The Long and Exciting Life of Kreet the Kobold

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[bluedraggy]

More Tumblr thoughts before I leave.

Tumblr

I’ve used Tumblr for years now, because I’m really not an artist. More of a wannabe writer that also likes to color drawings by others. Yeah, it’s a form of coattail riding, I’ll be the first to admit. But I also have tons of stories where I inserted images in appropriate places - some of them lewd, some not so much. But now most have been flagged and I’ve started backups on all my blogs to get everything off Tumblr as fast as I can.

What I’ll do with it all, I really don’t know - but at least once I’ve got everything out of the cloud and onto a nice USB drive, I’ll be master of my own content’s destiny again. And that will be a good thing. Unlike a lot of people, I’m really not all that pissed at Tumblr. I don’t like it, but I understand it. However, I do have a nice chuckle imagining the eyes of their ‘powers that be’ as massive numbers of people depart. The issue as I see it is a common one these days - do social platforms bear responsibility for the posts generated by their users? And it’s a question that has raged since the days of BBS’ in the 1990s. (I always come back to that since it’s my old stomping ground).

My personal feeling is that no, they don’t. Unless they decide they do. But once you take up the mantle of Content Police, you’ve also just taken up the inherent responsibility for it. Seems fair to me really - after all, platforms like Tumblr are making their $ off freely-donated content in exchange for a platform that allows others to find their content relatively easy. If Tumblr thinks that keeping their app on the Apple App Store is most important (they’re wrong, but it’s their decision), then Congratulations! With luck, their app will get back on the App Store and no one will care about it any more.

No, the real problem as I see it is with Apple. They pull the app from their App Store because SOME people that use it post objectionable content. Well, okay. Good thing NO ONE on Twitter does anything like that, right? There are surely no objectionable posts on Facebook either I’m sure. They could easily put a caveat and/or warning on the app, but no - they just pulled it. Again, it’s Apple’s right to do so - it’s their store. But I really hope all you iOS users think about that. Why you’re using any Apple product I really can’t fathom. (Full disclosure, my SO also uses an iPhone, as much as I’ve tried over the years to get her to stop.)

So at this moment I’m backing up all my Tumblr blogs. (I hope. Tumblr SAYS they’re backing up. I bet that server farm is suddenly balls-to-the-wall backing up though.)  Don’t worry too much about the disk space, Tumblr! I promise once I get all my content off, I’ll wipe my blogs and save you every bit of space I ever took! Just think of all those squeaky clean servers you’ll have pretty soon, and bandwidth problems will be a thing of the past as your usage drops to a trickle! Woohoo! You did it! You’ve made yourself SQUEAKY-CLEAN! Kinda like a desert.

[kreetthekobold]

Kreet delay

Sorry for the delay. I started a new fanfic - From Elsweyr With Love - over at http://bdfanfic.tumblr.com and it’s taking all my spare time till I get it done. I’m writing at a breakneck pace though so it should be done next week, and I’ll get back to our pregnant cleric kobold again after that. If this picture interests you at all, of course I’d love for you to read it. https://bdfanfic.tumblr.com/archive for the archive to check it out in order.

[kreetthekobold]

47 - Farewell

Art by Uzlo: https://www.deviantart.com/uzlo

The old man returned a short time later and the two kobolds joined him on the walk back to the house, where they found Sigmundurr and Eilistraee sitting on the porch bench, swinging and talking quietly.

“Aye, all packed and ready to go so soon?” Sir Bart said as they approached, noticing the packs laid out beside the pair.

“I’m afraid we must,” Eilistraee said, rising from the bench. “These three still have a good way to travel before they reach the nearest village tavern.

“Well, it’s been a pleasure having you stay with me. Here, don’t leave just yet. I have a little something for you,” he said and scurried in the house to get something.

“I don’t think it’s been an hour, Sig,” Kreet said, unable to keep from giving him a little ribbing.

The big man leaned back on the bench, a smile coming over his face and closing his eyes as if in remembrance. “Turns out I’ve not got quite the stamina I thought I did.”

“Enough of that. What’s done is done. Water under the bridge,” Eilistraee said, and Kreet could swear she saw the goddess blush. “Now that’s unexpected!” she thought.

“Here you go,” the old man said as he bustled back out with three little packets. “One for each of you. My best leaves.”

“Oh, we can’t take from you!” Kreet said. “We should be paying you!”

“Nonsense. This isn’t payment. It’s advertisement!”

“What’s that?” Kallid asked, but still admiring Sigmundurr.

“I want you to share this tea with anyone else you meet. If you look inside, you’ll see I’ve put them inside little bags, and I wrote my name on each and every one of them! Then if somebody likes it enough, he’ll come find me and buy more!”

“Oh! I see!” Kallid said sincerely. “Do you sell a lot of tea?”

“Not a lot. Not yet,” said Sir Bart, and patted the kobold’s head. “But I hope to, with your help! I’m growing my biggest crop out back now, but I need customers. So you just share that tea with anyone who might want it, and who knows?”

“So,” Eilistraee interrupted as the others donned their packs, “The old knight becomes a merchant?”

He just shrugged. “About time I do something with this stuff. Besides, my daughter in law deserves something for all the help she does me, and I’ve not got much to give her when I’m gone. She’s a real pain in the ass sometimes, but she cares…”

Suddenly the old man drifted off for a moment, his eyes growing shiny. “She does care,” he concluded.

“Well, we’re ready to go,” Sigmundurr said. “Good luck old man, and thanks for the hospitality.”

“The pleasure was all mine. A good trip to you all!”

And with that, they all began back towards the road.

“Nice man,” Kallid said as he once again struggled to keep pace.

“Very nice,” Kreet agreed.

They turned back onto the road and started the last leg of their trip to the village. An hour later, Sigmundurr stopped unexpectedly.

“What is it, Sig?” Kreet asked.

“She’s gone.” he said, a clearly sad note in his voice.

“Who?” Kalled asked, catching up.

“Eilistraee,” Sigmundurr said, looking back at the way they’d come.

Suddenly Kreet’s eyes went wide. Eilistraee! How had she forgotten the goddess so soon? By the look on Kallid’s face, he was going through the same thoughts.

“Don’t feel bad, Kreet. I’d forgotten her too for a moment. But only for a moment. I think she did that on purpose, so she could leave without a long goodbye.”

“Probably,” Kreet agreed.

Sigmundurr looked up at the moon and smiled. Had he seen something there? But instantly he turned back to Kallid.

“Look, little man, I’ve not gotten any real exercise for days and I’m getting flabby. My legs are great but I need to carry more than this little pack. Would you mind riding on my shoulders for a while?”

Kallid’s look brightened considerably and in a moment he was happily riding astride Sigmundurr’s shoulders. Kreet couldn’t deny that they were making better time too.

“So… what was it like?” Kallid was asking Sigmundurr. “I mean, an actual goddess!”

“Oh, it was like nothing you could imagine, little man. She was as light as a feather and as solid as a rock when you wanted her to be! But... it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

“No? I would have thought…” Kallid started, but Kreet shot him a look.

“What?” Kallid asked her.

“I’m married to you for one day… Pregnant with your damn babies no less, and you’re already asking about other girls!?!”

“But, Kreet… A goddess.”

“Hmpf. Seems to me you should be more interested in scales than in dark skin and hair anyway.”

“Kreet, don’t be like that! Aren’t you even curious?”

“Not in the least,” she lied, and convincingly so.

“Five minutes at best,” Sigmundurr said, interrupting the two.

“What?”

“Kallid, it lasted 5 minutes and I was done. Kaput. Finished.”

“Is… Is that supposed to be short?”

“Yes Kallid. I used to be able to go for hours on end! Why? Is that not…”

Kreet saw her chance and she took it. “5 minutes would be like a love marathon.”

Kalled looked hurt, but didn’t argue. “Yeah…” he admitted. “I don’t last very long. Still, that must have been some 5 minutes?”

“Best 5 minutes of my life,” Sigmundurr said wistfully and his gaze strayed to the moon yet again. “Miss you already Eil!”

“Sorry Kallid,” Kreet said. “I’m sorry. I was being hurtful. I shouldn’t do that.”

“Hurtful? How?”

“About the whole… you know. Lovemaking thing. You’re fine. Best I ever had, I can honestly say. And I expect that’s probably about normal for us anyway.”

“You say that because I’m the only one you’ve ever had.”

“Doesn’t make it less true!”

Kallid considered this as he bounced down the road atop Sigmundurr’s shoulders. “I guess you’re right!” he decided.

“Say,” Sigmundurr said. “Aren’t there any kobold gods or goddesses? I never thought about it before, but all the major races have their own.

“There’s Kurtulmak,” Kreet said, now on familiar ground. She’s studied a lot about gods and goddesses at the monastery. It wasn’t just a class or two, it was a whole school of study!

“Kurtlemak?” Kallid asked.

“There, see? Exactly. We don’t really go in for god worship much. Now I could talk about dragon worship. That’s a thing. But gods… we tend to just try to stay out of their way mostly.”

“I see,” Sigmundurr said. “Too bad. You should get yourself a nice female kobold goddess.”

“Got one!” Kallid replied and Kreet eyed him, trying her best not to smile.

“Flattery. You’re going to have to do better than that, Kallid,” she said, not letting go of the meager scrap of jealousy she still retained.

They continued down the trail until the lights of a small town were seen in the distance. Kreet estimated it should be around midnight, so the tavern should be just getting boisterous about now.

“That must be the place,” Kallid said.

Sigmundurr replied, looking up at his rider, “Yup. The old man says it’s ‘Tula’.”

“‘Tula’? Never heard of it,” Kreet said, looking up at the man beside her. “You?”

He shook his head. “Never. But we should be able to get our bearings once there. Somebody’s got to have been to a bigger city I’ve heard of!” “Which reminds me… Kallid, how’s your vision doing? It’s not going to be dark inside there in the morning.”

“Oh, I think I’m ready for it. I went out this morning in full daylight to pee and it was okay in the shade. Well, with my sunglasses on at least.”

Kreet nodded. “I’m getting used to it again too. I think we’ll do okay Sig. I don’t really even need my sunglasses anymore except in full daylight, and I’ve always needed it for that.”

“Well good. But a word of warning. These people aren’t going to be used to kobolds strolling in out of the dark. Stay close to me until we can see what we’re dealing with, okay?”

Both the kobolds agreed as they passed into the village proper.

[kreetthekobold]

46 - Gods and Mortals

Art by licarto: https://www.deviantart.com/licarto

Kreet nodded, and she did feel reassured. Scared, still, but better. Yet this was what she wanted, wasn’t it? What she’d wanted for years in fact. But now that she was staring her future full in the face, it scared her. Still, she supposed, it would probably scare any first-time mother. From what she knew, at least she took some comfort in the simple fact that birthing for kobolds was likely a lot easier than that of humans. The hips that had flared out under her waist and caused her such embarrassment when she had crossed puberty now gave her some assurance that, indeed, she was designed for this.

And two of them - that wasn’t so bad. Kobolds were known to give birth to a lot more than two on occasion. She had been born without any twins, herself, but all three of her older brothers had been born at once.

In her native kobold language, ‘hatched’ was a perfectly acceptable term, but she had been speaking in the human tongue for so long now it just didn’t feel right. She didn’t like to think of her children as being ‘hatched’. At least she didn’t have to pass gangly elbows and knobby knees, not to mention the umbilical cord and placenta that humans had to endure. Eggs might seem animalistic to humans, but frankly she was quite happy that her babies would be born in nice, compact and best-of-all, smooth format!

But still… how on earth could she ever… so big. She closed her eyes and felt the rocking of the bench. Somehow, she would manage. The goddess had said so.

And then she felt the hand of the goddess on her again.

“Kreet? You’re sleeping. Why don’t you go in to Kallid?”

Groggily she nodded and stepped off the bench.

“I think I’ll head in too,” Sigmundurr said, yawning widely.  “Good day Eilistraee. And Sir Bart.”

The old man waved his pipe in acknowledgement. “Well, Eilistraee,” he smiled to the goddess. “Want to take a stroll with me around the place?”

“That sounds like a fine idea, Sir Bart. Sig, Kreet, I’ll join you a little later.”

And with that, Sigmundurr held the door for Kreet into the dark interior of the house. She looked at the incongruous sight of an old man and a beautiful naked drow goddess strolling through the sun-dappled grass, hand in hand.

Kreet smiled at her snoring husband when she entered the little bedroom. It was a cute sound, more of a rumble than Sigmundurr’s loud cacophony. She snuggled under the blanket beside him and he stirred, and pulled her hand around himself.

She heard Sigmundurr climb into the small bed and wondered for a moment where Eilistraee was going to sleep, but realized the goddess probably wouldn’t sleep at all anyway. Instead she felt the vibrations of her husband’s breathing and she laid her snout on top of his shoulder. Pregnant she may be, but this was nice. She realized she was falling in love, if a little belatedly, with her children’s father. He might be smaller than her, but he had a good heart. That meant a lot. And then all was darkness and warmth and she didn’t dream.

Hours later she felt Kallid stir behind her and get up out of bed. Vaguely she heard him emit a little squeak and she turned to look at him, but he shook his head, indicating it was nothing and he went out of the room, carrying his sunglasses with him.

He returned a few minutes later, and she went back to sleep. She awoke to her husband waking her in a very intimate way.

“Kallid,” she whispered. “Not here!”

Her husband giggled and turned himself back around from his rather unusual position.

“Okay,” he whispered. “But come look!”

Kreet rubbed the sleep from her eyes and stood up, looking at where Kallid was pointing with a ridiculous grin on his face.

In the small bed, Sigmundurr continued to snore loudly, but underneath the blanket with him, the goddess lay with her head across his chest, apparently sleeping too.

Kreet’s eyes went wide. “Do you think?”

Kallid shrugged, but took her by the hand and led her out into the main room. The old man was nowhere to be seen.

“I don’t get it. Eilistraee didn’t even like him! Now she’s sleeping with him?” Kreet said quietly to Kallid in the kobold language.

“You think goddesses even… do that?”

“No idea. I guess they can, if they want, right? I mean, she eats and drinks with us.”

Kallid shrugged.

“Wait. They couldn’t have. I mean, I don’t know for sure, but something tells me Sigmundurr would be… loud.”

Kallid nodded. “True. I doubt we would sleep through anything like that.”

Kreet considered further though, “Then again, Eilistraee could… make us not hear if she wanted to. But no, I don’t think so. She sure is being awfully chummy with him though, isn’t she? Why?”

“I’m working on him, Kreet,” Eilistraee said, walking into the room and speaking in perfect kobold.

Kallid giggled and Kreet gave him a look before turning back to the goddess who sat beside them.

“You, might want to clarify that a little,” Kreet said.

“You know his nature, Kreet. While not evil, Sigmundurr is a violent man. And very headstrong. Not unlike some drow in many ways.”

“You’re changing his nature?” Kreet asked. “I don’t know if… It doesn’t sound right.”

“Not through any means you might think. That would prove nothing if I just changed him like that. I have to work through experience on him. I am trying to show him that gentleness has its merits too. And I think it’s working.”

“But, I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I didn’t say that, Kreet. I said you’d regret bringing him with you. And you will. But you said it yourself. Chaos, rage, anger. They have their place too. They just need to be moderated. I’m trying to provide that. And I think he’s beginning to see it too.”

Kallid had to ask the question that both the kobolds were wondering. “Did you… you know... “

The dark woman smiled and raised an eyebrow.

“That, little kobold, is not for you to be concerned about. But you are a curious race. No. Not that I haven’t considered it, but that would be too much, I think. Mortals are tricky in that regard. It’s far from unheard of, you know. Some gods play with mortals all the time - almost always to the mortal’s regret. But there is something in you mortals that make so much more of it than just a fling, especially when it’s with one of us. Then we get a simpering worshiper that often has lost all the qualities that we liked in the first place. In the case of Sigmundurr, that would be like castrating a dog. I don’t want that. I am attracted to him - yes, even we gods can fall in love. And lust. But I don’t want to change him that much. I just want to… gentle him a little.”

“I think it’s working,” Kreet nodded. “He’s different.”

“I know. But I have little time left, I’m afraid. Tonight you’ll reach the village, and I can no longer travel with you.”

“Aww,” Kallid said, his eyes turning mournfully dark. Kreet felt hers do the same. “You’re leaving us?”

Eilistraee held his head in her hands. “Yes, Kallid. It’s one thing for me to be seen strolling around in the countryside. But quite another to be seen in a village. It could be done, but it would alter things too much. No, my time with you is nearly over - at least for now. But I’ll see you again, I promise.”

Turning to Kreet, she laid a hand on her belly and smiled genuinely. “I’ll see you before these arrive, Kreet. Oh they’re going to be something, Kreet. These two are going to be… something.”

