, so that I'd have my entire afternoon and evening free to do whatever I want. But, The Middle section explains it better.

THE GUY IN CHARGE: The guy in charge of the night shift is literally my cousin and he's chill and patient with me, a bit of bias maybe? Well, I like him being there.

NO OTHER BOSS PEOPLE AROUND: Like, in the normal work hours there's an office with the Manager and the Supervisor and some other important people walking around and watching. In the night shift there are still cameras of course, but it's way chiller because at least nobody's walking around all the time and looking at you. It's more discreet.

I'M READING BOOKS: YEAH! LIKE, WHAT? In the 1 hour break we have, I'm READING! I read some Lovecraft stories and finished ALICE IN WONDERLAND! I'm gonna read Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There next and see if I can finish it too! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! Or maybe I'll read a self help book, I dunno, but I'm having fun reading. The night shift is helping me read!

The Middle

FREE TIME: This is a bit complicated. Ideally, I was supposed to come back home and sleep at 6-7 and wake up at 14, so that I'd have my entire afternoon and evening free to do whatever I want. I did this in the first days, but after a bit, I started messing up a little and now I'm waking up at 16! And even though I'm sleeping at the right time and doing everything right, I'm still waking up way too late and waking up tired. I still have a lot of free time, but it's weird.

The Bad

SLEEP: I dunno, man. I was made to sleep at night! I'm having trouble sleeping in the morning and I'm ending up waking up very late.

FREE TIME: Since I'm waking up at 16, and that's super late, and even then I wake up a bit groggy, I don't really have the time to go ride my bike on Sundays in the morning, or visit my dad and my grandpa. I do have time, actually, but I'm too tired or too forgetful to go. I'll try to go visit my grandpa tomorrow, tho. But, yeah, I'm not doing much this whole month because I get tired and wake up late.

MY MOM: Me and my mom sleep in the same room, she's been saying she's been sleeping worse without me in there, because she's used to me being in my bed. Oh well, I also get like this when she travels. I feel bad for her!

Huh, I guess there's more good than bad, hm? Oh well, I'm pretty sure I can get over it. I'll keep on working normally and keep going, there ain't much I can do anyways, maybe visiting my grandpa and going out in the bit of time in the afternoon, but whatever. After all, it's only a few days and one week left so I can change shifts again. I'll go from the night shift to the afternoon shift, which is worse than the night shift, but still at least a tiny bit better because I get to sleep on time at least.

If I were to rank the shifts I'd rank them

Morning shift

Night shift

Afternoon shift

Man, the night shift is still second best, what am I complaining about, haha? It's an alright shift, the truly bad thing about it is bad sleep, maybe the bad sleeping and me stopping my writing in this blog and all that is making me more stressed out and making me see the night shift as a nightmare when it's just alright.

Anyways, guess what? It's 21:23 and close for me to go to work, BYE BYE!

[koselz]

About them lectures

Lol, no, I'm not watching them lectures no more, I'm too lazy, they're also really boring. I think I watched one cool lecturer and thought everyone else would be cool lecturers, but it ain't like that.

I'm watching random self help videos and some random stoic and Budhism videos too, they're fun.

[koselz]

I'm happy because I'm switching video essays for professor lectures on YouTube.

I still wanna watch my good old Weirdcore, Dreamcore, Liminal Space, Vaporwave video essays, of course. But I'm actually fascinated by actual teachers lecturing people about Stoicism.

[koselz]

🌙 End of day journaling

⚖️ Phase 1: The Objective Audit (The Facts)

Reviewing the day's events as a neutral observer.

Did I follow my plans for the day?

Nope. Lol. I went home and didn't do nothing.

Was I prepared enough for what happened today?

I guess I did. Today started out chill, got busier and a tiny bit anxious-like and then got chill again. There was one thing I wasn't ready for, I wasn't prepared at all for the coordinator to not let me go look for a thing. He let the trainee go look for it and told me to not go. I mean... I got surprised by it, but, I guess I don't really care THAT much?

What did I do today that was not a good use of my time?

Can't think of anything, today was pretty chill. I spent the afternoon with my friends on a call and am just chilling and drawing now.

What task or person drained my energy today? What energized me?

