HIATUS
i keep forgetting to make this post, but i’m putting this blog on an indefinite hiatus. i’ll probably come back soon, but for now my muse is a lot stronger for these two blogs, so that’s where i’ll be focusing my time.

if i look back, i am lost

Kiana Khansmith
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

⁂
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HIATUS
i keep forgetting to make this post, but i’m putting this blog on an indefinite hiatus. i’ll probably come back soon, but for now my muse is a lot stronger for these two blogs, so that’s where i’ll be focusing my time.
mun’s info
name: andrea birthday: sept 13th ethnicity: mexican / white gender: female preferred pronouns: she/her sexual orientation: pansexual occupation: unemployed hidden talent: not really hidden, but i’m good at ceramics / carving. relationship status: single height: 5′5″ weight: dicks. scars: lots. mental illnesses: depression, ptsd, anxiety physically illnesses: none.
naaklein:
❛ I am not grumpy. ❜
Of course, most of the time when Mae’s around him, he’s very grumpy. But it’s not her FAULT, anyways —- mostly things that surround him. Almost all the time, he has something pressing on his mind: the things he keeps in his HOUSE, people snooping around the place during various weeks, the police… people that could greatly affect the outcome of his life, DEPENDING on whether or not they actually figure out what he’s been doing. So he just lets Mae think it’s her fault ( or, at least, that what he’s HOPING she’s thinking ).
❛ Okay, maybe you just THINK I’m grumpy. But to me, this is just the way I am; can’t think of bein’ any other way. ❜
And now he smirks, taking another bite of his sandwich, setting it down, and STARING down at his fingers for several seconds.
❛ Should I buy you dog food next time you’re here ? How ‘bout TOMORROW ? ❜
"do you even know how to smile?” probably not. she’s seen it, of course, but doubts that it’s a genuine one. he had more of that smirking guy thing going on. mae isn’t sure what it’s about, but, hey, it’s his mouth. she just wants him to seem a little happier. “i’ll leave and never come back.” she whines, eating more of her food. that was probably more a favor to him than a threat, but it’s not like she has anything better. even play threats didn’t work out with mae. she was just too... childish. she’d never been in a fight in her entire life, and started crying within seconds of being yelled at. she takes a drink of her orange juice, a bit ruffled. “give me your plate when you’re done.” as if this is her place. she stands and grabs hers, putting the remaining bit of sandwich into her mouth as she heads over to his sink. might as well start helping now.
icarus // bastille | send song requests here
imqetuous:
He barely has time to return the smile because once again she rushes away from his sight, disappearing into another room— although he follows her as far as he can with his eyes, curious to see what she went to fetch.
Anyway— his cellphone begins to vibrate inside the pocket, attracting his attention for the arrival of a new message. He pulls out the device, unlocking the screen and checking the new messages— some praise from colleagues for today’s debate, casual conversation with friends and the newest one is from Ira, his brother.
[ bro ] : just arrived bro which floor are you
In the middle of the climbling of suffering to arrive in Mae’s apartment, Eli remembers having sent the address to his brother, without mentioning the floor however.
With a wicked smile he offers the information along a challenge.
[ you ] : ninth floor [ you ] : i bet a month of laundry you cant get here in 5
The noise of something being placed on the table, makes him divert his attention from the screenand when his eyes find the girl back in recint, he offers her a bright grin and pockets the cell, leaving unnoticed another vibration. His gaze then falls upon the food offered and a slight frown forms on his brow.
“You didn’t have to— wait, is that chocolate?”
His hand launches toward the red package to then quickly pull back towards him, going through torturous process of unwrapping to then take the first bite, a hum of satisfaction vibrates in his throat as he chews.
The young man brings a hand up to cover his mouth when he decides to comment.
“I’ll use the railing to go down.”
He says, his voice slightly muffled for he was still chewing, his other hand rises and points a finger at her to emphasize.
“I will not even touch that evil stairway again.”
With this promise he goes for the next bite, but as soon as she calls his name, Eli is turning his head with raised eyebrows to hear her concerns— he’s about to tell her about the exchange of messages between the two when two knocks at the door interrupts his train of thought.
“Oh, speaking of the devil.”
Eli says with a smirk as he puts his chocolate back on the table and stands up to go answer the door— which he opens with a bit of difficulty. On the other side stands an identical figure to him, bent over and panting while holding a hanger with the suit in one hand.
The smirk on Eli’s face only widens when his green eyes lowers to check his watch.