Kreet looked at Kallid.

“Your babies, Kallid.”

Suddenly he realized what they were talking about.

“Not the quickest kobold, is he?” Eilistraee laughed.

“No,” Kreet agreed as she took her husband’s and and put it on her belly with Eilistraee’s. “Not the quickest. Just the best.”

“We’ll miss you,” Kallid said when he managed to move his deep-red eyes away from Kreet.

“I know,” Eilistraee said, and stood up from the couch where they had been sitting. “And I’ll miss you too. Even you, little father. But it’s time for your lives to get back to normal. You’ll think back to these days like you were under an enchantment. Maybe you were. But you need to go back to getting scratches, and bug bites, and hunger and thirst. I’ll be watching though. I won’t be your protector, but I will be watching. Sorry, no, I won’t come when you call for me. It doesn’t work like that. You need to live your lives, and all won’t be rosy. That’s life.”

Kreet inhaled deeply, knowing the truth behind her words. “Back to life,” she said exhaling.

“Yes. back to life. Speaking of which…” said the drow goddess, turning towards the doorway to the bedroom.

Sigmundurr was stirring, and in a minute he stood in the doorway, blanket wrapped around himself. He was looking confused. The two kobolds got off the couch as Eilistraee motioned for him to sit beside her.

“Sorry Sigmundurr,” she said. “That was probably too bold of me. Please, don’t read too much into it.”

“Oh, of course not!” he laughed, and slapped her leg which startled even the goddess. “Why, I sleep with goddesses all the time. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you always wake up with the worst breath!”

“What?” Eilistraee said, shocked. “What do you mean? My breath is…”

“It’s beautiful, of course”, said the big man, and kissed her full on the mouth.

It may have been the first time Kreet realized that the goddess could be surprised, and by the look on Kallid’s face when Kreet turned to him, she saw the same look there.

“Sigmundurr!” Eilistraee shouted, bolting from the couch. “Really! This is too much. I’m sorry I even…”

“You’re leaving us tonight, aren’t you,” he stated, not really a question.

“Well, yes. I have to.”

“Where’s the old man?”

“He’s just out down the road visiting a neighbor a few miles away. He’s fine. But really, about your…”

Sigmundurr held up a finger, which oddly worked to shush the goddess.

“And what time is it outside? Is it dark yet?”

“Almost, but what on earth do you think gives you the right to…”

“Kreet, would you mind if you and Kallid go out and check on the cats for a while?”

“The cats? What’s…” Kallid began, but Kreet took his hand and filled it with his sunglasses.

“About an hour’s worth of checking should be fine,” Sigmundurr said as he took Eilistraee’s hand. She didn’t pull it away.

Kreet and Kallid stepped through the door into dusk. Fireflies were just coming to life and they saw no cats.

The house was a small one, and not well insulated. Kallid and Kreet had to stroll quite a way down the path that led to it before they were sufficiently out of earshot of the other two. And Sigmundurr wasn’t the only voice they heard, though the mortal and the goddess weren’t talking.

“Think he’ll be alright?” Kallid asked as the two stopped to skip some stones across a small pond beside the path.

“Who knows? But I don’t picture that man ever becoming some sort of lapdog either, goddess or no.”

[kreetthekobold]

45 - Sunrise

The path joined with another, larger and more worn that could truly be called a road, though by the time they reached it, it was deserted. They passed their first remote farmstead, the house far from the road and invisible behind the woods, but they could hear the occasional bark of a large dog.

“I grew up on a farmstead like that,” Sigmundurr said, breaking the silence that had come over them. “Rough life. You’ve gotta be tough way out here. Need a real pioneer spirit to live at the end of the line.”

Kreet smiled at that. “Or you really don’t like other people a lot!”

“That too,” Sigmundurr agreed, not realizing it was intended as a joke.

“You were a farmer? I don’t picture that,” Eilistrae picked up the conversation.

“Not really. Dad was. He kicked me out. Deserved it though. I sucked as a farmer. My brothers were a lot better than me. Hell, my sister was better than me. Plus I kept running off to the tavern and coming back drunk. And… not alone.”

“Oh! Were you popular with women when you were young?” Kallid asked.

“Whaddaya mean when I was young?! I’m still young!”

“I… mean, when you were living with your dad.” Kallid countered quickly.

“Oh. Well, no. Not really. I had to pay em.”

“Whores? Your mom and dad didn’t mind?”

“Mom ran off after I was born. Never knew her. Just Dad. I don’t think he minded that so much. Heck, he brought some home sometimes himself. But he didn’t care for me straying out of my race. I liked the exotics. One morning he caught me with a cat girl and booted me out.”

“What, is he racist or something?” asked Kreet.

“Oh, probably. But it was the best thing for me. I hooked up with some adventuring fellas and never looked back. Turns out I made a pretty good figher.”

The trees became sparser as the road continued, and farmsteads became more numerous. They met their first fellow traveler, though he was drunk and sleeping it off by the side of the road. He woke at the sound of their approach, but just gaped at them the four walked by.

“Good evening,” Kreet said, bowing to him as they passed.

“E...evening,” he managed.

Otherwise the evening was theirs to traverse in peace. They had covered many miles, with not too many stops, when Kreet asked the question Kallid had whispered to her a short time before.

“Hey, Eilistrae. Do you have any ideas on where we should stop before morning yet? Kallid’s not really ready for full daylight yet.”

She looked at the kobold, valiantly managing to stay up with the others, though the stress was beginning to show. Kreet had been travelling with ‘big folk’ for most of her life and her legs had become accustomed to a quicker gait, plus she was at least somewhat larger than Kallid which also helped in that regard.

“I do, in fact,” Eilistrae assured them. “There’s an old widower, lives not far from the road just a bit farther ahead. I think he would be happy for the company. His caretaker has left him for a day so he’s all alone. In fact, I think I’ll join you this time.”

“Oh! Even in the day?”

“I’ll help keep the house dark. Kallid won’t have any problem. Sound good?”

Sigmundurr laughed, “Sounds good Eilistrae. Do we have a choice?”

True to her word, they turned off the road and down a winding cart-path until they came to a small, poor but well-kept house. A light was on inside. A single candle could be seen moving around inside. As the approached, they could hear humming.

Sigmundurr knocked at the door. The man within was wearing an old frayed robe and was apparently going about his morning breakfast ritual.

Eilistrae whispered, “He’s a little hard-of-hearing Sig. Bang harder.”

He did so, and the old man finally took notice.

“Who’s here at this hour?” he asked, approaching with his candle held high.

“Just some travelers, seeking some shelter for the day.”

“Travelers eh? I’m just an old man. I’ve got nothing worth stealing.”

“Hey,” Sigmundurr pointed out, “We did knock! Thieves wouldn’t do that.”

“No… no they wouldn’t.  Well come on in. Let’s see what we’ve got here…”

“Oh my!!!” he cried when Eilistraee made her entrance behind Sigmundurr, “Well aren’t you a Beauty!”

“Thank you, Sir Bart.”

“Well sit your pretty self down over there on the couch. My, this is turning into quite a morning! And a couple of little kobolds too? What are you two doing out of your caves?”

“Thank you for your hospitality,” Kreet said, and he nodded back to her, then poked his head looking around outside for more.

“And polite ones at that! That all of you?”

“That’s all,” Sigmundurr said. “Sorry for the imposition, but the kobolds like to travel at night and there’s really no where else to stay before morning.”

“Oh, hell. No problem. But lady, how do you know my name? I don’t even go by that anymore. You one of those mages? Never liked em.”

“Something like that, Sir Bart.”

“You want some clothes or something? I’m making some tea. I can add more.”

“Thanks,” Eilistraee replied sweetly. “But I’m more comfortable like this.”

“What’s ‘tea’?” Kallid asked, brightening up now that he could rest a little.

“‘What’s tea?’ Why, young feller, it’s only the best drink in the world. Well, without alcohol in it. Can’t drink the good stuff anymore. Wynda - she’s my boy’s wife. Comes by to take care of me. Anyway, she says I’ll die if I drink the good stuff again.  Probably right.”

The old man left the room into another, presumably a kitchen, but the open space between the rooms in the little house allowed for the conversation to continue.

“So you live here alone?” Kreet asked.

“My, but you talk well for a kobold! Oh no. Got my cats. Not much for conversation, but I like ‘em. Don’t worry, I don’t let em in. Knew a girl once. Real cat lover. Lived for em. House smelled like cat piss. Oh it was awful.”

“I hope we’re not too much of an imposition anyway,” Kreet continued.

The old man, Sir Bart, returned and sat in an old overstuffed and worn chair slowly. “Got more water on the boil. Oh, you’re no imposition at all. Not much happens in my life anymore, you know. Basically just sit around and wait for Old Bones to arrive. Glad to have the company. So what brings you here? I assume by the kobolds you’re coming up from the Drow caves?”

Sigmundurr nodded. “Yup. This is Kreet. She was raised by humans up top. We’re looking for her home. She sorta got lost. That other kobold she’s all touchy-feely with is her husband, Kallid. And he is just out of the caves but wanted to come along. I’m Sigmundurr. Just kinda along for the ride. And this here…”

As he turned to the goddess, she rose and crossed over to the old man.

“This is the goddess Eilistraee.”

“A goddess? In my house?”

“Pleased to meet you, Sir Bart. We met once before. Long ago. You killed quite a few of my drow as I recall. Well, perhaps ‘met’ is too strong. I became aware of you.”

The old man’s eyes grew wide.

“Relax, Sir Bart. You were justified. I’m not here to take your soul.”

“Eilistraee. Can’t say I remember the name, honestly. But I’m honored you would come to my door! A goddess. Wynda will never believe this!”

Eilistraee took his hand. “No, she won’t. Maybe we could just keep it a secret? She’ll think you’re going senile.”

“I am you know.” he said, looking forlorn into the goddess’ eyes.

“You are what?” Kallid asked, interested.

“Senile. I can’t remember things. Little things now, but it’s getting worse. And I forget where I am. Sometimes I think I’m back... I’m going senile.”

“You are,” Eilistraee said, sitting beside him and stroking his head. “It is a sad thing, but it is the way of life, you know. You must make room for the new ones coming up. But you’ll not be senile while I am in your house, Sir Bart.”

“No. I’m not right now, am I? I can tell.”

“If you’d like, Sir Bart… I can call him. I can call Old Bones to come and fetch you after we leave. Would you prefer that?”

The old man’s eyes began to tear up. “It’s a temptation, to be sure.” he said, and he ran his own hand down the goddess’ flank as if oblivious to just who it was he was groping. “But even when senile, I can still appreciate beauty. I don’t want to leave yet. Not quite yet. I might just have a use still in this world.”

Kreet was a little surprised the goddess allowed such familiarity, but she hugged him to her instead and kissed his forehead before rising. He ran his fingers across her back and bottom as she walked back to sit beside Sigmundurr.

“Yes, you might at that, Sir Bart. I am sorry for your affliction”

“Could you cure it?” Kreet asked.

A scream came then from the other room causing Kallid to jump up, alarmed.

“What's that?!” he shouted, worried.

“Oh, relax little kobold. It’s just the water for the tea. I’ll be right back.”

“I could, Kreet.” Eilistraee admitted to Kreet. “But then a worse affliction would follow. Senility is a terrible disease, it’s true. His daughter-in-law sees it and it breaks her heart as he is slowly lost. But the alternatives are worse. You all must die, Kreet. There is no good death, despite what the novelists would have you believe. No one dies peacefully in their sleep. They die choking or gasping for breath or worse. Life doesn’t like giving up. Nature and Fate have decreed this is to be his end. It’s not such a bad end, as such things go.”

Sir Bart returned with two cups of tea, and Eilistraee rose to help him, taking them and distributing them to the kobolds.

“No, it’s not so bad,” he said, returning to the kitchen where Eilistraee followed to help. They returned with three more cups, Eilistraee handing one to Sigmundurr and taking the other for herself as she sat back down while the old man eased himself back into his old chair.

“It’s not like I haven’t thought about it,” he said, then a thought came to him. “Oh! I’m sorry, Eilistraee. I guess you don’t really drink!”

“I can. Or not. But as long as I’m here among you mortals, I’m happy to.”

“Well, then I hope you like it! My own special blend.”

They stopped talking for a moment while they sipped at their tea.

“Very hot,” Kreet whispered to Kallid. “Let it cool down first. Will burn your mouth.” So the two kobolds just blew on the top of their cups to cool it.

“Wow!” Sigmundurr said, after having taken a sip. “That’s actually pretty good. And I don’t like tea!”

“Why thank you. Since I retired here, I’ve been growing and refining tea in a little garden out back. You’re drinking years of refining and blending of different varieties.”

“Sir Bart’s Best!” Sigmundurr named it.

“Indeed, it is. I’m glad you like it. But, hey, I’m keeping you. The sun should be coming up soon. Wait… it should already be up! Strange.”

“Oh, sorry. I should have warned you. I’m doing that, Sir Bart,” Eilistraee confessed. “If you step outside it will be morning as you know it. But the light is still tough on little Kallid here.”

“A goddess. Strange. Should I be, I don’t know, kneeling or something?”

“Probably. But don’t. I’m suppressing that anyway. No, just treat me like a mortal.”

“If I were to treat you like a mortal, you might not like it!” the old man leered.

“You get used to it… somewhat,” Sigmunder laughed, understanding completely.

After their tea, the old man suggested they go out and sit on the porch. Kallid admitted to being tired anyway, so he went back to the bedroom. It was a small room with only the one bed. After some quiet discussion, the kobolds decided to make a bed on the floor at the foot of the bed instead, leaving the bed to Sigmundurr.

“Or Eilistraee. If she’s really going to stay with us all day.”

“Let’s let them figure that out,” Kreet replied. “Are you sure Kallid? I can just sleep here beside you. I’m tired too.”

“No, you go on with them. I’ll be fine. Just wake me when you get back.”

“I will,” Kreet said and nuzzled her mate before stepping back to the common room, donning her ‘sunglasses’, and opening the door to the porch.

She shielded her eyes reflexively as the light from the sun could be seen peeking through the trees to the east. But she recovered quickly. The old man was rocking slowly on a chair with a curved bottom, while Sigmundurr and Eilistraee sat on a bench tied to the roof with rope, slowly swaying back and forth while watching a cat fumble with a moth some ways off.

Eilistraee patted the bench on the other side of her, inviting Kreet to sit there, so she did so. Her legs couldn’t reach the porch, but Sigmundurr started the bench to swinging again.

“Pity,” the old man was saying. “Sunrise is the most beautiful time of day.”

“You okay with being out in the daylight, Eilistraee?” Sigmundurr asked the goddess.

“Fine. It’s not my domain, and we gods try to keep out of each other’s way. But Pelor is happy with me for helping Kreet out, so I’m good. Sorry, Kreet, I was just telling Sir Bart that I don’t get to see the sun rise very much. It really is gorgeous.”

The old man was smoking a long pipe he had presumably lit from the kitchen stove. Kreet watched in fascination as he blew smoke rings while they watched.

“This reminds me of a my adopted father, long ago,” she said after a time of silence. “My first human. We used to sit on his porch too. Watching his cat. Evenings though. We slept in the mornings.”

“Sunset’s are fine too,” Sir Bart said between puffs. “But they always reminded me of the end of things. Sunrise is the beginning. Beginnings are nicer.”

“Speaking of which,” Eilistraee said, and Kreet felt the godess’ cool hand on her shoulder. It felt very nice. It’s good to have a friend who’s a goddess, she thought.

Then suddenly she connected what Eilistraee was implying. She looked up at the dark face in alarm.

“I’m....?”

“Two in fact. Yes, Kreet.”

“Two! Are they…”

“Tsk tsk tsk, impatient kobold. You’ll have to wait and see.”

The old man looked at them, confused.

“She’s pregnant,” Eilistraee explained. “Got two little buns in her oven.”

“Oh! That’s wonderful! Congratulations Kreet!”

“Thank you! I guess! But that means… Oh my god. The sand begins to run through the hourglass!”

Eilistraee’s face turned a bit more serious, but the smile was still there. “Yes Kreet. You have about 6 months to find your home - or make a new one for yourself.”

“Eilistraee! I have no idea how to… do this! I read some books, but they were by humans. They didn’t talk about birth! Or how to raise babies!”

She felt the cool hand stroke her and her initial panic passed as the goddess’s words of comfort calmed her. “Relax, Kreet. Your body knows how to do what it needs to do. I’m afraid as a goddess, I can’t provide much advice. And these men are even worse, so don’t look to them. Kallid will help for support, but he won’t know anything either. You’re best off to find another female friend. A mother. These men only know how to plant it. Nurturing and harvesting isn’t their forte. Just do your best. You will do fine.”