Work I guess. What energized me was chilling on call with my friends.

🛡️ Phase 2: The Moral Inventory (Virtue)

Comparing actions against my internal compass.

Was there any moment where my actions weren't aligned with my values?

Oh yeah, I talked more and acted more today. I shouldn't do that. Did some stupid things, I shouldn't do that. I should talk less and do less. I should really only focus on my work and my job only for a happy life.

What could I have done better?

Talk less. I want to talk even less. I want to be a background character. I want to be boring. I want people to only call me when they need me to do my work and then leave me alone after I finish it. I wanna give less reactions. I wanna react less.

Hey, I just copied and pasted it.

Did I lose control of my emotions today? What triggered that? What would have been a better reaction?

A bit. I dunno what happened, I just followed them intrusive thoughts and kicked a thing at somebody, it didn't hit them and didn't do anything really, but they noticed sightly and commented about that. It was very unprofessional of me. I don't think anything is gonna happen with that and they'll prolly forget about it (if they didn't already). But, again, I should really do less and act less and just talk less and do everything less.

What did I say today that would have been better left unsaid (or said differently)?

Nothing I said, I think. Only this above thing I did.

What 1% improvement did I make in a core habit today?

YouTube. I limited YouTube like I said in my last post.

🕊️ Phase 3: Synthesis & Forgiveness (Peace)

Closing the day with gratitude and a clear mind.

What did I learn today that will make me a better person tomorrow?

I learned that I should do and say less.

What was a small win today that I usually overlook?

I spent the afternoon with my good friends and had a lot of fun!

What would have stressed me out a year ago that I handled calmly today?

I think I'd feel sad that the coordinator didn't let me go fetch the thing I needed. But today I just said "okay" and went back to the place I was. It wasn't that bad or that big of a deal.

What do I forgive myself for today?

I forgive myself for kicking that thing. But don't do it again!

What did I do today that my future self will thank me for in six months?

Nothing really... Maybe, interacted more with my friends this afternoon, making a bit more of a bond with them. Also, about that last journal entry where I said I got a new physical journal. Yeah, whatever I'm just gonna use it as another thing for drawing I'm not gonna use it as a journal I'm too lazy.

If I had to live today on an eternal loop, would I be happy with that prospect?

No.

What made me genuinely curious today?

Kidcore stuff and Nostalgic stuff.

What is looping in my head right now that I need to "park" here so I can sleep?

The kicking thing and the coordinator thing. I learned my lesson tho, I think. I will do less, I'll only do my job, and I won't take stuff too personally. I'll just do my job and do what I'm told because it's just my job and the end.

[koselz]

Failed!

I failed and unblocked both YouTube and Claude on my phone. But I'm not too sad about it, I'm learning.

Now I know no journey is gonna be 100% straight. I went cold turkey, not that good of an idea. The same happened when I left Twitter, I spent a long time going back and checking in before I stopped using it for real. And guess what? Today, I still went there to give a quick check on Twitter to see what people were saying about Smiling Friends ending. I don't think that undoes the fact that I've been a long long time without gettin on Twitter and not even thinking about it. Feels good.

They're still blocked on my PC. Well, YouTube is blocked on my PC and Claude is blocked on mobile. I think that helps a bit.

On YouTube, what I did was, I did that thing where you remove your history and you tell YouTube to not analyze your data, so that YouTube can never know what you really like and it doesn't recommend you anything. So now, I have to actively search and look for my subscriptions, I'll see if that works a bit.

I spent two days I think with no YouTube, only listening to Spotify songs and The Daily Stoic podcast and Netflix too. I watched Midnight Gospel whole. That's good, I think.

I'll spend this week with this kinda limited YouTube, I'll also try to only use YouTube when I'm drawing. I have this account where I only watch videos about Liminal Spaces and Backrooms and relaxing stuff and stuff about Stoicism and stuff so I'll keep it as my main account and I'll keep my real main account as my secondary account.

I don't wanna get rid of YouTube, it's too cool! It has DEATH BATTLE and BFDI on it! I just wanna stop using it so much and watch more stuff outside of it. I think this will help a little?