“Six minutes, loser.”
somewhat horrified, mae almost knocks into eli as he stops in front of her door and opens it, revealing a panting... mirror image of eli. twins. sighing, mae throws eli a look and slips past him, reaching out to the boy. now she felt guilty for both of their pain... though she was on the verge of feeling a little less bad for eli’s. she leads his brother in and directs him over to the couch before going to fetch him what she’d just grabbed eli. when she comes back she hands them over to his brother before she leans back, scratching the back of her neck. she felt bad that he’d had to go up all those stairs, but it wasn’t her fault. it was eli’s. she gives him another look before sitting on the side of her couch again, licking her lips. “i’m really sorry about that... you didn’t have to do that. uh.. those are for the pain." she motions to the juice and chocolate, hopping up again. best get back to it now that they had the suit. she did say this wouldn’t take all that long, and she really doesn’t want to waste any more of their time than she has to. pulling the backdrop and metal rods out of her bag, she begins to assemble them, having some trouble near the top. “can you help me with this, eli? i can’t really reach.” eli was just barely taller than her, but she figures he might have better luck with it. she falls back from her tip toes and puts her hands on her hips, looking at the backdrop. it was bright green - something that’d be easy to take out later on when she was editing. “you’re gonna be a spy on the cover. like james bond or something like that. i don’t have a fake gun for you, though. you can use your finger if it makes you feel a little more spy-y.” she says as she thinks of it, laughing slightly. the idea wasn’t all that original, but this was more of presentation than it was idea. she was also gonna have to remember his full name so that she could put it on the cover later on. eli... ham... something something. she’d have to ask before he left. mae turns to his brother and grins, pressing her knee against the arm of the couch. “eli said that you’re ‘artistic’? d’you paint?”
you can tell a lot about a person from their music. hit shuffle on you ipod, mp3 player, etc. & put the first 10 songs. one rule, no skipping! tag 10 people & pass it on!
REPOST. DON’T REBLOG.
tagged by: bab
1. i have never loved someone - my brightest diamond 2. the mighty fall - fall out boy 3. tear in my heart - twenty one pilots 4. stronger than you - estelle 5. la vie en rose - daniela andrade 6. buttons - sia 7. suerte - shakira 8. saturn - sleeping at last 9. ain’t no sunshine - bill withers 10. trap queen - fetty wap
tagging: imqetuous, tuurian, caravns, ofbloodcall, ofdefense, maridhinna, unseenmockingjay, viewtokill, astriferouus, noctiuagus, nyxvuur, nivallis, personistar
imqetuous:
With a grunt he throws himself back to lie on the cold floor, feeling his column straightening with a few crackles, he still requires some time to regain control over his breathing.
“I’ll only drink that apple juice if it can leave me without feeling my legs for awhile.”
The guy commented with a grimace that intensifies when the cited limbs’ muscles throb painfully, drawing another grunt from his throat— but he will not to be shut down by a dumb cramp so to show who still rules, he stretches his legs to the maximum, gritting his teeth while feeling the tendons straining under the skin.
His stretching is stopped when he hears something crash into the wood, his head snaps toward the sound and he quickly stands up on his feet.
“You ok there, Mae?”
His tone is concerned, but also grows a little uncertain, because as soon as he steps in the apartment, she repeats the movement to close the door behind them, making him a little more concerned— before he can question the state of her health again, the girl has disappeared from his sight, leaving him alone to examine the place.
He quietly lets his eyes drink the inside of the apartment and smiling amusedly with the fact that there is no empty space, every corner seems filled with a piece of the owner’s personality, posters, pictures, plants and also pillows and blankets scattered around give the place a cozy impression. He wanders through the space, looking closely at the paintings before following her suggestion and make himself comfy by find a place to sit on the couch, that’s how she finds him— one leg draped over the other with his hands on his thighs, still absolving the surroundings.
When he detects the sound of her approaching, he turns his head to look at her over his shoulder with a grin.
“You got a really nice place here.”
color flares in her cheeks again and she grins a little wider, not bothering to hide it. it made her almost unreasonably happy when her apartment was complimented ( even though it was as messy & disorganized as its owner ). it meant they could be comfortable there, and that was the entire point of a home. besides protection, of course... “thank you! oh, and, before i forget.” she hurries off to the kitchen, clanking around for a minute before coming back with a glass of apple juice and some chocolate. he probably wouldn’t like the juice as much as whiskey, but she hopes that it will still help take away some of the burn leftover from her devil stairs. she sets the things on the table before returning to the bag, smiling. “to help with the pain. that climb is really crappy, but at least the way down is a piece of cake.” obviously. she’s just hoping to lighten his mood. that hellish climb really took a lot out of a person. mae unzips the bag & begins to assemble the tripod. might as well do something she knew how to do best while he kicked back a little. she finally fishes the camera out of its little bag, screwing it on top tightly. perfect. all they had now was the backdrop and then they could begin with test pictures. it’s only when she sits on the edge of the couch that she remembers, looking over at eli in slight alarm. his brother still had to deliver his suit. she didn’t want him to have to endure the devil stairs just to drop something off. "uh... eli? when is your brother getting here? i.. think i should go down to meet him.”
naaklein:
❛ Well Jesus, Mae. What makes you THINK I don’t already eat dog food every day ? S'like, you already think I’m a milk and alcohol kind'a guy. —- you MEAN you don’t already think I’m a dog food kind'a guy, either ? I dunno, haven’t eaten puppy chow in forever. ❜
Since high school, at least. The last time he can remember ever BUYING it had been during one of the football games ( and even then, he only remembers because he’d gotten into one of the most INTENSE fights of his life somewhere in one of the nearby fields; he hadn’t won, but it had been one hell of a damn FIGHT ). He’d been eating puppy chow right before the guys had approached them. That bag had saved him at least two seconds, but it hadn’t DEFENDED him from what followed after it.