Kreet looked into the eyes of the goddess, fear apparent. Deep down, she knew she wanted this, but now that it was confirmed, she was right back with the fear she’d had at first.

“Kreet, Take comfort in that. This is coming from a goddess who knows. You WILL do fine.”

[kreetthekobold]

44 - Moonblades

Eilistraee stepped, smiling, from the woods near the path where Sigmundurr’s sword was swirling in wide arcs, managing to keep the majority away but Kreet saw two of the bandits were drawing their bows.

“Hello gentlemen,” Eilistraee said in a voice soft yet penetrating. “Mind if I interrupt your playtime?”

“Eilistraee!” Kreet called, relief washing over her. The bandits obviously did not recognize the name, and it was then that Kreet noticed her hair. Rather than floating around her head as she’d seen before, it was instead hanging long and luxurious over her shoulders.

“Holy shit!” one of the bandits said, breaking off his attack on Sigmundurr.

“Oh my. What’s a pretty drow like you doing out of your caves?”

“And out of her clothes! Check out those boobs!”

“Oh, you like? And I thought you boys just liked playing with old men,” Eilistraee was grinning now. She was obviously enjoying this. “And kobolds I suppose.”

“What, this fat guy? We were just going to shave some excess weight off him. Wait, where’’s Ulder?”

One of the men noticed their compatriot sleeping on his back nearby. “Just sleeping.”

“Sleeping? Wait a minute. Are you some sort of caster, you drow bitch?”

The first had woken the sleeping man.

“Oh, I don’t need magic,” Eilistraee laughed, and produced two silver swords from behind her back. Kreet realized she’d seen the same thin blades during her dance the night before. “I think these will do just fine.”

“FA!” one of the men laughed. “Toys! Here’s a real sword!” He swung his huge bastard sword through the air.

“Well, if you really want to play with me, I would enjoy it. But I should warn you, I’m pretty good with these ‘toys’.”

“Tell you what, darkskin, why don’t you put those away and I’ll show you an even better sword!”

“What, just you? You think a single man is enough for me? I’ll take you all on.”

The bandits had left Sigmundurr behind, two keeping an eye on him. Sigmundurr wasn’t hurt, but he was winded. “No sneaking up on us, big guy!” one said to him.

“Pfft. Me? I’m just a spectator now! You ‘boys’ have at it. This should be fun to watch.” Sigmundurr said between breaths.

“Oh, it’ll be fun alright. Listen bitch, this is your last chance. You can put those little pigstickers down and we’ll treat you to all the swordplay you can handle. Keep them and you won’t live to regret it.”

Eilistraee twirled one around while leaning on the other. “Oh, I’m sure I won’t regret it.”

The lead bandit tested her with a swing. She danced back out of it’s arc and tapped the sword with her own as it passed.

The others formed a circle around them, effectively preventing her from dodging too much. Then the first tried her again, an overhead swing this time. She deflected it with one blade and tapped him with the side of her sword on his wrist.

“Nice, lady. For a darkskin, you’re not too bad. But you made a mistake. Apparently you think this is a GAME!” and with that he lunged at her in earnest, taking a vicious swipe at her legs. She leaped over the blade and before he could swing it back around he suddenly was clawing at his neck. Blood spurted from the thin line before his head tumbled off his body which crumpled to the ground.

“Holy FUCK!” cried one of the men.

“Rush her, she can’t take us all!”

“Damn you drow, I’m gonna…”

And on that cue they all rushed in, blades first. Eilistraee laughed and speared two through the stomach as she ran between them, their blades crossing where she had been but finding nothing there. They went down screaming.

The other three looked at each other, eyes wide. Then they ran for the woods at top speed.

Eilistraee complained, “Wait! I thought we were going to play!?” and she threw a sword end-over-end at their backs. It skewered the hindmost dead center and he dropped like a rock, dead before he hit the ground.

“I can get the other two, if you want,” Sigmundurr said loudly over the screaming of the two with hole through their abdomens.

“No need, I don’t think. But thanks for the offer.  As for you two....” she said, and passed her hand over them.

They stopped screaming. They stopped moving. They stopped breathing.

“You killed them?” Kreet said, horrified.

Eilistraee nodded. “Sorry Kreet. I know you don’t like killing. But sometimes it’s necessary.”

“You could just as easily healed them! I know you could have.”

“Yes, I could have. But you don’t see the world as I do little one. You’ll have to trust me on that. Both they and the world are better off this way. You cannot know the future, so for you it’s best to be gentle and good. However, if you were in my place… Well, you’d understand better anyway.”

“Then you could have just killed them instantly!” Kallid said, taking up Kreet’s defense.

“...and spared them the suffering.”

Eilistraee nodded. “Yes. I could have. I’m sorry. I’m not above having a little fun.”

Kreet shot her an angry look. Eilistraee may be a goddess, but Kreet would never worship her. She had a mean streak.

As if reading her mind, Eilistraee sat down on the ground, making a dismissive gesture towards the bodies. At that, they disappeared, blood and all.

“No, I’m not a goddess of morality or good, Kreet. Most consider me good because I believe in harmony among the races, but I carry some aspects of the drow too. Your Pelor now… He’s a Good god. He would agree with you. We get along, but he wouldn’t deign to intervene in a petty squabble like that. He’d just erase them from existence and move along. But, you know, some good will come of that. Those last two… they will be better. Not good, but better men than they were. So they continue to exist at the cost of the other four.”

“That doesn’t seem right, still,” Kreet said, sitting in front of the goddess, and Kallid sat beside her as if in support.

“You’re not my cleric, Kreet. We do disagree on some things. We’ll have to leave it at that. And yet, Sigmundurr… What do you think?”

“I think you should have killed them all when you got here.”

“Ah! Now see, there’s something I can work with! Come on now. We’ve a long way to go this evening and we still won’t get to that village tonight.”

“You got here awfully… conveniently.”

Eilistraee sighed. “I know. Of course I knew what was going to happen. I could have been here earlier. That’s why we gods really shouldn’t hang around mortals too much. It’s difficult. We’re not perfect either Kreet. We have emotions too. I enjoy being with you, but it’s taxing. You don’t understand what I do or why I do it, and I can only give you a glimmer of what we know. Please don’t ask too much of me. I will disappoint you, and I don’t want to do that.”

“Well… no more killing, okay?”

“Not even if, say, Kallid were in danger?”

Kreet thought about that a second, then stood up. “Well… no. That would be okay.”

Eilistraee stood again, joining her, and her hair began to flow around her shoulders eerily. The goddess was back.

“See? There are, circumstances. And the more you knew, the more circumstances you’d find. There are even circumstances where killing a good person results in greater good than letting him live, if those circumstances require it.”

“Sounds like you’re saying we shouldn’t trust you,” Kallid said, eyeing the goddess.

“You probably shouldn’t. Not because I intend you harm, but because you don’t know my reasons. You can’t know my reasons. And so, it’s probably best from your perspective if you don’t. The Capricious God, you’d say. And yet, from my point of view, I’m anything but capricious. I like you. Even Sigmundurr. And I’ll try and keep you on the right path as long as I can, and I’m not just talking about this road.”

“That’ll have to do, I guess,” Kreet said, and they continued into the night of the second ‘day’.

[kreetthekobold]

43 - Awakening

Sunglasses-bold from https://www.weasyl.com/~bludragoon/submissions/180869/have-you-seen-this-kobold

Kreet awoke to the moaning of Kallid.

He was turned away from her, sitting facing the wall with his hands on his head.

“Kallid! What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I have a headache. Kreet, it hurts!”

“Did you hurt yourself or something? Did you eat something maybe?”

“No. It’s the light. I was alright for awhile but… it never stops. Oh Kreet, I don’t think I can do this!”

Kreet fumbled through her inventory and took out one of the pair of sunglasses she’d made.

“Here. Put these on.”

Kallid took them and fitted them to his head, pulling the dark cloth at the sides down to cover light leaching in from there and wrapping the woven stretchy loops around his horns. Then he went back to moaning and rocking on his haunches.

In the meantime, Kreet wove a light healing spell around him, hoping it would help ease the sensory overload his eyes were delivering.  While it was comparatively dark here, it was probably lighter than the kobold had ever experienced for a long period.

“I’m sorry Kreet,” he said, turning to her and she stifled a giggle at the rather ridiculous looking face in front of her. But he was sincere and suffering.

“Don’t worry too much, Kallid. We’ll just stay here till until nightfall, okay? Is that any better?”

“I think so.”

“Maybe Eilistraee can do something later. Just lay back down for a little bit. I’ll get some food.”

“Food would be good,” he smiled wanly.

Kreet rose and walked around to where Sigmundurr was still snoring. She touched him lightly but there was no change. She shook him more firmly. “Sigmundurr. Wake up.”

Sigmundurr said, “HNNNNGGG.”

“SIG!” she shouted and shook him with all her force.

“Hmm? Oh! Kreet. It’s you. Is it time to get up already?”

“Yes. I think so. We’re hungry. You got any food in your inventory?”

The big man sat up, rubbing his eyes. He looked outside. Though full daylight, the shadows did indicate it was approaching night again already.

“Food? Oh, sure! Do you want me to cook or something quick?”

“Oh good! I didn’t remember to ask you to take food with us, but I was hoping…”

“Kreet, I’m an adventurer. You don’t need to remind me to bring food. You might want to think about such things yourself more.”

“Can we get both then? Kallid’s not feeling well. The light, you know. I’m pretty used to it, but it will take him a while to adjust. I thought maybe something to distract him.”

Sigmundur brought out some dried fruit and nuts, then went out to get wood for a small fire while Kreet brought the food back to Kallid.

“Got any mushrooms?” he asked, greedily scarfing down the offering.

“Let me look around you pig,” she laughed and set about searching the cave. She found a few, but it should be enough.  Before going back to Kallid, Sigmundurr returned and started a small fire near the entry.

“Thanks Kreet,” Kallid said when she got back.  “I’m feeling a little better. Sorry for eating everything. I didn’t save anything for you. I’m… not used to being married I guess.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Sig’s going to be cooking something, and knowing him there’ll be plenty for all of us.”

Suddenly Kallid looked up. She couldn’t see his eyes, but he seemed suddenly worried about something.

“What is it?”

“I… um. I have to go.”

“Go where?”

“No. I have to GO.”

“Oh!” Kreet said, understanding at last. “Well, I guess you could just… go over there.”

“Kreet! What kind of kobold do you think I am? Besides, this is the first place we ever slept after we got married. It’s like our honeymoon cave! I don’t want to piss in it!”

“Well, it’s either that or brave the full daylight outside. You think you’re up for it?”

“I’ll have to be! But I think this is working pretty good.”

Kreet put on her own glasses and went outside with Kallid. He didn’t complain at the light, though they stuck to the shade of the nearby trees as much as they could, and the sun was just about to set.

“Still okay?” Kreet asked.

“Yeah! I’m fine! But… would you mind turning around?”

“Why? We’re married now.”

“I’m shy. Please?”

“Well, okay.”

When they returned, Sig was cooking some eggs and some sort of meat over the fire he’d built.

“Wow! Sig, that smells awesome!”

“Best cook in the wild. Got some eggs and pork belly. Should be done in just a few minutes. You okay Kallid?”

“Yes! These glasses work great!”

“I hope so. You look ridiculous. What were you to doing out there?”

“Pissing,” Kallid answered, then apologized for the vulgarity.

“Kallid, you don’t need to apologize,” Kreet said.

“Why?” Sigmundurr asked, flipping some eggs over. “I just went over in that corner.”

Kallid looked at Kreet. “Oh well,” she said. “So much for our honeymoon suite.”

However, when the breakfast was served, all was forgiven.

“Sigmundurr, this is great stuff!” Kreet said, wolfing down another egg. “What’s in it?”

“Oh, just some spices I keep around. It is good though, isn’t it?”

Kallid just nodded, his mouth full of potato.

When finally they were finished, they gathered up everything. Outside the sky was clear and the stars were beginning to show.

“I guess we’ll start without Eilistraee,” Sigmundurr said, and they walked back they way they’d come. They weren’t far from the path, and they started down it again.

Kreet removed her glasses and put them away, but suggested Kallid keep his on for a little longer. But he decided to take them off anyway.

“I need to get used to it eventually, Kreet. It’s not too bad now anyway.”

“That’s probably right. I was taken out of my home caverns when I was little, so I got used to it pretty quick.”

“STOP!” said a voice suddenly and unexpectedly from just ahead.  Three armed men stepped from behind trees on their right and left. Sigmundurr smiled and pulled out his sword.

Kreet heard something behind her and she turned around to see three more. They did not look friendly.

“What have we here?” said another of the men in front. “A fat man and a couple of kobolds? Slim pickings I say.”

“Lucky to get 2 gold off them. Not worth it I say,” said another.

Sigmundurr laughed at that.

“I’ve got over 700, if you gents would like to try and get it!” he said, and Kreet stared at him horrified.

“Bullshit,” said the first. “You look like you ate it all if ever you had any!”

That set the others laughing, but they didn’t approach any closer.

“Funny man,” Sigmundurr said, obviously itching for a fight.

“What, you think you can take us all on Big Man?” asked another behind them. “Just leave us what you got and nobody gets hurt, right?”

“Sorry gents,” Sigmundurr laughed. “You picked the wrong guy to rob. But I tell you what. You send your best up against me, and if he wins, you can have everything I own! Sound good?”

“Pfft,” the first responded. “If you’re dead we’ll take it anyway.”

“Well, there’s still my two friends you’ll have to contend with.”

“What, kobolds? Fuck man, you’ve taken leave of your senses. I could snap one of their scrawny necks with my left hand! Look, you look like you might be alright. But you can’t take us all on, and I’d hate to hurt one of your little scaly ‘friends’ in the scuffle.” said the man behind them, and Kreet noticed they were approaching.

“What, now you’re threatening to hurt my kobold slaves? You guys must be really stupid. I can buy two more back in the Underdark tomorrow,” Sigmundurr laughed, and kicked Kallid to the ground behind him. Kreet looked back to Sigmundurr angrily as her husband got back up.

Sigmundurr looked at Kreet. “Oh, now what, you guys going to rebel on me too?”

“No master!” she said, finally getting the ruse.

“Fuck this,” the guy in front said. “Come on guys. Let’s cut the fat guy down to size.”

Suddenly they all charged in. Kallid pulled Kreet to the side away from the impending melee, almost instinctively. The bandits paid them no attention, but she took aim at one of the men coming at Sigmundurr from behind. Not a Guiding Bolt this time though. She’d not had time to consider her options, and still hadn’t learned any new spells since rising to the third clerical level, but she knew the sleep spell and cast it at him.

He crumbled to the ground but the others were charging and didn’t notice, and then all five remaining bandits were on Sigmundurr.

Kreet readied another spell but couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t hit Sigmundurr.

Then Eilistraee arrived.

[kreetthekobold]

42 - Short Engagement

Image by W4G4 and colored by ponqo from here. https://w4g4.tumblr.com/post/174464439475/coloring-of-your-kobold-wife-sketch-i-wish-i-had

Not Kreet of course, but... appropriate.

The two kobolds hastily dressed and stood up at Sigmundurr’s call, the long grass effectively shielding them from view until they were ready.

“Be right there, Sig!” Kreet answered, then turned back to Kallid. His eyes had turned nearly violet and the half-closed lids of his eyes made his weak smile look idiotic. “Come on silly. Time to go back to real life.”

“Um… one question before we go back…”

Kreet cocked her head to one side. “What’s that?”

“Will you marry me?”

Kreet took a heartbeat to understand the words. Then she sat back down.

“Kallid… are you serious? We only just met practically!”

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t serious.”

Kreet thought quickly. Her question was just as valid when directed at herself. She’d only just met this kobold a few days ago. And now she’d mated with him twice! Was she really thinking about…

“Yes, Kallid. I would love to marry you,” she said, throwing caution to the wind. If it was a mistake, she would own it.

“Really?!” he responded. It appeared he’d forgotten to close his mouth afterwards.

“Yes. If you want to. I think I’d like that.”

Kallid jumped high in the air at that. “Well then, it just so happens I know a goddess… If that’s okay.”

Kreet giggled. “Sure. Why not? It’s probably all her fault anyway.”

Hand in hand they walked towards where Sigmundurr and Eilistraee waited at the edge of the woods; Kallid eagerly, Kreet embarrassed.

Sigmundurr laughed as they approached, “Well don’t you look like the cat that ate the canary?!”

“We didn’t eat anything!” Kallid said, misunderstanding. “Eilistraee? Would you marry us?”

The goddess smiled as if she expected the question. Kreet figured that she probably did. “Right here Kallid?”

He nodded eagerly, and she looked at Kreet.

“Yes, Eilistraee. Right here and now. I can’t imagine a better place, or time.”