I'll spend this week only using YouTube while drawing. If I'm eating or doing anything else, I'm not gonna be on YouTube. I'm only gonna open YouTube after I open MS Paint, be it for sketching or coloring.

Anyways, that's it. I'm not using Claude too much because I have nothing to write on it, lol.

[koselz]

Blocked YouTube and Claude.ai

I blocked these two things I was using a lot recently. I'll keep them blocked for a week to test it out. Next Friday, I'm unlocking it.

YouTube

I feel chill about this one. I really wanna start doing more stuff, writing more stuff and watching more actually cool stuff and not getting distracted by YouTube. A friend of mine encouraged me to really read more philosophy and watch more stuff, I like that. He encouraged me to go with it.

Claude.ai

Man, I can't believe I'm actually nervous about blocking this one. Awww, I'm a bit sad, I only really used it to send in stories and get the AI to analyze each sentence of it. But it was too time consuming, it was distracting me too much.

I'm gonna try looking at it on a positive light. If I don't get distracted, I'll prolly be able to finish up all my stories I wanna refine and finish the scripts of, and then, after the one week, I'll have tons of stories to send to it.

I think my biggest problem with it was that I would also do that thing I think I explained it in some other posts where I would grab lyric videos from random people online and spend hours rewriting them to fit my characters and put my characters in the songs and send them to Claude.ai

I really think that was my biggest problem. If I ever go back, I'll try to be mindful of that.

[koselz]

Blocking YouTube

Okay, that's it. My worst nightmare. I think I'll block YouTube for A WEEK! I'll see how it'll go. I'll take it one day at a time. Starting tomorrow, I think I'll block YouTube, especially on my phone.

I have tons of things I wanna read and draw and do. I seriously think if I block YouTube, I'll be able to do these things. I REALLY DO!

I WANNA READ MORE, BRO! BUT IT'S JUST EASIER TO JUST WATCH AN YOUTUBE VIDEO I THINK! Like, Epictetus in his docs or some shit writes like an old motherfucker. I don't understand shit, I'm dumb! But when the Daily Stoic goes and dumbs it down to me I get it!

ALSO! I WANNA WATCH MORE STUFF FROM OTHER PLACES! I wanna watch more series and movies I never watched, different media! I only watch reaction videos, that's stupid!

Tomorrow after I come back from work, I'm blocking YouTube for a single week to test how I do without it.

[koselz]

I got this template from Reddit user u/JorgeGodoy. I'll try to use it every day or whenever I want to...

🌙 End of day journaling

⚖️ Phase 1: The Objective Audit (The Facts)

Reviewing the day's events as a neutral observer.

Did I follow my plans for the day?

Yes. I went to work counts as a plan, since it's obligatory, but I went to work, went home, then went to buy things around the neighborhood, including a physical notebook to act as a physical journal and a box cutter for work.

Was I prepared enough for what happened today?

I don't really remember how it went at work, I think everything worked out, if something went wrong, I'd be sad about it. After work, it was pretty chill. Everything went well.

What did I do today that was not a good use of my time?

Talking to AI. I blocked ChatGPT, now I gotta block Claude! This is something that really wastes my time, I just listen to random cartoon songs, transcribe them with my own characters and put it for AI to analyze each sentence of the text one by one. It takes a long time to do this and I hate it. I do come up with some random story ideias with this, but I gotta write them on my Notes app and not on AI.

What task or person drained my energy today? What energized me?

Nothing really drained my energy too much. Maybe work? Just because it's work and at work you work, I guess, but nothing else. I talked to AI a bit, but it was only for a bit and it didn't really drain me.

Something that energized me was going out and buying stuff. I felt good! Also drawing using new styles, I'm gonna try looking for new drawing techniques later! And writing this, and knowing I'll try to have a physical journal too.

🛡️ Phase 2: The Moral Inventory (Virtue)

Comparing actions against my internal compass.

Was there any moment where my actions weren't aligned with my values?

There was probably one time or another where I talked too much, but I can't remember. Today was really chill and calm, really.

OH, I REMEMBER! I pretended to get an anime reference when truly I didn't get it at the time. I got it later after work when I searched what the hell did it meant, but at the time I didn't. Nobody really cares about that, tho. It got a laugh out of the person who made the reference, who felt good for making a successful reference, so, I guess it was good? Still, I'm trying to be more honest with my likes and dislikes and more honest in general, so it DOES go against my values, even if it was for the right cause.