❛ Guess I just didn’t wanna make any of this stuff for just that long. It’s nice not to HAVE something for a while, you know ? Makes you happier when you finally get it. ❜
mae stares at him for a long time before shaking her head and taking another bite of her sandwich, just dropping the subject now. he was so weird sometimes. she licks her lips and shrugs, resting her head on her free hand. “that sounds like torture.” it was a lot easier for mae to just surround herself with the things she liked. not only did it make her happy, it made life really nice when you had something to look forward to every day. even on her worst days, she finds herself alot happier after getting one of many things that she enjoys. “you need to treat yourself more. maybe you wouldn’t be so grumpy if you did.” she smiles again, this time doing nothing to hide it. even if he didn’t get mad at her, he was still a big grump. well.. he just didn’t smile all that often. for someone who could never stop smiling, though, that was reason enough to consider him a big grump.
imqetuous:
Already on the third floor he seriously thinks he’s going to die, three floors more and he’s pretty sure he will, add three more flights of stairs and he does not know how the hell is still alive and the only coherent thought in his mind is that hell must have lots of stairs, but not so many as this building.
At some point of the climb, he heard the voice of the girl, something about apple juice, but his stunned mind seems to have forgotten to give an answer or have listed it as a hallucination.
But anyway, his ordeal seems to come to an end when he finally encounters a grinning Mae sitting on the top of the stairs clearly trying to hold back her laughter and doing a pretty poor job on it— Eli gives her a withering look that must not do much effect with him leaning against the railing, breathing heavily.
“I… hate… stairs… so… much.”
He responds with a breathless voice and a frown on his pretty face, glaring down at the stone blocks which will now be part of his nightmares. He takes another minute to catch enough breath to climb a few steps, grimacing and then drop himself beside her.
“A copy of the cover, one bottle of whiskey and a new lung because I think I lost one on the fourth floor.”
it makes her laugh, breath mostly caught by now. it wasn’t as hard for her as it’d once been - she could still remember her first week of crawling up those last few stairs, practically crying. those were not good times to be mae’s legs. she gives him a light pat on the back, digging out her keys. “how about a copy, apple juice, and i’ll let you cry into one of my pillows?” her laughter is interrupted by the door jamming against god knows what, forcing mae to hit hard with her shoulder to spring it open. kidney disease may not have been in her future, but there was always dislocation of the shoulder. she leads him in and shoves the door back into place, clapping her hands nervously. "this is it! you can go ahead and make yourself comfy - i’ll... go get the bag.” the floor creaks dangerously under their feet in some spots, doors don’t open without being tackled by a lineman, and air seeps in through unseen cracks and crevices. and mae loved it more than anything. it was small and cozy, every empty space filled with whatever she could find to make it feel more like a home. pillows, blankets, flowers, paintings, posters, candles - anything and everything she could think of to fill some space. she hopes that he likes it even half as much as she does. once she’s in her room she settles a bit, shedding all her unnecessary layers and tying her hair back out of the way. she needed to be without anything that might distract her from doing a good job. the duffel bag was stuffed in her closet between some blankets, so large that mae had to carry it like a small child, walking slow to avoid hitting anything. once he was back in sight she grinned excitedly, placing it carefully on the couch. “here it is! everything we need to make you famous.”
It's National Kissing Day, send ‘:*’ to give my muse a kiss.
i can’t even look in my eclipse folder without getting mad at this stupid fucking wig
[ kicks small alduin like a football ]
Let me touch you, Sink my teeth deeper. I want to taste your blood, I want to hear your heart beat and taste your fear.
Alec Everdark
sometimes the rage coats my skin, seeps steadily into my soul and it is as if i am an ember, a small, pulsing bead of fire, cast off from the flame that created me but unable to forget its furious light. i feel myself glow with the knowledge that soon this hollow place in my chest will grow hot and torrid, an inferno swelling within me till i ignite. i am an ember a fervent spark of life feverish and bright i set myself alight. i burn and burn and burn, delighting in the blaze– yet i destroy nothing but myself, it is me i lay to waste.
afterwards there is only ash, Amrita C. (via ravenreyse)
May my heart be kind, my mind fierce, and my spirit brave.
Kate Forsyth (via tellmefive)
same