“Well, you are a least an hour late I’d guess.” Sigmundurr snickered.

Kreet’s eyes turned purple, which only made the human laugh aloud.

The ceremony was short but memorable for Kreet. Sig acted as their witness of course, but in just a few minutes Kreet and Kallid left the glade behind the goddess and Sigmundurr as a duly married couple, and Eilistraee admitted that theirs was the first wedding she had presided over.

“So,” Sigmundurr asked as they turned back onto the path. “Where are you planning to spend your honeymoon?”

“What’s a honeymoon?” Kallid asked, unfamiliar with the term.

“It’s traditional for a human husband and wife to take a little trip,” Kreet explained, “...after they get married. But I think we sort of already had our honeymoon.”

Kallid looked confused.

Kreet nuzzled him again. She couldn’t help herself. He still looked confused, but no longer seemed to care.

“So where did you two get off to?” Kreet asked, changing the subject.

“Don’t worry, Kreet,” Sigmundurr laughed. “We didn’t do what you two did. She just showed me around the lake. I think she’s a bit of a nature goddess.”

“Well, I do appreciate it, I suppose. But it’s not really my domain. I’m pretty much tied to the drow.”

“And yet you’re spending all this time with us?” Sig asked.

“Oh, I’m not really. Just… part of me. I’m not only here you know. But from your perspective, there’s no need to think otherwise. Let’s just say I have wide interests. So you liked my dance?”

“It was beautiful,” Kreet said, and Kallid nodded agreement.

“Amazing,” Sigmundurr said.

“You know, Sigmundurr, you could be my first human devotee. If you wanted to.”

“Me? Sorry Eilistraee, I don’t think I’d make much of an acolyte. I’m not exactly the religious type.”

“You think not? You believe in me, don’t you?”

“Well, sure. I believe in lots of gods. But that doesn’t mean I want to spend my days spouting sermons or kneeling in front of images.”

“Sig. Really. Look at me. Do I look like the kind of goddess who would want that sort of thing? No, I wouldn’t want anything of the sort. All I ask is that you… bend a little. Try and be a little more empathetic, and try to control that temper of yours, along with other things. There is a kind of joy in physical conflict. I understand that. But there are other joys. Better ones. And maybe you could put in a good word or two about the drow when you can to others? There are good drow too you know.”

“Not many,” he retorted.

She had to agree. “No. But there are some still.”

“Eilistraee, really. If suddenly that gate opened and hundreds of drow poured out of the Underdark, there would be a war. Surely you know that? You can’t imagine the humans and daylight elves would tolerate it.”

The goddess looked pensive before responding. “Not as they are now. You’re right. But people can change. Even you can change.”

“Already have. If you’d asked me what I would do alone with a naked woman like you yesterday, strolling down a road discussing religion would not have been my answer!”

“Learning self-control already are you?”

Sigmundurr thought about that a second. “Yeah. I guess I am. A little.”

“That’s enough,” the goddess replied. “Sigmundurr, your desires won’t change. But it’s how you respond to them that can. I know what you’d like to do with me well enough. And that’s okay, it’s your nature. There’s nothing wrong with it, so long as you stay in control of yourself.”

“Now you sound like Kreet.”

“Do I? Well, maybe Kreet has learned a thing or two herself in her life.”

During all this, Kreet and Kallid were just listening and admiring the stars as they walked behind the other two, but with her name being mentioned Kreet began to pay closer attention.

“Sig, Kreet is a very special person. She wouldn’t admit it, but she has gained wisdom that you wouldn’t understand. She’s had a life no kobold before her has ever gone through. She has suffered for that wisdom, so it’s well earned. You should listen to her more, if not me.”

“She can make sunglasses too!” Kallid added.

“Indeed she can! If more underground dwellers ever get a chance to emerge and live Outside, those will be valuable too.”

“Stop it you guys. I’m just a kobold that lives Outside. Nothing more.”

“That’s not insignificant, Kreet,” the goddess said. “But we’ve gone far enough. The cave I have in mind is just down this way. Follow me.”

They did so and in a few minutes hiked up a small hill and found the cave. Light was just beginning to be seen over the horizon as they entered.

“Nothing to worry about in here, you say?” Sigmundurr asked.

“Nothing. And nothing will disturb you today. I’ll be leaving you now. If I’m not back when you wake, just go back to the path and keep going. It goes all the way to the village, though it meanders a little. Nothing you’ll find difficult.”

“Will we see you again?” Kallid asked.

“Without a doubt. I’ll see you tomorrow night. You have the word of Eilistraee. Sleep will come to you now. Good… day?”

“Good day Eilistrae!” Kreet said, along with the others.

The avatar turned as if to walk away but faded from existence before she got to the mouth of the cave.

“Well then, I’ll take this niche, kobolds. Don’t make too much noise. I’m a light sleeper.”

“Sig, I’ve heard you snore. We’ll be back here,” Kreet answered, indicating the back of the cave which curved away from the mouth.

Kreet and Kallid found a nice little corner and snuggled together. Initially Kallid was a bit frisky, but the sleep soon caught up to him too and he fell to sleep on her chest.

“My little moon,” Kreet thought, and held his head. Then she yawned and went to sleep herself, dreaming of stars and love.

[kreetthekobold]

41 - Romance

As they continued, the path was remained clear and Kreet felt like she’d never known a more perfect night in her life. Eilistraee began to hum a tune then. It was, perhaps, a bit melancholy, but somehow Kreet felt it reflected her mood perfectly. The worst thing about a perfect night is that it doesn’t last for long.

“Are there lyrics to that?” Kallid asked the goddess when she stopped.

“Oh yes, indeed there are. I’m afraid it’s a pretty standard love ballad though. Star-crossed lovers, you know. They always have to end tragically. But I love to dance to that melody.”

Suddenly Eilistraee brightened up. “Say! We’ll make the cave in plenty of time before daybreak. Would you like to visit a little place I know? Just for a little bit. Let me dance for you! It’s not far.”

“Is it safe?” Kreet asked, but Sigmundurr answered her before Eilistraee.

“Gator, when a goddess asks if you’d like to watch her dance, there’s only one answer!”

“Oh, don’t be like that Sigmundurr,” Eilistraee complained. “It’s just an idea I had. You can say no. Please don’t think of me as a goddess… too much anyway. It’s so nice to be with good mortals that don’t have all those ulterior motives and schemes. As for it being safe… well, there are some perks to being a goddess. There won’t even be any insects, I promise. Just a cricket or two and maybe some little frogs for ambience. What do you say?”

“Well then, lead on Dark Dancer!” Kreet laughed.

“It’s just a little farther up the path, then we’ll turn off and go through the woods for about a mile. Oh thank you! It seems like I never get a chance to show off anymore.”

True to her word, they turned to walk through the woods at her signal. The brambles and underbrush disappeared as they passed, reappearing behind them.

“Nice trick!” Sigmundurr said. “I know a ranger who would love to know that one!”

They walked through the woods, not on any path, but following the glowing hair of the goddess until the woods fell away and they came upon a wide shallow lake. The grass was long but inviting as she ushered them to a spot at the lake’s shore. The woods surrounding them were dotted only by fireflies, and Eilistraee assured Sigmundurr that he wouldn’t need his sword, so he lay down beside the two kobolds and pulled a jug of water from his inventory which he shared with the others, not forgetting to offer some to Eilistraee.

She laughed at that, but accepted the jug anyway and drank delicately, even though she surely didn’t need it. Perhaps it was just to make them feel more comfortable with her, but Kreet had a suspicion it might be the other way around. Maybe, she thought, being a goddess isn’t all that great after all.

“Just one thing,” she said before she started her dance. “Don’t try to touch me while I’m out of my Avatar mode, okay? You’ll know when that is. But mortals… well, it’s probably not a good idea, that’s all.”

And then she began to sing, low and quiet. Her image dulled until she was only visible as a silhouette against the moon’s reflection on the water, and her voice became even quieter until it was lost behind the groaning of the frogs and the chirping of crickets.  And finally, the voice and the silhouette were gone.

But before they began to get worried, the crickets and frogs stopped their eternal songs too and there was complete silence over the lake. A ripple began, far out on the lake, as of a breeze stirring towards them. It approached and the breeze ruffled the grass around them and across their skin and scales.

And then a face appeared among the stars. Eilistraee of course, showing off. The song started again, shifting to a major key. The words again were in that foreign tongue but understandable as any in Common. They told of a meeting between two lovers, though what race, age, mortal or not wasn’t clear. And then the dancer came into view, as graceful as they could imagine - floating among the stars above them. They lay back, and Kreet lay her head on Kallid’s chest. He draped his arm lightly around her and they watched the dancer overhead.

Her size was un-guessable since the distance wasn’t clear, but Eilistraee was pulling out all that stops, that much was plain.

She clearly was enacting a pursuit, the fearful maiden being chased by her brazen lover that the song described. Yet, with subtle smiles and pirouettes, it was clear she had no intention of escape.  

And then she was caught, and she tumbled in the sky as if rolling in the embrace of an unseen lover. The three gasped at the artistry, but couldn’t tear their eyes away.  

Eilistraee began to undulate provocatively, slowly, the lyrics to the song no longer intelligible but there was no need. Her dance made it abundantly clear that the lovers were intertwined in the act. Such was the Dark Dancer’s skill that her small audience almost felt they could see the invisible lover as much as herself. The dance began to quicken, the poses becoming more suggestive, and Kreet felt Kallid’s hand stroking her side almost reflexively in sympathy. If it strayed a bit farther afield, she didn’t mind. It felt… wonderful.

And then the dance and song stopped, yet the dancer remained in the stars, heaving breath as if she was spent and exhausted. Kreet took the opportunity to turn towards Kallid and nuzzled his neck and he returned the reptilian kiss before they went back to watching the goddess in the sky.

Suddenly Eilistraee rose from where she lay, looking around as if a menace had appeared, and as quickly a sword appeared in her hand.  Then two. Thin, menacing blades of silver flashed in the moonlight, and Kreet sunk back involuntarily into Kallid’s arms. The blade-work was amazing, one moment flashing wickedly in arc after arc as the dancer leaped through the deadly blades, then the next moment she caressed the swords as if romancing them.

Finally, though, and perhaps inevitably, she mimicked being stabbed by them and the tears began to flow. Kreet shot a look to Sigmundurr, and, though he was still watching intently, he had to stop to wipe the tears away from his face. Kreet felt better at that. The man had a heart, after all. She went back to watch the tale unfold in the goddess’ dance above her.

Eilistraee had resumed the role of the female, her lover now dead at her feet. Grief was obvious, not only in her dance but in the song as well, the tune switching to heavily minor scales.  But it was not the end of the dance. The grieving woman turned to gaze at the moon, and for a moment it seemed as if the moon gazed back at her. She cried out to the moon, and somehow a voice seemed to cry back from where the moon lay in the sky.

And then she danced in a different mode, no longer grieving. She seemed to have transferred her attention to the moon itself, as if her dead lover had been reincarnated as the great light in the night sky. Before that light, she bared all, giving herself to it’s silvery gaze and hiding nothing. Her hair coiled around her head and she smiled to the moon, her hands outstretched, beckoning it to come to her and rest it’s weary light between her breasts as the words implied.

And it did. The moon moved across the sky, slowly at first, impossibly. Kreet knew she was watching a goddess who could present just about anything to their eyes, illusion or reality. But she cried for joy anyway as the moon came to her and somehow did seem to rest between her breasts. She enfolded her body around it’s silver glow, and the night went dark. Only the glowing outline of the goddess above them was visible now, curled around the moon in an eternal embrace.

Kreet turned to Kallid and hugged him to herself, weeping with joy and not letting any other thought get in the way. She heard the goddess return to her avatar form behind her and speak some words to Sigmundurr, but she wasn’t paying attention. She heard them move off, and she broke away from Kallid just long enough to see the goddess and Sigmundurr walk into the woods, hand in hand, leaving the two kobolds alone. And then she was lost in the blue glow of Kallid’s eyes. Those eyes reflected her own, she knew. The other two did not return for hours, and even then Kreet felt it was too soon. She was in paradise with Kallid, and she never wanted it to end.

[kreetthekobold]

40 - Spellbound

Image by ToxicStarStudio here: https://www.deviantart.com/toxicstarstudio/art/Prayer-120352160

Eilistraee passed her hand over the two and both awoke instantly.

“Goddammit Gator!” Sigmundurr started, then he saw Eilistraee and his eyes went wide. “Oh fuck.”

Kallid just stared at the goddess.

“Sig, Kallid, this is Eilistraee. She is…”

But Eilistraee finished for her, “I am glad to meet you both. My name is Eilistraee.”

“Eilistraee!” Kallid said with reverence. “You are the drow goddess!”

“I am, Kallid. But rise. You needn’t fear me. I’ll do you no harm.”

“She saved us all,” Kreet explained.

Sigmundurr turned around and saw the drow standing transfixed by the goddess. He raised his sword from the ground. “No thanks to you, you stupid kobold! What the hell were you thinking?!”

“They wouldn’t have killed you, Sig.”

“I know what they would have done to me, Gator. Next time, would you mind letting me make my own fucking decisions? You’ve got no right!”

“Sorry, Sig. I… It was all I could think of!”

“Well that bitch isn’t getting away scot-free anyway,” Sigmundurr declared and advanced on where the drow stood, immobile.

“Hold, human. You will not harm any of my people. It was not my wish to rouse you, in fact. You may thank your friend here for that.”

Sigmundurr stopped in his tracks, as if he had just recalled who he was in the presence of.

“Now, Kreet, take your friends Outside. I wish to stay and speak with my people for a time. You will not be followed.”

The three stepped across the gate threshold and into the grassy path beyond. But Sigmundurr stopped and turned back once they’d cleared the gates as they slowly began to close.

Kreet and Kallid stopped alongside him.

“That is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” Sigmundurr said frankly, an odd note of wistfulness in his voice.

“It’s not every day you see a goddess,” Kallid agreed, then added. “Say, Kreet - you’re a cleric. Have you ever actually seen Pelor?”

She shook her head. “They say his true form is just pure white light. There is some sort of hierarchy among the gods I understand, though I’ve never been quite clear on how it works. Eilistraee is a lesser goddess, but still a considerable one, especially among the drow. Few drow actually worship her, but none would gainsay a manifestation like that regardless! She is a force of good, which is rare among the drow gods.”

“A man could lose himself to her,” Sigmundur said as the gates boomed closed.

They turned around and continued down the path. There was no way of knowing where they were, what time it was, or where the path was leading - but the night was cool, the stars were bright, and no one felt like sleeping. The fireflies flickered, echoing the starlight in yellow green spots across the path.

“Funny,” Kreet said, breaking the silence. “I thought you’d have some sort of lewd comment, Sig. Reverence isn’t like you normally.”

“She is no normal woman. Even I can see that.”

“If I didn’t know you better, I’d swear you had a bit of the romantic in you.”

“Hey, I may be crude, but only the blind wouldn’t recognize beauty. What about you, Kallid? You wanna bang a goddess?”

The kobold sputtered, “Wha? You’re joking. A kobold doesn’t aspire to such heights. That gets you dead, real quick! No, I’m happy with my own little goddess.”  He took Kreet’s hand and she didn’t protest.

“You’re probably right, Kal,” Sigmundurr agreed and hefted his sword over his shoulder. “Ultimate female beauty though… well, in drow form anyway. That’s something beyond lusting for. Even for me.”

A voice spoke softly behind them. “Not ultimate, human. But thank you. For you, that’s pretty high praise!”

“Eilistraee?” all three cried in unison as they spun to see the avatar of the goddess walking with them.

“You don’t mind  if I travel with you for a while, do you? The night is inviting and, who knows? You might have use of me still.”

“You’re coming with us!?” Kreet asked.

“For a time. I’m afraid I can only be with you at night. Sort of my ‘thing’. But, if you don’t mind… I’ve not spent enough time with mortals recently.”

“We would be honored,” Sigmundurr said, making a valiant attempt at a bow. Kallid attempted to mimic him as well. Kreet managed to stifle a chuckle at least.

“Well thank you, Sigmundurr,” she said, and kissed his beard.

“Urpf” was what he said, as best can be described, and she laughed at that.

“Oh, lighten up you three. As an avatar, I’m as close to being one of you as I can be. I get a little tired of the grovelling and worshiping sometimes. Can’t I just be one of you for a while?”

“It’s not easy,” Kreet said. “But we’ll try, won’t we guys?”

“I’ll try!” Kallid said, about as happy has Kreet had ever seen him.

“You might catch me staring sometimes,” Sigmundurr confessed. “I can only barely manage not to do so now.”

The goddess shrugged. “You think I manifest like this just to be ignored? Stare away. That’s the idea! Just try not to run into any trees.”