What could I have done better?

Talk less. I want to talk even less. I want to be a background character. I want to be boring. I want people to only call me when they need me to do my work and then leave me alone after I finish it. I wanna give less reactions. I wanna react less.

Did I lose control of my emotions today? What triggered that? What would have been a better reaction?

Not really, I didn't get annoyed today too much. I managed to control my emotions well, I believe.

What did I say today that would have been better left unsaid (or said differently)?

I can't really remember.

What 1% improvement did I make in a core habit today?

Drawing? READING! I want to read more. I think if I limit YouTube and Claude tomorrow, there'll be nothing left to do but draw and read. I really wanna try that for at least a week.

🕊️ Phase 3: Synthesis & Forgiveness (Peace)

Closing the day with gratitude and a clear mind.

What did I learn today that will make me a better person tomorrow?

Reading is great! I read a ELEMENTARY SCHOOL BOOK today about Arts and it taught me a new painting technique that was fun to draw. I wanna do more drawings in that style. I think I can do at least 10, they're so fun to make and simple!

What was a small win today that I usually overlook?

I went out and bought stuff. I started a nice little journal now. I'm writing this, on my blog now. Many small wins! I drew! I have a new little to-do list.

What would have stressed me out a year ago that I handled calmly today?

I think I'd feel more insecure. Anytime people ask me about my dating life, I say I have no rush. I'm slowly being more honest. I'd feel way more insecure and probably would be in a huge web of lies right now if I continued lying.

What do I forgive myself for today?

That reference thing, probably? I didn't do much today, really. Not that I remember I think...

What did I do today that my future self will thank me for in six months?

My journal I think?

If I had to live today on an eternal loop, would I be happy with that prospect?

This is kind of a dumb question. I wouldn't be happy living any day in a eternal loop, I'd go crazy.

What made me genuinely curious today?

Painting techniques and stoic journals.

What is looping in my head right now that I need to "park" here so I can sleep?

My journal and my painting techniques studies. I wanna do it all at once, I gotta calm down and do it one step at a time. My new journal will help a lot tho. I might write on it again right now actually.

[koselz]

Working in the morning is so amazing, I'm gonna write a whole text being grateful to it.

That's it! I'm the happiest I've ever been while working. People said that the Morning Shift would be the best shift ever and IT REALLY IS! OH MY GOD IT'S JUST GREAT.

And now I'll tell everything I like about it.

FIRSTLY, it forces me to wake up earlier. So, like, if I keep working like this and continue sleeping early and waking up early, I'm eventually just gonna get used to it and just sleep earlier and wake up earlier in general. NICE!

SECONDLY, the break time. It's at 10AM, and BRO, I DUNNO, this is just me, but the SUN feels SO GOOD on my skin at 10AM, I DUNNO, MAN! I just feel great going home riding my bike, getting some morning sunlinght on my skin, when it's not too hot and not too cold and it's just peaceful. Not that many people around in the streets, I can just go very slowly because I have 1 hour to chill. IT'S JUST GREAT.

THIRDLY, you get out at 2PM. That's so early, bro! You have the whole afternoon and night to chill and just do nothing. I HAVE THE WHOLE AFTERNOON TO DRAW AND CHILL AND WATCH VIDEOS AND DO ANYTHING IT'S JUST GREAT! Oh my God.

FOURTHLY, DUDE, I JUST REALIZED, IF I GET USED TO SLEEPING EARLY AND WAKING UP EARLY NOW, on Sundays, I'm gonna sleep just as early and wake up just as early! BROTHER I'M GONNA BIKE ALL DAY!

FIFTHLY, not really related to the SHIFT, just the current state of work. The movement at The Company™ at the moment is starting to slow down. It usually slows down a lot in the middle of the year and it peaks at the end and beggining of the year. NOWDAYS IT'S SO SLOW. We're just doing almost nothing the entire shift!

