koul2701 @koul2701 - Tumblr Blog

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The end of the second lockdown, and the beginning of my anxiety.

Working from home is not easy, especially when you are liable for your entire team which is not at home. Arvin had missed three rotational calls and was completely out of touch. I had no idea about what was going on at the other end. Oh, how I wish I was on-field. The board was tapping his outgoing calls, but he hadn’t made…

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#mission #Spy #thrill

WFH- work from heart

I’m sitting on my balcony, like usual. With my laptop and diary ready for the meeting today, I quickly get up to make myself a cup of coffee while I still have time. Before I sit, I position the table so that the sunlight beams a little on my face and arrange the plants behind my chair.

I settle, prepare, and turn my video on. My team and my boss and the client company, everybody is seated…

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The cleanser.

It is a cloudy sunny morning, the light from the sun fluctuating between shining dim, when it hides itself behind the heavy clouds and bright, when clouds, constantly moving, no longer obscure it. I walk on the beach, bare foot, feeling the wet earth with the sole of my feet, letting the mud slip through between my toes. It is soothing to walk, aimlessly on the shore of a sea which is so blue and warm. I gaze at the sky to see the distant birds flying, wonderful how they aren't scared of heights! I notice behind myself the sand which has my foot prints. I look around, children playing, not bothered about the school homework they will have to do once their holidays are over; youngsters sun bathing, zero per cent worried about the pending assignments they have to complete or the exams for which they have to study; middle-aged relaxing momentarily, hoping that this short vacation from work would be enough of a stress buster for the whole year. The old aged are difficult to read, they looked perplexed, either because the serenity of the vast sea is unfathomable to them or because the commotion made by the other age groups is irritating them. I walk towards the sea until the water level is up to my calves. I stop, and smile at the enormous sea which is glistening. I become restless for a moment, fighting the urge to run to the middle of the sea to touch the shiny surface of it. I sit, then, letting the saline water which is really cold, wet my clothes. A third of me lie submerged. I can foresee myself suffering from a bad cold the following morning but I let go of the thought. I let my hair open, making another part of my body vulnerable to damage. I pressure the wet soil with my hands, imprinting it, to sit in a more comfortable manner. I look around again, and I feel lost. So many people here but how many would, at the moment, be breathing into them the sea? My thoughts wander...

I cup my hands to take into them some water from the sea and throw it over myself. The cold water seems to refresh me. I do it again, this time to see if water, which is used to clean everything, can cleanse me from within. I feel everybody on this planet needs cleansing, physically and spiritually. While we take care to clean our physical selves, how do we clean the inner part of us, our souls? Most of the individuals on this planet searching for happiness and seeking to live a happy life, find themselves living blissfully after some or many years of struggle but, what everybody fails to think is that the struggle which they passed, the difficult times that went by have brought with them numerous bad experiences, negative feelings, many stressful days, some inhibitions and regrets. Unknowingly, these regrets and fears still stay within us even if we are not thinking about the bad times daily. Of course, all of these are as important as the success stories, they help you learn better, help you grow faster but once you have gained from them why not let go? I don’t know what is that that I need, to deterge myself spiritually and from within.

Is it letting go of the thought completely? Is reading books on spirituality going to help? Will doing some sort of yoga be useful? Will being relentlessly busy all the time going to help? Is avoiding to take any further risk in life so that the chances of making mistakes is reduced the solution? Is living in the present, neither dwelling on the past nor thinking of the future the mantra?

Maybe living in the present is the key, I am not sure, I don't know. I feel fidgety, I don't like doubts, I don'u like being unsure. I divert myself from the thought of cleansing my inner self to the sea shore again. I can see a family playing and teasing, they look so happy. On my other side I see some children eating and then they suddenly throw chips wrappers into the sea! I am agitated. I get up immediately but I see the waves carrying the garbage with itself. I realize that after some time it is going to disappear, drowned into the water, eaten by the sea. The sea doesn’t react on being treated casually, does it? It accepts everything, maintains itself and flows with the same serenity forever. The sea forgives the humans, and forgets about it. Forgiveness. Forgiveness and forgetfulness is the key. I discover, in order to have oneself cleaned spiritually, one must forgive and forget. Forgive yourself if you regret any of your mistakes and forget about the bad experiences. Forgive the person who might have done you wrong and forget the thoughts that disturb you. The spiritual cleanser is important because the spirit needs cleansing as much as the body does so that it is fresh, and makes oneself feel good. It is important so that the happy times can be even more happy and the sad ones, a little less depressing. It is important because the soul needs to grow as much as the body does.

You might feel that forgive and forget doesn’t fit you, because obviously we are all different individuals, don’t worry in that case. Introspect.

-Koul.