Im on mobile because I dont have a computer so I cant make this all nice and organized but here it goes.
I’m extremely depressed and the year has been the hardest of my life. Ive tried to OD for the first time and Ive cut for the first time and now because of situations I now live in an extremely abusive household. My fathers household. Whose been a blight my whole life but the only one with room available was him and the homewrecker he cheated on my mom for.
My dad is also my boss and his business is completely unreliable on hours. Its a cleaning company and we arent paid for the time it takes us to drive to every place, not even compensated, meaning a 40hr work week can easily be just 20. His bargain for taking me in is to take half my paycheck, so I get even less than the little I was already getting. Now I have to preface this with I’m really sickly, always have been and probably always will and this line of work does not help. I’m sick constantly, meaning I can work even less and since moving in with him I make maybe $50 a week (because he takes more than half Ive done the math).
$50 a week to buy myself groceries and necessities and provide for my 2 cats. Because my father refuses to do anything than allow me to live in a room in his house. Any fucking human being could understand that thats not enough to live, even while not paying rent or anything $200 to live on in Hawaii of all places is completely unrealistic seeing as its the most EXPENSIVE state to live in.
So I’m broke and depressed, where’s the abuse come in? My dad has been abusive my whole life, from beating me as a kid to yelling and screaming about how everything I do is wrong and I’m a lowlife. Last year he seemed to want to reconnect and I made the mistake of believing that, he acted nice until the reality of actually helping his own child was there. He’s clearly never wanted to be a father and clearly doesnt have the care to even try. Since I’ve moved in I’ve been treated like I’m sub-human. I’m yelled at and screamed at that I dont know how to care for myself yet not given the means to do so. I’m treated as a plague to his happy fake marriage life with the woman who helped destroy my family even more (I’m not gonna pretend like it wasnt already broken and fucked before the cheating but it really doesnt fucking help). And any small thing they do is an act from god to me making it vitually impossible to even attempt to grin, bear it and please them.
And at work I’m treated worse because I can’t just stay in my room, I’m treated like a lowlife animal to an extent he doesnt even do to his other workers (who he treats terribly as well) because I am his child and he can take all my money because he’s not just my boss but my father and when I brought up how he legally cant keep my money from me (when I asked to get my cats checked up) he said he legally doesnt have to keep me in the house.
There are so many more reason how my father is vile and abusive but the bottom line here is I need money BADLY so I can get out. Living like this with depression and anxiety on top is completely unbearable and I’ve reached a breaking point where I’m really not ok and I really cant go on.
I need money to move, out of Hawaii since anywhere is cheaper (So plane and moving and vet checks to get my cats out with me), and money on top to pay for a place for awhile while I look for a job. I’m looking for another job now but I haven’t had any luck and even when I do I doubt Ill be making enough to move out quickly. Or if Ill even have a place since I dont know if my dad will let me stay if Im not working for him and he doesnt have control over my money.
If anyone knows the best sites to set up donation things please let me know and Ill update this with a place but for now this is my PayPal and anything will mean the fucking world to me and help me so much so god please?
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