That's it. It's just great. It just feels great. I'm so happy. I'm so grateful... for... uh... work, I guess? I AM GRATEFUL FOR WORK! I'M GRATEFUL TO BE WORKING! I swear, if I manage to find a way to distract myself more with my own thoughts at work so that time passes faster since the movement there is so slow and we're doing nothing, I'll be super happy. Maybe I just gotta really stop looking at the clock and just focus at the little work we have and maybe do some techniques to pass the time faster, I dunno. BUT I REALLY LOVE ALL OF THIS, THE ONLY LITTLE COMPLAIN I HAVE IS TIME PASSING SLOWLY, BUT I DON'T CARE IT'S STILL SO GOOD.

I'm gonna tell you something, normally at The Company™, all those years, we only had two shifts, Morning and Afternoon. What that means is, it would be PERFECT for me. Firstly, because I'd only have to wait one measly month for the HEAVENLY MORNING SHIFT again. And second because I'd work Morning one month and get used to waking up early, and then I'd work in the Afternoon, BUT STILL WAKING UP EARLY. So it'd be great because I'd continue waking up early and I'd have time to enjoy my mornings better and chill even being in the Afternoon shift.

BUT! Recently, The Company™ has been experimenting with a Night shift, though. Now the shift switcharoo is Morning, Night, Afternoon. That's kinda bullshit in my opinion, like, damn, it breaks the whole sleeping pattern, it ruins the whole sleeping schedule of the person. Even if I get used to waking up early, I'll have now get my brain used to being awake all night and sleeping at morning. I don't know if it's gonna be like this forever and ever. Some people theorize it's just for these few months, some people theorize it IS gonna be forever, I don't know. I hope it's not forever, but I also don't care, I'll get over it, I won't complain.

I'm trying to look at it in a positive way. Check this out, if I'm in this shift, it'll basically be the same as the Morning shift free time wise. Because, think about it, I'll go at Night and spend the whole night there and go home at 6AM (the time I leave to work the Morning shift). When I get home, I'll immediately try maybe to just eat something chill and then go the fuck to sleep. If I sleep the normal, full 8 hours all humans need, I'll sleep 6AM-7AM-8AM-9AM-10AM-11AM-12PM-1PM-2PM (I'm counting 9 hours, because it'll prolly take me the whole 6AM to fall asleep). THAT'S STILL VERY GOOD BECAUSE THAT'S LITERALLY JUST THE NORMAL MORNING SCHEDULE. I STILL GOT THE ENTIRE AFTERNOON TO CHILL.

Now, I'm saying I'll TRY to sleep the whole full 8 hours of sleep. But I used to sleep often at 6AM and I'd wake up normally at 12PM or 1PM max. So that means I can even get 2 extra free time hours (I won't force it tho, sleep's important)

I dunno, I'm just trying to find the positives so I can be happy either way. Damn, I think when I go back to the Afternoon shift I'll be so sad for a bit, lol. But, yeah, whatever. All I really hope is that the Night shift is not forever. If it's just these starting months, it's fine. If it goes on forever and ever and it just becomes a thing... well... I mean... there's nothing I can do about it, so why in the ever loving Hell will I waste my energy worrying about it? I'll just make the best I can out of it and enjoy my freetime out of work.

Anyways, gotta go to sleep now, bye!

[koselz]

Something I've noticed about my new Morning Shift

When I was in the Commercial Shift, the Company was ALWAYS filled with people working, because it's when all the shifts kinda meet. I was always with the normal workers, the other workers of the commercial shift, and with the trainees.

When I was in the Afternoon Shift, the Company would start very filled with people and then it'd get quiet. The first part of the shift had us, the normal afternoon workers, the afternoon trainees, and the commercial shift workers, all together! But, the second part of the shift would have only us from the afternoon.

Now I'm in the Morning Shift, and it starts with only us for 2 hours, then it fills up with the commercial shift workers and the morning trainees for 4 hours (and in one of these hours we, the morning workers, get our break), and then it goes back to being quiet for the last 2 hours.

[koselz]

So, today I:

Installed them blockers

I installed the many extra blockers and all that stuff I said I'd install on my PC and on my phone. I gotta try installing some more in my phone I think, but for now, the ones I have will do.