“Well, if you’re going to be traveling with us, maybe you can tell us where this path leads? Or even where Kreet’s home is?”

“I could,” she said. “But where’s the fun in that? Sorry Kreet, but I’m not going to be able to help very much to get you home. Well, not to direct you anyway. The fates will have to smile on you for that. Your patron asked me to help you out of the Underdark. This is my price for that intervention. I want to walk with you for a while.”

“My patron?” Kreet asked, confused.

“Oh, you know. Big white guy? Kinda bright?”

They all laughed at that. It felt weird to laugh with a goddess, but good nevertheless.

“The drow built my gate a long distance from the nearest human town. We won’t reach it till the day after tomorrow, and it’s a very small village. But it will be a safe trip. Once there, you can ask around to get your bearings. I suspect Sigmundurr will recognize the names and the area, even if you and Kallid do not.”

“I hope so. I’ve been in the Underdark so long I’ve no idea how far I am from where I entered it,” Sigmundurr said. “That must have been a month ago at least!”

“Well, if you can’t tell us where we’re going, at least do you know what time it is? I feel like I should be getting sleepy by now, but I’m not for some reason. How long before daybreak? Kallid’s not going to like that much. Oh, Kallid! I forgot to ask! Have you ever been Outside before?” Kreet asked, turning back to her friend.

The little kobold nodded, “Oh yes. Many times. But just for a little bit. My old master used to go out hunting. Never during the day of course. But you said you had something for that, right?”

Kreet dug out her improvised sunglasses.  “I have these. But they won’t help much. Not until you get used to the light. But we’ll travel by night mostly, so you’ll have time to get used to it.”

“Where will we stay during the day?”

“Well, once we reach a village, we’ll stay in an inn I hope. Sigmundurr, you still have my gold, right?”

“Yup. Right here.”

“You have a good plan, Kreet,” Eilistraee said. “As for daybreak, the night is young. We’ve got hours yet. And there’s a cave you can spend the day in. Don’t worry, it’s not part of the Underdark. But it will help Kallid, and will keep you out of trouble while I’m away. As for the sleep, I’m keeping that away now. You’ll sleep all day in the cave, but I’ll be sure nothing disturbs you. But the night… Ah… Isn’t it glorious?”

Kreet pulled Kallid to her as they looked up at the stars.

“It is,” Kallid said, but Kreet noticed he wasn’t looking at them. He was looking at her, his eyes as blue as ever.

Sigmundurr wasn’t either, but he looked away in embarrassment when Eilistraee caught him.

“Sorry,” he said. “I can’t help myself!”

“Ah, mortal man. No, you can’t. I understand. Let me help you…”

And with that, her hair became even longer, forming a silver dress of sorts around herself.

“Eilistraee,” he said when she was finished.

“Yes?”

“I think that’s worse,” he laughed.

“Oh? Sorry! I just thought my body was a bit too…”

“It is. Perfection,” Sigmundurr said, but pointedly turned away.

She wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned her head on his massive shoulder.

“No, Sigmundurr. You said before I was the embodiment of female perfection. You were wrong about that. Female perfection is achieved when with child.”

“Oh!” Kallid chirped up. “Kreet is pregnant! She’s pregnant!”

Eilistraee looked at Kreet.

“No, Kallid,” Kreet said to him. “I’m not pregnant. Sorry, in all the confusion, I haven’t had time to tell you that. Eilistraee checked.”

“Oh,” Kallid said, and his eyes lost the blue glow. They walked on in silence for a while, still hand in hand, but Kreet could feel his dejection. But then he looked up at her again.

“Kreet,” he said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“Back there. When you put me to sleep…”

She nodded. “Yes?”

“Eilistraee woke us up, didn’t she? I saw her in my dream.”

“She did.”

“And… she didn’t have to wake me up, did she?”

“No. I asked her to.”

“And you knew you weren’t pregnant?”

“Yes.  But wait… don’t jump to conclusions, Kal.”

“You wanted me to stay with you, didn’t you? Even when you knew you weren’t pregnant?”

They walked on a way, Kreet looking at him and he looking at her. “Yes, Kallid. I wanted you to stay with me.”

Kallid beamed, literally. She could have sworn the blue light in his eyes was as bright as the moon shining through the trees above them. Thankfully he didn’t say or ask anything more about it. He just squeezed her hand.

“Slave for life,” Kreet thought to herself. “I hope you’re happy, you damned selfish kobold.”

And yet, she was happy. She looked away from Kallid, but if her smile wasn’t evidence enough of that, the blue glow in her own eyes gave it away regardless.

“It’s this night,” she thought. “I’ll come to my senses in the daylight. But, he’s so damn cute.” Then she thought of something, and looked at Eilistraee. The goddess smiled and shrugged, maybe a bit guiltily.

“Well,” Kreet thought. “When under the spell of a goddess, there’s not a whole lot you can do but go with the flow…”

[kreetthekobold]

39 - Eilistraee

Originally I had not planned to bring a literal Deus Ex Machina into this. It’s usually considered bad form. But when a reader (who is obviously more lore-aware than me) mentioned Eilistraee, that got me researching. And THAT made me realize that... sometimes... a deus-ex-machina isn’t NECESSARILY the sign of bad plot writing. I hope. Image found here. Sorry, no idea of who the original artist was.

http://www.dmsguild.com/product/176361/The-Dark-Maiden-beckons-On-the-drow-goddess-Eilistraee-and-her-Faith

Suddenly everything went dark and Kreet thought she had died, but an instant later she heard shouting from the drow. Thinking quickly, she rolled away and scrambled to her feet, backing away to where she recalled the nearest wall was.  

Darkness. She should be able to see, but she saw nothing. The drow could not see either apparently. She heard the voice of Urmelena call her name in anger, but she dared not respond. Then the gates began to open, impossibly. A voice came from nearby, demanding the gate be closed, but another voice swore it was still bolted - yet it continued to open.  She saw the line of the opening widening against a starlit background, but something was blocking most of the sky. Then all the drow went silent and she saw it clearly. She saw her.

Silhouetted against the starlight was the outline of a woman, wreathed in silver hair, impossibly huge and... floating. She was moving. Undulating. Dancing. And then Kreet heard her voice. The language was both foreign yet still completely understandable. Kreet suddenly realized who this must be. She had seen her carved in the ceiling of the cavern. This could be none other than the goddess Eilistraee herself. Kreet prostrated herself on the floor and listened to the song of the goddess. She had never imagined such a song.

She was never able to properly interpret the song afterwards. She tried, but felt her words simply couldn’t convey the depth of emotion. Eilistraee sang of her people, the drow, doomed to live in the Underdark for eternity. The constant strife, both within the drow community and with those who lived in the light outside. The drow were meant for better than this.

She heard some of the drow weeping, knowing their failing and their miserable fate, and taking the blame on themselves for causing this beautiful goddess, who loved them dearly, such pain and misery. Then she heard her name.

“Kreet,” the goddess said, and she had never wished to be hidden from view more than at that moment, but she realized that she could not hide from a goddess.

“Kreet. Raise your eyes. Do you know who I am?”

Kreet looked up at the impossible beauty of the silver-haired being that seemed to have shrunk to the size of a normal drow, and yet had become even more godlike than before. The dark dancer glowed with something that was not light and her eyes were white orbs within that perfect ebony face.

Kreet forced the name from her too-crude throat, “Eilistraee”.

“Yes Kreet. That is my name. Stand. I am here for you. I have heard of you, Kreet.”

“Me?” Kreet said, standing only because she was asked to do so. The goddess approached her as if walking, but Kreet knew her feet did not touch the cold hard rock.

“Do you know of me, little kobold? Do you know my desire? Do you know my fundamental wish? I wish for my kind to leave these infernal caverns, kobold. They are my children, but they become more perverted below every day. They war, they intrigue, they scheme. But it was not always so. Once they were kind and loving creatures. It is this place that has done this to them. Someday I hope to take them away from this and return to the surface world that is their birthright. They are meant to walk the earth at night, as others walk it by daylight…”

She began to sing again, and Kreet thought to look back at the drow who had gone silent. The starlight provided plenty of light now, not to mention the glow from the goddess’ eyes and hair. They were all sitting, watching their goddess as if in a trance. She saw Urmelena and Houndril among them, as rapt as the others.

“These,” the goddess continued, “will not see that day. They are too warped and twisted. But I will not rest until that day comes. I sing for them, and for some few I provide aid, much as your Pelor has done for you.”

“I hope your wish will come true, beautiful goddess of darkness,” Kreet said honestly. “But what can a mere kobold do for you?”

“You already have done a great deal for me, Kreet. You were a dweller of the dark, as are they. But you rose from that station. You left your caverns and became known to the daylight. You have proven that those who live underground can uplift themselves and return to the surface. Others have managed it for a brief time, but you… you are home Outside.”

“I am, it is true. I am seeking my home.”

The goddess smiled then and stepped even closer. Kreet was suddenly torn between an intense desire to wrap her arms around this image of female perfection - to pull her to herself in an eternal embrace, and a desire every bit as intense to run away from this being that was as different from her as she was from a beetle. And yet she knew that if she touched the goddess, her soul would be lost, forever a part of the goddess herself. Instead, she did neither, but she trembled with a kind of fear. Not fear of danger or of impending disaster, but fear of being overwhelmed by something she could never understand. A source of Power, similar to that she felt from Pelor, yet distinct - as if a different color on the spectrum.

“Kreet. Your home lies within you. Wherever you go, you are home.”

Kreet looked up. “But… there are those I love. I want to see them again.”

The goddess’ pupil-less eyes turned sad. “It is a thing I cannot experience, little kobold. I do not understand loss as you do. It is so easy to forget that. Love, though, that is something I understand well. You will love again, Kreet. Be assured of that. But there will also be loss. Until you all meet again in the next world.”

Then suddenly the goddess shifted in some fundamental way. She still stood before the kobold, but somehow she seemed less. She diminished. Somehow the awe that had caused Kreet to tremble was gone, though the goddess still stood before her, still as beautiful and dark as ever. But Kreet noticed that her feet now touched the ground and her blue eyes were no longer pupil-less.

“Now, Kreet. We have business to attend to. Drow. Rise!” she commanded.

The drow got to their feet, still silent, but eyes wide.

Then the goddess touched Kreet’s hand and the kobold nearly lost what little composure she had managed.

“Stand strong, little kobold. This is just my avatar. You may treat me as a mortal now. But it is your wish to leave the Underdark, or so I am given to understand.”

“Yes Goddess! We…”

“We? I wasn’t aware there were others.”

“Oh yes! I have two companions. Please, I must take them with me!”

“Companions? They cannot be drow. Who are they?”

Kreet turned. She saw both Sigmundurr and Kallid still sleeping where she had left them. She motioned to them.

Eilistraee turned and walked over to the two. Kreet noticed that the goddess’ hair continued to flow around her as if in complete disregard of gravity, wind or any other earthly power. Avatar or no, no one was going to mistake this person for a mere mortal, even if that flowing hair alternatively covered and revealed a body that even the most graceful elf would be jealous of. As a kobold, she was simply ashamed.

“A kobold,” the goddess said as she knelt beside Kallid. “Oh! Your mate? I didn’t know you had a mate, Kreet!”

“I… well… I guess I do now.”

“Would you like to marry him?” the Avatar laughed. It was an unexpected sound, but somehow comforting. It made her seem more mortal. “You can’t get a better minister than I!”

“It’s… complicated. We… Well, I may be pregnant by him.”

“Oh! Really?” the Avatar said, a delighted look on her face. She turned back to Kreet and knelt down, putting her ear to Kreet’s abdomen.

Kreet was dumbstruck, but giggled a little when the goddess moved her head around as if listening at various places.

“Um… Eilistraee… It was just a couple of days ago.”

The goddess stood, a sad look on her face. “That doesn’t matter. I’d hear your children’s souls anyway. But I’m afraid there’s nothing. Sorry Kreet. You’re not pregnant.”

Kreet sat down on the hard ground. This was all a bit much. She wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad, but she knew the goddess was not guessing. She knew. Kreet was not pregnant.

“Shall I wake him?” Eilistraee asked, and suddenly Kreet realized how important that question was. How very, very important.

She was not pregnant. Kallid had no need to come further with her. He could return to his life here in the Underdark and go back to normal. She could leave without him, and he would not follow. She could just leave him to sleep. Even Urmelena was no threat to Kallid. Then why didn’t she already tell the goddess to leave him to sleep? What reason was there otherwise?

She looked at the goddess. The pale blue eyes looked back at her, patient as death. Patient as life.

“Kreet. You know the answer to the question. You just don’t want to voice it.”

“It’s not an easy question,” Kreet whined.

“It’s very easy Kreet. You already know the answer. And you already know why.”

“I am selfish. But maybe... Wake him.”

The goddess smiled. “Right answer. But about this human....”

“I can’t leave him here, Eilistraee. They’ll castrate him and enslave him for life.”

“Yes, they will. But I have a feeling that may not be an undeserved fate for this man. He has the blood of many on his hands, and many were not deserved.”

“I think he can be… changed.”

“You might be overestimating your abilities, kobold. He likes you, granted, but it is not easy to change a person’s nature. His nature is wild. In many ways he resembles an animal - but worse, as he has the cunning of a human. I do not think he will hurt you or your mate, Kreet, but he will cause you grief. Of that I can assure you.”

“Do you know the future, goddess?”

“If I want to, I do. But you should not know the future. It is too much for mortals. Right now, I am clouding the future to myself so I don’t reveal more than is good for you. Your life will change because of your decisions right here, right now. This man will cause you grief. The kobold… He is a good person.”

“Wake the human too. Grief or no, I will not subject him to a life of eunuch slavery just to ease my own life. I take responsibility for him.”

“NO!” the goddess roared suddenly and it felt as if the walls of the Underdark itself shook.

“No,” she said again, returning to a mortal tone. “You are not responsible for him or anyone else, Cleric of Pelor. You are responsible only for yourself and your actions. Do not wish to take more than that. It is far, far enough.”

[kreetthekobold]

38 - Betrayal

Image from here: https://www.deviantart.com/invaderpixi/art/Riyit-Pinup-Kobold-Priestess-of-Lendys-635126840 by InvaderPixi of a kobold priestess.

To say Kreet was troubled as the small band continued towards the stairway would be an understatement. She considered telling Sigmundurr that they were walking into a trap, but that would certainly set him off into berserker mode. But to not warn him… wasn’t that tantamount to being an accomplice?  To top it off, she was none too sure how much power she had remaining. Probably enough for another bolt, but more than that was unlikely.

During another break, she sat next to Sigmundurr.

“Sig…” she started hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“Sig… be watchful, okay? I don’t know what’s waiting for us at the stairway, but I don’t feel good about it.”

“I know what you mean. Those two have been too accommodating. They’ve got something up their sleeves.”

“I think you’re right. But I’ve no idea what.”

“Me neither. Well, I’ve still got this sword, and you’ve got your god-stuff. Plus they’re blinded. I can’t see how they can do much.”

Kreet put her hand on the big man’s knee. “Sig. What I said back there…”

Sigmundurr looked at the little scrawny, scaly hand and smiled. “You don’t have to like me, Kreet. I like you. And your runt boyfriend.”

“Hey. I can hear you, you know!” Kallid said, sitting on the other side of the human.

“Well. Anyway, you’re okay… when you’re being reasonable. But whatever we’re in for, it might be that there’s a time for unreasonableness. Chaos too has a place in the order of things.”

Sigmundurr rubbed her head with his huge hands. “That it does, lizard. Come on. I expect we’re getting close now. Let’s get this over with, whatever ‘it’ is. But Kreet…”

“Hmm?”

“If things go bad, I’m taking that damn Urmelena’s head off first thing.”

Kreet looked over to where the two drow were.

“I’ll be sure to stay out of the way.”

With that, they resumed their trek.  Hours had passed before finally they saw light ahead. It wasn’t the steady shine of daylight - but the flickering light of torches.  Still, after all the time they had spent under the feeble light of the staff, it seemed unusually bright.  The path had grown wide as they approached a large space ahead.

“The stairway?” Kreet asked Urmelena.

“Yes, kobold of Pelor. Ahead is the Stairway of Eilistraee.”

The name rang a bell. Some goddess of the drow if she remembered right from her training at the monastery. She couldn’t remember anything more though.

They rounded the corner and looked up. Indeed it was a stairway, perhaps a hundred steps and at least as many feet across. At the top of the stairs were two huge gates, bolted shut by a similarly-sized bolt of iron which was fitted to an intricate network of ropes and pulleys.  The carvings in the walls and on the doorway depicted a throng of dark elves, climbing a stairway - presumably this very one - out of the Underdark and into lands above. And, over all, was a figure all in ebony, naked but wreathed in silver hair, guiding the drow forth.