YouTube, I decided to do the password thing, I can only use it now if I'm gonna DRAW, PLAY A GAME or EAT. These three things only, if I use YouTube, I gotta be either making a drawing, playing or eating.

Newgrounds

Am doing the Newgrounds thing of posting my arts only in there, I just deleted my main Bluesky account and sent all the art on it to Newgrounds, it wasn't a lot, just, like, 3 posts. I still have my OC account to organize and send to Newgrounds. I have these OC comics and designs and stuff, I'm sending ALLA 'EM to Newgrounds.

Also posted random bad NSFW doodles in there, lol, I don't really care anymore, I dunno what's happening to me, I even Republished old posts I had previously Unpublished from Newgrounds because I found them cringe, and I just published them again. I'm just gonna post everything in there forever now, I don't care anymore.

Reddit

Blocked Reddit. Also, installed the oldreddit.com extension, so even if one day I decide to unblock Reddit, it'll be the old Reddit and very limited because I installed a limiting extension too. But, yeah, blocked Reddit forever now.

Other stuff

I also drew a bit, and am trying to learn how to Gleek.

[koselz]

Quitting social media

Uh, update on that, I guess.

Twitter

Blocked everywhere, on PC and on mobile. I plan on adding even more extensions and blockers on many more websites and also on Twitter even more on Twitter. I haven't used it in a bit. Since my last post, I stopped using it, then started using it again, then left again now. I hope this time is the final time.

Instagram

I use it very rarely, literally just to talk to friends whenever I need to because everyone has Instagram. Like, I talked to the tattoo artist I wanna make a tattoo with BY INSTAGRAM, so, it's useful for that. I also use it to see some random art from artists that have Instagram. The thing is, I only use it for a few minutes and leave. I think I'll put some timers on Instagram, and make myself use it only 10 minutes per day, maybe even just 5. But, it's not that big a deal in my life.

Tumblr

I don't really use Tumblr, only for this blog. Hmm... it has annoying notifications on my phone, though. I might try to disable the notifs from my phone.

Bluesky

I was considering posting more art in there... I dunno if I really want to, I might just delete my accounts and keep on posting on Newgrounds. I have an account where I only post about my OCs, I might just send all this to Newgrounds. But, I dunno, I also kind of like my account for OCs. I might just keep it. I kinda always forget to post stuff in there whenever I draw.

Newgrounds

Is it social media? Anyways, I only use it to post one art or another and leave, and see some art on it sometimes. I really think I SHOULD make Newgrounds my only ever art posting grounds. I wanted to keep this kind of mysterious and cool vibes on my account, but I think I just don't care anymore. I think I'll just post everything in there and get over it.

Newgrounds is a bit weird, because I have a weird goal. I kinda wanna be the person there with the most drawings in the world, or at least one of them. I draw a lot, but I only post, like, a few of them in there. I think that's a cool goal. It inspires me to draw more.

Reddit

That's a really hard one to quit. Damn, I hate myself so much for this. I just love using Reddit for random questions and opinions and stuff, it's just so useful. Like, tutorials and stuff. I like Reddit because of this.

Listen, I'll do some research on how to quit Reddit, if I find good alternatives, BECAUSE, LIKE, I know that the advice that people give on Reddit is just advice you can find in like, better sourced websites and forums and books and stuff, I just want more confirmation. If I find cool alternatives and cool reasons, I'll just quit it and block it. BUT, if I don't, really, maybe I'll just delete my account so I'm unable to post and comment, but I'll still keep it unblocked so I can read posts, I'll just NOT have an account.

YouTube

THE HARDEST ONE TO QUIT, OH MY GOD! YouTube is SO hard to quit, man. I just love watching videos all the time and having it as background noise. Most of my phone time is on YouTube. I gotta quit it, BUT IT'S JUST SO USEFUL AND COOL, AGAIN! LIKE REDDIT! I use it for research, I use it for tutorials, I use it to watch meditation videos HOW IS THAT A DETRIMENT? I dunno, but I know it is, because I'm addicted, whoops, and I get distracted by it often.

I think what I'm gonna do with YouTube is to install every possible extension to make it boring and harder to addict me, like, no Shorts, no Reccomended, no Infinite Timeline, no Related Videos, stuff like this, y'know?