It filled Kreet with awe, and obviously did so for Kallid and even Sigmundurr.

“Wow,” he said. But what he lacked in eloquence, he made up for in sincerity.

“Yeah,” Kreet had to agree. “Wow.”

“They’re gone!” Kallid said suddenly, looking away from the scene.

“What? Who?”

“Urmelena and Houndril!”

Kreet looked around suddenly, not understanding. They were just here a second ago. Weren’t they?

And then the drow patrol entered from behind them. Urmelena and Houndril were with them.

The three ran towards the other side of the stairway, where another contingent of guards emerged. Presumably guards stationed to protect the stairway. Kreet noticed they were dressed somewhat differently than those in the patrol with Urmelena and Houndril, the two obviously not blind. They had probably been faking it for hours.

“Kreet,” Urmelena said. “You said you didn’t want to fight me. You don’t have to. You only have to die. I’ve given you my word as to the other two.

Kreet looked desperately at Sigmundurr whose face already bore the grimace she had seen before just before he’d gone full berserker. He was impressive in battle, but he couldn’t defeat all these. Would life as a eunuch slave be worse than death for him?

She looked to the obvious exit above them, but Urmelena anticipated that.

“You can try, kobold of Pelor. Good luck with that. You don’t even have to open the big gate - there’s an entry door on the right hand gate. But it’s locked, and you won’t be able to open it.

Kreet looked at Sigmundurr, who shrugged. “Worth a shot!”

Suddenly they began racing up the stairs. The drow did not give chase, exactly. They just formed ranks and began climbing the stairs to follow. They obviously had no worries about their quarry escaping.

At the top of the stairs, the doorway through the gate was obvious, but it was firmly locked. Sigmundurr bashed it with his sword, both the large iron lock and the door itself, but other than some scratching, it was no use.  The armored drow were nearing the top of the stairs.

“Got any cleric magic for this situation?” Sigmundurr asked her, his eyes betraying desperation.

She shook her head. “Sorry Sig. I don’t have any ideas.”

“Well I’ve got one anyway!”

He turned to face the drow. At least twelve, Kreet thought. No way. He’d kill some. Urmelena certainly. But he would succumb at last. Then she looked at Kallid. His eyes had gone blood-red and he was salivating. He would do no good at all. He would be killed as an afterthought. She saw no solution. She pulled something small and black from her inventory.

“Do you promise?” she said loudly.

Sigmundurr turned to her, but she wasn’t looking at him. Nor was she looking at Kallid. She was looking at Urmelena.

“I promise to you, kobold of Pelor. It will be as I have said.”

Kreet turned to Sigmundurr. “I’m sorry Sig. I don’t see any better way.”

“Kreet!” he screamed as she raised her hands to him. “No!”

The sleep spell wasn’t guaranteed to work. She’d not cast it in years. But it came back to her when she needed it, and luck was with her. Sigmundurr crumbled to the ground at her feet.

Kreet took Kallid’s hand. The blood rage in his eyes burned even hotter. He would not allow this either. She cast the spell again, and he fell as well.

“You are wise, kobold of Pelor. In different circumstances…” Urmelena said as she stepped up to Kreet.

Kreet’s eyes burned. She had betrayed her friends. Sigmundurr would curse her all the days of his life as a slave. Kallid… oh, he would probably still worship her memory. As for her - she might or might not have been pregnant. The signs wouldn’t show yet. But that wasn’t going to happen now anyway.

“Just do it,” Kreet said, and she knelt at Urmelena’s feet, her head extended and neck exposed. 

She looked at the jewel in her palm. A jewel invisible to anyone but her apparently. She didn’t know what it was or how it worked, but it had whisked her away in a previous life. Maybe it would do so now? Hope was something kobolds should not have, but she couldn’t help it.

[kreetthekobold]

37 - Devotion

Sigmundurr grumbled, but did as she demanded.

“Thank you Sigmundurr,” Kreet said, lowering her hands.

“Fucking bitch deserved…” Sigmundurr began, but Kreet interrupted him.

Until this time, she had revealed little of her true powers to anyone since she had arrived in the Underdark. She had told only Kallid it’s source, but circumstances had required it.

“Sig, your Creator gave you a gift of manhood, but you have badly misused that gift. I cannot change your ways. Only you can do that. But I can guide you if you want me to.”

“You sound like some damned…” Sigmundurr began.

“I am a Cleric, Sig. I am a Cleric of Pelor, and not an insubstantial one at that. But we don’t coerce, we only offer guidance.”

“Figures. A fucking cleric.”

“Yes Sigmundurr. I’m a fucking cleric. If we’re going to continue traveling together, you’d best get used to it. I don’t like you Sig. You’re a force of chaos, but I don’t think you’re evil. Just… unrestrained. You could be a good person, if ever you could learn self-restraint.”

Sigmundurr looked down at the little kobold. “Restraint? I haven’t cut your damned scaly head off yet! That’s restraint!”

Kreet nodded. “Yes. It’s a start. But now I’m going to ask more of you. I want you to give Urmelena her sword back.

“The fuck you say! Not gonna happen little lizard.”

“Sig, how do you think we’re going to find our way out of the Underdark without her?”

The big man looked across the bridge.

“You think he’s going to help if you rape her or kill her? Really?”

Meanwhile, Urmelena had stopped talking, but was obviously listening intently. Kreet didn’t like the expression on her face, but this rift had to be mended somehow. She continued.

“Sig, you know the drow. You know how they are. Did you really expect her to help you? You are what you are, and they are what they are. That’s not going to change today. But we need their help.”

“She’ll stab us in the back, or have Houndril do it, at the first chance.”

“I don’t think so,” Kreet said, then looked to the dark elf. “Urmelena, what will you do if Sig gives you his sword back right now?” Kreet asked the still-prone drow.

The dark elf’s face turned contrite. “I’ll lead you on to the stairway of course.”

“That is a lie. I’ll ask you again, and you will tell the truth. Either that or we’ll try and find our way on our own and we’ll leave you both here, blind in the dark.”

Urmelena rolled over suddenly, disregarding the point of her own sword. Fortunately Sigmundurr allowed it.  The rage returned to her face and she spat the words out.

“I’ll kill this overgrown man and drop his body down the crevasse, and if you think you can stop me, you’ll soon meet your damned Pelor in the next life and ask him!”

“Pretty brave talk for a blind person, don’t you think? I’ve been blinded by that light-blast before. You’ll recover your sight in time, but not soon. And your mate over there isn’t going to be able to help if a spider or worse attacks you. At this point, you can still complete your mission and keep your lives, if you want to. You need to decide that. Right this moment.”

The drow was not stupid. She considered Kreet’s words.

“I’ll do nothing,” she said finally.

“That’s right. We’ll put this bridge behind us and continue to the stairway. You will accomplish your mission and live. You mentioned giving Sigmundurr a weapon before. Do you have another with you?”

“Houndril has another sword,” she replied.

“Good. Sig, you’ll have that. Against two blind drow. Think you can take them if you need to?”

Sigmundurr smiled again and nodded.

“Alright. Now. How are we going to get Houndril across this bridge?”

Kallid spoke up then. Kreet had almost forgotten about him, but his eyes were glowing bright blue as they looked at her.

“Oh great,” she thought. “I’ve got my first devotee.”

“I can help him over!” he said with reverence in his voice. “Kreet, I can help!”

“Kallid…” she began, but at the sound of her uttering his name the blue glowed even fiercer. She gave it up. She’d have to worry about him later.

“Go on Kallid. We’ll wait here. Be careful. That spider is still down there.”

He laughed but scampered back across the bridge. “But you blinded it!”

She called back as he got to Houndril and helped the drow to the edge of the bridge. “Maybe! Just be careful!”

It took the two a minute to get back across the bridge, but even blind the drow proved his elven grace and had only a moment or two of imbalance, even across the broken bridge.

Sigmundurr had still not returned Urmelena’s sword, but at Kreet’s ‘suggestion’ the drow commanded Houndril to give Sigmundurr his spare sword.

“Satisfied?” Kreet asked the human.

Sigmundurr drew blood from his thumb testing the edge. He smiled evilly. “Satisfied.”

“Okay. Now, here’s how we’ll do this. I know you know this path well, Urmelena. You and Houndril will lead. Kallid, you stay with them and describe the path ahead. I think you’ll be able to manage like that.  Sig and I will follow.”

“What about spiders?” Kallid asked.

“We’ll just have to do the best we can.”

“Little kobold… if we are attacked, you must stay away from Houndril and I. We have methods of attacking as a team, even blind. But we won’t know where you are.”

Kreet said nothing, but realized that was a good sign. At least they didn’t blame Kallid for the recent events. No doubt they hated Sigmundurr now only a little more than herself as a cleric of their enemy Pelor, but they didn’t want to kill Kallid anyway. If she could just keep the fuse unlit on this powder-keg, maybe they would still all survive after all.

There was another spider attack - three wolf-spiders this time. But now that Kreet had revealed her powers and could assist, they dealt with them quickly. Sigmundurr did receive a venomous bite, but Kreet took care of that.

Then they encountered a patrol of drow coming the other way. This was a situation she wasn’t sure how to handle. They were taking a break when a group of five drow approached from the other side, armed to the teeth and none too happy to see the human slave sporting a sword. Kreet shot a look at Urmelena as they approached.

“Urmalena,” Kreet whispered as they approached. “There is a patrol coming. You can reveal us, obviously.”

“Are you threatening me, kobold of Pelor?!”

“No. But if we come to any harm, I do promise that I will make sure that your mate Houndril is permanently blinded. I can do that.”

“He is not my mate.”

Kreet found an all-too human word suddenly very appropriate. “Bullshit.”

“I may be a cleric, but I am also female. His mistress, you are, but you also care about him. It is obvious in your every move around him. If you do not, I can’t stop you from turning us over to this patrol. But if I’m right, I think you can get them to pass on.”

Urmelena smiled as the patrol came close. Though Kreet was taking a gamble, it was the only thing she could think of. The leader stepping up to Urmelena while Kreet backed off and went to stand in front of Sigmundurr. She prayed a brief prayer while she held Sigmundurr’s sword down. The two drow spoke in hushed tones and Kreet couldn’t tell what was being said.

She had a moment of panic when the patrol leader looked back to Sigmundurr and she felt his sword shift as his grip on it firmed.

But then the patrol continued on. She didn’t relax her hold on the sword blade till the last of them had disappeared out of sight.

They reformed and began to continue on.

“What did you tell them?” Kreet asked.

“I told them we were blinded by a flash-pod and that the human killed some wolf-spiders after that. They’ll find the spiders soon enough if they didn’t believe me anyway. You’re safe. From them.”

Kreet realized something then. She lowered her tone so Sigmundurr couldn’t hear her.

“You’re not going to let us out, are you?”

Urmelena made a derisive noise then. “We will take you to the staircase. That was our command. What happens then… well, that’s up to the fates.”

“Is there anything I can do to change your mind? I don’t want to fight you, Urmelena.”

“Do you really think I would let a devotee of Pelor live, little kobold? No. You will not survive this trip. You chose your god poorly. But you will reach the staircase safely. That much I can promise. And your little mate will live. I too see much, Cleric. Find comfort in that. Until then, I suggest you pray to your god. You will meet him soon enough.”

“And Sigmundurr?”

The dark elf’s blind eyes wrinkled in anticipated joy. “He will live. But he will not remain a man.”

Kreet fell back as they continued up the path. But she was considering another path. She prayed, fervently and with a purpose. This trip was not going to end without bloodshed. Her fate and that of Sigmundurr, as well as their drow guides, were up to powers beyond her. But as she saw the little kobold’s bright blue eyes turn back towards her, she hoped he wouldn’t be hurt. She wasn’t sure she loved him - certainly not like he did her - but she did care for him. He would try to help, and probably end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

[kreetthekobold]

36 - Threats

Sorry for the delay. Vacation called. Back to the Kreet goodness. And here, have a cute weird Coal the Kobold from Rakkuguy too. From http://rakkuguy.tumblr.com/post/162560285891/shes-into-those-weird-things-like-handholding

Again, not Kreet and has nothing to do with the story, but I do like posting a Kobold image with these when I can.

They continued through the Underdark’s labyrinthine network of tunnels, hallways and crevices, and Kreet marveled not only at their guides’ apparently unerring path-finding, but also at the sheer size of the complex. Once she had thought the cave system she had been born in was huge - her whole world in fact - but compared to the Underdark it was but a flyspeck.

Both the drow and the two kobolds, of course, could see in the utter darkness they traveled through, but Sigmundurr required light. This irked Urmelena who had to carry a staff of light ahead of them.

“Well dammit, why don’t you just give it to me if it’s such a pain in the ass?” Sigmundurr asked her after yet another of her complaints about it, but she just grumbled and continued on.

“Seriously. It amounts to a stick to me. Just let me carry it. If we run into another one of those spiders, you’ll be free to dispatch it without it.”

Urmelena halted the group and turned back to look at Sigmundurr.

“What do you think, Houndril?”

For the first time, the male drow spoke. “I would have his head before he could swing it,” he assured Urmelena.

Kreet didn’t fail to miss the smile that came over Sigmundurr’s face at that. Nevertheless, Urmelena handed the staff of light to Sigmundurr who took it in good grace, even nodding to her as if in gratitude. Then they continued on, but he winked at Kreet, to which she shook her head ever so slightly as her eyes widened. But he just smiled and continued on following.

The spiders were an ever present menace in the Underdark. They came in all shapes and sizes as well as varying degrees of deadliness, but kobolds were naturally immune to most types’ venom. Humans and drow were not, but at least the drow had experience in how to fight them. Some time earlier they had encountered a couple of the more aggressive wolf-spiders, but Urmelena had killed both without so much as a scratch.

The really big spiders, however, they would best avoid and it was for this reason that their leader had enforced silence since the spiders tended to be attracted to noises in the normal silence of the Underdark.  Once she had spotted one of these, far away across an underground lake they had skirted. It’s size was difficult to be sure of, but it appeared to be at least fifty feet from leg to leg. They’d never grown anywhere near that large in her old caverns, but then, there was no where there to contain such monstrous beasts, let alone provide enough food for them to maintain that sort of size.

But here in the Underdark life was surprisingly abundant. Mushrooms seemed to grow at every chance, along with lichen - both glowing and dormant - and other similar plant-life. The giant spider she’d seen appeared to be lying in wait for something under the surface of the lake, so underwater fish and worse were obviously plentiful as well.  

And, of course, spiders were only the most common of the threats in the Underdark. Fortunately the path they followed was well traveled and was kept clear of the worst of these by regular patrols of drow, some of whom they’d passed by already. But there was always the chance of encountering the less expected Underdark dwellers. Despite the confidence and obvious skill of their guides, there were still only two of them.

They came at last to one of the rope bridges that took the path over a deep crevasse. The bridge took the form of 3 thick ropes, tied to each other occasionally by smaller guide-ropes with the largest of the three acting as the bottom of the bridge and the other two as handrails.

Urmelena indicate they would cross one-at-a-time, to minimize swaying of the rope and the weight of more than one.  While the rope bridge had obviously seen years of use which might indicate security after all this time, the fraying of the strands left Kreet with no doubt that the structure was not as solid as once it had been. And knowing the Drow, it would be left as-is until it broke, and an unlucky traveler at that point had better hope he held on tight.

Of  course, Urmelena went first, carrying the light staff since it was obvious that Sigmundurr was not going to be able to navigate the bridge easily with it. He gave it up without a fight, and Kreet thought she detected a bit of fear in his face. She couldn’t blame him. If the rope was going to break today, it was going to break under him most likely.

As she watched Urmelena step gracefully across, it occurred to her that the even in their arrogance, the drow were definitely elves. Their air of superiority wasn’t only due to their own inflated egos. In many ways, they indeed were superior. The rope barely swayed as she stepped off and waved for Sigmundurr to begin.

For the first time, Kreet looked over the edge. She did not see the bottom, but it wasn’t because it was too far away to see. It was because something massive blocked the view. It’s eight eyes glistened but it was still and silent as death. She drew in her breath.

“Long way down?” Sigmundurr chuckled as he stepped out.

Kreet’s eyes were wide but she put a finger to her mouth in the universal gesture.

Sigmunder tentatively stepped one foot in front of the other out over the bridge and it began to sway as the cords creaked under his weight. Kreet shot a look to Houndril. He obviously knew the monster was there too, but Sigmundurr had to rely on the light from the staff - now far away on the other side of the bridge. To him, the spider underneath him was effectively invisible, no matter how much he tried to see it.

He stopped, waiting for the bridge to stop swaying, then took another two steps. Naturally the bridge started swaying again.  Kreet could see the tendons on his arms bunch as he held tightly to the hand-ropes. And then he overbalanced.

Things happened in rapid succession then. One foot lost its grip on the base rope, and suddenly the base was no longer under his center of mass. He kept the other foot on the base rope for a moment, but now all his weight was on the right hand-line. It was too much for the old rope and it snapped at the near end beside Kreet.

It did not drop away however, due to the guide lines between the hand rope and the base. However, it shifted under Sigmundurr’s weight at least four feet and was now hanging under the base rope with Sigmundurr holding on for dear life onto the broken handrail. Amazingly, the guidelines held even under his weight. They formed a sort of ladder that Sig could still use to climb back onto the base rope - if the both the hand rope and the guide ropes held.

Kreet saw he was struggling. He was amazingly strong, but the break was too unexpected. Still, at least he had not actually fallen. She looked at Urmelena. She stood passively watching the man’s struggling. She looked to Houndril.

“Help him!” she cried.

The drow snorted contempt. “If he is worthy of life, he will help himself. If not…”

She looked back down the pit. The huge thing no longer remained motionless. It was approaching, and the distance had belied its size. It was tremendous. Larger than anything living had a right to be. It stopped short of actually coming into full view and attacking Sigmundurr, who was oblivious to what was happening underneath him. He had managed to get his legs wrapped around the broken end of the hand rope and was shimmying up the rope. It was obviously a lot of effort, but he was managing it. It looked like he would make it.

Till the long front leg of the spider tapped him gently on one leg.

“The FUCK?!” Sigmundurr screamed at both the shock of the touch and the weird, incredible leg that rose from the darkness below.

Though the spider’s leg did end in a wicked sharp claw, it wasn’t using it to try and spear him. It looked to be simply toying with him. It tapped his leg again, rather gently, but that set him to swinging. He could no longer do anything but hold on.

Then it tapped him again. Gently, but just as the arc of his swing had begun in that direction. It was intentionally swinging him. The centripetal force as the arc of his swing grew larger would certainly pry him loose of his grip soon. And the spider tapped him again. It knew exactly what it was doing.

Kreet couldn’t stand idle any longer.

“Kallid!”

Her mate was watching in horrified fascination, but he looked up at her.

“Kallid, look away and close your eyes. Close them as much as you can. I’m about to do something.”

“GODDAMMIT! HELP!” Sigmundurr was screaming at Urmelena, but she stood impassively watching.

No, Kreet realized as she looked closer.  Not impassive. She was smiling!

Kreet wasted no more time with warning. She held her hands in front of her and took aim at the eight eyes watching Sigmundurr who was swinging nearly perpendicularly now. She would not kill it, she knew, but she would blind it. And probably two others that she hadn’t warned. She closed her eyes tightly and cast Guiding Bolt at the thing.

The power that leaped from her outstretched hands had increased measurably with her level increase. Though even behind her lids her eyes ached with the light that still got through, the feeling of the power of Pelor flowing through her made her weep with joy. She was no powerless little kobold. She could still DO things.

Over the screaming from the two drow, Kreet heard the alien screech of the spider die away as something huge and heavy fell to a rumbling thump far below. She hoped Sigmundurr had managed to hold on. When she opened her eyes, she was - though not exactly blind - unable to see directly in front of her. But she heard Kallid moving.

The bright halo in her eyes quickly disappeared and she ignored the shouting and cursing of the drow. Kallid was out on the bridge now, pulling a guide rope up as best he could, his tail and legs wrapped around the base rope.

In a minute, Sigmundurr was back on the base rope and the two finished the crossing to the other side. Kreet scrambled across then, not having any particular fear of heights, but a fear of the thing below was certainly present.

When she got to the other side, Sigmundurr was sitting atop Urmelena, her sword in hand.

“Hi Kreet!” he said happily. “That was you, wasn’t it?”

Kreet looked at the drow, no longer screaming but uttering curse after curse at the man who sat on her back. Kreet nodded.

“Thought so. Thanks! I’d be spider-chow it if not for you. And Kallid. Appreciate it little guy, and I’ll not forget it. No thanks to these assholes though...”

He stood up but kept the point of the sword on the small of Urmelena’s back. She was still obviously blind, as was Houndril who was still on the far side of the bridge, unable to cross.

“So… thought you’d feed your little pet did you?” Sigmundurr said menacingly. Kreet didn’t like the tone of his voice.

“Sorry, afraid your ‘Little Furry Legs’ is going to have to go without Sigmundurr meat today,” he continued, and with horror Kreet realized he was loosening his belt.

“But you, on the other hand… I think you’re in dire need of some Sigmundurr meat!”

“Sig,” Kreet said quietly.

“Kreet! She was gonna fucking let that thing eat me!”

“Sig,” Kreet repeated and the big man turned back to her.

“Put your pants back on Sig,” Kreet commanded, her hands outstretched in preparation for another Guiding Bolt, and pointing at his head. He would not survive a direct Bolt from this distance and she was fully prepared to wield it.

[kreetthekobold]

35 - Departure

Technically they were still slaves of course. In the drow city they were in, all non-drow races were considered slaves. But fortunately the princess they had rescued had some standing with the powers there, and she sent along two drow guardians to see them through the long and perilous trek to Outside.

The two were relatively benign, at least by drow standards. They met Kreet, Kallid and Sigmundurr outside the tavern the next morning, not deigning to venture within the slave-infested common room.

“You three are to be escorted out of the Underdark,” Urmelena said unceremoniously when they stepped out of the doorway, “by order of the Princess. She requests that you be allowed some time to gather any belongings required, and not be harmed on the journey. How long must we wait for you?”

Kreet could sense Sigmundurr’s already growing anger, but she’d seen him hold it in check before when badly outnumbered. She gave him a glance that he returned with a squint.

“We’re ready now. We will follow your lead.”

“I am Urmelena. I will lead,” she replied while indicating the other guard. That is Houndril. He will follow. You three will remain between.”

“Are we allowed weapons?” Sigmundurr asked.

Urmelena laughed. “Are you a comedian, human? That was surely a joke, yes?”

Sigmundurr muttered something under his breath, but Kallid spoke up.  “Um… he means when we get to the Outside. We’ll need weapons Outside!”

Urmelena looked down at the kobold and snorted. “What on earth would you do with a weapon, kobold? You’d hurt yourself!” But then she looked back towards Sigmundurr. “When we get there, I’ll provide you with something. Not until then.”

Kreet nodded, more at Sigmundurr than at their ‘escort’, and then they began. Each of the three carried a backpack of provisions, as well as part of Kreet’s remaining gold. The guards carried a small pack at their belt and canteens in addition to their spears and blades.  With that, Urmelena began their journey through the streets of the underground city with Sigmundurr following her, the two kobolds behind and the silent Houndril close behind them.

“How far is it, did you say?” Kreet asked Kallid in their native language as they stumbled along to maintain pace with the larger people.

“I’ve never been myself, of course. But I understand it’s about two days away, if we’re going by the Stairway. Farther otherwise of course. You really don’t know where you are, do you?”

“I was born in some caverns, but they didn’t connect with the Underdark,” she explained as they passed crowds of drow and the occasional slave train.

There were other slaves that weren’t bound of course, but this was undoubtedly the domain of the drow.

Their leader turned her head back to look at the kobolds. “Talk now, small ones. Once outside the borders of this city, there will be no more talking. Understand?”

“Of course, my lord,” Kallid said in deference.

The drow smiled at that and turned back, satisfied.  

“I am no Lord, but you may call me Lady, though I am not nobility. But, for our purposes, I will be your Lady until our journey is complete. If we are attacked, you will follow my orders. My command is to get you to the Outside alive, but accidents happen. Do not attempt to cross me.”

Kreet looked up at Sigmundurr. He wasn’t protesting, but did she see a flash of anger in his eyes? Probably. She just hoped he would hold it in till they could get out.

Though the pace was erratic for Kreet, who seemed to either be always walking too slowly or trotting too fast, she had gotten used to it in her days as a true slave before being freed from the manacles of the slave trains. She knew this was a life that many, if not most, kobolds were brought up to expect. Like Kallid, they didn’t protest. It was expected. They were born servants and would die servants, or they would live the even shorter lives of the wild kobolds like her family had been.

It was a particularly insidious form of slavery, in that for the most part they were treated well. The drow could be stern taskmasters certainly, but were no more sadistic than other races towards their kobold slaves. For their part, the kobolds didn’t exactly complain either. It was a rare kobold indeed that chose to escape from their masters since doing so also meant the loss of regular food, housing and the dangers of the Underdark which they understood all too well. Most kobolds would argue that it was a complementary relationship and totally natural that they should do the bidding of their obviously superior masters.

Even Kreet had to admit to an ingrained sense of inadequacy. She did have pride in her accomplishments, especially rising to the rank of Cleric, but that pride was made all the more important by the fact that she had risen above what anyone expected a small kobold might achieve. What she expected she could achieve! But now, seeing her friend Kallid as the simpering slave to these mere guards made her realize her own inherent racism against her own kind, and she didn’t like it. She couldn’t blame Kallid - it was the only life he knew. She couldn’t blame the drow for the same reason. But she could blame herself. She should know better by now. She had been treated, if not precisely as an equal, at least as a friend by other races. A kobold lacked the strength and the build that the drow and humans possessed, undoubtedly. But there were other things.

She held Kallid’s hand and he smiled at her sincerely. She would teach him this. Eventually. But for now, they needed to follow these guards. They left the lights of the city behind them slowly, climbing a ramping pathway with a sheer drop to their right. Even her sight couldn’t penetrate the darkness above them where they were presumably heading. Up and out. It had been a long time since she’d seen daylight and she wondered how Kallid would react to it.

He didn’t seem nervous anyway. If only he would stop looking at her quite that way - like she was something more than he was. At most she might have been a foot taller, but still far shorter than Sig or the drow. She knew he appreciated her more human-like form, but it was likely more due to the varied and healthier diet she had been privileged to eat. She suspected that any kobold female might well carry breasts like hers - her added height too -  if they had that privilege as well.  As for her too-wide hips… Well, that seemed to be native to the females of kobold species regardless of diet. She’d gotten used to that. She was average in that department from what she’d seen of the other female kobolds she’d met, and that made her feel better. She had been around humans far too long.

But Kallid looked at her like some sort of goddess. At least he’d stuck up for himself and not agreed with everything she’d said before. She didn’t want the father of her children to be nothing but a lap dog. So there was hope there. She couldn’t see herself falling in love with someone that just worshiped her. It had its benefits,to be sure, but that would be a hard way to live the rest of your life. Still, she would do it anyway if she were pregnant. He wasn’t a bad kobold, and he did have something in his face that appealed to her. She could imagine worse fates than to bring up a clutch with this little guy.

Finally they reached the top of the long incline and turned left into a wide tunnel where they stopped at a stream to rest.  Sigmundurr whispered something to her, but she didn’t catch what he said, but Urmelena stood up suddenly and struck him across the face.

“No talking, human. You are not in the city any longer.”

Kreet stiffened, watching Sigmundurr rub his chin and eye the drow. She wasn’t sure how much Sigmundurr could, or would, take of this. It was not his nature to accept such without complaint.  His eyes were hard as he stood up slowly and stared back into the drow’s face. For the first time, Kreet really looked at the two. Both drow and humans made her and Kallid look puny, but the drow could not compare with the mass of Sigmundurr. She’d seen him in action. An opponent might misjudge his mass for fat, but that opponent would be sorely mistaken. But Urmelena’s eyes flashed at his defiance and she stood her ground, not changing her grip on her spear, but Kreet saw her muscles bunch.

Houndil stood up, if only to remind Sigmundurr of his presence. It was a tough position for a drow male, Kreet had come to understand.. The female was almost always the leader of any pair, and the male had to be careful that he didn’t offend her by usurping her authority. Though he might be all too eager to help, she had better want his help or he would be punished for assuming she needed that help. Kreet wasn’t surprised that he still hadn’t said a word. That seemed to be the norm when a male drow was in the presence of a female superior.

Although he was larger than Urmelena, he was still too thin to be a proper threat to the big man. Only their spears and blades evened the odds. Yet it was enough apparently. Sigmundurr looked away and sat back down, and the moment had passed. Urmelena snorted and went back to eating, and Houndil sat back down behind them.

“Not yet,” Kreet thought. “But the moment will come, if I know this man. And I’m not certain I know who will win. Worse, I’m not sure who I want to win.”

[kreetthekobold]

34 - Sigmundurr

Sigmundurr knocked on her door a little later. Kreet opened the door to let the big man in. His blue eyes looked unexpectedly sober.

"Gator," he began. "I've been thinking..."

"Always a plus," she smiled and beckoned him to sit on the bed. "I've been hoping to catch one of you anyway. I need some things for tomorrow."

"Oh? Like what?"

"Well, I need 6 amber bottles for one, the darker the better. Some sandpaper too. They'll have some at a blacksmith's shop if not here. Some tools too. Mostly a good small, sharp knife and a file or rasp. Glue too. And a good length of dark cloth. Cloth you can't see through."

Sigmundurr repeated the items back to her.

"I'll give you some more gold for this," Kreet assured him, but he shook his head.

"I don't need more gold, Gator. That's what I came up here for."

"What, are you rich or something?"

"No. I just don't need gold. Ever. Handy to have a bit around, but it ties you down. You may have noticed I'm not exactly... civilized."

Kreet laughed. "Sig, you are nearly the definition of chaos embodied."

"Gator, I'd like to go with you tomorrow."

She sat back in her chair at that. In many ways, he was the last person she would want to travel with them. She'd seen him go berserk at the least provocation. Murderously berserk. She didn't want to imagine how many people he'd killed.

"Sig... you know I couldn't stop you if you wanted to. But... Sig, I don't like you. I've already tried to fight you before. You are the opposite of everything I believe in."

"I know. But you need me anyway."

"I need somebody Sig. I don't think I need you. You're too much for me to handle. I was going to ask Dinkle. Besides, you're an adventurer. I don't plan on this being an adventure. I just want to find my home!"

"Dinkle? He couldn't fight off an orc!"

"I don't know. You saw him. He's resourceful. Plus he's a monk. Not exactly the same as a cleric like me, but he follows a moral compass, while you..."

"Chaos," the big man said.

"Yes. I can't control you. I don't want to have to try. I'm no leader, Sig. I'm not even backup. Until recently I was working at a tavern and the most excitement I'd have was a slap on the butt. I like it that way, Sig. I don't want... this," she said, indicating her surroundings.

Sigmundurr looked to be considering something.

"You can't stop me from coming with you, you said."

"Well, that's for sure! Unless you're bound and shackled, you pretty much go where you want."

"I'm coming with you," he smiled.

"Sig! No! Did you not hear anything I just said?! I don't want you to!"

Sigmundurr stood up and shrugged, smiling. "I don't care. I'm going with you. You need me, at least until we get out of the Underdark. After that... well, we'll see."

"But why? For Pelor's sake, why would you want to?"

Sigmundurr stepped to the door, holding it open before he left. "I like you, little kobold. That's enough reason for Sigmundurr. I don't like people often. I will be your leader. Till we're out anyway. I'll get your stuff. Oh, you can come back down now. The crowd has left."

He closed the door. This was definitely not going the way she'd envisioned at all. 

She looked up at the ceiling and envisioned it in her mind. Beyond it was the roof, she supposed. A roof that had never seen rain. And above that, high above it, was the roof of the gigantic cavern that held the entire city she was in. Above that was probably miles of rock, dirt and who knows what else. Then above that was the great Outside as the residents here called it. Outside the Underdark, where light and darkness alternated. Where rain fell and wind blew and flowering plants grew. And above that was the sky. She was trained to think of that as the dwelling place of Pelor, though the presence of her own powers even here in the Underdark argued against his abode being in any specific place. Beyond that was the stars and moons. How far away they were, she couldn't fathom. Maybe this was Pelor's will after all. She might be a acolyte, but she knew as little as anyone how his mind worked. 

Or maybe this was the work of Nerull, the God of darkness. Presumably the god of Kallid. This was undoubtedly his domain. She'd read enough about her own kind, even if she hadn't grown up with them, to know that they worshipped and feared their god of darkness. She didn't fear Pelor. She loved him. "It!", she laughed to herself. She couldn't picture the God of Light with some gigantic penis, even if that's what all the monks she'd known had implied he must have. What would he even use it for? No, for her at least, Pelor wasn't a man or a woman. He wasn't a he. But "It" sounded too impersonal, and she did feel a personal connection with him. So she'd just keep calling Pelor "He" for sake of convenience. He could be a kobold for all she knew, or cared. He gave her strength, comfort and the meager powers she did possess.

As an acolyte, she felt like she was failing. As far as she knew, she'd not converted a single soul to Pelor. But her method was the method her Master had taught her - to lead them to Pelor by example, not by proselytizing. In the end, her Master had let her down when she learned of his true history, in the harshest of ways. But she still followed his methods. She knew no other way. She went on her knees. She knew instinctively that kneeling was in no way related to praying, but it did focus her mind. 

Then, something happened. Something like a white light washed over her. It had happened once before, and she knew what it was. She had been Raised. Somehow, with all her mistakes and foolish actions, Pelor had seen fit to raise her to the next level. She thanked him, but was too eager to find out what new powers she had gained. The knock on the door was annoying. But she rose anyway and opened the door. Sigmundurr was there with her supplies.

"Thanks Sig! Well, I've accepted you are coming whether I like it or not. I don't want too many people though, so it's just you, me and Kallid. Just leave those on the bed."

"That's a smart lizard," Sigmundurr laughed.

"Well, when a boulder comes crashing down the path at you, you don't try and stop it. You just try to stay out if its way," Kreet replied, not without humor.

"That's right!" Sigmundurr agreed and patted her head. It was an annoying thing he did, and botheringly patronizing. She'd gotten used to it. Being a kobold, it was pretty much a requirement. It didn't help that until recently she had played the part of 'stupid little naive kobold', and once someone's opinion of you has been set it's not an easy thing to change. She accepted it with good grace.

"Sig, if you're coming with us, would you mind terribly getting supplies together? Take some coin. I'm going to be busy here for quite a while."

"Sure Gator. 5 gold should do it."

"Thanks Sig. And Sig..." Kreet said as he turned around at the door.

"Yeah?"

"Look... I'm sorry about what I said before. It's not that I don't like you. It's just... you're YOU, you know?"

"Always have been. No problem Gator. I know I'm a bit much. But sometimes you need someone like me."

"And sometimes you don't! Try and control yourself, will you? For me?"

"No promises, Gator. I am who I am. But I'll try... a little," he said and closed the door behind him.

She sighed and turned to the supplies on her bed. It was getting late it was going to take a long time to make two good, functional sunglasses for her and Kallid. She picked up the empty bottles and the tools and began breaking glass carefully. She'd done this so many times over the years, she didn't so much as scratch herself. Working with unfamiliar tools was the only challenge, but it was a slow and intricate process anyway. Yet she had gotten good at it. She wondered idly while she worked if this craft making mindset was why kobolds were legendary for their trap making ability. Probably.

Finally she had finished and the night was getting late. She put away the debris, made her necessary oblations to Nature and Pelor, and crawled into bed. She didn't have to blow out any candle - she had been working in all but pitch darkness the entire time. A bell rang from the tavern room and she heard footsteps in the hallway open and close as voices passed by her door. She recognized some of them. 

Then a light knock came and she opened the door. Kallid stepped in and she took his hand, not saying anything. She closed the door quietly and locked it. Then she led him to her bed. True to his word, he didn't try to do anything too intimate or dangerous. But she did enjoy his attentions and returned them with attentions of her own. An hour later she fell to sleep in his embrace, his head under hers. She could come to like this, she realized. Yes, she could definitely get used to this.

[kreetthekobold]

33 - Life #2 Awakening

Author’s Note - Starting up Life 2 of Kreet. It starts after the events of the D&D campaign that inspired Kreet so you won’t recognize the characters and setting at first, but it will be explained.

Awakening

She woke up with a terrible pain in her head that seemed to throb with the beating of her heart. She was lying sprawled across a bed in an unfamiliar room. Though she was alone, she did hear voices from somewhere not far away.  As her memory returned, Kreet realized where she must be.

She'd never drank much before. Of course, working as a tavern wench she had drank a bit of mead and ale on occasion, but she'd always found the taste unpleasant and the effects it had on the patrons was not really one she was keen to experience. So she stayed away from the stuff.

Until last night. Oh Pelor! Did she really? With the kobold bartender?!  What was she thinking? What if she was pregnant? The worst part was, she could barely remember it. It had been her first real sexual experience beyond her furtive and doomed fumblings with Brand, and she could barely even recall what had happened.

She sat up. At least she was alone. Probably one of the band of adventurers she had been traveling with had carried her up here after she'd passed out. She hoped. Her gold was probably gone by now. She shook her head and the room spun. Somehow, her gold seemed the most important thing in her life. If she actually had gotten pregnant last night, she was going to need it!

Kreet stumbled out into the second-story hallway and headed toward the main tavern room. A man passed by, staring at her as if he'd never seen a kobold before - which was unlikely given that this tavern specialized in catering to the smaller folk like kobolds. She ignored him. Her brain still felt mushy, so she shrugged if off. She had to know if her gold was still hers.

As she descended the stairs to the common room, she was relieved to see most of her companions were still there. Most importantly, she saw the big man she'd entrusted with it, Sigmundurr, and she saw he still kept it nearby.

Eyes began to turn in her direction and the crowd's din quieted. She looked left and right. Why were they looking at her like that?

And then a cheer went up that resolved into, “KREET! KREET! KREET!"  She looked to her companions and the big man came over to her, after grabbing a rather dirty tablecloth.

“Kreet! Glad to see you awake again!" said the big man.

“What's going on? Why are they... “

“Well, for one thing, it's not often they get to see a naked female kobold," Sigmundurr laughed.

Suddenly she looked down as he wrapped the tablecloth around her. If she could blush, she would have been bright red. Instead her eyes turned a deep shade of violet and she tried to crawl inside her new wrapping. The squeak she let out was unintelligible in any language, but completely understandable. Kreet was certainly not any sort of exhibitionist.

“Kreet, stop that. It's okay. They love you here!" said the giant - giant to her eyes anyway - and he pulled her back as she tried to flee up the stairs.

Kreet relented and followed him back towards the table where her companions were, but she kept the tablecloth tightly closed and pulled the corner of the tablecloth over her head in embarassment.

“Kreet!" said the monk named Dinkle, rising as she took a chair as far away and as out of sight from the rest of the patrons as she could. “Welcome back! Shall I order another round?"

Suddenly she realized something. She turned to Sigmundurr.

“How long have I been sleeping?"

He looked at her puzzled, “Since last night."

“We put you to bed around midnight," the ranger Aeverin interjected. “You've slept the whole day and now it's early evening. You don't drink often, do you?"

Kreet shook her head but then another thought struck her. Her eyes darted to the bag of gold beside the big man. “How much is left!" she screamed as she realized the bag was considerably smaller than last she'd seen it.

Sigmundurr shrugged, but the monk smiled. “Thus far your largess to the local population amounts to exactly 128 gold since arriving. You are now officially the most popular kobold that has ever set foot in this fine establishment. There is talk of erecting a statue in your honor… and after your entrance just now, I expect the statue will be much more accurate!"

At hearing the figure, the little kobold let out another squeak and her face became forlorn.

“No more?" the big man asked. He was a crude sort, and terribly, terribly violent. Not stupid by any means, but tended to pursue his immediate thought without consideration.  Fortunately for Kreet, he'd taken a liking to her. He easily could have ran off with her gold, but he didn't seem inclined to do so.

“Please. No more!" she managed to say over the crowd noise.

She found herself nodding as the other patrons cheered her and raised their glasses to, her smile halfhearted. And then she saw the bartender. He was beaming at her as if she were a goddess. She wasn't sure she could face him. But then the ranger motioned him over to their table and he came scurrying up like a puppy.

“Yes? Is there anything I can do for you? Perhaps, Miss Kreet, you'd like to visit me again in the back room?"

“NO!" Kreet screamed too-loudly, but saw the hurt look on his face. He really was a cute little kobold. He stood a little shorter than her, but she was a bit taller than most kobolds. Now his eyes seemed to be glistening with impending tears.  If only she could remember his name…

“I'm sorry. No, I'm… Just no. Sorry, um… what was your name again?"

“Kreet! Don't you remember? I'm Kallid! You remember we… last night… You were magnificent!"

“I'm sorry Kallid. I'm… sure you were too. I drank a lot though. My memory isn't what it should be."

“What the Lady wanted, barkeep, is to shut off our tab. The party is over," Sigmundurr interrupted menacingly.

“Oh!" the little kobold said, looking around. “Oh, they're not going to like that."

The big man puffed up at that. “If Kreet says the party's over, the party's over. If anyone has a problem with that, they can take it up with me!"

“Oh, to be sure! Please, no need to be offended! But… maybe before I announce it, you'd like to go back to your room? It would probably be best."

Kreet and the others nodded their agreement.

“Yes, come if you want guys. Let's go back to my room. I need to figure out what's happened. I… don't remember a lot."

“Certainly!" Sigmundurr said, rising from his chair. It banged to the floor as it lost its grip on his thighs. The ranger, Aeverin, and Dinkle the monk rose to follow, while the others chose to stay.

Once in her room, they all heard the moans from below as the announcement was made, but it was soon followed by more chants of “KREET! KREET!".  

“You've made quite an impression!" Dinkle said as he sat on one of the chairs while Sigmundurr and Aeverin sat on the bed.

“Guys, would you mind terribly looking away for a minute? I'd like to change."

“What is it Kreet?" Sigmundurr asked, a concerned look on his face.

"Um... Would you mind refreshing me on what's been happening? I remember you all, but my brain's gone all fuzzy. Last thing I really remember clearly when we were all in that slaver's cage."

“The cage? You forgot everything since then?" Sigmundurr bellowed.

“Well, I remember bits. But it's all confused. Just… give me the basics."

The three turned away from her while she got her clothes off the floor and put them on underneath the tablecloth.

Aeverin began, “Well, you know, that guard let us out. And then Sig killed that crazed wizard. Threw him down the spider pit."

“Then on the way out we found that princess or whatever she was," Sigmundurr continued.

“Right, I remember her…"

Aeverin resumed, “and we all agreed to help get her out and to this city, but we ran into some elf bitch."

“And then you cast that disarm spell, that apparently released some cursed sword from her hand, and she turned into a cloud of locusts!" the monk concluded.

“Oh! I remember now. And that's where…"

“Yeah… you found that gold. 1000 gold. That you tried to hide from us, but got Sigmundurr to carry for you anyway. Kreet, it's not like we didn't notice!"

“And I've already spent 128 of it…" Kreet cried, looking at the dwindling bag.

“Plus expenses…" Aeverin added cheerily.

“And my 3 gold for carrying it," Sigmundurr chimed in.

Kreet used a word then that she really didn't use all that often.

The monk continued, “In addition to your room, we have 2 other rooms we have to pay for."

“Wait! Don't you guys have any money of your own? Why do I have to pay for everything?"

“I have 3 gold," Sigmundurr confessed. Kreet rolled her eyes.

“Kreet, until a couple days ago we were slaves. Not exactly a good paying job," Aeverin pointed out.

“Oh, dammit. So what do I have left after expenses?"

'You still have exactly 742 gold left," the monk said, that annoying smile still stuck on his face.

“I guess I'd better give you guys some," Kreet said, her eyes now a smouldering blue.

“That would be a nice gesture," the monk smiled.

“There are 9 of us."

Kreet began doing some calculations in her head. She'd never been trained much in mathematics, and it made her head hurt.

“Might I suggest 25 gold each? That would come to 225 altogether, leaving you with 517."

The monk's smiling face was beginning to really grate on Kreet's nerves as he calmly told her she had essentially lost half her fortune in one day. But then she sighed. What would a kobold do with money anyway? She was a cleric of Pelor and had spent it on drink and… debauchery.

“I guess that's fair. Dinkle, you're obviously good with math. Would you mind handing it out to the others? But I'd really like to try and get home now. I've had enough of this adventuring, and I have no idea where I am."

“Certainly, Kreet," said the monk and he began counting out the coins nearby.

“You're not staying with us?" Sigmundurr asked. As powerful and fierce has she'd seen him, she'd come to like him for some reason, even if she'd used her own small magic against him on occasion already.

“No Sig," she said. “I need to try and find my way home. I don't suppose you've ever heard of a small town named Fallon? There's a Monastery of Pelor right beside it?"

Her three companions shook their heads.

“Never heard of it," Aeverin admitted. “And I've travelled extensively. But I guess it is time to break up this little group. I'd like to get back home myself. And the sooner we get out of this town and the Underdark, the less likely we'll be enslaved again."

The three left Kreet in her room then, each 25 gold richer, and with the monk taking the rest of the gold for the others, but not before Kreet asked Sigmundurr to ask the bartender up to her room.

As the door closed behind them, Kreet sighed and looked at the little bag of gold remaining. Still a bit much for a kobold to carry, but far easier than she wanted it to be. She was no longer rich. Now she was middle-class at best. And she had no idea how to get home. She looked at her belly.

“Is there anybody in there?" she asked it. “I'm not really ready for you, you know."

A knock came at the door. “It's me, Kallid!"

She cringed at the eagerness in his voice. “Come in Kallid."

His eyes were as bright as candles. He looked so cute, she felt bad having to dash his hopes, and briefly considered whether she might… just one more time…

But no, that would just make an untimely pregnancy even more likely. Instead she shook her head and patted the bed beside her. “Sit here, Kallid. Talking is needed," she said in kobold, knowing she couldn't speak it as well as a native.

The eyes dimmed a bit. He couldn't hide it, but he sat beside her.

“Kallid… last night. It was... mistake."

Kallid responded in the Common tongue, “Certainly. You don't know me. You just wanted to fuck."

“I did. But it was a mistake. I can't stay here. I have to go to my home, and my home is Outside."

“You live Outside?"

“I do, Kallid. I was born in a place Under, but now Outside is all I know. I want to return."

“I understand," Kallid said, putting his hand on hers. “But, what if…"

“That's the problem. Kallid, if I am pregnant, I will raise your children well. But I will raise them Outside."

Suddenly his eyes turned sad. “Outside? How can I see them if they are Outside?"

“I'll teach them. I'll tell them about you. They will come to visit."

“But… they won't know me. No. This must not happen. I will go Outside."

“Would you do that?"

“If… I will, if you have my children in you."

Kreet smiled, for the first time since she'd woken up.

“Kallid, you don't have to. I have gold. You don't need to change your life for me."

The bartender looked at her, a flash of anger in his eyes.

“Not for you. For them!" he said, and touched her belly. Kreet had not been raised with a clan, and casual touching by others wasn't something she was used to, but she held his hand to her belly.

“You are a good kobold, Kallid," she said, suddenly realizing that this kobold was not just a bartender and a 'bold looking for somewhere to put his penis. He was a complete person, with a history and a morality every bit as valid as her own. Her story had intersected with his. She had offered him a way to let them separate again, but he was having none of it.

“Kallid, I… really don't remember much. I'm sorry to have interrupted your life so, for my own drunken pleasure."

He laughed - a short, barking sound. “Your pleasure was my pleasure, Kreet! You think I like working here? I do not. I don't know what life is Outside, but I will go with you, if you will have me."

She thought about that. It wouldn't be fair, of course. But she could use the company. And if she proved not to be pregnant, he could just return.

“Even if we don't do any more bumping?"

The kobold looked at her, his head cocked to one side. “No more bumping? Why not? You liked doing it with me last night."

“Because, silly, I don't want to be pregnant!"

“Oh," he said. “Oh… you don't want to have my babies."

“Well, Kallid, I only met you last night.  Surely you understand…"

Kallid brightened up.  “That's true. But if I come with you Outside, you will know me better! Maybe then you will...."

“Okay, that's fair enough. But, don't expect it, okay? I'm really not the kind of kobold you thought I was. I am a cleric of Pelor."

That caused a reaction, certainly.

“The lord of Light? A kobold? You are making a joke."

“No, Kallid. I'm not. I am a cleric of Pelor and I want to find my way back home. Are you still sure you want to come with me?"

He considered it for a moment, then shrugged. “My babies must be shown the foolishness of their mother's ways. I will come."

“Well then, you'd better make preparations. I leave tomorrow morning."

“Can I… sleep with you tonight?" he asked, eagerness in his eyes.

“Really? You want to sleep with me?"

His eyes began to glow again.

“Well, okay. But no bumping, right?"

“Sure Kreet! No bumping! Until you know me better…  I mean… well, until you like me better?"

“That's more like it. And no promises. But… Yes. Until I like you better. Or I'm pregnant. Then, I guess I might as well!"

The door closed behind the little kobold, his eyes now glowing every bit as much as they had when he'd come in.

“Well that didn't go as I expected!", Kreet thought.

But she had to admit she felt better knowing she would have a companion at least. And, if she turned out to be pregnant, she would have the father with her. She could just start her own clan, after all. It's what she'd dreamed of, before him.

Brand. There were people she needed to find. It was home. She thought of Brand, and then Kallid.

“Oh Pelor," she said aloud as she flopped back onto her bed. “Pelor, help me. Guide me through this. I don't know what I'm doing!"